@Cookie Pusher

HisGirlFriday13

How did the Lunar New Year go??

pinkcow13

Yea I'd like to know, too!

Cookie Pusher

I just responded with a novel in the other thread. lol I'll C/P to this thread:

"Ugh. Well, the restaurant we went to (which I've been going to for Lunar New Year since FI and I moved here 7 years ago) was PACKED. We had made a 7:30 reservation because FI's dad had to work, then run home to change and let his dog out before driving 45 minutes up here. We ended up waiting for about 25 minutes for a table. FFIL is getting annoyed because he usually eats much earlier and he's starving (he's a widower who enjoys Hungry Man microwave dinners). We ordered dinner, but we could tell the restaurant was understaffed so we gave FFIL all the spring rolls to hold him over until the entrees came. Well, FI got ill during dinner. At the table. He contained it, I grabbed him extra napkins (thank goodness this place uses cloth napkins, tho once they find what was left there, we may not ever be welcome back again), then he excuses himself to the restroom to clean up. My dear, sweet, oblivious mother decides this is her cue to talk about vomiting, stomach acid, ulcers, and digestive disturbances. While there's food on everyone's plates. And FFIL is fidgeting uncomfortably. I gently say that this might not be an appropriate time to discuss these topics. I am answered with, "Well, it's good for everyone to know about this!" FI was embarrassed enough from getting ill at the table, he didn't need my mother loudly discussing it so other people who didn't see it to know it happened. I then firmly asked my mother to please stop discussing this topic while we are eating because it is impolite to be discussing this at a restaurant full of people who are trying to eat. She rolls her eyes and proceeds to not speak to me for the rest of the meal, much like a pouty child.

This is pretty normal behavior for her. She doesn't understand what is appropriate to broadcast in public and what isn't. Then she gets mad when someone gets uncomfortable, then acts offended that anyone finds her behavior inappropriate. And then she wonders why none of her children want to be seen in public with her."

Needless to say, I did not get any red envelopes (neither did FI). I anticipate my mother not speaking to me for at least several weeks the way she did a couple years ago when she came over to our apartment after we asked her not to (she texted to ask if she could) because we were in the middle of dismantling our Christmas tree and had large boxes blocking our door. She yelled at us through the front door until we moved all the boxes so she could come in. She was offended that the boxes were still blocking most of the living room. You know, like we hadn't warned her this would be the case.

HisGirlFriday13

This is the GIF I posted in your other thread. ALLLLLLLLLL the wine to you.

Cookie Pusher

Thank you, I could really use it tonight!

I get that my mom grew up in another country and has a different idea of what is appropriate and what is not. It's her reaction when being asked to please stop talking about/doing something because it's making others uncomfortable that I do not understand at all. I've hung around with frat dudes with a better sense of propriety than she does. And the fact that she does this around a virtual stranger (she and FFIL have been in the same room together all of 5 times in the 12 years that I have been with FI) really baffles me. She doesn't seem to get the whole "know your crowd" concept.

I love my mother dearly, but it's a wonder I am still alive and am in relatively good mental health. Between the constant, life-long taunts about my weight (for the record, I am a size 0, so I don't know how she considers me fat) and the extent to which she has embarrassed me in public, I should have crawled into a deep, dark hole by now!

pinkcow13

Oh my, what a nightmare of an evening, I am soo sorry! Is FI better? What happened, was the food bad, or did he just suddenly get sick? You really need this - 

I totally know what you mean about your mom. She sounds a lot like my mom. She has always been on my case abut my weight, my whole life, and we just do not see eye to eye. To be honest, she can really stress me out. I'll be seeing my parents tomorrow, so that should be fun. My mom was also raised in another country, and still maintains traditional values and just ridiculous ways of looking at things. She used to get pissed when FI used to drop me off at home at 11, because "Decent girls are not out at this time of night." This was after I graduated college, had a full time job, and was 22 years old. For years she (and my dad, because he always takes her side, even though he may not agree) would not accept my FI because he never asked them for permission to date me. Okay, I understand the traditional marriage thing, but to date?! I'm not some sort of dowry. Then she would be upset that I would go out with him, but he would never spend time at home with me, or with the family - well why would I invite him around when you have made it clear he wasn't welcome? This was also years ago.

When I started dating FI in college, I called my parents to tell them, got my Dad and told him. My mom called me back -  I was in the dorm with my roomate, suitemates, FI, and some friends. She proceeded to yell at me for about half an hour because I went off to college and met some guy. Then she proceeded to call me a "Used Rag" in Spanish, because of course I must be some used slut for having the audacity to have a boyfriend in college! Well, 12 years later, who's the Used Rag now?!?!

