You are not a bridesmaid, but I demand that you dress like one. . .

cmiles89

What complete and utter bullcrap. Honestly, if you need that many people to coordinate and pull off your special snowflake day but can't pay someone to do it, you're doing it wrong.

MGP

eileenrob said:

May I ask what's wrong with all the bridesmaids still in the BP putting up with her demands??

Well a couple of reasons:

Some of them think it's too late for them to back out.  They were asked, confirmed, signed, sealed, delivered, and picked the dress months ago.  Yet another reason for me to feel like an afterthought.  I was asked a week ago.

Some of her demands like the dress are appropriate for a bridesmaid.  I know that hosting a shower and bachelorette is not required of wedding party, it happens to be our norm so every bridesmaid was perfectly fine with that expectation and planning on it.

They ARE going to ask her to tone down on craft night.  We are grown ass women with children, jobs, spouses, and homes to deal with.  Ain't nobody got time for that on a Tuesday night.

They are also going to see if they can nix the out of town bachelorette.  Again, with lots of adult responsibilities it's challenging for us to all get together period, not to mention a weekend long booze fest.

If they want to oblige with everything that's totally up to them.  I am not trying to sell them on my point of view and try and get them to back out with me.  That would be completely bitchy and far worse than any Bridezilla behavior.  I can only control my decision to participate, and I choose not to.

And last but certainly not least - none of them particularly have a backbone about things like this.  They are very much "go with the flow" type people.  I'm the one that usually calls out the BS and says what they think but are too scared to do so.

But I am certainly at peace with my decision and everything I said.  Thanks for letting me know I am not crazy about this.  

Belthil

I had never heard of a house party until I came on the knot. And I'm thankful I've never had to deal with it because it screams selfish, lazy bride that doesn't value you, your time or your relationship.

I'm glad you were able to talk/email with her a little calmer and hopefully your friend comes out of bridezilla mode before any other damage happens.

pinkcow13

MGP said:

eileenrob said:

May I ask what's wrong with all the bridesmaids still in the BP putting up with her demands??

Well a couple of reasons:

Some of them think it's too late for them to back out.  They were asked, confirmed, signed, sealed, delivered, and picked the dress months ago.  Yet another reason for me to feel like an afterthought.  I was asked a week ago.

Some of her demands like the dress are appropriate for a bridesmaid.  I know that hosting a shower and bachelorette is not required of wedding party, it happens to be our norm so every bridesmaid was perfectly fine with that expectation and planning on it.

They ARE going to ask her to tone down on craft night.  We are grown ass women with children, jobs, spouses, and homes to deal with.  Ain't nobody got time for that on a Tuesday night.

They are also going to see if they can nix the out of town bachelorette.  Again, with lots of adult responsibilities it's challenging for us to all get together period, not to mention a weekend long booze fest.

If they want to oblige with everything that's totally up to them.  I am not trying to sell them on my point of view and try and get them to back out with me.  That would be completely bitchy and far worse than any Bridezilla behavior.  I can only control my decision to participate, and I choose not to.

And last but certainly not least - none of them particularly have a backbone about things like this.  They are very much "go with the flow" type people.  I'm the one that usually calls out the BS and says what they think but are too scared to do so.

But I am certainly at peace with my decision and everything I said.  Thanks for letting me know I am not crazy about this.  

LMFAO I literally cracked up laughing at this. My coworkers probably think I'm insane now. Yea, I never, ever heard of a house party until I read that other thread that was posted earlier in this convo. OP, you dodged a bullet there. This girl sounds like the ultimate bridezilla. What is it about weddings that makes some people crazy?? Or are they always crazy, and the weddings just bring the crazy out of them??

MGP

pinkcow13 said:

What is it about weddings that makes some people crazy?? Or are they always crazy, and the weddings just bring the crazy out of them??

I have no idea!  I joked about it and said we are fine when no one gets married and has a baby, it's stress free and fun.  Unfortunately we haven't had this in our group in about ten years.  We have one more wedding coming up (actually it's Bridezilla's sister so it should be interesting) and who knows how many more babies.

[Deleted User]

missax said:

MGP said:

Well if you Google "house party" there is not much info.  Why?  Because it's a BS job for the most part.  Handing out programs, guest book, gift table, etc.  When Google told me I may be called upon to serve cake, I ran for the hills.

My understanding is that it's kind of Southern/Texas rooted.  Basically for a young girl who wants to include a bunch of sorority sisters and can't make tough decisions.  This is NOT the case in this situation.

I am from Texas and it is most certainly not a normal thing there. I had never even heard of it until coming to TK.

Same- I'm from TX and never heard of this until this thread...

PrettyGirlLost

MGP said:

eileenrob said:

May I ask what's wrong with all the bridesmaids still in the BP putting up with her demands??

Well a couple of reasons:

Some of them think it's too late for them to back out.  They were asked, confirmed, signed, sealed, delivered, and picked the dress months ago.  Yet another reason for me to feel like an afterthought.  I was asked a week ago.

