Gay Weddings

Duties of Parents in a Same Sex Wedding?

My fiancee and I are starting to plan our wedding and the question of what our parents are supposed to do has come up? Any help on how to handle "traditional" parent roles for a same sex couple?

Re: Duties of Parents in a Same Sex Wedding?

  • We are going to have our dads walk us "halfway" down the isle and then we are going to finish walking down the rest of the way together.  Not really sure about our moms yet...
  • I'm not into the whole "giving away" tradition.  My boyfriend's mother will be seated prior to the ceremonial procession and he might present her a bouquet of flowers after he enters the ceremony space. Afterwards, she is treated like any other guest.

    Sunday, May 18, 2014 - Baltimore, Maryland

    "Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever" - Audre Lorde

  • I think it depends on what you are talking about when you say "traditional parent roles".  Do you mean, walking down the aisle and seating, or things like, who pays for what?

    For any traditions like walking down the aisle, do whatever feels right to you.  I had my best friend walk me down the aisle.  Parents were already seated. It really depends on how you want to do it.

  • My dad died when I was nine, so I will be having my mom and oldest neice walk me down the aisle, my FI will behaving her dad and step dad walk her down.
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  • As far as paying for it duties, we will be covering the total cost of the wedding.
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  • We are having our dads walk us down the aisle. Moms (there are 3) will be doing the unity sand with us to join all of the families and will be presented with a single rose. The dads will light the side candles for the unity candle. yes it's prob overkill but our families are super important to us. As far as paying for it, we are paying for the majority of it.
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  • I attended a Jewish wedding of a same-sex couple. One bridegroom, accompanied by his parents, entered the venue from stage left; the other bridegroom and his parents entered stage right. The wedding party met at the canopy where the rabbi who was presiding stood
  • My fiancée's Dad will walk her down the aisle (per his request). My parents will be seated and I'll be waiting at the front. Her mom is also helping with some of the planning (e.g. helping us make favors and assemble programs). We're paying for everything ourselves.
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  • We both walked down the aisle separately, no parents. My people entered, then I entered. Her people entered, then she walked 1/2 way. I walked to her and we walked the remaining way together.  We both are a bit older (31 & 40), and our parents are frail. If either any of us had felt strongly about the walking piece, we likely would have done it differently.
  • we are going to walk together, the start of our life together.
  • As far as the above-mentioned traditional roles, it is all about what you want. My family won't be attending the ceremony, but my fiancée's dad has offered to walk me down the aisle. Her grandfather has also offered in the event that she chooses to have her dad walk with her. We haven't decided what we'll want to do, but there isn't anything set in stone.

    If you meant traditional roles in the financial sense, which is how I initially took the question, that depends on what your families want. There is no obligatory contract for parents when their children get married that says they have to pay for everything (or anything). If they have hinted at or stated that they'd like to contribute, sitting down all together and splitting things up as you all see fit seems like the best idea. They may want to take traditional expenses, where one set of parents pays for the rehearsal dinner & honeymoon and the other pays for the wedding, but who gets what is up to them and you.


    However you meant, good luck!

  • I Think that it would be the same as it happens with all the couples, It depends on you whom do you want to be next to you either your mom or your dad.

  • I agree with the others, assign whatever roles to whatever parent as it suits your family and your relationship. My mom and dad are walking me down the aisle and my step-moms (mom's wife and dad's wife) are doing an Irish blessing. And FI's having her dad and step-dad (married to each other) walk her down the aisle. She doesn't speak to her mother or any of that side of the family (including her older siblings), so they won't be in attendance at all.

    Neither of us wanted to do just our biological dads walking us down as we have great relationships with our other parent(s) as well. I couldn't figure out how to have four people walk me down the aisle so my step-moms suggested they do the Irish blessing we wanted (which was a perfect solution). 
  • We are still struggling with this!  We can't decide how to enter, who to have walk down the aisle, who to have stand, who to have already seated, etc. 

    As for the "Traditional" brides parent's pay thing goes, we are paying 100% ourselves, and even paying for some of our parents travel and accommodation, but we are both in our mid/late 30's and established in our careers, etc. so we can afford to give a little back to our parents after all these years.
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