Destination Wedding- to register or not to register...

Meggos1988

We are having a destination wedding in June and I am having a hard time with the idea of registering for gifts. I just feel like our family and close friends are already spending a good chunk of money to travel with us and I don't want to seem like I am expecting anything. But..... I am constantly being asked where we have registered. I am so torn of what the proper thing to do is and my brides maids are insistent that we have a shower... I am so confused, any in site will be greatly appreciated.

mlg78

If you're being asked then they are wanting gift ideas... I'd create a small registry. You can always add things if needed.

JennyColada

Just because people are paying to travel to your wedding doesn't mean that they don't want to buy you a gift. If I were a guest is still want to get you something.

I work in retail and a big saying we have is "don't sell to your own pocketbook."

As for the shower, well that's your choice. If you feel uncomfortable then you don't have to have one. But don't let your friends and family miss out on fun because you feel guilty (because there's nothing to feel guilty about if they genuinely want to do it!). An alternate is to do a bridal tea (something like that that's not a "shower" implies no gifts). I've heard of girls doing it where they request recipes, which sounds awesome!

delujm0

If you are going to have a shower, you MUST register - a shower is specifically for receiving boxed gifts.  If you don't want that, you can instead have a bridal tea or luncheon, which is not a gift-giving occassion.

 

I just got back from a DW - the bride only registered for enough for her two small showers and then received cards at the wedding.  She didn't expect anything for the same reason you do - she knew how expensive it was for guests simply to attend.

 

Know that if you have a shower, you can ONLY invite people who were invited to the DW.  So if your DW invite list is very small, your shower will also be very small.  However, the nice thing about a shower for a DW is that people that can't afford to go to the DW can still go to the shower to celebrate your wedding with you.

ElcaB

I think you should register. Just because you have a registry doesn't mean you're forcing your guests to purchase a gift. It's nice to have for those who want the option. 

Also, there's nothing wrong with having a shower. A wedding is a wedding, no matter where it is or how far guests travel

MyNameIsNot

If people are asking, it's a good idea to make a registry.  People want to get you something.  Let them.

If you're uncomfortable with it, it's fine to decline the shower.  There's no requirement that you have one, no matter what your BMs say.  

sunset30

We did a relatively small destination wedding and did 2 small registries. Everyone who traveled to our wedding (except two) gave us gifts, and it was helpful to have a registry to give people guidance on what kinds of things we would like. 

Also, an added perk is that you get the completion discount from the stores you register at. So, if there are things you need for your home after you get married you can save some money on them!

hikebikebemerry

I traveled to a friend's DW, I was also in the BP.  When I returned home, I went onto her registry and bought her a punch bowl and a book of punch bowl drinks (side note, the drink book wasn't on the registry... I just like to get things that go together).  Even after spending the money to travel I still wanted to get her something, because I love her and wanted to give her a gift!

PPs have some great advice on why it's nice to have a registry.

mlg78

delujm0 said:

If you are going to have a shower, you MUST register - a shower is specifically for receiving boxed gifts.  If you don't want that, you can instead have a bridal tea or luncheon, which is not a gift-giving occassion.

 

I just got back from a DW - the bride only registered for enough for her two small showers and then received cards at the wedding.  She didn't expect anything for the same reason you do - she knew how expensive it was for guests simply to attend.

 

Know that if you have a shower, you can ONLY invite people who were invited to the DW.  So if your DW invite list is very small, your shower will also be very small.  However, the nice thing about a shower for a DW is that people that can't afford to go to the DW can still go to the shower to celebrate your wedding with you.

You don't HAVE to register. It's helpful to guests and way more desirable so you don't end up with five crock pots and three blenders...but it's not a requirement when someone throws you a shower.

delujm0

mlg78 said:

delujm0 said:

If you are going to have a shower, you MUST register - a shower is specifically for receiving boxed gifts.  If you don't want that, you can instead have a bridal tea or luncheon, which is not a gift-giving occassion.

 

I just got back from a DW - the bride only registered for enough for her two small showers and then received cards at the wedding.  She didn't expect anything for the same reason you do - she knew how expensive it was for guests simply to attend.

 

Know that if you have a shower, you can ONLY invite people who were invited to the DW.  So if your DW invite list is very small, your shower will also be very small.  However, the nice thing about a shower for a DW is that people that can't afford to go to the DW can still go to the shower to celebrate your wedding with you.

You don't HAVE to register. It's helpful to guests and way more desirable so you don't end up with five crock pots and three blenders...but it's not a requirement when someone throws you a shower.

True.  You don't "have" to register...but you'll have a lot of confused invitees on your hands.  And you'll likely have a lot of really odd homegoods on your hands after it's all over.

 

I'll rewrite: If youa re having a shower, it is suggested that you register.  People are going to want to bring you boxed gifts, and if you don't register first, you're going to wind up with a bunch of really random goods that you don't really want.

Fairyjen1

    I'm having a very small (under 20 people) destination wedding. We are not having any showers. I am registered at Macy's, however for the Star Registry rewards as I buy a lot there and it counts for purchases on your card from now until the wedding date as well as things off your registry. It also helps me keep track of the few things we would like to get for our household. 

   Also in my family it's tradition to send a small gift to cousins/nieces/nephews even if they are doing a small immediate family only wedding, because I'm related to a lot of people who like to shop and give gifts, so I am doing the small registry for that as well. Apparently FIs family also has this tradition. It's absolutely not expected, if gifts were that important to me I'd have a larger local wedding, but this way if anyone feels the need they have our registry for a guide.