Brace Yourselves...

lovesclimbing

banana468 said:

blueeyes90 said:

phira said:

afterimage said:

Wow.  Yeah, I do agree that holiday proposals are kind of cliché.  And no, I did not have a Vday or holiday engagement myself, but I kind of feel compelled to defend these people.  You don't really get a choice in what day you get proposed to on so cut these girls some slack!  Does it really matter?  Are they supposed to say no instead?

I recognize that nobody is being personally attacked here, but these boards are open to everyone and a lot of people will feel offended when they read this -- especially for being called "special snowflakes".  The backlash against bad etiquette advice I get, but I just feel like there is there so much unnecessary judgement on these boards and it makes this community so much less inviting. 

Honestly, this is my problem with proposals in general. I think that two people deciding they want to get married is something they should decide together.

But yeah, I agree with you; being proposed to on a holiday isn't a horrible thing. I think we're all just anxious about the incoming newbies.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boxes:

FI and I decided together that we were ready for the step of marriage. We talked about it and it was never off-limits, it was never me nagging him. It was always "this is what I need to feel ready" and discussion of career and timeline for children was always intertwined.  Only after we both decided we were ready did we start looking at rings. I showed him some styles that I liked and that I don't. I pretty much like simple and classic, but I loved the cathedral look. Then I stepped back and let him pick the final ring and choose a time to surprise me with a proposal, because that was important to him. But it was important after we discussed it like together. We are a team first, then we can do the fun stuff.

His friend on the other hand wants to completely surprise his GF so refuses to talk about marriage with her. We are staying out of it, but I was be completely annoyed if my FI did that (actually if he didn't treat me like an equal partner he wouldn't be my FI)

So long story short, I agree.

That makes no sense to me!    While DH picked out my e-ring and proposed on his own, it was more a formality, KWIM?   We talked about getting married, having babies, and having a future together long before the ring was on my finger.    I can't imagine being OK with a SO who thought he'd plan my future without discussing it with me first. 

Yea, this ^^ is what H and I did.  I think if you don't talk about it before hand, you run a giant risk of someone not being ready and saying no.

pinkshorts27

@lovesclimbing

I agree, which is why what FI and I did was important. And why when people ask me "Was it a surprise?" drives me insane. No, we are partners and have discussed marriage.  I knew he would be proposing, I just didn't know the day.

Gerbertmcway

Mandafly84 said:

Gerbertmcway said:

Orrrr you guys could not assume that everyone who gets engaged on valentines day is some terrible entitled bridezilla, and instead be welcoming to the new brides on the boards.

Hi. You must be new here.

Hi. Been lurking for months, and while I generally appreciate the advice given it seems like many users are here simply to be condescending and cause drama/arguments.

grumbledore

phira said:

afterimage said:

Wow.  Yeah, I do agree that holiday proposals are kind of cliché.  And no, I did not have a Vday or holiday engagement myself, but I kind of feel compelled to defend these people.  You don't really get a choice in what day you get proposed to on so cut these girls some slack!  Does it really matter?  Are they supposed to say no instead?

I recognize that nobody is being personally attacked here, but these boards are open to everyone and a lot of people will feel offended when they read this -- especially for being called "special snowflakes".  The backlash against bad etiquette advice I get, but I just feel like there is there so much unnecessary judgement on these boards and it makes this community so much less inviting. 

Honestly, this is my problem with proposals in general. I think that two people deciding they want to get married is something they should decide together.

But yeah, I agree with you; being proposed to on a holiday isn't a horrible thing. I think we're all just anxious about the incoming newbies.

Literally everyone at work asked me, "Was it a surprise???" when word got out that I was engaged. I was like, "Um, no? We had a rational conversation like adults about whether we wanted to get married and be together for the rest of our lives and decided yes." Getting engaged wasn't something that was done to me, it was a decision made by two consenting adults. Rant over.

MrandMrsMongoose

I got engaged on Valentine's Day. I know holiday proposals are so cliche, but my fiance doesn't know that.  He thought it was romantic to propose on Valentine's Day, so I think it was sweet. We have had many discussions about getting married and we had found the ring I wanted in his price range. I knew it was coming soon I just didn't know when. I've also been lurking on here for an embarrassing long time (almost 7 years) so I promise to not be an obnoxious newbie.

pinkshorts27

grumbledore said:

phira said:

afterimage said:

Wow.  Yeah, I do agree that holiday proposals are kind of cliché.  And no, I did not have a Vday or holiday engagement myself, but I kind of feel compelled to defend these people.  You don't really get a choice in what day you get proposed to on so cut these girls some slack!  Does it really matter?  Are they supposed to say no instead?

