Wedding Etiquette Forum

"So as we get ready to send out invites..."

I saw this gem on Facebook today right after I ate my lunch and almost yakked all over everything:

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chibiyuiKeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLostmelbelleupaurorajanette
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Re: "So as we get ready to send out invites..."

  • *gag* I read an article in a wedding magazine talking about the trending non invite....essentially it is a card sent to non invited guests telling them they were not invited to the wedding. I was sooooo enraged! The article bashed people for doing it...thank goodness, and highlighted how much it hurt peoples feelings to receive one. Not sending an invite is proof enough that someone isn't invited...no need to highlight it by sending a cardboard stock slap to the face. Now that I think of it...I think the article was in a TK mag.
  • Gonna be real awko taco when more people start asking and then find out they aren't invited...on Facebook!
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    MrsDeRuyter87melbelleupSKPM
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I can't imagine being "not invited" to a wedding. Why go through the hassle of telling people they aren't invited!? How rude.
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    melbelleup
  • Why do people always think other people are sooooooo desperate to be invited to a wedding, spend a weekend on that wedding, and potentially buy a present for that wedding?
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    PrettyGirlLostMaggie0829ElcaB
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Please tell me this was the groom…for some odd reason I give boys more rope on doing stupid things on FB. Like -- they are too dumb to know how FB really works or something -- Oh, dude you could see that? My bad. (I know this is dumb and naive of me as well)
    And bc I like gif and pics…
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    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    d2vamelbelleupthemuffinman16
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Please tell me this was the groom…for some odd reason I give boys more rope on doing stupid things on FB. Like -- they are too dumb to know how FB really works or something -- Oh, dude you could see that? My bad. (I know this is dumb and naive of me as well)
    And bc I like gif and pics…
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     Absolutely not.  The men I know aren't huge oversharers on FB and they don't really give two shits about other ppl's social events and therefore wouldn't assume ppl gave two shits about theirs.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Amyzen83lc07Dottie05
  • I really hope that informing people that they weren't invited to something is not a trend...its just so horribly shitty.  My head hurts now :/
    Amyzen83melbelleup
  • I saw that article about telling people they weren't invited. I remembered thinking, "Why on earth would you EVER tell someone they weren't invited to an event?"

    Then I started getting FB messages, e-mails, and texts from friends, asking, "Do you need my mailing address for the wedding invite?" And I was thinking, "Uhm....no? Because I wasn't planning on inviting you..."

    So then I was in the awkward position of telling people, "No, I'm sorry, we were not planning on inviting you."

    And then I was annoyed at them for making me feel mean and rude. But to pre-emptively say on FB, "We're mailing invites, and you probably won't get one" tells me this couple has been over-sharing about the wedding on FB for ages.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Amyzen83KittyKaty20melbelleupwrigleyville
  • But the ratio of eager beaver guest wannabes is probably very minute to others who couldn't give two shits about whether they are invited or not.
    indianaalum
  • PDKH said:
    Why do people always think other people are sooooooo desperate to be invited to a wedding, spend a weekend on that wedding, and potentially buy a present for that wedding?
    Exactly...To be honest, there are times I am RELIEVED to not be invited to someone's wedding LOL
    AprilH81Peaseblossom55
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    "Sorry, in terms of where you rank in my life, you're number 214 and didn't make the cut."

    The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
    ________________________________


    chibiyuiElcaB
  • I really hope that informing people that they weren't invited to something is not a trend...its just so horribly shitty.  My head hurts now :/
    I believe it is. I know it was posted on here somewhere but there is such a thing as sorry you're not invited notice.

    I couldn't find it on here but I did find different links when I googled about it. Here's one:
    http://www.today.com/style/youre-not-invited-alerts-new-wedding-trend-draws-criticism-1B8286599

    So yeah unfortunately it is a trend. >.> Which is completely STUPID!!!
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah. Right.
    lizandmark2014
  • My favorite is "Hey everyone, we're getting married *squeals* send me your address if you want an invitation!! xoxo"

    Soo...you're just going to let people, anybody on facebook, invite themselves if they want to be invited? Hmmm, let me know how that works out. 
    melbelleupthemuffinman16
  • vt&dt said:
    Gross.  I can't even handle it.