JCbride2015

pinkcow13 said:

Oh my, what a nightmare of an evening, I am soo sorry! Is FI better? What happened, was the food bad, or did he just suddenly get sick? You really need this - 

I totally know what you mean about your mom. She sounds a lot like my mom. She has always been on my case abut my weight, my whole life, and we just do not see eye to eye. To be honest, she can really stress me out. I'll be seeing my parents tomorrow, so that should be fun. My mom was also raised in another country, and still maintains traditional values and just ridiculous ways of looking at things. She used to get pissed when FI used to drop me off at home at 11, because "Decent girls are not out at this time of night." This was after I graduated college, had a full time job, and was 22 years old. For years she (and my dad, because he always takes her side, even though he may not agree) would not accept my FI because he never asked them for permission to date me. Okay, I understand the traditional marriage thing, but to date?! I'm not some sort of dowry. Then she would be upset that I would go out with him, but he would never spend time at home with me, or with the family - well why would I invite him around when you have made it clear he wasn't welcome? This was also years ago.

When I started dating FI in college, I called my parents to tell them, got my Dad and told him. My mom called me back -  I was in the dorm with my roomate, suitemates, FI, and some friends. She proceeded to yell at me for about half an hour because I went off to college and met some guy. Then she proceeded to call me a "Used Rag" in Spanish, because of course I must be some used slut for having the audacity to have a boyfriend in college! Well, 12 years later, who's the Used Rag now?!?!

I have the exact same problem with my dad.  Dad thought Fi was too old for me when we started dating (we were both in high school, he's two years older) and made his opinion clear.  Then a few years later, he started to say, "Well it's not that I don't like him really, you just never bring him over so I don't know him."  Gee Dad, you literally told me you hope we break up in college!  Of course I'm not going to bring him over your house, don't complain you haven't gotten to know him.  Things have gotten better over time but it's definitely been a journey to get Dad to accept Fi and have the two of them get to know each other.

Cookie, your experience at dinner sounds awful.  I'm sorry to hear your mom is so tough to go out in public with.  All the wine.

pinkcow13

JCBride2014 said:

pinkcow13 said:

Oh my, what a nightmare of an evening, I am soo sorry! Is FI better? What happened, was the food bad, or did he just suddenly get sick? You really need this - 

I totally know what you mean about your mom. She sounds a lot like my mom. She has always been on my case abut my weight, my whole life, and we just do not see eye to eye. To be honest, she can really stress me out. I'll be seeing my parents tomorrow, so that should be fun. My mom was also raised in another country, and still maintains traditional values and just ridiculous ways of looking at things. She used to get pissed when FI used to drop me off at home at 11, because "Decent girls are not out at this time of night." This was after I graduated college, had a full time job, and was 22 years old. For years she (and my dad, because he always takes her side, even though he may not agree) would not accept my FI because he never asked them for permission to date me. Okay, I understand the traditional marriage thing, but to date?! I'm not some sort of dowry. Then she would be upset that I would go out with him, but he would never spend time at home with me, or with the family - well why would I invite him around when you have made it clear he wasn't welcome? This was also years ago.

When I started dating FI in college, I called my parents to tell them, got my Dad and told him. My mom called me back -  I was in the dorm with my roomate, suitemates, FI, and some friends. She proceeded to yell at me for about half an hour because I went off to college and met some guy. Then she proceeded to call me a "Used Rag" in Spanish, because of course I must be some used slut for having the audacity to have a boyfriend in college! Well, 12 years later, who's the Used Rag now?!?!

I have the exact same problem with my dad.  Dad thought Fi was too old for me when we started dating (we were both in high school, he's two years older) and made his opinion clear.  Then a few years later, he started to say, "Well it's not that I don't like him really, you just never bring him over so I don't know him."  Gee Dad, you literally told me you hope we break up in college!  Of course I'm not going to bring him over your house, don't complain you haven't gotten to know him.  Things have gotten better over time but it's definitely been a journey to get Dad to accept Fi and have the two of them get to know each other.

Cookie, your experience at dinner sounds awful.  I'm sorry to hear your mom is so tough to go out in public with.  All the wine.

