Tried asking this on Yahoo Answers.. Bad Idea!

becomingthebrooks

I asked this question on Yahoo Answers and I got several very rude and cynical answers like “why bother, all weddings end in divorce” and “back to the planning board, get real Brandi.”  So I deleted them and came here. I’m planning my wedding for April 25, 2015. We have already picked out a venue. It’s at Andover Central Park in Kansas. I have always dreamed about having a night time wedding and reception. The projected sunset time is 8:14 PM. I wouldn't mind having an evening wedding, with the sun about to set and that glow that comes with it. Someone had said that having a night reception and ceremony was a bad idea because all of my pictures would be at night. Not true, we have decided to do a first look photoshoot with my FH and Maids of Honor. YES, I don’t have just one MOH, all of my girls are MOHs. They have all been there for me at one point in my life and I don’t believe on giving just one of these amazing women the title. Anyway, the first look will be later in the afternoon and the wedding ceremony will be right after. The ceremony, I believe will last about 30 minutes or so and then the reception will follow immediately at the Lodge at the park. One of the factors that determined my decision for a night reception is my budget. My FH and I are paying for it all ourselves and we are expecting about 175 guests. Give or take. These are mainly family members (close cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, biological family members, etc.) My family is huge. So we changed our mind to do an evening party so we could serve dessert that we will prepare ourselves along with the help of my mom, grandma and future mother in law. Cake, candy, cookies, cupcakes, etc and maybe some heavier appetizers. We will not be serving alcohol for three reasons. (here comes the “cynical” part) 1. I have diabetics in my family, myself included. Having a dessert bar is bad enough. However, I will be providing sugar free/Splenda desserts. 2. Neither my FH nor I drink. And 3. My family tends to go overboard when it comes to drinking. And since my family has to drive 1 hour ++ to get home, I don’t want to risk the chance of something happening to any of my family members. I would feel terrible. (THERE WAS ME BEING CYNICAL I GUESS!)

If we have the ceremony around 7:45, that means that by the time the ceremony is over, the sun will have set (or just about.) And before I get to my question, just know that family is very important to me. The reasoning behind some of my decisions are what were deemed “cynical.” There are 30 kids on my side of the family that are currently under the age of 12. And the youngest is going to be 2 this year.  And my side of the family lives in Blackwell, OK and OKC. Blackwell is about an hour away from Andover and OKC is even further.

The reception, which isn’t five minutes away, is also going to be outdoors. Probably starting around 8:30, that way we can get several more pictures of my FH and wedding party.

My idea was to buy a huge camping tent and have the kids bring pillows and blankets and I’ll provide a projector and some Disney movies that way after the ceremony, if the kids wanted to, they could go hang out in the tent and watch movies. And hey, if they got tired, they could try to sleep. (which is probably not going to happen)

MY QUESTION: I know that this is late for young children to be out. What do you suggest we do?

P.S. Sorry for the novel. And PLEASE no rude remarks. If you have any criticism on my idea, please be as kind as possible. 

lyndausvi

1) paragraphs are your friends and a lot of unnecessary information.

2) The wedding is at 7:45pm.  Most of your guests seem to be an hour+ from the location.  That means your guests will be getting ready and traveling during dinner time.  I would be really annoyed to have to attend a wedding at 7:45pm and only get dessert.    

3)  The kids issue is up to the parents not you. Some kids yes it's too late.  Others it's not.   Personally, I would not be trilled traveling an hour or more that late at night for a quick ceremony, some cupcakes then driving home with some sugar-hyped kids.

Sorry if I was blunt.   Good luck.

QueerFemme

bkepperly1993 said:

I asked this question on Yahoo Answers and I got several very rude and cynical answers like “why bother, all weddings end in divorce” and “back to the planning board, get real Brandi.”  So I deleted them and came here. I’m planning my wedding for April 25, 2015. We have already picked out a venue. It’s at Andover Central Park in Kansas. I have always dreamed about having a night time wedding and reception. The projected sunset time is 8:14 PM. I wouldn't mind having an evening wedding, with the sun about to set and that glow that comes with it. Someone had said that having a night reception and ceremony was a bad idea because all of my pictures would be at night. Not true, we have decided to do a first look photoshoot with my FH and Maids of Honor. YES, I don’t have just one MOH, all of my girls are MOHs. They have all been there for me at one point in my life and I don’t believe on giving just one of these amazing women the title. Anyway, the first look will be later in the afternoon and the wedding ceremony will be right after. The ceremony, I believe will last about 30 minutes or so and then the reception will follow immediately at the Lodge at the park. One of the factors that determined my decision for a night reception is my budget. My FH and I are paying for it all ourselves and we are expecting about 175 guests. Give or take. These are mainly family members (close cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, biological family members, etc.) My family is huge. So we changed our mind to do an evening party so we could serve dessert that we will prepare ourselves along with the help of my mom, grandma and future mother in law. Cake, candy, cookies, cupcakes, etc and maybe some heavier appetizers. We will not be serving alcohol for three reasons. (here comes the “cynical” part) 1. I have diabetics in my family, myself included. Having a dessert bar is bad enough. However, I will be providing sugar free/Splenda desserts. 2. Neither my FH nor I drink. And 3. My family tends to go overboard when it comes to drinking. And since my family has to drive 1 hour ++ to get home, I don’t want to risk the chance of something happening to any of my family members. I would feel terrible. (THERE WAS ME BEING CYNICAL I GUESS!) <?xml:namespace prefix = o />

If we have the ceremony around 7:45, that means that by the time the ceremony is over, the sun will have set (or just about.) And before I get to my question, just know that family is very important to me. The reasoning behind some of my decisions are what were deemed “cynical.” There are 30 kids on my side of the family that are currently under the age of 12. And the youngest is going to be 2 this year.  And my side of the family lives in Blackwell, OK and OKC. Blackwell is about an hour away from Andover and OKC is even further.

The reception, which isn’t five minutes away, is also going to be outdoors. Probably starting around 8:30, that way we can get several more pictures of my FH and wedding party.

My idea was to buy a huge camping tent and have the kids bring pillows and blankets and I’ll provide a projector and some Disney movies that way after the ceremony, if the kids wanted to, they could go hang out in the tent and watch movies. And hey, if they got tired, they could try to sleep. (which is probably not going to happen)

MY QUESTION: I know that this is late for young children to be out. What do you suggest we do?

P.S. Sorry for the novel. And PLEASE no rude remarks. If you have any criticism on my idea, please be as kind as possible. 

I agree with @lyndausvi .  7:45, with an hour drive for most of your guests, with no food after the ceremony is asking a bit much of your guests.  Most guests arrive at the wedding 15-30 minutes early. So, they will likely be leaving their home around 6pm.  Which means, getting ready between 4:30-5ish.  When do you expect them to eat dinner? 

If you don't want to serve liquor, don't.  But, most of the time, dry wedding receptions end pretty quickly.  Not always, but often. But, you don't need a reason not to provide liquor. You don't need to monitor grown adults. If they go overboard on drinking, that's their adult decision.

Don't worry about entertaining the children. that's up to the parents. If you want to do the tent/movie, I suppose that's fine. But, it seems unnecessary and honestly, a wedding with hardly any food, no liquor, and all outdoor. I don't think you'll need the movie. People will probably all be gone by 10, if not earlier.

becomingthebrooks

Turns out my FH and I are gonna change it to an afternoon wedding to appeal to the masses.. But my current money situation won't allow catering, the prices per person is too high!! What do you guys recommend??

lyndausvi

How much can you afford?     You could just do a simple cake and punch receptions.  But I know I'm going to sound snobby, but I think that is a little light considering how far your guests have to travel.     

If you do not mind doing some DIY you can make up finger sandwiches, cheese and cracker display, fruit and veggie displays with dips.    Hummus with some dipping breads.  Not sure if you have power at this lodge, but cockpots of meatballs or RB?   Go to Costco and buy in bulk.

That said, given your location and budget I would be more inclined to cut the guest list down.  I personally would prefer to host less people with more than a lot of people with less.  But that's just me.  DIY for 175 when there is travel involves is not an easy feat.

Good luck.

emmyg65

If you have you ceremony and reception in the afternoon, not at a mealtime, and you put something like "Dessert to follow" on your invitations, you should be fine. Can you afford to pick up some veggie trays and cheese trays from your local grocery store? That would add some non-sweet foods.

[Deleted User]

It probably is too late for most kids. I went to a reception & dinner started around 7:00, most of the guests with kids were gone or leaving by 9:00 PM. But your guests do have the option of trying to find a babysitter and not bringing their kids.

The no alcohol thing, not an issue, it's your wedding, if you don't want it, then don't serve it.

