PK's Poll - Covering Your Plate

LowerEastSiiide

Jen4948 said:

LowerEastSiiide said:

I actually do think it's the norm in the tri state area. We can agree to disagree but I also count more because I'm actually from here- so are my parents, my grandparents and my great grandparents after they moved from Europe. So I have long roots here and would know better than someone who's not from here.

So do I, darling.  You DON'T "count more" or win the "I would know better than someone who's not from here" in a contest with me.  I''ve lived here many years and am "from here" as well, and I also have
long roots here.  My parents and grandparents were natives of NYC, and my
great-grandparents also moved here from Europe. 


You've lived here for many years means you're not from here. I count more.

lyndausvi

oh please.   Jen might want to keep the blinders on and shutter to think a lot of her fellow Tri-staters do such a horrible thing like CYP, but stop the "I count more crap".

LowerEastSiiide

Sorry I should have said " my opinion counts more". How can you argue with that? I've lived here my whole life and arguing with someone not really from here. Also, NYC means manhattan to a true New Yorker ... Brooklyn and other Burroughs to real nyers isn't the city (though technically it's considered so). So, I can tell you aren't really from here. Manhattan doesn't count (there's too many transplants).

Also, I count more in general too

LDay2014

lyndausvi said:

oh please.   Jen might want to keep the blinders on and shutter to think a lot of her fellow Tri-staters do such a horrible thing like CYP, but stop the "I count more crap".

Kind of reminds me of the old broadway tune..Anything you can do I can do better

Amyzen83

OMG! I just read that article about the ungrateful couple!!! And I'm not sure if you read the follow up article about being careful who you invite to your wedding, but I just ready tacky tacky, beyond rude and more tacky. It's fine if you are in the cover your plate crowd, or the give based on XY and Z factors crowd, and as a bride and groom, you don't have to like your gifts, you may even secretly laugh about them in the privacy of your own home and only amongst yourselves. However, it is RUDE to ever bring up that you do not like a gift, especially when thought went into it! Bride and groom should leave the issue alone and simply thank the guests for thinking of them and move on! A wedding is not supposed to be a monetary investment where you should expect to get anything back in! That's why it's mentioned over and over again to only plan a wedding you and fi can afford, because you will lose that money and if you aren't careful, you can go into some heavy debt!

FiancB

Well, that escalated quickly. 

I can see it being kind of a rule of thumb to decide how much is an appropriate gift for the location, but it has a lot of holes in it so treating it like some commandment isn't ok. If you live in an average cost area where catering is around $25-30 pp, then you know a gift of $10 is pretty skimpy (though like others said, gifts are not required nor should they be expected!) while $200 would be really extravagant. 

If it's in another area where putting on a wedding is really expensive, then people are probably going to give more, too. 

Then again I also would not expect much from people that already spent a lot on travel, especially not from people in the BP that may have taken time off work, spent money on the attire that you dictated they wear, etc. 

It's a rule of thumb. It's not like couples putting on luxe weddings should really get more than people that put on something more simple. Or that people that had their wedding gifted to them shouldn't receive anything while those that pay for their own should get more. There's a lot of factors there, most of all being what you can afford and how close you are with the couple. 

RebeccaB88

LowerEastSiiide said:

Sorry I should have said " my opinion counts more". How can you argue with that? I've lived here my whole life and arguing with someone not really from here. Also, NYC means manhattan to a true New Yorker ... Brooklyn and other Burroughs to real nyers isn't the city (though technically it's considered so). So, I can tell you aren't really from here. Manhattan doesn't count (there's too many transplants). Also, I count more in general too

Um, I may be only a slimy, lower-class, Applebees-eating middle American (well, Southern, but apparently that doesn't matter), but isn't is BOROUGHS?  A burrough/burrow is where a rodent lives.  I'd expect a native New Yorker to know that.

LowerEastSiiide

RebeccaB88 said:

LowerEastSiiide said:

Sorry I should have said " my opinion counts more". How can you argue with that? I've lived here my whole life and arguing with someone not really from here. Also, NYC means manhattan to a true New Yorker ... Brooklyn and other Burroughs to real nyers isn't the city (though technically it's considered so). So, I can tell you aren't really from here. Manhattan doesn't count (there's too many transplants).

