Second Weddings

afraid to post

I am very happy to be marrying my best friend of nearly 30 years. I want to post it on my face book site but every time I have good things to say my ex attacks me via his lawyer. He already brainwashed the children by bribing them. Kids will do anything for fancy electronics and cars. He already took everything, so I have to leave my job and my home just to get away from him. Ladies it wasn't a normal marriage. He made me move away from my friends and family. Wouldn't allow me to make friends and was constantly checking on me. I finally had enough after 16 years. Any advice? Leaving no forwarding address and moving to an island.

Re: afraid to post

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2014

    I'm confused. How is he seeing the posts you make on Facebook? I'm certainly not friends with my ex on Facebook and I have my page locked down so those not on my friend's list can't see what I write. If friends are telling him things, cut them off on Facebook and cut them out of your life. They aren't friends.

    Besides that, so you say something nice about your fiance and your ex shells out money to have a lawyer contact you. For what???? There is no basis for any of it as long as you aren't hurting your children. Let him continue to harass you and let him to continue to spend money on nonsense. If it gets really bad, contact the police and have a no contact order put into place. Especially since you feel threatened!!! If the lawyer buys into the nonsense and threatens you over nothing ( make sure this is all documented), he could potentially be disbarred for abusing his powers.  As for the kids, I was the same way. I played my parents off one another and bought into my dad's bribery. However, when I became a mature adult, I realized what was going on and apologized to my mom .Kids will be kids and you just have to understand that they will be that way for awhile. It sucks, but it will pass.

    The beauty of divorce is that you are no longer obligated in anyway to deal with this person's emotional problems and they can no longer tell you what to do. Yes, you have to deal with stuff for the kids, but that is all you should be worried about. Enjoy your new fiance, ignore the ex, and just focus on being a mom and your relationship.


    edit- spelling


  • Ditto everything Jells said.

    You need to lock down your FB immediately. Change all of your settings to "Friends only" and you need to block your ex. Your other option is shutting down your FB entirely.
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  • Oh my goodness I was married to your ex's twin!  

    First and foremost block him and all of his know associates on FB.  Lock your account down so that you get notifications if anyone other than your approved list of friends and family check or attempt to check your account.  I did this so my ex and all couldn't bother me on FB anyway. 

    About the No Contact Order - this is from recent experience, should you get one make sure it is registered with the correct authorities in both your area and his.  I thought mine protected me period and found out it didn't but now that there is a complaint filed I can get one in my area have him served and then it's on record in both areas. 

    Kids are easily lead astray but will find their way back once they start seeing the chinks in the armor.  Once dad tries to control them or once they need something money can't buy - they will see him for who and how he is and they will come running back to mom. 

    You have many ways to protect yourself from him - go talk to a women's support group that deals with abuse (controlling your spouse is abuse) they will help you and often provide advocates and free legal advice.  You need to do this for your mental health.  

    Your mantra about him should be "leave me alone" and then you need to make next to impossible for him to bother you - period.  The only way he should communicate with you about anything is through an attorney or an advocate.

    No is a powerful word, use it.  

    Congratulations on rekindling love.  I married my high school sweetheart  almost three years ago.   We met when we were 15. 
    Anyway if you need to chat or need any more ideas on how to create barriers between you and the ex you can PM me or post here.  Welcome to the board. 

  • You need to block him & change you facebook settings. My nephew was very good at manipulating is father when he was young. My sister couldn't afford much, she put a roof over her sons head, he had food, he had what he needed, just not all the wants. If mom went shopping for a new coat or shoes it was off to Walmart. But he realized at a young age that if he complained that his shoes were too tight when he was with dad, he got Nikes & same for jackets, he would get Starter Jackets. My sister realized what her son was doing & was like, well I can't afford it & if he can get his dad to pay for that stuff, then all the power to him.

    In regards to the kids, the best thing you can do is not talk negative about your ex when they are around, they will come to their own conclusions on him as they get older, if they haven't already.

  • Chances are you have mutual friends on Facebook and he will see it regardless,  Getting married is not just something you put on facebook.  It's a life event and he will find out eventually, so may as well celebrate and let the flood of support come in!  You can deal with the lawyer later because he is bound to find out anyway.  You deserve to be happy and not let his reactions control you.  Wish you the best of luck!
  • Well he has no friends so you can nix that on FB. The only one we may mutually have is my son who is now blocked.  I not posted anything about the up coming event. My fiance doesn't use FB and really could care less about what i post or do not.
    My daughter (16) who I can now longer claim ownership of has posted awful things on her FB site. Which the lawyers have picked up on but not me.  Have not seen the kids in two years.  But the oldest is still very angry about the divorce.

    I can't wait for the new life ahead of me and leaving this awful town and nightmare behind.  I am tired of a life that feels like a Metallica song.
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