    As soon as I start to feel bad (our RSVPs are postcards and the only stamps the post office has for a postcard is an apple... random) - I see things like this and remember that we're doing just fine.  Apple stamps may be strange but they're not rude :)
    I had to have the apple stamps for our STD's which were post cards. I was bummed but agreed they could be worse lol.
    HisGirlFriday13
  • This is super rude, clearly someone likes attention...

    I also don't get why some people invite themselves. I had this happen to me after I changed my relationship status on Facebook to "engaged" (that's the extent of which I talk about our wedding on Facebook, I refuse to write any posts about it). I had someone message me the next day saying how excited they were, asking where it was being held and said they would like a plus one. I've seen this person a handful of times in my life. I tried shutting them down by saying we're having a small wedding and won't be able to invite everyone. They responded by saying they would pay their way in so they could come. I didn't respond. WTF!

     

  • Just read this article and they even reference to a bride who let her friends know there was a B list. I didn't realize it was possible to have something worse than B listing, but clearly it's informing people they have been B listed. Gross!

  • My favorite is "Hey everyone, we're getting married *squeals* send me your address if you want an invitation!! xoxo"

    Soo...you're just going to let people, anybody on facebook, invite themselves if they want to be invited? Hmmm, let me know how that works out. 
    Actually, my FI wanted to do this. I think he's still confused on why it's not okay. Bless his heart, there are so many wedding things he just doesn't understand.
    themuffinman1688beautymarked
  •      I absolutely agree that it's not okay to send 'you're not invited' announcements. I would never do it myself, but I can see where the temptation might come from. 

        FI and I are part of a community theater group and I at least,  have been for 20+ years. As soon as we changed our status on facebook I got tons of people from this group asking when the date was so they could make sure they are free. Some of these people we aren't even that close to! We have some very close friends from this group we will be inviting, but we can't invite everyone we have ever been in a show with, it would be hundreds of people! Another couple we do theater with also got engaged right before us and I have heard everyone asking them the same question. They answer with 'We are inviting family only', which I know not to be true as the other bride and I have been sharing wedding research and ideas. 

       Since we haven't set a date or decided on a location yet so far we have been able to say 'We haven't decided yet' and bean dip our way through. Since we will for sure decide in the next week I guess we need to come up with something to say to those trying to invite themselves. I see lots of bean dip in my future (better get the bean-o out!). What is it with people that they think it's okay to invite themselves to other people's events!

       However, I won't be sending out 'you're not invited' announcements or announcing the date on facebook. We have asked our family's to do the same. 
  • I had a person that I haven't really know for that long say to my face, "So be honest, am I invited?" I was a few beers deep, so I looked them straight in the eye and said, "No, now can we move on?". Not the most tactful I've ever been, but I hate feeling cornered.. and that's what you get when you try to force an invite from me. As tactless as I was, I find it ridiculous that people would actually take the time to send someone something saying, "you're not invited". I was raised with the mindset that you don't assume that you're invited until you are told that you are, be it directly by the host or by formal invite. Also, who thinks that they are so important that they have to preemptively soften the blow of someone not getting an invite? Before I have to edit.. sorry that it looks like I hate paragraphs... silly iPad
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    PhoneCardLady
  • vt&dt said:
    Gross.  I can't even handle it.

    As soon as I start to feel bad (our RSVPs are postcards and the only stamps the post office has for a postcard is an apple... random) - I see things like this and remember that we're doing just fine.  Apple stamps may be strange but they're not rude :)
    I had to have the apple stamps for our STD's which were post cards. I was bummed but agreed they could be worse lol.
    Those are what we used! But our wedding was in mid-October, so those were at least kind of topical for the fall.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    vt&dt said:
    Gross.  I can't even handle it.