In regards to the sugar free food items, please make signs to put by the items to indicate that they are made with splenda or another type of sugar substitute. While you can't have sugar, I actually know a few people that can't have subsitutes and will get sick (usually a bad headache or migrane) if they consume it.

Tent/movie idea is cute, but what if it rains? Also who will keep an eye on the kids to make sure they behave?

I know it doesn't fall in place with your dream, but if you want all the small kids there, and with the travel time involved, I would consider moving it up to after lunch & just doing an afternoon reception & having it end before dinner time. With a ceremony starting so late, you are risking having a lot of cranky, crying or screaming kids in the crowd. As long the reception is early, say 2:00 PM, and you put on the invite, followed by a dessert/appitizer reception, people will know in advance what type of food selection will be available and can plan accordingly.

becomingthebrooks

Like I said, we're moving the time to earlier (ceremony starts at approx. 5:30 and reception to immediately follow at approx.6 depending on the ceremony, not quite sure yet. The reception will last no longer than 8:45) 

our budget is unknown. I'm just starting to plan all of this!! 

We have discussed doing a cash bar. We agree with the lot of you, a dry reception wouldn't last long. So if they want it they'll buy it. 

We want to self cater our reception but I'm unsure about how to go about it. We thought about doing heavy appetizers like this website...

http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Wedding_Finger_Food_Reception

the problem with self catering is I don't know exactly how much to provide as my side of the family will eat and eat and eat and eat depending on their moods. And my FH's family can eat a lot as well if they want to. 

becomingthebrooks

And about the sugar free items, my boss did the same thing for the diabetics in her family and her signs were so adorable! I'm going to ask her if I can use them.

ShesSoCold

Please don't have a cash bar. It won't create as much of a "party atmosphere" but having a dry wedding is perfectly fine. It's not okay to ask guests to pay for anything. You wouldn't ask them to give you ten bucks for the flowers in the centerpiece, don't ask them to pay for alcohol.

As far as food, preparing a full meal for 175 people is A LOT of work and would likely be difficult to keep everything stored and served at proper temperatures. Have you looked into grocery stores, local restaurants or even food trucks? Look outside the "wedding catering" box and food will be much less expensive. I suggest talking to local italian or mexican food restaurants.

pinkcow13

Definitely do not do a cash bar. A dry wedding is fine, but a wedding with a cash bar is rude. You mentioned that your budget is unknown- not sure what you meant by that, but the first thing you should do when planning a wedding is set a budget. Then you can really figure out what you can or cannot afford and go from there. You can try the budget calculator that this website offers.

OliveOilsMom

Your new ceremony start time is even worse than the 7:45, when it comes to serving a meal.  You should go for a 2:30 PM start time, then the reception would end around 5ish.  Anything that is close to a meal time, people will be expecting a full meal.

Have you looked into possibly getting any sandwich trays?  Can you look into grocery store catering?  It is often more affordable than other places.

Also, don't go with a cash bar, just have no bar.  As a PP said, your guests shouldn't have to open their wallets at your reception at all.

AshleyNicole1218

I would recommend trying to hash out a budget before you do anything else. Our budget dictated everything...and we didn't do a single thing until it was hammered out.

Just noticed @pinkcow13 said the same thing. Great minds think alike

pinkcow13

AshleyNicole1218 

QueerFemme

 

bkepperly1993 said:

Like I said, we're moving the time to earlier (ceremony starts at approx. 5:30 and reception to immediately follow at approx.6 depending on the ceremony, not quite sure yet. The reception will last no longer than 8:45) 

our budget is unknown. I'm just starting to plan all of this!! 

We have discussed doing a cash bar. We agree with the lot of you, a dry reception wouldn't last long. So if they want it they'll buy it. 

We want to self cater our reception but I'm unsure about how to go about it. We thought about doing heavy appetizers like this website...

http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Wedding_Finger_Food_Reception

the problem with self catering is I don't know exactly how much to provide as my side of the family will eat and eat and eat and eat depending on their moods. And my FH's family can eat a lot as well if they want to. 

If you do your ceremony at 5:30, you'll need to provide a full meal.  Heavy appetizers CAN make a meal, but you'll need to provide 10-14 pieces per person.  That will likely cost significantly more than providing a meal.  If you are on a budget, consider looking into BBQ or pasta.  You can usually find caterers to do that for about $9-12 per person. 

