Article About Relationships

doeydo

I saw a link for this on Facebook so I thought I would share it:
http://crownmalone.tumblr.com/post/47594867142/are-you-with-the-right-partner-during-a-seminar
Opinions?

JCbride2015

Honestly?  The terrible writing, spelling and grammar mistakes, and pointless ALL CAPS really turned me off from whatever this guy was actually trying to say.

But after cutting through all that crap, I think he's totally wrong.  Really, so theoretically you could make it work with anyone as long as you just keep trying?  God, if Fi really annoyed me as much as the writer describes, I certainly wouldn't get married.  Wtf does he mean, "phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts."  If phone calls are a bother, you don't want to touch your partner, and s/he drives you nuts, then yep-- you're probably with the wrong partner.

Fi and I will be 11 years this February.  I'm pretty sure if he was going to annoy me, and make me want to cheat, it would've happened already.

KeptInStitches

To a degree, I agree with him. I'm not lovable every day, and sometimes I annoy BF. BF's not lovable every day, and sometimes he drives me crazy. Sometimes we say "I love you" meaning "I choose to love you." Obviously if the bad is outweighing the good, the relationship isn't right, but I read in it that sometimes relationships take work.

HaileyDancingbear

I disagree.  I think the statement "The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found." is too one-dimensional.  I think it's extremely important to put effort into a relationship, and I think it's stupid to consider splitting over little things.  But sometimes two people just don't work.  If there's something about their personality that doesn't work for you, it doesn't work.  You can learn to tolerate annoying laughs or bad habits, but when it comes down to who your SO is as a person, that should not be something you simply tolerate or have to "Learn to love."  It's ridiculous to demand someone change who they are to suit you.  It's equally ridiculous to change who you are and what makes you happy to suit them.  You can put all the effort into a relationship you want, but if who you are as a person, and who your SO is as a person doesn't work, then you're not going to be happy.

I don't like that the author left such a giant hole in their argument, and because of that, the article is basically implying that ANYONE can be the right one for you if you try hard enough, which means why bother even looking for the right one, just grab some random dude and try really really hard, you'll love him eventually.  I think the author tried so hard to stress the importance of working past small issues in a relationship, that they went way into the extreme and failed to acknowledge that in many cases, breaking up is the best decision a couple can make.  

monkeysip

Yeah I think the truth is definitely somewhere between both extremes.

I think love is definitely a choice, and couples who stay married for 50 years often have periods of time where their spouse annoyed them, the fire fizzled away, or they drifted apart.  But they had to work hard at re-igniting the flame, working on their problems, communicating, finding ways to grow close again, etc.  Marriage always takes work, and people do often give up too fast thinking that another person is the answer.

At the same time, though, I agree that compatibility is necessary, and you shouldn't marry someone if they drive you nuts and you don't even want to talk to them.  Ummm.... that's a problem.  And though fighting is healthy, fighting all the time is a problem.  Or if there's something about them you REALLY wish would change... don't marry them thinking that will change.  

We'd probably have fewer divorces if those who do marry work harder at it, but we'd ALSO have fewer marriages if more couples would figure out they're not right for each other and have the courage to break up before saying the vows.