Excusing the Best Man?

GregsGirl83

Shortly after our engagement, my fiancé asked his lifelong best friend (whom I know fairly but not terribly well) to be the best man, and he happily accepted. Now last weekend he announced to us that his girlfriend is pregnant, and her due date is the day before the wedding.

So obviously he has to be with her and their baby! My question is, how do we make it clear that he is in no way expected to be in, or even at, the wedding without sounding like we’re booting him out? Should we both approach him, or should it be a man-to-man thing?

AddieCake

GregsGirl83 said:

Shortly after our engagement, my fiancé asked his lifelong best friend (whom I know fairly but not terribly well) to be the best man, and he happily accepted. Now last weekend he announced to us that his girlfriend is pregnant, and her due date is the day before the wedding.

Obviously he has to be with her and their baby! My question is, how do we make it clear that he is in no way expected to be in, or even at, the wedding without sounding like we’re booting him out? Should we both approach him, or should it be a man-to-man thing?

You don't. He hasn't been summoned. A wedding invitation or invitation into a wedding party isn't a subpoena. People know they are not obligated to attend or participate. If he doesn't think he can be there, he will tell you. 

clarke10

Don't say anything. He'll come to you if he doesn't feel like he can be there. 

MyNameIsNot

Any conversation about this needs to be between your FI and his friend.  It would need broached by the best man, not by your FI.  If he needs to discuss it, he will bring it up.  There's nothing you can or should do here.  

Maggie0829

Just because he is having a baby before your wedding doesn't mean that he still can't make your wedding. The only time where I think he wouldn't be able to make it is if the baby is born on or the day or two before your wedding. For example H and I invited a couple and the wife was pregnant. She ended up giving birth a week before our wedding. Her husband came while she stayed home. No big deal.

KPBM89

Most women don't deliver on their due date.  She might deliver early, or late, or could be right on time.  It's hard to tell that sort of thing, but either way if it's going to be an issue for him, I'm sure he'll say something.  

Jen4948

Leave the ball in the best man's court.  Perhaps he can make it, perhaps not.  If he can't, let him be the one to break the news to your FI.

kmmssg

The way I see it is this:  he is your best man whether he is there or not.  If he can make it great!  If he can't, the show will go on and you mention in your program that your best man can't be with you today because his wife is having a baby.  If you are having a religious ceremony maybe you can mention them in a prayer or blessing.

Maybe if he can't make it he can skype in to do the toast.  There is no reason for this guy to have to step down in my eyes.

ei34

Just ditto-ing PPs, but: the best man will tell your FI if/when he can't make it.

OliveOilsMom

Ditto PP.  Don't say anything.  And if possible, loosen up on the attire restrictions for him.  I would hate to spend $200 on a tux rental and then not wear it.  If possible, just allow him to wear a black suit he already owns and just rent him the matching tie.

edandy

This happened at a wedding I was in. Exact same situation. He will know he's obviously not obligated to attend. What we did was have everything ready for him as if he was coming, and if he didn't then oh well. He did end up making it. If he expresses concerns about it, which he probably will, then tell him your thoughts. 

Jen4948

kmmssg said:

The way I see it is this:  he is your best man whether he is there or not.  If he can make it great!  If he can't, the show will go on and you mention in your program that your best man can't be with you today because his wife is having a baby.  If you are having a religious ceremony maybe you can mention them in a prayer or blessing.

Maybe if he can't make it he can skype in to do the toast.  There is no reason for this guy to have to step down in my eyes.

I would not do this. If they can't make it, then they can't make it, but you don't take it upon yourself to advertise the reason why.

kmmssg

Jen4948 said:

kmmssg said:

The way I see it is this:  he is your best man whether he is there or not.  If he can make it great!  If he can't, the show will go on and you mention in your program that your best man can't be with you today because his wife is having a baby.  If you are having a religious ceremony maybe you can mention them in a prayer or blessing.

Maybe if he can't make it he can skype in to do the toast.  There is no reason for this guy to have to step down in my eyes.

I would not do this. If they can't make it, then they can't make it, but you don't take it upon yourself to advertise the reason why.

I really don't know anyone who would be upset that you said they can't attend because they just had a baby, but OP - if this happens, ask them first.

Jen4948

kmmssg said:

Jen4948 said:

kmmssg said:

The way I see it is this:  he is your best man whether he is there or not.  If he can make it great!  If he can't, the show will go on and you mention in your program that your best man can't be with you today because his wife is having a baby.  If you are having a religious ceremony maybe you can mention them in a prayer or blessing.

