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Reaching the end of my bridesmaid rope ladies.....Update* Three days, so far, of no wedding talk

edited February 2014 in Chit Chat

Alright....I may have had a semi blow-up at a friend. I know I was probably in the wrong and have since apologized, but what I thought had been addressed clearly didn't sink in and I'm at that tipping point again. I don't want another repeat of this past weekend so I need some helpful ways to bring this up or ways to politely change topics without coming across as a huge bitch.

I have a friend that got engaged last May (I am the MOH) and is getting married two weeks before me in July. No problem there. I thought it would be cool to be able to bounce ideas off of eachother and have someone in the same boat timeline wise......Oh My Goodness.....Since the day she got engaged, we have NOT had a single conversation about anything other than her wedding. I am in no way exagerating. All she talks about is her wedding, her wedding, her wedding....It's never ending and I am starting to really reach the end of my rope. I thought it would settle down a bit once she got a few months into the engagement but NOPE. If anything, it's become more and more prevelant. In the last two months she has started texting me bridesmaid shoe color ideas at 6:00am. At 11:30pm on a weeknight, my phone light goes off with texts about new hair clip ideas for her flowergirl. (I have already had to silence her text alerts to vibrate becasuse they are so frequent) At 7:00am on a Sunday, my phone is going off about a possible change in her cake flavors. I get off of work and I have 5+ texts on why I havent answered about her picture she sent me of wedding favor ideas. Any time we talk, no matter what I say, everything is right back to her wedding. I am ok not talking about mine often, I don't expect everyone to be thrilled at hearing details of my wedding, but it's hurtful that she has NOT once asked about how planning is going for me or even how things are going in my life, i.e work, school, upcoming vacations, life in general, etc.  

It finally came to head this last weekend when she was texing me at 10:00pm on Valentie's Day wanting to know what I thought about adding glitter to the bridesmaid boquets. I sent her a text and told her I was busy with homework and would talk to her the next day about the boquets...five minutes later it was text after text of pictures and questions if I had gotten them....I called FI to say goodnight and turned my phone off so I could finish homework in peace. The next night FI and I ended up going to a last minute concert and around 11:00pm the texts come pouring in...She was asking about the boquets again and now about changing bridesmaid shoes. Told her I was at a concert and shut my phone off....7:00am the next morning my phone starts blowing up again with questions about shoes. I told her that it was too early to be worried about bridesmaid shoes and that I was still in bed...."I am sorry I seemed to have bothered you and btw, it is never too early to talk about weddings" (Ok here is where my mini meltdown came in. It was a late night and an even earlier morning so I was, well, crabby and had had enough) I picked up my phone, called her, and went all sorts of off on her. Needless to say she hung up on me and didnt talk to me the rest of the day. By the next day, I felt bad for going off and called to apologize. I told her I loved her and was happy for her but I really was burned out on anything wedding related. I don't want to talk about her wedding 24/7, hell I dont want to talk about mine a fraction of that time. I told her I was really hurt that she hasn't even asked how my day is going in over 9months. I hated to admit it but I was to the point where I didn't care what she picked. She could put me in a mustard yellow, zebra printed, hoopskirt BM dress and I wouldn't care. I was burned out and I needed a break.  She said she understood and wanted to be a good friend.......three days later and WE'RE RIGHT BACK WHERE WE WERE BEFORE!!! Gaaaaaaaahhhh I really am at the end of this rope. It's calls at 11pm to discuss hairstyles and 6am texts to ask cupcake toppers that I am really getting tired of. It's just being inconsiderate and I'm just getting burned out.

What do I do ladies? Have any of you been through this? How did you handle it? I don't want to snap on her again but I'm honestly sick of hearing about anything freaking related to her wedding. Am I just being selfish? I don't mind it every now and then But I NEED a break. should I just ignore her for a week (I feel that is really rude though) Should, I bean dip my way through the next week or two and not engage in any wedding talk? I have tried mentioning that I think we both need a break and need to unwind a bit. I've told her I miss my pre-wedding friend and hate that we never talk about anything except the wedding. What are your thoughts??  I am getting to the point where I don't even want to talk about mine or look at anything remotely wedding realted. I don't eat, breathe, and sleep weddding 24/7. It's not my thing. If she called and wanted to spend an hour talking about a cloud she saw that day, I would be beyond extactic.

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Re: Reaching the end of my bridesmaid rope ladies.....Update* Three days, so far, of no wedding talk

  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wow.  I really have no good advice because I would've thought telling her you need a break from the wedding talk would have worked.  I only wonder if she's doing this with all her maids, or just you.  Maybe ya'll should start a support group if she's got this much wedding to blast each of you with.