    As soon as I start to feel bad (our RSVPs are postcards and the only stamps the post office has for a postcard is an apple... random) - I see things like this and remember that we're doing just fine.  Apple stamps may be strange but they're not rude :)
    I had to have the apple stamps for our STD's which were post cards. I was bummed but agreed they could be worse lol.
    ......Shit.....I've been using the American flag Forever stamps.................
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    Anniversary
  • This thread actually just prompted me to email 2 of my friends who moved this past year to ask their current addresses :D
  • When we were first engaged, we agreed that we weren't going to invite FFIL's family - because of a falling out / estrangement, as well as other issues (long story.)

    We were getting ready to send STD's when FI gets a FB message from a younger cousin from FFIL's side of the family. The message read, "I head you're getting married. I'm coming!" This younger cousin wasn't on the invite list. But, since there wasn't a good personal reason not to invite the cousin (it was his aunts that caused the problems, not him), FI and I agreed to invite him. 

    But I was reaaally annoyed. Who invites themselves to weddings, family or not? 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Might have you beat: we had our engagement announced for us on facebook.  Well intentioned in-laws, but both sides of the family and several close friends are on facebook.  So we spent the rest of our private engagement time calling those closest to us and hoping we reached them before they saw on facebook.  Ended up being a beautiful memory and fun afternoon, but we would have liked to have made that choice.  

    Moral of the story:  beware of the facebook and the internets.
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2014
    Might have you beat: we had our engagement announced for us on facebook.  Well intentioned in-laws, but both sides of the family and several close friends are on facebook.  So we spent the rest of our private engagement time calling those closest to us and hoping we reached them before they saw on facebook.  Ended up being a beautiful memory and fun afternoon, but we would have liked to have made that choice.  

    Moral of the story:  beware of the facebook and the internets.
    Right?  My cousin and his wife just had a baby a few days ago.  And they took the baby to the chiropractor within hours or a day or so.  Well, the chiropractor snapped a pic and put it on FB before they even had a chance to post a pic and announce the birth.

    All I could think was how terribly rude of that chiropractor!  (Granted, I don't know all the circumstances.  Could be they gave the go ahead.)  And I told H that whenever we have a baby, we are telling everyone it stays off of social media until we announce.  We'd be the parents, for crying out loud!

  • Might have you beat: we had our engagement announced for us on facebook.  Well intentioned in-laws, but both sides of the family and several close friends are on facebook.  So we spent the rest of our private engagement time calling those closest to us and hoping we reached them before they saw on facebook.  Ended up being a beautiful memory and fun afternoon, but we would have liked to have made that choice.  

    Moral of the story:  beware of the facebook and the internets.
    Right?  My cousin and his wife just had a baby a few days ago.  And they took the baby to the chiropractor within hours or a day or so.  Well, the chiropractor snapped a pic and put it on FB before they even had a chance to post a pic and announce the birth.

    All I could think was how terribly rude of that chiropractor!  (Granted, I don't know all the circumstances.  Could be they gave the go ahead.)  And I told H that whenever we have a baby, we are telling everyone it stays off of social media until we announce.  We'd be the parents, for crying out loud!
    What the heck?
    The chiropractor is not allowed to do that. Medical information is protected legally and they cannot share it with anyone who is non family. This includes stating who their patients are. They should find a new chiropractor asap because that one clearly does not respect patient rights. Sure the patient is a baby, but that's absolutely no excuse.
    If the PARENTS share it, that's completely fine. But no doctor can share that stuff.

    As for those "you're not invited" cards, that's awful. If I got one of those it would make me want to send a nasty note back to the person.

    I luckily haven't had too many people insist on being invited. We spread via word of mouth almost immediately to everyone who is invited, so that they know about it in advance and can get time off of work. Strangely I did have a girl who I have hung out with all of twice pretty much insist that she would be invited to our wedding when I saw her last year. She told me that she "Really Hoped they would be invited"
    The problem is, we're only having 100 people. So I can't just invite random acquaintances.

    Annoyingly I do have family members that are well meaning but keep asking me planning details on FB publicly. I have actually had to delete their comments off of my wall and I responded via private message, or on their wall with generalized statements.
    It's not that I think our wedding is some event of the century or anything, but I personally don't like discussing super personal things like that on fb where everyone can see it.


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