Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!

Ok, I have posted about my situation but I don't think I worded myself correctly because I have been getting unexpected responses. I was married on October 5, 2012 at the courthouse. My then boyfriend and I had planned on getting married sometime in the near future, already buying a house almost a year ago now. We had made plans and dreamed about our big day and the ring was in the works on his end. Working in healthcare, I had a very bad week losing patients and whatnot and I realized I was ready to just be his wife. So with a huge change of plans we decided to buy simple bands and attire and became Mr. and Mrs. We told only immediate family members about this and had a simple dinner after. Being in the wedding business myself, have always dreamt of my big day. Dress, pictures, party, all that jazz. We have decided to have a "wedding day"/"vow renewal" on our one year aniversary. The venue and all the details are very laid back and inexpensive, I just want to have all my family and friends there to celebrate and have a good time together I( didn't get any of this going to the courthouse). I have had several people say that this is a terrible idea, sending me links saying that I don't have a right to a "second wedding", a dress, bridesmaids, photographer, etc. I have already made deposits for the venue, photographer, and purchased a dress. Am I completely crazy thinking I deserve to be a bride and have all my loved ones there with us? I need input now that everyone knows the whole story, torn about if I deserve to be excited about this day next year...
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Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:e4404d46-f8e6-44db-87b2-4686af389501">In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, I have posted about my situation but I don't think I worded myself correctly because I have been getting unexpected responses. I was married on October 5, 2012 at the courthouse. My then boyfriend and I had planned on getting married sometime in the near future, already buying a house almost a year ago now. We had made plans and dreamed about our big day and the ring was in the works on his end. Working in healthcare, I had a very bad week losing patients and whatnot and I realized I was ready to just be his wife. So with a huge change of plans we decided to buy simple bands and attire and became Mr. and Mrs. We told only immediate family members about this and had a simple dinner after. Being in the wedding business myself, have always dreamt of my big day. Dress, pictures, party, all that jazz. We have decided to have a "wedding day"/"vow renewal" on our one year aniversary. The venue and all the details are very laid back and inexpensive, I just want to have all my family and friends there to celebrate and have a good time together I( didn't get any of this going to the courthouse). I have had several people say that this is a terrible idea, sending me links saying that I don't have a right to a "second wedding", a dress, bridesmaids, photographer, etc. I have already made deposits for the venue, photographer, and purchased a dress. Am I completely crazy thinking I deserve to be a bride and have all my loved ones there with us? I need input now that everyone knows the whole story, torn about if I deserve to be excited about this day next year...
    Posted by kaenchie[/QUOTE]

    Your wedding day has come and gone. What you are describing is the infamous "Pretty Princess Day". You are no longer a bride, you are a wife. Sorry.
  • I think that is where I'm torn. I never really got to be a bride, the only pictures we have are from family member's cameras. I've heard of people doing this before, being married and then having the celebration later due to financial issues, which is also a part of our choice. I just never knew so many people would be against the idea. We aren't asking for gifts/showers just for people to come and have a good time. Still looking for someone to tell me this is acceptable?
  • It's not acceptable.  It's very crass.  Sorry, I know it sucks when you don't get what you want but that's a choice you made.

    I'm not unsympathetic.  I know how life can throw you curveballs.  But you just have to move on. You've had your wedding.   Throw a party if you want, but doing the big white dress and everything is just really tacky, especially if you're lying to your guests about this being your "real" wedding.

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  • But you WERE a bride! You vowed to be someone's wife.

    Can you push it off to a 5 year? I think a 1-year re-do (which is essentially what you're doing) is kind of tacky. Making it through 1 year of marriage is great, but not PPD worthy (unless there is something huge that happened in the course of that year).

    If you're going to do it, just go for it, but you may catch some rude comments or lower attendance because of the fanfare you want. You get one shot.
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  • Skip the white dress, bridesmaids, first dance, white cake. You can have a wonderful party, however, in a beautiful dress. Have chocolate cake. Have a spotlight dance where you welcome your guests and encourage them to join you. Have fun!
  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 2012
    You didn't read the responses wrong.  It's a terrible idea to have a fake PPD. You are an adult and you made the decision to get married in the courthouse. On that day and that day only you were a bride.  You are not going to get any sympathy here.  Seriously if people you know and love told you it's wrong why would you think otherwise?
     