Also, I count more in general too

Um, I may be only a slimy, lower-class, Applebees-eating middle American (well, Southern, but apparently that doesn't matter), but isn't is BOROUGHS?  A burrough/burrow is where a rodent lives.  I'd expect a native New Yorker to know that.


Auto correct ... Sorry you live in the south

Cookie Pusher

I've spent almost my entire life in NNJ/NYC (outside of a year living in Asia when I was 2), and I've seen many people with the CYP mentality, but just as many that don't think that way. My mother is still pissy about people who came to her wedding and didn't give as much as she felt she deserved. In discussions with my friends, no one feels that there is a particular dollar amount your gift needs to hit when attending weddings. I think it's totally dependent on your particular circle if this is something that is "the norm" for them or not, but I don't feel like it's a norm for the whole region.

cruffino

Jen4948 said:

cruffino said:

I am born and raised in the NYC tri-state area and the "cover you plate" concept is normal to me. I have therefore proved that it's cultural norm. You're welcome.

You proved no such thing.  And no thank you.


You're cute when you get your feathers ruffled.

huskypuppy14

I never understand the CYP attitude. Does that mean that little old grandma on a fixed income cannot come to your wedding because she can't afford 100+ dollars to cover her plate? Do you see how ridiculous that sounds. I give around 75-100 dollars per person (so ~200 if both my FI and I go), but when I was making less money, I sent a gift to their house prior to the wedding. If you have a 500 dollar per plate reception, that is your choice, but I'm not paying 1000 dollars to the bride and groom to attend. 

I will never understand the people calling the venue and asking the pricing, that is out of control!

ChemFanatic25

I feel this is necessary .

artbyallie

Moar turtles plz

Jen4948

cruffino said:

cruffino said:

I am born and raised in the NYC tri-state area and the "cover you plate" concept is normal to me. I have therefore proved that it's cultural norm. You're welcome.

You proved no such thing.  And no thank you.

You're cute when you get your feathers ruffled.

And when they stay smooth!

AshleyNicole1218

To be honest, I'm kind of in the CYP camp when I GIVE gifts...and that's because I can afford to do so and I enjoy giving a generous gift to my close friends. In no way do I say, 'this venue costs X, so I'll give you X'. I generally know what the cost is in my area and give around that amount, and a bit more when I can. If I lost my job or took a pay cut, that would certainly stop.


That being said, I in NO way expect anything specific from my guests. I know people who have been disappointed their guests did not cover their plate, and that is horrendous and makes me sad to me.

Edited: Typos!

AshleyNicole1218

Wow so many typos and errors. Thanks Knot mobile for not letting me edit...again.

NYCBruin

My, that escalated quickly.

RebeccaB88

LowerEastSiiide said:

Auto correct ... Sorry you live in the south

Likely story.  And yes, I am indeed blessed to live in the South.

arrippa

LowerEastSiiide said:

It's probably a regional difference/ it's the norm here and I'm sick of having to defend it. I find everyone else's way just as crude and flabbergasting as you probably find mine ...

It's not your gift giving that I find crude and flabbergasting, it's your attitude.

I grew up in Cali and I very rarely give cash as a wedding gift. I usually give off the registry. I only give cash if it's a wedding for a family member. The amount I tend to give varies from each situation (my laid off brother with a child got more money than my cousin who has a stable job).

JeeGooDowster

LowerEastSiiide said:

I grew up in ny (bklyn/ LI) and was always taught that you should cover your plate to help the bride and groom make money back and give them a nice foundation for starting their lives together. I would never look up the cost per plate but I estimate it based on the venue ... But honestly I usually always give the same because all the weddings in my area and amongst my circle run about same cost. So, I usually give $300/couple. Older people I know will bring a blank check, go into the bathroom and fill in the amt. based on how the wedding is... Like, if the cocktail hour has a raw bar, ice sculptures, carving stations etc, they may give a little more... If the place is cheesy with like mini pizzas passed on a tray, they'll knock their gift down. I don't do this, but I've heard of it before .

I'm adding NJ to this quote!!!  Some older generation won't even go to the bathroom...they just do it at the table!