Maybe if he can't make it he can skype in to do the toast.  There is no reason for this guy to have to step down in my eyes.

I would not do this. If they can't make it, then they can't make it, but you don't take it upon yourself to advertise the reason why.

I really don't know anyone who would be upset that you said they can't attend because they just had a baby, but OP - if this happens, ask them first.

You may not know anyone personally who would feel that way, but I do, and they would be pissed that what they consider their private business is being discussed with people they don't know in a public setting.  Sorry, but my opinion stands.

banana468

@Jen4948, have you seen a lot of pregnant women? I don't know any who can consider it completely private given that the body change is completely public. @kmmssg is hardly advising that the B & G publish the latest dilation and effacement results from her OB. A simple,"We wish love and prayers to our best man X and his wife Y who could not be with us as they await the birth of their child," is rather simple and heartfelt. I know it would not bother me to see that and I've actually had a child.

You post a lot of great advice but sometimes you seem to present your opinions as edicts and when you DO get the facts incorrect, the mea culpa is rarely, if ever stated. Not everything needs to be so high strung.

kmmssg

banana468 said:

@Jen4948, have you seen a lot of pregnant women? I don't know any who can consider it completely private given that the body change is completely public. @kmmssg is hardly advising that the B & G publish the latest dilation and effacement results from her OB. A simple,"We wish love and prayers to our best man X and his wife Y who could not be with us as they await the birth of their child," is rather simple and heartfelt. I know it would not bother me to see that and I've actually had a child. You post a lot of great advice but sometimes you seem to present your opinions as edicts and when you DO get the facts incorrect, the mea culpa is rarely, if ever stated. Not everything needs to be so high strung.

Very well stated.

edited.

Jen4948

Sorry, but I still think it's wrong to take it upon yourself to broadcast their news.

It's stealing their thunder.  And this assumes that they're okay with having prayers said for them, especially if they are atheists or belong to another religious faith.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support this.  Regardless of whether it bothers you or you're okay with it, your personal opinions do not consititute etiquette, and before you say mine don't either, etiquette just about everywhere holds that you don't make the announcement of someone else's child being born unless the parents are okay with it.  What you don't do is assume it's okay without getting their green light and just doing it.

manateehugger

Jen4948 said:

Sorry, but I still think it's wrong to take it upon yourself to broadcast their news.

It's stealing their thunder.  And this assumes that they're okay with having prayers said for them, especially if they are atheists or belong to another religious faith.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support this.  Regardless of whether it bothers you or you're okay with it, your personal opinions do not consititute etiquette, and before you say mine don't either, etiquette just about everywhere holds that you don't make the announcement of someone else's child being born unless the parents are okay with it.  What you don't do is assume it's okay without getting their green light and just doing it.

First of all, OliveOilsMom clearly said "if it is a religious ceremony." There are prayers for all sorts of things at most religious ceremonies.

Second, considering this is their best man, I imagine OP and her FI are aware of the couple's religious affiliations. It was just a suggestion. 

Third, how the heck is praying for a couple's safe delivery of their child at your wedding stealing the soon-to-be parents' thunder? If anything, the married couple is pushing attention away from themselves by taking a moment to acknowledge another exciting life event. 

Fourth, I wasn't aware there was an etiquette rule about saying a heartfelt prayer for your friend's newborn or soon-to-be born child. This is your opinion, Jen, not etiquette. I think OP can safely judge whether the couple would be upset that her and her FI dared to remember their absent friends during their wedding. Should we not acknowledge FI's groomsmen who will be in Afghanistan and unable to attend our wedding? 

Jen4948

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

Sorry, but I still think it's wrong to take it upon yourself to broadcast their news.

It's stealing their thunder.  And this assumes that they're okay with having prayers said for them, especially if they are atheists or belong to another religious faith.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support this.  Regardless of whether it bothers you or you're okay with it, your personal opinions do not consititute etiquette, and before you say mine don't either, etiquette just about everywhere holds that you don't make the announcement of someone else's child being born unless the parents are okay with it.  What you don't do is assume it's okay without getting their green light and just doing it.

First of all, OliveOilsMom clearly said "if it is a religious ceremony." There are prayers for all sorts of things at most religious ceremonies.

Second, considering this is their best man, I imagine OP and her FI are aware of the couple's religious affiliations. It was just a suggestion. 