Some of her demands like the dress are appropriate for a bridesmaid.  I know that hosting a shower and bachelorette is not required of wedding party, it happens to be our norm so every bridesmaid was perfectly fine with that expectation and planning on it.

They ARE going to ask her to tone down on craft night.  We are grown ass women with children, jobs, spouses, and homes to deal with.  Ain't nobody got time for that on a Tuesday night.  No, they shouldn't ask her to tone anything down because she just won't get it.  The fact that she expected everyone to participate in craft night illustrates that she doesn't get it.  Better to not response to texts/emails related to this issue or to just simply politely decline.

They are also going to see if they can nix the out of town bachelorette.  Again, with lots of adult responsibilities it's challenging for us to all get together period, not to mention a weekend long booze fest.  Again, they shouldn't consult the Bride or try to discuss this with her.  They should plan the b-party the way they want to, and if he Bride complains say, 'Sorry Bride, but due to family commitments we cannot participate in an out of town b-party.  We have XYZ planned, and we hope it will be just as fun."  If she is ungrateful and throws a fit and threatens not to go, then they just saved themselves time and aggravation and the Bride doesn't get a b-party.

If they want to oblige with everything that's totally up to them.  I am not trying to sell them on my point of view and try and get them to back out with me.  That would be completely bitchy and far worse than any Bridezilla behavior.  I can only control my decision to participate, and I choose not to.

And last but certainly not least - none of them particularly have a backbone about things like this.  They are very much "go with the flow" type people.  I'm the one that usually calls out the BS and says what they think but are too scared to do so.

But I am certainly at peace with my decision and everything I said.  Thanks for letting me know I am not crazy about this.  

MGP

PrettyGirlLost said:

No, they shouldn't ask her to tone anything down because she just won't get it.  The fact that she expected everyone to participate in craft night illustrates that she doesn't get it.  Better to not response to texts/emails related to this issue or to just simply politely decline.

True.  Although in reality I just expect their version of "telling her to tone it down" is for them to be conveniently busy every time a craft night is scheduled and hope that she gets the message.  These are not the most direct of people.

Again, they shouldn't consult the Bride or try to discuss this with her.  They should plan the b-party the way they want to, and if he Bride complains say, 'Sorry Bride, but due to family commitments we cannot participate in an out of town b-party.  We have XYZ planned, and we hope it will be just as fun."  If she is ungrateful and throws a fit and threatens not to go, then they just saved themselves time and aggravation and the Bride doesn't get a b-party.

True again.  It was Bridezilla that started the dialogue about her demands for the bachelorette party assuming we were patiently waiting to fulfill her needs.  The other girls were pretty shocked too that she is asking for an out of town trip, because we have never done that before and it's a much more daunting task than booking a dinner reservation and bar hopping locally (which is what we have always done, but this girl is quite speshul).  This IS one area where I do expect them to speak up and I seriously doubt they will cave into this.  Making mason jar and burlap centerpieces for a couple of hours is one thing, but finding child care, taking off work, and spending thousands of dollars on a trip is quite another.  And I agree, if she doesn't like what they plan then she doesn't get a party.

doeydo

JoanE2012 said:

What is a "house party"?  I've never heard of that before. That said, I'd drop her like a hot potato as a friend.  I don't put up with crap like that from people.

I would think it is just a party in a house?  Not sure, but it made me think of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAZVVeUhm6s

hoffse

I know a few people who have had a house party.  Basically, they are the slaves to the bride and bridesmaids for the day - they run errands so the bride and bridesmaids can get ready.  Sometimes it's called "house party" because the getting ready portion will literally take place at one their homes.  So they host the bridesmaid brunch or whatever.

I had a bridesmaid brunch (at a restaurant) the morning of my wedding, but not a house party.  And mine was hosted by a close friend of my mother's who offered to specifically host a bridesmaid brunch.  Most of the girls I know have a bridesmaid brunch or luncheon.  That might be a southern thing.  I think the house party deal is definitely a southern thing.  The girls I know who had them were from FL, a couple from GA, and a couple from TX respectively.

In each instance the house party wore a coordinating dress, but usually in a different color from the bridesmaids.  They were like the accent color I guess.  The idea is to help distinguish them from bridesmaids.  I thought it was sort of appalling.  But to answer your question - if I had agreed to be in a house party (which I would not have agreed to do), I would have anticipated having to purchase a dress.  Every house party I've ever seen wore matching dresses.

MGP

hoffse said:

In each instance the house party wore a coordinating dress, but usually in a different color from the bridesmaids.  They were like the accent color I guess.  The idea is to help distinguish them from bridesmaids.  I thought it was sort of appalling.  But to answer your question - if I had agreed to be in a house party (which I would not have agreed to do), I would have anticipated having to purchase a dress.  Every house party I've ever seen wore matching dresses.