JeeGooDowster

LOL @LowerEastSiiide...I agree - I think this is a regional thing.  My family and I have always CYP'd...and yes born and raised being from the Northeast, that is the norm.  I don't think any of us should be attacked for that way of thinking...it really is the norm!  MOST people know this...and the people that don't believe in it or have never heard of it usually are not from here or are "transports."  I think the issue with CYP is when it is expected and then shunned upon when not fulfilled - when the bride and groom (and their families) start bitching and complaining.

cowgirl8238

blueeyes90 said:

Wow. Many of you give more than I've ever given. I've been to a few weddings with my parents, I know they tend to be generous, but when we went to my FI friend's wedding we got them a toaster over (60 bucks on sale for 30) because that is all we could afford. We had no clue that some people might think we were cheap or should have stayed home.  We were both in school and didn't have jobs. My FI left it to me to find the gift and I couldn't justify spending more when were were scraping together cash for gas on the way back to school. 

If we would have went this year, I probably would have gotten them the same thing with a blender they wanted and not thought twice about it. 

I wouldn't worry about this one bit.  I know it is easy to get caught up in the who gave what and how much side of gifts, but as long as you gave them something that you felt/knew they would need and enjoy that's all that matters!

thisismynickname2

I have "observed" CYP attitude in the Chicago area too. Not a norm, not a cultural thing, hopefully not a circle thing, but people I've met in college and at work (meaning mainly city-proper and suburban people) do believe in this concept.

I find it abhorrent.  I also don't understand why covering your "plate" is the only expected thing. Why not cost of attendance? (Sarcasm alert.)  Catering often makes up a significant portion of the budget, but I'm paying $1600 for a DJ. Should I divide that by 80 people and add it to my guests' tab? Keep track of who dances and who doesn't?  I'm paying $3000 for my photographer. Divide that too or charge people for copies of professional photos even though rights to prints are included in my package?  Maybe instead of buying an evening gown for less than $500, I should have splurged on that $5k designer dress I really wanted and divide that by 80 and charge it too. 

I get really stabby with this concept. Anybody have more turtles?

pinkshorts27

carynNchan said:

LOL @LowerEastSiiide...I agree - I think this is a regional thing.  My family and I have always CYP'd...and yes born and raised being from the Northeast, that is the norm.  I don't think any of us should be attacked for that way of thinking...it really is the norm!  MOST people know this...and the people that don't believe in it or have never heard of it usually are not from here or are "transports."  I think the issue with CYP is when it is expected and then shunned upon when not fulfilled - when the bride and groom (and their families) start bitching and complaining.

I think you hit the nail on the head. If you want to give to cover your plate that is fine, I don't think anyone's feathers will get ruffled. If you expect others to give to cover their plates (or expect to make money off your wedding) then that is rude. 

artbyallie

I have "observed" CYP attitude in the Chicago area too. Not a norm, not a cultural thing, hopefully not a circle thing, but people I've met in college and at work (meaning mainly city-proper and suburban people) do believe in this concept.

I find it abhorrent.  I also don't understand why covering your "plate" is the only expected thing. Why not cost of attendance? (Sarcasm alert.)  Catering often makes up a significant portion of the budget, but I'm paying $1600 for a DJ. Should I divide that by 80 people and add it to my guests' tab? Keep track of who dances and who doesn't?  I'm paying $3000 for my photographer. Divide that too or charge people for copies of professional photos even though rights to prints are included in my package?  Maybe instead of buying an evening gown for less than $500, I should have splurged on that $5k designer dress I really wanted and divide that by 80 and charge it too. 

I get really stabby with this concept. Anybody have more turtles?

I was not aware of a TMNT/Power Rangers crossover... hmm...

Amyzen83

Hahahaha I'm changing my vote to turtles! Everyone who comes to my wedding gets a free turtle!

Jen4948

Amyzen83 said:

Hahahaha I'm changing my vote to turtles! Everyone who comes to my wedding gets a free turtle!

Oh, please invite me! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Ok, jashley imitation over now.  I love turtles though.

Amyzen83

Hahahaha! I'll be seeing lots of them in my honeymoon!

WildMagelet

artbyallie said:

I was not aware of a TMNT/Power Rangers crossover... hmm...

This is magical. I also didn't know this existed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vPUVS7L5Y0

luvskittles

I'm in CT and this is pretty much the norm in my particular group of fam/friends. Which realllly sucks when you're broke and living alone. I went to my cousins wedding a few years ago and could barely afford the gas to get there (plus it was a Friday wedding and I had to take PTO). My grandmother called me a few weeks later to make sure I gave "enough" of a gift. I had to admit that I didnt, and she offered to give me money to send them. One of the more embarrassing phone calls of my life...I declined and said I'd send them something. Never did though.