Tux etiquette

[Deleted User]

My FI wants to wear a tux at our wedding.  We're having a 2pm ceremony, indoors in a "castle"/mansion.  I have heard that it's inappropriate for tuxes to be worn for events that begin prior to 6pm.  Is this still relevant etiquette?  On a scale from "I don't care at all" to "mortally offended", how much would you care about this rule being broken??  I want FI to have what he wants for his attire but I also don't want us to look ridiculous or invoke any eye-rolling...

Uggggghhhhh.  Unfortunately I know nothing about formal menswear.

*edited for a missing word*

AprilH81

Technically tuxes should NOT be worn before 6:00 but it is a victimless crime and most people wouldn't care (if they noticed).

We had an 11:00 ceremony and H and the best man wore black suits.  My dad rarely wears something other than jeans and didn't own a suit so they decided to rent a tux (we couldn't find a place that would rent suits) to make it easier on them.  

CMGragain

No tuxedos in the daytime.  They are for dinner and evening wear.
That does not mean that your FI can't wear formal clothes, just not a tuxedo.  The correct formal daytime clothes for men is a cutaway coat, striped trousers, vest and ascot tie.  Check out "Four Weddings and a Funeral".  This means your guy can wear TAILS!!!!!  Get a load of Prince Harry wearing this:  http://www.blacktieguide.com/Supplemental/Morning_Dress.htm

Gerbertmcway

I reallly don't think this is a big deal. It doesn't affect guests' comfort in any way and I doubt they would even notice. Also, I don't think it's fair that brides can wear whatever dress they please no matter the time of the wedding but the grooms have restrictions.

chibiyui

Tuxes aren't supposed to be worn before 6, but it doesn't really hurt anyone. The only thing I'd say is if you're FI wants to wear a tux, it should be a pretty formal ceremony/reception.

FWIW, I think morning coats are fucking hot. I wish FI wanted to wear one......

NYCBruin

I'm in the "who cares" camp.  Unless you're asking your guests to wear tuxes before six, of course.

climbingsingle

Our wedding will be on Saturday afternoon at a similar venue. FI wants to wear a tux. I agree that it's a victimless crime. I want him to wear whatever he wants to wear. I'd never dream of telling him, "Oh sorry! You can't wear the tux because it's not 6pm. But I'm wearing my dream wedding dress."

doeydo

I, personally, hate morning coats.  I am OK with suits and tuxes regardless of the time of day.

[Deleted User]

We're not giving guests any direction for attire--  Our wedding has some more formal elements but wouldn't meet black tie requirements even if it was after six (we're having a lovely stationed meal rather than a plated one, for example.)

I appreciate the advice thus far.  I personally think he'd look great in a nice deep charcoal suit.

doeydo

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Our wedding will be on Saturday afternoon at a similar venue. FI wants to wear a tux. I agree that it's a victimless crime. I want him to wear whatever he wants to wear. I'd never dream of telling him, "Oh sorry! You can't wear the tux because it's not 6pm. But I'm wearing my dream wedding dress."

Yes!  The bride will most likely be in the fanciest gown of her life, so why should he not dress as formal/in whatever he wants to wear?  Sorry, but what an adult chooses to wear is not up to anyone else.
*Backs away slowly*

KeptInStitches

Victimless crime.

APDSS22

My H wore a charcoal suit for our afternoon wedding because that is what he wanted to wear (grey is his favorite color).  If he had wanted to wear a tux, I probably would have let it go because he's the one who has to wear it and it's a victimless crime.

climbingsingle

doeydo said:

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ClimbingBrideNY said:

Our wedding will be on Saturday afternoon at a similar venue. FI wants to wear a tux. I agree that it's a victimless crime. I want him to wear whatever he wants to wear. I'd never dream of telling him, "Oh sorry! You can't wear the tux because it's not 6pm. But I'm wearing my dream wedding dress."

Yes!  The bride will most likely be in the fanciest gown of her life, so why should he not dress as formal/in whatever he wants to wear?  Sorry, but what an adult chooses to wear is not up to anyone else.
*Backs away slowly*

Word! Preach gurl!

SammiNJonni

It is a victimless crime if he wants to wear a tux go for it.

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all the replies.

Sounds like this isn't something I need to really worry about.  That's a relief!!  I admit I would feel strange dictating to him what to wear.  I like to give him my opinion when he asks, but otherwise he does his own thing and I'm cool with it.

BlueBirdMB

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even notice.  Now that I think about it, I have definitely been to noon weddings where the groom was in a tux and I didn't think anything of it.  We had a 5:30 wedding and H wore a tux- wups, I guess? 

faeriedust101

I don't think it is a big deal. My fiance is going to be wearing one and we are getting married at 11am. He will be wearing the Vera Wang one from Men's Wearhouse in grey with a tie. He will not be wearing the vest though. We are trying to keep the cost down a little and felt the vest was not necessary.

SP29

I'm with doyedo.

I *know* that tuxes shouldn't be worn before 6, but similar to the fact that the bride is allowed to wear the most extravagant gown she wants (if she wants), I think it is more than OK for a groom to wear a tux (or whatever formal wear he likes) to his own wedding. 