Personally I have never seen people in house party roles dress similar to the bridal party. They get "distinguished" by wearing a corsage. To be asked to take on all this work and then appear to look like a bridesmaid was a total slap in the face. If you include me in the wedding party, you can tell me what to wear. If not, what I wear is on my terms. Besides the rest of the mess including being lied to, I declined on that principle alone.

kmmssg

The evil part of me is REALLY hoping for a recap of this travesty after the wedding.  Please do come back and share what you hear from the others.

climbingsingle

House party seems to mean B list brideslaves. You definitely made the right decision.

RebeccaB88

The only house party I've ever heard of, all the girls were responsible for was to wear flowers and enjoy the reception. None of them had to work. It was just a way of recognizing special friends in the bride's life when her bridal party was family only.

MGP

Update:  I was replaced.

Their wedding website lists the girl's title as "Other" (while others were listed as MOH, bridesmaid, etc).  Guess the drop down box didn't have a "house party" option!  

jalyndani

TexasBride2014 said:

missax said:

MGP said:

Well if you Google "house party" there is not much info.  Why?  Because it's a BS job for the most part.  Handing out programs, guest book, gift table, etc.  When Google told me I may be called upon to serve cake, I ran for the hills.

My understanding is that it's kind of Southern/Texas rooted.  Basically for a young girl who wants to include a bunch of sorority sisters and can't make tough decisions.  This is NOT the case in this situation.

I am from Texas and it is most certainly not a normal thing there. I had never even heard of it until coming to TK.

Same- I'm from TX and never heard of this until this thread...

I'm from Texas as well, and the only time I've ever heard of it was when my mother suggested such an outlandish idea to me. My mother is 60, and she swears up and down that "every wedding" she went to in her youth had a house party whose job was to serve the wedding cake to the other guests. I'm 30, and of the numerous Texas weddings I've been to in the last 10 years, I've never seen such a thing. I think it's a Southern thing from older generations, but nobody I know has carried on the tradition. I would honestly be insulted if someone said to me, "Hey, you're important to me and I want to involve you, but not you're important enough to be a bridesmaid, so will you serve my cake to every one else?"  Um no. 

Amyzen83

MGP said:

Update:  I was replaced.

Their wedding website lists the girl's title as "Other" (while others were listed as MOH, bridesmaid, etc).  Guess the drop down box didn't have a "house party" option!

Awe man I'm stuck in the box!
Anyway, I'd dump this friend if you are that easily replaceable to her! Guess what you can replace her too just as easily! Aint nobody got time for drama!

MGP

Amyzen83 said:

MGP said:

Update:  I was replaced.

Their wedding website lists the girl's title as "Other" (while others were listed as MOH, bridesmaid, etc).  Guess the drop down box didn't have a "house party" option!

Awe man I'm stuck in the box!
Anyway, I'd dump this friend if you are that easily replaceable to her! Guess what you can replace her too just as easily! Aint nobody got time for drama!

Oh I am not surprised at all she replaced me.  She told me she was going to because she had SO many other good friends who would jump at the chance to be involved.  Um, OK.

I am just curious about two things - 1) how she approached this with the new girl and if she tried to sell it as this big "honor" like she did to me and 2) if she said anything about me initially declining first, if so it was probably pretty colorful!

I know the replacement girl, but not well enough to ask and it's not appropriate to do anyways.  Maybe some things are best not known.  

Amyzen83

Meh at this point I'd just rather quietly walk away while bitch bride causes her own downfall, and hopefully it will be in her big poofy dress on the way to the alter in front of everyone *evil grin

erollis

jalyndani said:

TexasBride2014 said:

missax said:

MGP said:

Well if you Google "house party" there is not much info.  Why?  Because it's a BS job for the most part.  Handing out programs, guest book, gift table, etc.  When Google told me I may be called upon to serve cake, I ran for the hills.

My understanding is that it's kind of Southern/Texas rooted.  Basically for a young girl who wants to include a bunch of sorority sisters and can't make tough decisions.  This is NOT the case in this situation.

I am from Texas and it is most certainly not a normal thing there. I had never even heard of it until coming to TK.

Same- I'm from TX and never heard of this until this thread...


I'm from Texas as well, and the only time I've ever heard of it was when my mother suggested such an outlandish idea to me. My mother is 60, and she swears up and down that "every wedding" she went to in her youth had a house party whose job was to serve the wedding cake to the other guests. I'm 30, and of the numerous Texas weddings I've been to in the last 10 years, I've never seen such a thing. I think it's a Southern thing from older generations, but nobody I know has carried on the tradition. I would honestly be insulted if someone said to me, "Hey, you're important to me and I want to involve you, but not you're important enough to be a bridesmaid, so will you serve my cake to every one else?"  Um no. 

Ummm... Yea.... I have never heard about a House Party until now. I live in Texas and have been to quite a few weddings here over the years (all were ladies who grew up in various parts of the state). Not a single one had a House Party. I've been a brideslave and that's bad enough. It must be a old, regional Texas tradition, maybe? My MIL who's from the Deep South didn't have one.

misshart00

Almost every wedding I've been to has had a house party. My coordinator asked who would be in my house party. It's usually a couple of girls that cut and serve the cake.

Edit: I didn't have a house party.