I recognize that nobody is being personally attacked here, but these boards are open to everyone and a lot of people will feel offended when they read this -- especially for being called "special snowflakes".  The backlash against bad etiquette advice I get, but I just feel like there is there so much unnecessary judgement on these boards and it makes this community so much less inviting. 

Honestly, this is my problem with proposals in general. I think that two people deciding they want to get married is something they should decide together.

But yeah, I agree with you; being proposed to on a holiday isn't a horrible thing. I think we're all just anxious about the incoming newbies.

Literally everyone at work asked me, "Was it a surprise???" when word got out that I was engaged. I was like, "Um, no? We had a rational conversation like adults about whether we wanted to get married and be together for the rest of our lives and decided yes." Getting engaged wasn't something that was done to me, it was a decision made by two consenting adults. Rant over.

so much this. I hate that question and everyone, I mean everyone, asks me that! Like what the hell? Did you want it to be a surprise?!

Gerbertmcway

grumbledore said:

phira said:

afterimage said:

Wow.  Yeah, I do agree that holiday proposals are kind of cliché.  And no, I did not have a Vday or holiday engagement myself, but I kind of feel compelled to defend these people.  You don't really get a choice in what day you get proposed to on so cut these girls some slack!  Does it really matter?  Are they supposed to say no instead?

I recognize that nobody is being personally attacked here, but these boards are open to everyone and a lot of people will feel offended when they read this -- especially for being called "special snowflakes".  The backlash against bad etiquette advice I get, but I just feel like there is there so much unnecessary judgement on these boards and it makes this community so much less inviting. 

Honestly, this is my problem with proposals in general. I think that two people deciding they want to get married is something they should decide together.

But yeah, I agree with you; being proposed to on a holiday isn't a horrible thing. I think we're all just anxious about the incoming newbies.

Literally everyone at work asked me, "Was it a surprise???" when word got out that I was engaged. I was like, "Um, no? We had a rational conversation like adults about whether we wanted to get married and be together for the rest of our lives and decided yes." Getting engaged wasn't something that was done to me, it was a decision made by two consenting adults. Rant over.

My fiancé and I had discussed getting married before getting engaged. There was enough time between this discussion and our engagement that I was completely surprised when it actually happened. I don't think people mean that question offensively.

APDSS22

Every time someone asked me "was it a surprise?", I just assumed they meant the proposal.  H and I had been talking about marriage for awhile and knew that's where we were headed.  He picked out the ring by himself and managed not to spoil what he was doing (we both have a hard time keeping secrets/presents from each other) so the proposal itself was a surprise.  I knew it was coming, I even knew he had looked at rings, but I didn't know he had picked one out, had it set and sized, had positioned a friend of ours nearby with a camera and was going to propose that night.  I don't know how it would even work if the guy was just going to pop the question and the girl didn't know he was even thinking about marriage...

Cookie Pusher

MrandMrsMongoose said:

I got engaged on Valentine's Day. I know holiday proposals are so cliche, but my fiance doesn't know that.  He thought it was romantic to propose on Valentine's Day, so I think it was sweet. We have had many discussions about getting married and we had found the ring I wanted in his price range. I knew it was coming soon I just didn't know when. I've also been lurking on here for an embarrassing long time (almost 7 years) so I promise to not be an obnoxious newbie.

Congratulations, and welcome to the e-board! As long as you understand that none of us here on the board are out to get you or are jealous/angry old hags, I think you'll be fine. The advice given out here is often blunt because there's no point in sugar-coating when something being posted is against etiquette - we legitimately want to prevent posters from making mistakes that can potentially ruin friendships or have your guests talking poorly about you behind your back. It's better to hear the truth from us than to have any of your nearest and dearest think you're treating them badly!

Jean0715

I told my FI that I didn't want a holiday proposal and I would tell him no if he did (I wouldn't actually say no, but just to get my point across). He proposed the day before Christmas eve (the 23rd) because no one gets engaged the day before Christmas. It was a "surprise" because I wasn't expecting it at the time. I had no idea he had bought a ring. Although I knew it was going to happen sooner than later since we were already living together and we already had the 'marriage talk.'

As for this board, I have found it extremely helpful in planning. Yes some ladies are very honest and to the point, but its best that way. They tell you how it is without all the fluff so there is absolutely no confusion. Ladies keep up the good work! 