Omg, that is pretty much how it was with us also. One day I just had a talk with my dad (my mom gets too emotional and only hears what she wants to), and I pretty much told him exactly what you told your dad. Why would I bring him over when you have done nothing but complain about him, say ridiculous things about his mom (One time she was nice enough to give him a ride back to the city after they each dropped us off at college. My dad let me keep the car, and was going to take the bus back. Well, she was with a friend who went along for the ride, and he said she was really cheerful, and possibly on drugs, because she was so cheerful. I flipped at that because at that point it's like they were trying to make things up. And No, his mom is not on drugs and never was. She is just nice and not moody LOL), and just wished that we would break up? I feel that they didn't start warming up to him like until I moved out on my own.

JCbride2015

@pinkcow13 Yeah it's tough.  My dad still is not all the way there yet.  I think he's caught up on the income disparity between me and my Fi.  My family came from pretty close to nothing when I was a kid, and my dad is finally making a good middle class wage (my mom is another story).  So I think he really wants me to find someone who can "support me" in a more traditional way.  

Fi is more family-oriented than career-oriented.  He wants to enjoy his job and do well, but he's never been completely defined by his career like a lot of guys are.  And I think that's a good thing.  I AM very career-oriented and I want a partner who balances me out.  Fi does that.

The last time my dad questioned our choices, I asked if he would have the same concerns if I was a man, marrying a woman exactly like Fi.  He kind of sputtered something but didn't really have an answer, and he hasn't brought it up since.

Cookie Pusher

@pinkcow13 - He apparently got something stuck in his throat (probably from not chewing properly as he tends to just inhale his food), so everything he ate afterwards had nowhere to go. He was completely silent, to the point that FFIL and I didn't notice since we were seated on either side of him. My mother was across the table and made a huge deal. FI is feeling better now (he's asleep on the couch snuggling our stuffed dogs - awww..), but he was so embarrassed. My mom loves him as the son she never had, so I super hate how bad she made him feel - whether that was her intention or not. You don't harp on something like that in public, it's just plain inconsiderate.

pinkcow13

@jcbride2014- yea it is definitely tough. I have gone through similar things like that with my parents. I always asked them if they would have the same opinion if I were a guy. I'm an only child, and a female at that, so it's been a tough ride.

mimiphin

Aww Cookie!!!
You get two gifs!

Cookie Pusher

Awww, thanks, @mimiphin! I am tempted to just stay up all night and drink all the wine in my apartment. And the tequila. And the whiskey. And the beer. Can't forget the beer!

pinkcow13

Oh man, poor FI! Well I'm glad he is better and it wasn't something like food poisoning. Cuddles with stuffed doggies always make things better

Cookie Pusher

pinkcow13 said:

Oh man, poor FI! Well I'm glad he is better and it wasn't something like food poisoning. Cuddles with stuffed doggies always make things better

He finally just dragged himself off the couch so he can go to bed. Poor guy, he just keeps apologizing for getting sick, like he had much choice in the matter. Hopefully continued stuffed pup snuggles and a good night's rest will make him feel better!

HisGirlFriday13

I understand cultural differences, and age differences, to a certain extent.

But then we take DH's grandmother out to lunch and she makes a comment about 'coloured folks' so loudly that half the room can hear (to be honest, given that she's half-deaf, she makes ALL comments that loudly) and gets offended when we tell her, through gritted teeth and clenched jaws, that that's not socially acceptable. 

She says, 'But I've always called them that. We even have a coloured president now!'

Cookie Pusher

@HisGirlFriday13 So basically, a giant vortex of ignorant would appear if we put your DH's grandmother and my mother in the same room together?

pinkcow13

OMG with our moms, dads, and grandmother stories, we can seriously write a book or sitcom. I started cracking up at that story though, @hisgirlfriday13. Sometimes all you can do is laugh smh

Cookie Pusher

How on earth did we end up mostly normal?!

HisGirlFriday13

Cookie Pusher said:

@HisGirlFriday13 So basically, a giant vortex of ignorant would appear if we put your DH's grandmother and my mother in the same room together?

Yeah, pretty much, but given that your mother is Chinese, I haven't got the first clue what DH's grandmother would say to her. I can't imagine it would be good, though. 

Although actually, come to think of it, she'd probably call her 'coloured,' too, because that's her catch-all term for anyone who's not white. The little South American children her church sponsors? Coloured. Black people? Coloured. The only other term she uses is 'Mexican' which applies to everyone who is (a) Hispanic-looking at all or (b) not 'coloured.'

I kind of want to put them in the same room now...