Third, how the heck is praying for a couple's safe delivery of their child at your wedding stealing the soon-to-be parents' thunder? If anything, the married couple is pushing attention away from themselves by taking a moment to acknowledge another exciting life event. 

Fourth, I wasn't aware there was an etiquette rule about saying a heartfelt prayer for your friend's newborn or soon-to-be born child. This is your opinion, Jen, not etiquette. I think OP can safely judge whether the couple would be upset that her and her FI dared to remember their absent friends during their wedding. Should we not acknowledge FI's groomsmen who will be in Afghanistan and unable to attend our wedding? 

I think that any acknowledgement needs to be done only by permission of those persons involved.  Taking it upon yourself to do it without their permission steals their thunder or reveals information that they may not have wanted shared with everyone at the wedding.  So before doing it, find out whether they're okay with it, and respect their wishes if they are not.  That strikes me as simple, basic etiquette.  It isn't the couple's information to share without their permission.

Not everyone wants their own circumstances announced by an overexcited bride and groom, or to be prayed for, especially if they themselves do not follow the religion of the house of worship that the wedding is taken place in or don't know everyone they plan to share the news with (I'm sure the parents are not going to be acquainted with everyone present). 

So, if your FI's groomsman doesn't want this revealed during the wedding, then no, do not offer prayers for him-or at least keep them private and inaudible by everyone else.  And OP, if your wedding party members don't want the birth announced or prayed over during the wedding, do not share it.

AddieCake

But nobody is suggesting NOT getting the parents' permission. 

manateehugger

Jen4948 said:

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

Sorry, but I still think it's wrong to take it upon yourself to broadcast their news.

It's stealing their thunder.  And this assumes that they're okay with having prayers said for them, especially if they are atheists or belong to another religious faith.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support this.  Regardless of whether it bothers you or you're okay with it, your personal opinions do not consititute etiquette, and before you say mine don't either, etiquette just about everywhere holds that you don't make the announcement of someone else's child being born unless the parents are okay with it.  What you don't do is assume it's okay without getting their green light and just doing it.

First of all, OliveOilsMom clearly said "if it is a religious ceremony." There are prayers for all sorts of things at most religious ceremonies.

Second, considering this is their best man, I imagine OP and her FI are aware of the couple's religious affiliations. It was just a suggestion. 

Third, how the heck is praying for a couple's safe delivery of their child at your wedding stealing the soon-to-be parents' thunder? If anything, the married couple is pushing attention away from themselves by taking a moment to acknowledge another exciting life event. 

Fourth, I wasn't aware there was an etiquette rule about saying a heartfelt prayer for your friend's newborn or soon-to-be born child. This is your opinion, Jen, not etiquette. I think OP can safely judge whether the couple would be upset that her and her FI dared to remember their absent friends during their wedding. Should we not acknowledge FI's groomsmen who will be in Afghanistan and unable to attend our wedding? 

I think that any acknowledgement needs to be done only by permission of those persons involved.  Taking it upon yourself to do it without their permission steals their thunder or reveals information that they may not have wanted shared with everyone at the wedding.  So before doing it, find out whether they're okay with it, and respect their wishes if they are not.  That strikes me as simple, basic etiquette.  It isn't the couple's information to share without their permission.

Not everyone wants their own circumstances announced by an overexcited bride and groom, or to be prayed for, especially if they themselves do not follow the religion of the house of worship that the wedding is taken place in or don't know everyone they plan to share the news with (I'm sure the parents are not going to be acquainted with everyone present). 

So, if your FI's groomsman doesn't want this revealed during the wedding, then no, do not offer prayers for him-or at least keep them private and inaudible by everyone else.  And OP, if your wedding party members don't want the birth announced or prayed over during the wedding, do not share it.

You do realize it's possible that they could you know, talk to the best man, and say "We'd love to include your new addition to the family in the prayers during the wedding if that's cool"?

Not everything is a black and white rule. It is possible to have human interaction about these things. By saying, "THIS IS AGAINST ETIQUETTE! DO NOT DO IT!" you are pushing your opinion on others, and making them feel as if they can't ask their friends if they can do something very small for those friends.   

Jen4948

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

Sorry, but I still think it's wrong to take it upon yourself to broadcast their news.

It's stealing their thunder.  And this assumes that they're okay with having prayers said for them, especially if they are atheists or belong to another religious faith.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support this.  Regardless of whether it bothers you or you're okay with it, your personal opinions do not consititute etiquette, and before you say mine don't either, etiquette just about everywhere holds that you don't make the announcement of someone else's child being born unless the parents are okay with it.  What you don't do is assume it's okay without getting their green light and just doing it.