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  • No one is going to tell you this is acceptable because it's just not. You chose to have a wedding that didn't include the pretty princess day aspects. It was still a wedding, and to suggest otherwise is to insult every person who has ever been married at the courthouse. My grandmother got married on a weekday in her church, with just the pastor and witnesses in attendance, wearing a normal dress, and went on a one night 'honeymoon' to a city an hour away from her hometown. But that was her wedding day, and 50+ years later, she still cherishes those memories.

    You're married to the love of your life, or I hope you consider him such. What does the dress or the fancy party matter? Obviously the legal marriage mattered to you, or you would have just waited. Have an anniversary party if you want, but there's no point in trying to re-do your wedding, because that happened already.
    image
  • Ditto PPs. I know you're excited about the "dream wedding," but you already had your wedding. If anything, you could do a vow renewal (usually saved for big anniversaries) or just have an aniversary celebration. But, as mentioned above, no wedding gown, bridal party, pre-wedding parties, wedding cake, etc.
    Praying for a miracle!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:e943648e-28e4-410d-9c0e-270deab4c14a">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that is where I'm torn.<strong> I never really got to be a bride</strong>, the only pictures we have are from family member's cameras. I've heard of people doing this before, being married and then having the celebration later due to financial issues, which is also a part of our choice. I just never knew so many people would be against the idea. We aren't asking for gifts/showers just for people to come and have a good time. <strong>Still looking for someone to tell me this is acceptable?</strong>
    Posted by kaenchie[/QUOTE]

    Yes you did sweetheart.  Your day was at the courthouse.

    Good luck with that! 

    As pp suggested, you can have a vow renewal but not a ppd.  I would still side-eye a 1 year vow renewal. 
    image


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  • I'm very confused about your insistance that a dress makes you a bride. That's disrespectful to everyone who either didn't have the means, or didn't want a pretty princess day, and insinuates that their wedding wasn't valid or it was something to be pitied. You CHOSE to skip the trimmings. There aren't tkebacksies on getting married unless you get a divorce. Your poor husband must be wondering what he's doing wrong, with you moaning about how invalid your marriage is. Love and vows aren't enough? Really? It's a dress that makes it a marrige? Go ahead and have your doover wedding. You obviously don't care that it's gouache, or that it sends nasty messages to your husband. I'm not sure why you keep fishing for someone to encourage you to blow cash on such a thing.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:8bdfb5a1-3486-4ba8-b92c-ef129315a62f">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have an anniversary party. Wear a fabulous dress (not a wedding dress), have a cake, a DJ, and dancing. Do not have a ceremony re-do, bridesmaids, groomsmen, or bouquet and garter tosses. <strong>It's not that you didn't deserve a big wedding, it is that you chose not to have one.</strong>
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    I can say with an honest heart, I can't imagine having a redo ceremony. When I was standing next to H in front of our officiant I MEANT what I said when I was saying my vows. I can't imagine how fake it would feel if we had already sealed the deal. That was why it was so special, that was the START of our marriage. It wasn't special because I was wearing a pretty dress or because I had my hair done, it was special because of the moment and what that moment represented.
    If we weren't exchanging true vows it would have felt so phony.
  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited November 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:e4404d46-f8e6-44db-87b2-4686af389501">In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]  <strong>Am I completely crazy thinking I deserve to be a bride and have all my loved ones there with us? I need input now that everyone knows the whole story, torn about if I deserve to be excited about this day next year...
    </strong>Posted by kaenchie[/QUOTE]

    Agree with everyone else.

    First, no one "deserves" to be a bride.  You deserve to have clean water to drink and shelter.  You don't deserve to be a bride.   You have to get over that sense of entitlement before you proceed any further.

    You were a bride. You stood in front of an officiant, with your groom and said your vows.  That makes you a bride.  The dress, the guests, the food, the cake, the dancing, those are all just extras.  Those don't define whether you had a wedding or you were a bride.

    If you want to have a 1 year vow renewal, people WILL side-eye it as being an attention-whore move and it will be seen as gift grabby.

    You can have an anniversary party, to celebrate your first year of marriage, but again, I agree with everyone else.  No big white dress, no bridesmaids, no showers, no gift registry, no first dances, etc. etc.  Those go with a wedding reception, not an anniversary party. 