    PrettyGirlLosthikebikebemerry
  • Dear Lord.

    I understand friends being excited. I understand how it can be SO exciting, in fact, that you want to talk about it all the time to whomever will listen. But I would draw the line at late night/early morning texting.

    Just reading all of that made my head heart, bless your heart. But, I'm in agreement with you, I think just flat out ignoring her would cause more problems. 1.) You'd put even more strain on your friendship, and 2.) You would get even more "did you get that picture/why aren't you responding" texts.

    Perhaps you could ask her to send her ideas/pictures/whatever to you in e-mail form. That way, she can send them whenever the urge hits her, and you can read them at YOUR convenience. And if it were me, I'd tell her that the only wedding-related talk I was going to be involved in for the next couple of weeks or whatever are through e-mail only. You don't want texts, phone calls, or in-person conversations about weddings. Period.
    Anniversary
    PennyBlossom2311
  • Ha Ha Ha I have no clue if we are all getting blasted. One of the BM's lives eight hours away and laughed when I was telling her about it. She said that she keeps her phone off all day and only turns it on when she gets home from work. She said she also only responds to things that pertain to her like the BM dress or bachelorette party/shower dates. I have no clue. We went through all of this when she got engaged and booked everything immediately. now, 9 months later, she is second guessing all of her choices and we're going through it all again. Except this time it's added with vendors not wanting make big changes without changing prices, i.e having 100 cupcakes instead of one of her wedding cakes. (She chose 3 wedding cakes not including groom's cake..don't ask) So that's been dramatic.

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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    It may seem rude but I would honestly not reply to anything wedding related she sends. Then maybe she will finally stop doing it. You have asked her enough to cool it with the wedding neediness. I mean it is absolutely ridiculous for her to be texting you non-stop about every little decision. She should be making those decisions with her FI. She sounds like she is expecting you to be at her wedding idea beck and call. Seems to me like she should invest in a wedding planner instead of destroying her friends cell phones.

    All I can imagine she does is this:

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    Emmy1493MairePoppythemuffinman16pumpkinsandturkeys
  • @ PolarBearFitz- Yea, that's got to be her all day. I seriously don't get it. She's mentioned that FI told her he doesn't care anymore about what she picks...I'm guessing that he's a bit on the burned out side too. I really don't want to be rude to her but....my FI makes fun of me now becasue I don't want to look at anything wedding related by the time I see him on the weekends. He picks something and I'm like, "yup works for me. I would love a batman cake topper" (actually, I really wouldnt mind it) I don't want to have a short fuse with her and I dont want to be ugly but I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Maybe just staying quiet for a few days will sink it in...I have no clue.

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    KRD2014
  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    @PennyBlossom2311 - There is a point where you have to consider your sanity and own personal wedding joy then put it first. You have tried talking to her and all that is left at this point (so you do not have another blow out) is to ignore any wedding banter from her. It may be slightly rude but it will be so much better than losing your cool.

    She really has had ample warning to knock it off already. What a crazy pants.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • @lacybird- I think that is a good approach. I like the emailing bit. If it's on my phone, I still see it anytime I'm around my phone. I don't want to put more strain on the realtionship, I just want the relationship to survive through the wedding. Maybe I only respond when I'm home from work and just don't say anything else. I talked to ther again today and told her I was not kidding when I said I was burned out. she brought up more toppers a few hours later and I just said "read my previous text." It's bonkers. We'll see.

    @jdluvr06- I don't mind texts during the week becasue I have to be at work by 7:00 so I am already up usually. But on the weekends.....Oh, hell no.

    Maybe Its time to just send a message that says anything before 8am and after 8pm is not happening. As I am typing I have gotten another text asking why I am being so short with her. Reeeeeeaaaaaaallllly?!? I don't know if I can make July alive. I was really upset earlier...Thanks @jdluvr06- for at least making it kind of comical. 

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    jdluvr06
  • @OliveOilsMom and PolarBearFitz- Perhaps, you are right, and distancing myself for a few days is needed. The last thing I want to do is lose my patience again and then say something I'll regret. It stinks becasue I want her to talk to me and share things. I'm her MOH and am very happy for her...I just don't want to hear about every tiny detail literally every waking moment of my day. Maybe instead of just cutting her off, I just say "I am taking time off from anything wedding related" if she brings it up. FI being a sport but I know it bugs him too bc my phone is always going off and it's always the same thing. I've founf myself taking a lot of deep breaths lately. But, seriously, I think I may try just not engaging in any wedding talk for a while.
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    PolarBearFitz
  • You are a very patient person.  I would have told this bitch off months ago. 