First of all, OliveOilsMom clearly said "if it is a religious ceremony." There are prayers for all sorts of things at most religious ceremonies.

Second, considering this is their best man, I imagine OP and her FI are aware of the couple's religious affiliations. It was just a suggestion. 

Third, how the heck is praying for a couple's safe delivery of their child at your wedding stealing the soon-to-be parents' thunder? If anything, the married couple is pushing attention away from themselves by taking a moment to acknowledge another exciting life event. 

Fourth, I wasn't aware there was an etiquette rule about saying a heartfelt prayer for your friend's newborn or soon-to-be born child. This is your opinion, Jen, not etiquette. I think OP can safely judge whether the couple would be upset that her and her FI dared to remember their absent friends during their wedding. Should we not acknowledge FI's groomsmen who will be in Afghanistan and unable to attend our wedding? 

I think that any acknowledgement needs to be done only by permission of those persons involved.  Taking it upon yourself to do it without their permission steals their thunder or reveals information that they may not have wanted shared with everyone at the wedding.  So before doing it, find out whether they're okay with it, and respect their wishes if they are not.  That strikes me as simple, basic etiquette.  It isn't the couple's information to share without their permission.

Not everyone wants their own circumstances announced by an overexcited bride and groom, or to be prayed for, especially if they themselves do not follow the religion of the house of worship that the wedding is taken place in or don't know everyone they plan to share the news with (I'm sure the parents are not going to be acquainted with everyone present). 

So, if your FI's groomsman doesn't want this revealed during the wedding, then no, do not offer prayers for him-or at least keep them private and inaudible by everyone else.  And OP, if your wedding party members don't want the birth announced or prayed over during the wedding, do not share it.

You do realize it's possible that they could you know, talk to the best man, and say "We'd love to include your new addition to the family in the prayers during the wedding if that's cool"?

Not everything is a black and white rule. It is possible to have human interaction about these things. By saying, "THIS IS AGAINST ETIQUETTE! DO NOT DO IT!" you are pushing your opinion on others, and making them feel as if they can't ask their friends if they can do something very small for those friends.   

Of course they could talk to the best man and/or bridesmaid!  That's exactly what I'm suggesting.

But if the best man or bridesmaid are not okay with it, then don't do it!

banana468

Jen4948 said:

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

Sorry, but I still think it's wrong to take it upon yourself to broadcast their news.

It's stealing their thunder.  And this assumes that they're okay with having prayers said for them, especially if they are atheists or belong to another religious faith.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support this.  Regardless of whether it bothers you or you're okay with it, your personal opinions do not consititute etiquette, and before you say mine don't either, etiquette just about everywhere holds that you don't make the announcement of someone else's child being born unless the parents are okay with it.  What you don't do is assume it's okay without getting their green light and just doing it.

First of all, OliveOilsMom clearly said "if it is a religious ceremony." There are prayers for all sorts of things at most religious ceremonies.

Second, considering this is their best man, I imagine OP and her FI are aware of the couple's religious affiliations. It was just a suggestion. 

Third, how the heck is praying for a couple's safe delivery of their child at your wedding stealing the soon-to-be parents' thunder? If anything, the married couple is pushing attention away from themselves by taking a moment to acknowledge another exciting life event. 

Fourth, I wasn't aware there was an etiquette rule about saying a heartfelt prayer for your friend's newborn or soon-to-be born child. This is your opinion, Jen, not etiquette. I think OP can safely judge whether the couple would be upset that her and her FI dared to remember their absent friends during their wedding. Should we not acknowledge FI's groomsmen who will be in Afghanistan and unable to attend our wedding? 

I think that any acknowledgement needs to be done only by permission of those persons involved.  Taking it upon yourself to do it without their permission steals their thunder or reveals information that they may not have wanted shared with everyone at the wedding.  So before doing it, find out whether they're okay with it, and respect their wishes if they are not.  That strikes me as simple, basic etiquette.  It isn't the couple's information to share without their permission.

Not everyone wants their own circumstances announced by an overexcited bride and groom, or to be prayed for, especially if they themselves do not follow the religion of the house of worship that the wedding is taken place in or don't know everyone they plan to share the news with (I'm sure the parents are not going to be acquainted with everyone present). 

So, if your FI's groomsman doesn't want this revealed during the wedding, then no, do not offer prayers for him-or at least keep them private and inaudible by everyone else.  And OP, if your wedding party members don't want the birth announced or prayed over during the wedding, do not share it.