    You need to seriously rethink your plans.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:e4404d46-f8e6-44db-87b2-4686af389501">In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, I have posted about my situation but I don't think I worded myself correctly because I have been getting unexpected responses. I was married on October 5, 2012 at the courthouse. My then boyfriend and I had planned on getting married sometime in the near future, already buying a house almost a year ago now. We had made plans and dreamed about our big day and the ring was in the works on his end. Working in healthcare, I had a very bad week losing patients and whatnot and I realized I was ready to just be his wife. So with a huge change of plans we decided to buy simple bands and attire and became Mr. and Mrs. We told only immediate family members about this and had a simple dinner after. Being in the wedding business myself, have always dreamt of my big day. Dress, pictures, party, all that jazz. We have decided to have a "wedding day"/"vow renewal" on our one year aniversary. The venue and all the details are very laid back and inexpensive, I just want to have all my family and friends there to celebrate and have a good time together I( didn't get any of this going to the courthouse). I have had several people say that this is a terrible idea, sending me links saying that I don't have a right to a "second wedding", a dress, bridesmaids, photographer, etc. I have already made deposits for the venue, photographer, and purchased a dress. Am I completely crazy thinking I deserve to be a bride and have all my loved ones there with us? I need input now that everyone knows the whole story, torn about if I deserve to be excited about this day next year...
    Posted by kaenchie[/QUOTE]

    I PM'd you...Good luck with whatever choice you make
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  • stop looking for approval on this board. You won't get it. You'll get flamed. If you want to have dress up princess day, have it! Have a wonderful party and do whatever you want. Just stop asking these women for approval. They won't give it. 
  • Sorry, but you were a bride at the ceremony that made you his wife.  You may not have been wearing a white dress or veil, your family and friends may not have been present, there may  not have been a party, but you are married and thus a wife, not a "bride" any more.  That boat has sailed.
  • Agree with PPs. It's supposed to be about the moment when you make vows to each other, and you've done that.

    Have a party. Wear a pretty dress. Don't be tacky and pretend that it's a wedding. That means no bridal party, no cake cutting, no photographer, no bouquets and phony ceremony ... just a party.

    Better yet: skip all of that and celebrate your marriage by taking a trip together or putting the PPD money into a house/future plans.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:103bec52-8ee2-485b-b9b6-e5aa975ace48">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Agree with PPs. It's supposed to be about the moment when you make vows to each other, and you've done that. Have a party. Wear a pretty dress. Don't be tacky and pretend that it's a wedding. That means no bridal party, no cake cutting, no photographer, no bouquets and phony ceremony ... just a party. Better yet: skip all of that and celebrate your marriage by taking a trip together or putting the PPD money into a house/future plans.
    Posted by jennylee813[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this 100%! Embrace your choices and move forward! Why have regrets when you can keep on celebrating your marriage NOW?
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited November 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:32aa51d8-1295-4818-8297-7d5cc0103da3">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]stop looking for approval on this board. You won't get it. You'll get flamed. If you want to have dress up princess day, have it! Have a wonderful party and do whatever you want. Just stop asking these women for approval. They won't give it. 
    Posted by anssett[/QUOTE]

    She isn't getting flamed.  She is being told her plans are bad and tacky.  She is asking for advice.  She is being told the truth.  Her frriends and family have already told her it is a bad idea.  How many more people have to tell someone a bad idea before they decide to acknowledge that it is, in fact, BAD!</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:3542b051-711d-4725-a58e-54a1bb26ed3c">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can't be a virgin again, either.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    damn.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:32aa51d8-1295-4818-8297-7d5cc0103da3">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]stop looking for approval on this board. You won't get it. You'll get flamed. If you want to have dress up princess day, have it! Have a wonderful party and do whatever you want. Just stop asking these women for approval. They won't give it. 
    Posted by anssett[/QUOTE]

    There is always one special snowflake. Although I suspect there is 2 because one PP was to much of a coward to write it out and sent it through a PM.
     