HisGirlFriday13

DH and I had had many, many conversations about marriage before he actually "proposed" -- to the point that he had begun his RCIA classes already.

That being said, he asked me Dec. 21, and gave me a ring March 22. I was absolutely shocked about the ring -- I knew he wanted to get one, but was being picky about it (and wanted to 'surprise me' with it).

He really wanted the old-fashioned elements of down-on-one-knee, opening a ring box, asking the girl -- even though already knew the answer (and by the time he got down on one knee with a ring, we'd booked the venue and the church...).

I don't understand the appeal of complete surprises, I really don't. Also, I had two ex-boyfriends propose like that -- total shock, no warning, no conversation about marriage. Needless to say, my 'OMFG, no way!' answer wasn't exactly the answer they were hoping for.

flyingfoxes

My proposal's timing was a surprise, and yes - I enjoyed it.  My FI and I had already talked this summer that we wanted to marry each other, but I assumed he would propose after we'd moved in together this summer.  So I was joyfully surprised when he proposed on the 21st of December when he was home on R&R.  I do think that knowing that we'd talked about wanting to marry each other was prudent though - nothing would be worse than a guy proposing out of the blue and the girl wasn't walking the same path.  

MollyandD

I still kinda feel funny when people ask how my fiancé proposed. He never did propose. We had talked together about getting engaged for months. One day we were out shopping and he suggested we go pick out a ring. We bought one that day and then started wedding planning.

I don't feel like I'm missing out by not being asked to marry him "officially" since we already had both talked about it for so long.

chibiyui

FI and I booked our venue before we were "officially" engaged. He proposed on Feb. 11th, mainly cause I told him way back when we were first talking that I didn't want to get engaged on Valentines. Neither of us particularly care for VD.

climbingsingle

FI and I had talked about marriage. I knew it was in our future. But the timing of his proposal surprised me. The day he proposed we had been together for 5 months.

NavyBlue143

I will admit H's first proposal was a surprise. We were only a few months into dating. We had already done the I love yous and all. He said he knew after the second date that I was the one. I told him yes, because I was sure he was the one too. But he wanted to give me a ring before we told people. He was really insecure about the fact that I came from fairly wealthy parents and he came from very little. My parents are wonderful, down to earth people who accepted him because he made me happy and had a strong work ethic. They earned everything they had and saw nothing wrong with humble beginnings. Anyway, all H saw was the nice house and cars, and he felt he had to prove that he could provide for me. So he planned this grand production proposal at the Renaissance faire we worked at 6 months later. It was nice, and also a surprise. We had obviously discussed it this time around and knew each other better. But I consider the first proposal the real one. The second was more for him.

delujm0

My little sister (and MOH) deifnitely got engaged on V-day.  Actual conversation in my house went as follows:

 

FI: I can't wait to make fun of (sister's FI) for doing this on Valentine's Day.  Lame.

me: you realize that you proposed to me on Christmas Eve, which is almost as bad, correct?

FI: well i had a good reason...we don't see your parents very much and i wanted to ask them first...

 

...no.  it's the same.  i'm happy my sister and mom have my wedding to use as a guide at least.  Though i honestly fear for a Honeyfund that i will have to combat in the future on this one.

grumbledore

I don't think it's offensive when someone asks me if it was a surprise, I just find it minorly annoying.

pinkshorts27

@grumbledore I think the sheer number of times I have been asked that question had put me on edge about it. Every person in my rather large family had asked. It also seems personal, but maybe I'm just over sensitive to it at this point

PrettyGirlLost

Typically a proposal is a surprise, even if you have discussed marriage as a couple and the woman picked out her ring, so I don't think people are out of line when they ask that question.

delujm0

grumbledore said:

I don't think it's offensive when someone asks me if it was a surprise, I just find it minorly annoying.

A lot of people asked me that too.  My canned response was "I was as surprised as any 30-year old who had been with her boyfriend for over 8 years would have been."  I mean I didn't know the exact second that it was going to happen, but we'd been living together for 6 years, and had discussed it on several occassions.  What a ridiculous question.

Amyzen83

My best friend just got engaged over Valentines day, funny enough, her now FI is not the type to celebrate Valentines day on the actual day, mainly because every day you should show that person that you love them not just on a commercial day that Hallmark basically hijacked. So she totally wasn't expecting it. Super romantic! Also, I don't see this friend being a "speshal snowflake" as she prefers simplicity and remaining low key.