Weesh

faeriedust101 said:

I don't think it is a big deal. My fiance is going to be wearing one and we are getting married at 11am. He will be wearing the Vera Wang one from Men's Wearhouse in grey with a tie. He will not be wearing the vest though. We are trying to keep the cost down a little and felt the vest was not necessary.

We just picked out the same one for my fiance today!  He loves it and says it's super comfortable.  Our ceremony is at 5:30 and the reception to follow at 6.  Is it less expensive without the vest?  We didn't find that out today.

Sugargirl1019

Weesh said:

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faeriedust101 said:

I don't think it is a big deal. My fiance is going to be wearing one and we are getting married at 11am. He will be wearing the Vera Wang one from Men's Wearhouse in grey with a tie. He will not be wearing the vest though. We are trying to keep the cost down a little and felt the vest was not necessary.

We just picked out the same one for my fiance today!  He loves it and says it's super comfortable.  Our ceremony is at 5:30 and the reception to follow at 6.  Is it less expensive without the vest?  We didn't find that out today.

We didn't get the option to not have a vest? But the vest matching the tuxedo material/color is so hot! (we're doing Vera Wang charcoal grey tux too!)

QueerFemme

My partner wore a tux to our 3 pm wedding. It's a victimless etiquette blunder. And I wasn't about to jump up and down and scream "but it's not 6 pm! !!!!"

PrettyGirlLost

chibiyui said:

Tuxes aren't supposed to be worn before 6, but it doesn't really hurt anyone. The only thing I'd say is if you're FI wants to wear a tux, it should be a pretty formal ceremony/reception.

FWIW, I think morning coats are fucking hot. I wish FI wanted to wear one......

Me too

My dad declared that he wanted to wear one and now he is wussing out, ugh!  I may have to pull the It's My Day card on him ;-) J/K

blabla89

How many times in life does your man have occasion to wear a tux? If the answer is not a lot, I'd say he should go for it.

[Deleted User]

lalalaurita said:

How many times in life does your man have occasion to wear a tux? If the answer is not a lot, I'd say he should go for it.

He works from home 90% of the time, so he lives in t-shirts and jeans.  I absolutely love when he dresses up.

JCbride2015

I pulled up that Morning Dress website and Fi saw it over my shoulder.  He asked, "Can I wear THAT?  That looks so cool!" Me: "Hon, that's morning dress.  Our wedding is at 6.30." "Wait, you mean British people have two different kinds of formal clothes depending on the day?" "Well, it's technically true in America too."

"But what if the party goes all day?  Do they change at 6pm?"

BlueBirdMB

JCBride2014 said:

I pulled up that Morning Dress website and Fi saw it over my shoulder.  He asked, "Can I wear THAT?  That looks so cool!" Me: "Hon, that's morning dress.  Our wedding is at 6.30." "Wait, you mean British people have two different kinds of formal clothes depending on the day?" "Well, it's technically true in America too."

"But what if the party goes all day?  Do they change at 6pm?"

Ha I love it.  But seriously, DO THEY CHANGE???  That's a real question.

Sars06

It's a victimless crime but your husband will look like a doofus wearing a tux in the middle of the day. I wouldn't be offended to see the groom wearing a tux at 2pm, but I would feel the same thing I felt this week when I noticed my coworker wearing square-toed dress shoes - secondhand embarrassment. 

But this isn't really an etiquette issue. It's just a serious fashion faux pas. Not saying you should give a shit about fashion, but know that a well-dressed man would not be caught dead wearing a tux before evening.

dramamonkey

Victimless crime.

DH wore a tux (that same Vera Wang one!) for our 4PM wedding.

Peaseblossom55

faeriedust101 said:

I don't think it is a big deal. My fiance is going to be wearing one and we are getting married at 11am. He will be wearing the Vera Wang one from Men's Wearhouse in grey with a tie. He will not be wearing the vest though. We are trying to keep the cost down a little and felt the vest was not necessary.

FI picked out the same tux originally I thought of him being in black but IF loved the grey tuxes so much and so did I.

I feel it's a victimless crime let him wear what he would like

Cookie Pusher

FI had originally wanted to wear a tux and have his GMs wear their military dress uniforms for our afternoon wedding. While not really "proper" fashion-wise, it's totally victimless - most weddings we've been to save for an early morning wedding had the groom and GMs in tuxes. However, I talked him out of it based solely on the fact that we're having an outdoor wedding in July. It'll be hot enough in a suit, why would he want to do the whole tux thing?!

CMGragain

OP, before your FI decides for certain, please show him the article I posted earlier about proper daytime formal clothes.  He should at least know about this.
Most American men are not accustomed to wearing formal clothes.  Usually it is only for Prom and weddings.  Most of them just assume that this is what you are supposed to wear.
It is not the end of the world if you and your FI decide he will wear a tuxedo in the daytime, but it isn't proper.
About those Vera Wang gray "tuxedos".  They are currently fashionable.  They do not fit the definition of tuxedos any more than the powder blue tuxedos worn with ruffled shirts did back in the 1970s.  A proper tuxedo is black with satin lapels and a satin stripe running down the trousers.  The Vera Wang creation (I refuse to call it a tuxedo!) does not have satin lapels, but a sort of cording around the lapels. It looks more like a suit to me.  Suits are fine for daytime weddings. I don't think it will be in fashion for very long.
I love this website:http://www.blacktieguide.com/Supplemental/Hall_of_Shame.htm