And yeah, @pinkcow13, all I can do is laugh. And make sure she was seated LITERALLY on the opposite side of the reception hall from my dad's best friend, who is black, and his wife, who is white, so that BSC gma couldn't make comments about their 'mixed-race babies.'

Cookie Pusher

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

@HisGirlFriday13 So basically, a giant vortex of ignorant would appear if we put your DH's grandmother and my mother in the same room together?

Yeah, pretty much, but given that your mother is Chinese, I haven't got the first clue what DH's grandmother would say to her. I can't imagine it would be good, though. 

Although actually, come to think of it, she'd probably call her 'coloured,' too, because that's her catch-all term for anyone who's not white. The little South American children her church sponsors? Coloured. Black people? Coloured. The only other term she uses is 'Mexican' which applies to everyone who is (a) Hispanic-looking at all or (b) not 'coloured.'

I kind of want to put them in the same room now...

And yeah, @pinkcow13, all I can do is laugh. And make sure she was seated LITERALLY on the opposite side of the reception hall from my dad's best friend, who is black, and his wife, who is white, so that BSC gma couldn't make comments about their 'mixed-race babies.'

Oh, it would be epic. My mom loves to snark about "nasty old white ladies", mostly from negative experiences with my (step)dad's family. She'd also have a field day with my half sister since she's Italian/Chinese but has been referred to as Mexican-looking!

HisGirlFriday13

When we started going to the church we now attend, DH's grandmother asked why we were attending the 'Mexican-people's' church rather than one of the four 'white' churches.

I said, 'So when we adopt a child from South America, it will fit right in!'

She was speechless. I laughed.

pinkcow13

@cookiepusher- no idea how we ended up normal! And throw my mom in that vortex. She hates Puerto Ricans ( meanwhile we are Latino, so that's just stupid IMO). She says they're all " drug dealers, users, criminals, or convicts. And if you meet a decent one, someone in theirs family is one of the above. I was once watching a Chris Rock stand up show on tv and he said something like "You really shouldn't hate anyone. Like, if you hate Puerto Ricans, your daughter will come home, with living la vida loca!" FI is half Puerto Rican lol.
@hisgirlfriday13- good call, can you imagine if she sat near your dad's best friend and wife? Oh geez...

Edits: iPhone typing sicks

Cookie Pusher

@HisGirlFriday13 - That's hilarious. I would have cracked up too!

@pinkcow13 - My mom said similar things to me about dating anyone African American! She also advised me not to date Indian men because they all smell like curry. Sometimes, the things that come out of her mouth are just so ridiculous!

HisGirlFriday13

I know I shouldn't have said that, but it was just too good of an opportunity to resist.

Blessedly, my folks are mostly normal, but I look at DH's grandmother and thi,nk, 'How did you raise him, when he's normal and you're a fruitcake?'

Cookie Pusher

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I know I shouldn't have said that, but it was just too good of an opportunity to resist. Blessedly, my folks are mostly normal, but I look at DH's grandmother and thi,nk, 'How did you raise him, when he's normal and you're a fruitcake?'

I'm thankful FI's family is mostly normal. Although, apparently, when FI first told his parents we were dating, they asked all sorts of questions about me (since he and I had been friends for a while beforehand, they had heard some things in passing). One of the most out-of-character things his mother asked was if I had slanty eyes. It was so not like her that no one knew how to react. And in case anyone is wondering, my eyes don't slant but FI's slant downwards quite a bit. A coworker of mine thinks FI looks like Joe Flacco.

pinkcow13

LMFAO at the South American kid story., @hisgirlfriday13 @cookiepusher, I think our moms would get along so well. And DH Grandmother would judge them from afar.

Cookie Pusher

You know, we all probably live close enough to each other that we could make this happen.... hahaha

pinkcow13

That would be such an awesome shit show lol

Cookie Pusher

Think TLC would pay us to film this? I mean, it's got to be at least as entertaining as Honey Boo Boo!

sarahufl

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I understand cultural differences, and age differences, to a certain extent.

But then we take DH's grandmother out to lunch and she makes a comment about 'coloured folks' so loudly that half the room can hear (to be honest, given that she's half-deaf, she makes ALL comments that loudly) and gets offended when we tell her, through gritted teeth and clenched jaws, that that's not socially acceptable. 

She says, 'But I've always called them that. We even have a coloured president now!'

My grandmother used the N word regularly and freely until the day she died. Never caught on that it was offensive. Otherwise she was wonderful, but that was always something that stuck out to me with her.