Don't have a cash bar.  They are rude. If you want your party to last longer, and you realize that having a dry wedding will likely cut it somewhat short, then provide the alcohol. Or accept that it's going to be a shorter reception.  Charging your guests for the type of party you want to have is incredibly rude.  

I agree with the other posters.  Figure out your budget. How much money do you have, or will you have by the time the wedding rolls around.  Once you know that, you can try to determine what you can provide and pick appropriate choices.

vsgal

Have you considered cutting the guest list?  That is the fastest best way to save money.   You do not have to invite every person you have ever met. I understand wanting or feeling obligated to invite every family member, but it is not required-especially if you are going to struggle to pay for them.   If you and FI are paying, then you control the budget and the guestlist. 

If cutting the guestlist is not an option, then I would call a BBQ place and get some quotes.  At 175 people with $12 pp, you are looking at $2100. Don't try to cater your own event with that many people.  It will be a pain to deal with the week of the wedding.

AddieCake

No cash bar, please!

becomingthebrooks

I only considered a cash bar because every wedding I've ever been to, that I can remember, has had a cash bar. The way I saw it is my family and his family know we don't drink, but we know they do and if they want it, they can pay for it. I'm still skeptical about it though, may do a BYOB thing that way they don't pay $3 for a bottle of beer. It's hard to cut down the list. Only 7 people are friends, not family. 30 of those people on the list are under the age of 10 because my family cannot stop reproducing. 

We're still throwing some ideas around. Probably going to cater from Subway and Pizza Hut. 

About the diabetics and artificial sweetener, I had no idea it had those effects. I was diagnosed with type 2 in October 2012 and I'm still learning. 

We hashed out a budget of $15,000 at most. We'd like to stay around 10,000 though. 

As for a venue, thinking of a church. But that brings up another problem. Neither of us belong to a church. We believe in God, though. I love the beauty of Catholic churches, but I don't know how that works. If anyone can suggest types of churches I can look for that don't mind if we don't go to church. 

WildMagelet

bkepperly1993 said:

I only considered a cash bar because every wedding I've ever been to, that I can remember, has had a cash bar. The way I saw it is my family and his family know we don't drink, but we know they do and if they want it, they can pay for it. I'm still skeptical about it though, may do a BYOB thing that way they don't pay $3 for a bottle of beer. It's hard to cut down the list. 

We're still throwing some ideas around. Probably going to cater from Subway and Pizza Hut. 

If your venue will allow you to bring in your own alcohol then I would go with that. (This is assuming you mean that you are going to bring in the beer and not require guests to provide their own drinks, if you don't want alcohol just have a dry reception.). Talk to your local stores/suppliers and see who will allow you to return unopened cases & kegs. Kegs are cheaper per drink if you think you'll go through a lot. I think that Subway and Pizza Hut sound like great affordable options for food. The pasta is easy, inexpensive, and filling and the Subway party trays with the 3" sandwiches will allow people to snack or eat more heavily dependent on their mood.

lyndausvi

bkepperly1993 said:

I only considered a cash bar because every wedding I've ever been to, that I can remember, has had a cash bar. The way I saw it is my family and his family know we don't drink, but we know they do and if they want it, they can pay for it. I'm still skeptical about it though, may do a BYOB thing that way they don't pay $3 for a bottle of beer. It's hard to cut down the list. Only 7 people are friends, not family. 30 of those people on the list are under the age of 10 because my family cannot stop reproducing. 

We're still throwing some ideas around. Probably going to cater from Subway and Pizza Hut. 

About the diabetics and artificial sweetener, I had no idea it had those effects. I was diagnosed with type 2 in October 2012 and I'm still learning. 

We hashed out a budget of $15,000 at most. We'd like to stay around 10,000 though. 

As for a venue, thinking of a church. But that brings up another problem. Neither of us belong to a church. We believe in God, though. I love the beauty of Catholic churches, but I don't know how that works. If anyone can suggest types of churches I can look for that don't mind if we don't go to church. 

At least one of you has to be Catholic to get married in a Catholic church.  Even then some have restrictions of non-members getting married in the church.

Personally speaking I get offended if people use a church just for it's beauty.   IDK, it really bothers me when people who do not belong to a church go church shopping for their wedding.  It's disrespectful to me.  Now if you are say a practicing Lutheran and are looking for a Lutheran church in a different city, then I'm okay. 