You do realize it's possible that they could you know, talk to the best man, and say "We'd love to include your new addition to the family in the prayers during the wedding if that's cool"?

Not everything is a black and white rule. It is possible to have human interaction about these things. By saying, "THIS IS AGAINST ETIQUETTE! DO NOT DO IT!" you are pushing your opinion on others, and making them feel as if they can't ask their friends if they can do something very small for those friends.   

Of course they could talk to the best man and/or bridesmaid!  That's exactly what I'm suggesting.

But if the best man or bridesmaid are not okay with it, then don't do it!


DUH!! That's what was stated by kmmssg yesterday!

Jen4948

banana468 said:

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

Sorry, but I still think it's wrong to take it upon yourself to broadcast their news.

It's stealing their thunder.  And this assumes that they're okay with having prayers said for them, especially if they are atheists or belong to another religious faith.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support this.  Regardless of whether it bothers you or you're okay with it, your personal opinions do not consititute etiquette, and before you say mine don't either, etiquette just about everywhere holds that you don't make the announcement of someone else's child being born unless the parents are okay with it.  What you don't do is assume it's okay without getting their green light and just doing it.

First of all, OliveOilsMom clearly said "if it is a religious ceremony." There are prayers for all sorts of things at most religious ceremonies.

Second, considering this is their best man, I imagine OP and her FI are aware of the couple's religious affiliations. It was just a suggestion. 

Third, how the heck is praying for a couple's safe delivery of their child at your wedding stealing the soon-to-be parents' thunder? If anything, the married couple is pushing attention away from themselves by taking a moment to acknowledge another exciting life event. 

Fourth, I wasn't aware there was an etiquette rule about saying a heartfelt prayer for your friend's newborn or soon-to-be born child. This is your opinion, Jen, not etiquette. I think OP can safely judge whether the couple would be upset that her and her FI dared to remember their absent friends during their wedding. Should we not acknowledge FI's groomsmen who will be in Afghanistan and unable to attend our wedding? 

I think that any acknowledgement needs to be done only by permission of those persons involved.  Taking it upon yourself to do it without their permission steals their thunder or reveals information that they may not have wanted shared with everyone at the wedding.  So before doing it, find out whether they're okay with it, and respect their wishes if they are not.  That strikes me as simple, basic etiquette.  It isn't the couple's information to share without their permission.

Not everyone wants their own circumstances announced by an overexcited bride and groom, or to be prayed for, especially if they themselves do not follow the religion of the house of worship that the wedding is taken place in or don't know everyone they plan to share the news with (I'm sure the parents are not going to be acquainted with everyone present). 

So, if your FI's groomsman doesn't want this revealed during the wedding, then no, do not offer prayers for him-or at least keep them private and inaudible by everyone else.  And OP, if your wedding party members don't want the birth announced or prayed over during the wedding, do not share it.

You do realize it's possible that they could you know, talk to the best man, and say "We'd love to include your new addition to the family in the prayers during the wedding if that's cool"?

Not everything is a black and white rule. It is possible to have human interaction about these things. By saying, "THIS IS AGAINST ETIQUETTE! DO NOT DO IT!" you are pushing your opinion on others, and making them feel as if they can't ask their friends if they can do something very small for those friends.   

Of course they could talk to the best man and/or bridesmaid!  That's exactly what I'm suggesting.

But if the best man or bridesmaid are not okay with it, then don't do it!

DUH!! That's what was stated by kmmssg yesterday!

No, actually it wasn't.  She kept arguing about "how does it steal their thunder?" or "you should know the couple well enough to know whether they are okay with it."  But even when they really know each other well, it's something you just never know about until you ask.

banana468

@kmmssg said yesterday to the OP, "If this happens, ask them first. "

I'm not sure how much clearer she needed to be.

Jen4948

banana468 said:

@kmmssg said yesterday to the OP, "If this happens, ask them first. " I'm not sure how much clearer she needed to be.

She did not need to get into a pissing match about whether or not it steals their thunder.

manateehugger

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

@kmmssg said yesterday to the OP, "If this happens, ask them first. " I'm not sure how much clearer she needed to be.

She did not need to get into a pissing match about whether or not it steals their thunder.

Actually, that was me that did the pissing, not kmmssg. 

And you're right, I did say I thought the couple could judge their friends' religious preferences, and I followed up saying that of course, they'd simply ask the friends and say they'd like to acknowledge the new baby. 