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:832ec012-adce-4ff5-9615-0c9080677e0a">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please! : There is always one special snowflake. Although I suspect there is 2 because one PP was to much of a coward to write it out and sent it through a PM.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>It never ceases to amaze me how people are so quick to call someone a name via the internet. I find it unbelieveable that we teach our CHILDREN not to bully, but there are actually grown ups who find gratification in bullying others.  Something tells me that if you actually knew me, you wouldn't be calling me a coward to my face.  Since you felt the need to call me a coward...you were obviously pointing me out because I PM'd the original poster....I will quickly stoop down to your level and say this:  You best believe if you did call me a coward to my face, there would be two hits following your comment...me hitting you and you hitting the floor.  You should mind your manners and keep your name calling to those you actually know in real life my dear.  If you want to call yourself a grown woman, you should conduct yourself as such.    </div>
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:760a4141-83ae-4e4c-ac7a-589f760d18a0">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please! : It never ceases to amaze me how people are so quick to call someone a name via the internet. I find it unbelieveable that we teach our CHILDREN not to bully, but there are actually grown ups who find gratification in bullying others.  Something tells me that if you actually knew me, you wouldn't be calling me a coward to my face.  Since you felt the need to call me a coward...you were obviously pointing me out because I PM'd the original poster....I will quickly stoop down to your level and say this:  You best believe if you did call me a coward to my face, there would be two hits following your comment...<strong>me hitting you and you hitting the floor</strong>.  You should mind your manners and keep your name calling to those you actually know in real life my dear.  <strong>If you want to call yourself a grown woman, you should conduct yourself as such.    
    </strong>Posted by missv19732000[/QUOTE]

    My comments on the bolded parts:

    First of all, did you really just use that as if it was a clever threat?

    Second of all, I don't someone who threatens violence should be giving advice on how to act like a lady.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:d897ee1e-8556-482e-b281-9376f2ebf2a1">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please! : My comments on the bolded parts: First of all, did you really just use that as if it was a clever threat? Second of all, I don't someone who threatens violence should be giving advice on how to act like a lady.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ok, looks like I will be the one seen as the bad guy when some random woman just called me a coward for no apparent reason.  I guess she is more of a woman because she called me a coward, and I am worse for actually threatening violence in a make believe scenario.  Huh?  This is clearly a no win situation.</div><div>
    </div><div>Yes, I thought it was a clever threat.   It's from The Breakfast Club and that movie rocks.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • That hitting line is so overused.  It came from a 1980s movie. You know that, right?
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  • Looks like we were posting at the same time.  Glad you know your references.

    But seriously, threatening physical violence makes you look foolish and like a neanderthal.   Chillax, maybe?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:db2272af-ce5f-4de2-b8fc-595f36328eba">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]That hitting line is so overused.  It came from a 1980s movie. You know that, right?
    Posted by JaneAustensGhost[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes, I thought it was funny...it's from The Breakfast Club to be exact.  I thought it was obvious I was being sarcastic.  Geesh.  </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • And her calling me a coward makes her look like....
    ??
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:339eb66e-3797-4ad9-a463-cdcf457a0a69">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]And her calling me a coward makes her look like.... ??
    Posted by missv19732000[/QUOTE]

    <div>Um..nothing. Someone who thinks you're a coward because you didn't want to post whatever you said here. </div>
  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:760a4141-83ae-4e4c-ac7a-589f760d18a0">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please! : It never ceases to amaze me how people are so quick to call someone a name via the internet. I find it unbelieveable that we teach our CHILDREN not to bully, but there are actually grown ups who find gratification in bullying others.  Something tells me that if you actually knew me, you wouldn't be calling me a coward to my face.  Since you felt the need to call me a coward...you were obviously pointing me out because I PM'd the original poster....I will quickly stoop down to your level and say this:  You best believe if you did call me a coward to my face, there would be two hits following your comment...me hitting you and you hitting the floor.  You should mind your manners and keep your name calling to those you actually know in real life my dear.  If you want to call yourself a grown woman, you should conduct yourself as such.    
    Posted by missv19732000[/QUOTE]

    You haven't been around these boards too long so you obviously don't know how things work around here. Sending PMs secretly agreeing with something against the grain is cowardly. 

    Just so you know if my friend said something stupid/idiotic/acted like a coward or anything else I would have no problem telling them to their face.

    Also how is threatening to beat me up ok?  This is a personal attack and you can get banned.  Your time here will be short with that attitude.
     
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_in-a-pickle-honest-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3a748890-3aaa-4dac-8d4e-f7d958b1d89bPost:abc9d84f-8bf3-4ee0-be5e-d42c8ba4f057">Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: In a pickle.. Honest opinions, please! : You haven't been around these boards too long so you obviously don't know how things work around here. Sending PMs secretly agreeing with something against the grain is cowardly.  Also how is threatening to beat me up ok?  This is a personal attack and you can get banned.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>Going against the grain is cowardly.  Really?  Peer pressure on The Knot boards.  Wow.</div><div>
    </div><div>By the way, you calling me a coward was a personal attack as well...I guess it's all subjective. </div>
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