Food/beverage - if your venue allows you to bring in your own food and beverage then just bring in your own alcohol.

jalyndani

lyndausvi said:

show previous quotes

bkepperly1993 said:

As for a venue, thinking of a church. But that brings up another problem. Neither of us belong to a church. We believe in God, though. I love the beauty of Catholic churches, but I don't know how that works. If anyone can suggest types of churches I can look for that don't mind if we don't go to church. 

At least one of you has to be Catholic to get married in a Catholic church.  Even then some have restrictions of non-members getting married in the church.

Personally speaking I get offended if people use a church just for it's beauty.   IDK, it really bothers me when people who do not belong to a church go church shopping for their wedding.  It's disrespectful to me.  Now if you are say a practicing Lutheran and are looking for a Lutheran church in a different city, then I'm okay. 

Going on record to say I completely agree with - and can confirm- lyndausvi's statement about the Catholic Churches. They don't let just anyone stroll in and have their wedding in one. At least one of you has to be Catholic at the very least. Some parishes even require that you be member of that church before they will perform the Marriage sacrament. Also, baptismal certificates for both the non-Catholic and Catholic must be presented. The Catholic Church also has a series of pre-marital counseling courses, weekend retreats, and "mentor couples" support sessions that are required for the engaged couple to complete before the wedding date. I know this b/c I looked into my guy and I getting married in my church back home, but since I go to school out of the state I don't have the time to complete all of the classes required. There's also stipulations on no co-habitation prior to the marriage. Oh, and some- but I don't think all- Catholic churches require a couple where not both of them are Catholic to sign an "agreement" stating that any children that result of the marriage will be raised Catholic. (all of this info is correct for my particular Catholic church. I can only assume that it goes for every parish.) 

And I too get a little testy about the whole "oh let's get married in this church just because it's pretty" mentality. If you're wanting a religious ceremony in a church, the church you choose should have some significance to you, your hubby, or your families. You want pretty? Find a cute little chapel that's non-denominational in a pretty setting. 

QueerFemme

bkepperly1993 said:

I only considered a cash bar because every wedding I've ever been to, that I can remember, has had a cash bar. The way I saw it is my family and his family know we don't drink, but we know they do and if they want it, they can pay for it. I'm still skeptical about it though, may do a BYOB thing that way they don't pay $3 for a bottle of beer. It's hard to cut down the list. Only 7 people are friends, not family. 30 of those people on the list are under the age of 10 because my family cannot stop reproducing. 

We're still throwing some ideas around. Probably going to cater from Subway and Pizza Hut. 

About the diabetics and artificial sweetener, I had no idea it had those effects. I was diagnosed with type 2 in October 2012 and I'm still learning. 

We hashed out a budget of $15,000 at most. We'd like to stay around 10,000 though. 

As for a venue, thinking of a church. But that brings up another problem. Neither of us belong to a church. We believe in God, though. I love the beauty of Catholic churches, but I don't know how that works. If anyone can suggest types of churches I can look for that don't mind if we don't go to church. 

To the bolded, no.  Don't do this.  If you want to have liquor there, fine.  But, you pay for it. You don't ask them to pay cash for it, or bring their own.  Consider this... if you are inviting people over for dinner, you don't say "Hey, I'm having a glass of wine, but if you want some, you better bring your own, or leave $5.00 on the kitchen counter".     Either have liquor and pay for it, or have a dry wedding.  Don't ask your guests to contribute to something you are supposed to be hosting.

If you want to get married in a church, consider looking at unitarian churches.  They typically have less strict guidelines and don't require membership.  Catholic churches rarely let non-members get married there. 

becomingthebrooks

I had no idea about the Catholic rule. Thanks for telling me! And by the BYOB I was at first considering the guests to do this, but we've nixed the alcohol altogether. We don't drink and we can't afford to supply it. If my family really wants to drink they will bring it. That's how they are. Most of them have cases stored in their garage fridge anyway for random get-togethers. 

I'm not thinking about getting married in a church solely for the beautiful venue, but practicality reasons, like if it rains, my wedding is in late April. We've decided to look for an indoor venue for this reason, I don't want to have my wedding in a hotel so that's why I considered a church. I used to go to church until I got a job that required me to work every weekend. My FH's uncle is going to be our officiant, he's a pastor in Ontario. He's going to perform our pre-marital counseling and whatnot. 