Jen4948

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

@kmmssg said yesterday to the OP, "If this happens, ask them first. " I'm not sure how much clearer she needed to be.

She did not need to get into a pissing match about whether or not it steals their thunder.

Actually, that was me that did the pissing, not kmmssg. 

And you're right, I did say I thought the couple could judge their friends' religious preferences, and I followed up saying that of course, they'd simply ask the friends and say they'd like to acknowledge the new baby. 

Sorry for the identity error.  But I think we all agree that this should only be done with the parents' permission-and that requires asking them, not assuming that it's okay with them, and not doing it if it's not okay with them.

Jen4948

You do not need to send an STD to everyone who will be getting an invitation.

The purpose of an STD is to let people whose presence is absolutely essential, such as immediate family members or close out-of-towners, know the date of the wedding so that they can make any necessary time-off arrangements and refrain from planning other things for that date that would prevent them from being able to attend the wedding.  Local guests and/or others who do not need that kind of advance notice do not need STDs-just invitations.

Viczaesar

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

PDKH said:

Jen4948 said:

Sorry, but I still think it's wrong to take it upon yourself to broadcast their news.

It's stealing their thunder.  And this assumes that they're okay with having prayers said for them, especially if they are atheists or belong to another religious faith.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support this.  Regardless of whether it bothers you or you're okay with it, your personal opinions do not consititute etiquette, and before you say mine don't either, etiquette just about everywhere holds that you don't make the announcement of someone else's child being born unless the parents are okay with it.  What you don't do is assume it's okay without getting their green light and just doing it.

First of all, OliveOilsMom clearly said "if it is a religious ceremony." There are prayers for all sorts of things at most religious ceremonies.

Second, considering this is their best man, I imagine OP and her FI are aware of the couple's religious affiliations. It was just a suggestion. 

Third, how the heck is praying for a couple's safe delivery of their child at your wedding stealing the soon-to-be parents' thunder? If anything, the married couple is pushing attention away from themselves by taking a moment to acknowledge another exciting life event. 

Fourth, I wasn't aware there was an etiquette rule about saying a heartfelt prayer for your friend's newborn or soon-to-be born child. This is your opinion, Jen, not etiquette. I think OP can safely judge whether the couple would be upset that her and her FI dared to remember their absent friends during their wedding. Should we not acknowledge FI's groomsmen who will be in Afghanistan and unable to attend our wedding? 

I think that any acknowledgement needs to be done only by permission of those persons involved.  Taking it upon yourself to do it without their permission steals their thunder or reveals information that they may not have wanted shared with everyone at the wedding.  So before doing it, find out whether they're okay with it, and respect their wishes if they are not.  That strikes me as simple, basic etiquette.  It isn't the couple's information to share without their permission.

Not everyone wants their own circumstances announced by an overexcited bride and groom, or to be prayed for, especially if they themselves do not follow the religion of the house of worship that the wedding is taken place in or don't know everyone they plan to share the news with (I'm sure the parents are not going to be acquainted with everyone present). 

So, if your FI's groomsman doesn't want this revealed during the wedding, then no, do not offer prayers for him-or at least keep them private and inaudible by everyone else.  And OP, if your wedding party members don't want the birth announced or prayed over during the wedding, do not share it.

You do realize it's possible that they could you know, talk to the best man, and say "We'd love to include your new addition to the family in the prayers during the wedding if that's cool"?

Not everything is a black and white rule. It is possible to have human interaction about these things. By saying, "THIS IS AGAINST ETIQUETTE! DO NOT DO IT!" you are pushing your opinion on others, and making them feel as if they can't ask their friends if they can do something very small for those friends.   

Of course they could talk to the best man and/or bridesmaid!  That's exactly what I'm suggesting.

But if the best man or bridesmaid are not okay with it, then don't do it!

DUH!! That's what was stated by kmmssg yesterday!

No, actually it wasn't.  She kept arguing about "how does it steal their thunder?" or "you should know the couple well enough to know whether they are okay with it."  But even when they really know each other well, it's something you just never know about until you ask.

So where is the admission that you were incorrect?  Because kmmssg did indeed state that yesterday.

Viczaesar

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

@kmmssg said yesterday to the OP, "If this happens, ask them first. " I'm not sure how much clearer she needed to be.

She did not need to get into a pissing match about whether or not it steals their thunder.

Since you started that pissing match, which wasn't even with her, you have no room to complain about it.