He used to be a Baptist, now the church he opened up is a "church for people who don't go to church"

RedJacks25

Where do you live?

I'm in an area which is known for being outrageously expensive, and our budget is $15,000. We're having a beautiful wedding, one I've envisioned my whole life, without having to sacrifice much of anything--this includes a fully hosted open bar.

offthemarket915

I'm trying not to be judgy, but how can $10-15k not be enough for a meal better than fast food, and at least one alcoholic option (like punch)?  How many guests are you expecting?

QueerFemme

offthemarket915 said:

I'm trying not to be judgy, but how can $10-15k not be enough for a meal better than fast food, and at least one alcoholic option (like punch)?  How many guests are you expecting?

I live in the SF Bay area, where everything is WAY overpriced.  We were able to figure out a way to host about 130 people, with a full meal, and beer wine and two signature drinks, and I also paid for all of my wedding party attire, for about $12k.    It can totally be done if someone makes the effort. 

becomingthebrooks

Is there any way I can delete this post? I appreciate all of those who have helped by giving me advice, but there are some that make me angry and want to deactivate my account and get married at the $%^# courthouse.

becomingthebrooks

If I want a cashbar, I'm going to have a cash bar. I know this is petty and immature of me but I'm very angry right now about people telling me that a cash bar is rude. I don't know if you guys come from wealthy families or dirt poor families like me, but I really don't care if two people get angry because I want them to pay for their own beer and liquor and I'm not going to have a drop. This is about me and my fiancee, I'm not throwing a party for my family to get smashed at. Like I posted a long time ago, if they want it. They will buy it. 

What the hell is wrong with fast food? If they don't want it, they won't eat it. I just don't feel like paying $20 per person for something they won't eat. I did calculations, by doing subway and pizza hut it's $9 a person and its food my family likes.

I've said my peace, and now I'm deactivating my account.

For some of you who gave me helpful advice and not a remark that is rude, thank you. For everyone else, piss off. 

RedJacks25

zitiqueen

bkepperly1993 said:

If I want a cashbar, I'm going to have a cash bar. I know this is petty and immature of me but I'm very angry right now about people telling me that a cash bar is rude. I don't know if you guys come from wealthy families or dirt poor families like me, but I really don't care if two people get angry because I want them to pay for their own beer and liquor and I'm not going to have a drop. This is about me and my fiancee, I'm not throwing a party for my family to get smashed at. Like I posted a long time ago, if they want it. They will buy it. 

What the hell is wrong with fast food? If they don't want it, they won't eat it. I just don't feel like paying $20 per person for something they won't eat. I did calculations, by doing subway and pizza hut it's $9 a person and its food my family likes.

I've said my peace, and now I'm deactivating my account.

For some of you who gave me helpful advice and not a remark that is rude, thank you. For everyone else, piss off. 

What the hell are you planning to spend $10,000 on? Can you sll out your budget for us, or have you decided to take your ball and go home because we're not telling you that being rude to your guests is perfectly accpetable because IT'S YOUR DAY?

QueerFemme

bkepperly1993 said:

If I want a cashbar, I'm going to have a cash bar. I know this is petty and immature of me but I'm very angry right now about people telling me that a cash bar is rude. I don't know if you guys come from wealthy families or dirt poor families like me, but I really don't care if two people get angry because I want them to pay for their own beer and liquor and I'm not going to have a drop. This is about me and my fiancee, I'm not throwing a party for my family to get smashed at. Like I posted a long time ago, if they want it. They will buy it. 

What the hell is wrong with fast food? If they don't want it, they won't eat it. I just don't feel like paying $20 per person for something they won't eat. I did calculations, by doing subway and pizza hut it's $9 a person and its food my family likes.

I've said my peace, and now I'm deactivating my account.

For some of you who gave me helpful advice and not a remark that is rude, thank you. For everyone else, piss off. 

You are right, You can have a cash bar.  The wedding police aren't going to come and arrest you.  But, that doesn't change that it IS rude.  You can be pissed off all you want to, but what you are planning is still rude.  

No one is saying you HAVE to host liquor. If you don't have the money to do it, don't serve it.  Having a dry wedding is perfectly acceptable. Offering something and then charging for it, is rude and tacky.

You don't have to be rich to be a proper host.  My catering was about $9.00 per person.  I bought my own beer and wine for 130 people for less than $400.00, and we had a ton left over.  So, now what's your excuse for being rude?