    I suspect it wouldn't work, but my only suggestion is maybe you and your friend could set up a time to meet once a week and talk wedding?  Like every Tuesday after work you guys grab a coffee and it's your "wedding time" -- and if she tries to bring it up any other time during the week you ignore her or remind her that you'll be seeing her in a  couple days and will be happy to talk then?
    PennyBlossom2311themuffinman16
  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    I would say, "I AM being short with you because YOU have clearly ignored my simple request to chill out with the wedding talk."
    I second this. She isn't being a good friend by ignoring your requests to stifle.

    hikebikebemerryPennyBlossom2311
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't care that much about my own wedding, nevermind someone else's. She should get a hobby.
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    PrettyGirlLostPennyBlossom2311
  • @Ven&Radio- I do like the idea of a once a week meeting for wedding and coffee. I can do that. I like designated wedding time.

    Yea, Idk I don't want to be ugly but I guess the time for being polite has passed. Thanks ladies....I'll let you know how the next few days go.

     

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Holy shit, dude. You've been much, much nicer than I would have been. I'd also be totally straightforward again with her. Tell her you can't be her sounding board any longer and to please stop texting you at all hours of the day and night. 
    I feel for you, girl. I really do. I have a friend that I imagine will be exactly like this when she gets engaged. 

    PennyBlossom2311
  • Ha ha Ha good luck if your friend does this....your sanity will be tested. I have decided to be blunt the next time it's brought up.
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    hikebikebemerryBelthilOliveOilsMomKeptInStitches
  • @ Cookie Pusher....lol Sheldon says it AAALLLLLLLLL. 
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  • @HisGirlFriday13....Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies!! It will never ever go away! lol Seriously though, I'm reaching that point where the snarky me is beginning to come out, but I am trying to keep it tamed as long as possible. 
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    Peaseblossom55
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would definitely turn it back on her. If she texted me about BM shoes I would say something like "Cool, I love those for my BM's!"  Basically, everything she texts me, I would turn it into MY wedding. Or exaggerate the snark on her ideas like HisGirlFriday13 said above. If she doesn't get the hint then... she has some serious issues.
                                 Anniversary
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    HisGirlFriday13themuffinman16
  • Wow, I really feel for you. I liked the email only wedding talk idea at first, but I think the designated wedding talk is a great idea. Maybe a break & no responses for a few days, then you can bring it up to her again, and say something like "you clearly are way more into talking about your wedding than I am, and it's just burning me out as I told you before. It would be nice to think about my own wedding planning for a day, without being bombarded by yours. Since you seem to not be able to plan any of your wedding on your own, we need to make a designated time to talk weddings". And then maybe you could even throw in "and glitter is the herpes of craft supplies you know!!" No seriously, I hope she gets the point.

    You should be enjoying your engagement! Your wedding comes first! Good Luck :)
    PennyBlossom2311themuffinman16PrettyGirlLost
  • This girl might have a major breakdown after her wedding is over and she has nothing to obsess about 24/7.
    PennyBlossom2311RebeccaB88PrettyGirlLost
  • edited February 2014
    @ShanaKatherine- I really am leading towards the designated wedding day. I can do that. I don't mind listening to wedding stuff and bouncing around ideas...but, when it's all there is, there doesn't seem to be a happy medium. I've never seen anything like it. I'm leaning towards a day a week for coffee. I think that's reasonable....at least I hope so. We'll see. 
    @CrazyCatLady3- I have no doubt there will be a breakdown. I love the girl to death, but this has been a rough few months and I'm starting to wonder what pre-wedding friend and I would even talk about when her wedding is done. My mom said she doesn't want her to come my the wedding because when she ran into her in town, a comment was made about how she thinks guests will have more fun at her wedding since it will be bigger and fancier than mine....Mom didn't handle that well. (This lady is like Mother Teresa and Martha Stewart rolled into one and if she said "I don't need some self absorbed bitch making your's and you FI's day about her. Wedding's are not competitions!" Gotta love Mom's - Don't worry she is definitely invited, but I have a feeling none of that talk will be tolerated. On a side note...She told me she may not be able to attend because she doesn't know when her honeymoon will be and she may be really busy having just gotten back...My thoughts: "Saaaweeeet" 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    My first thought was a specific wedding day meetup, or at least she can call or email you once a day for wedding shit but the constant texts need to stop. Do you see her often? In any case, you've made your point pretty clear and I would start ignoring any texts that aren't important, are repetitive, or at a stupid time of day. I would let her text you all day and then at some point in the evening send one text to casually reply to it all, and then shut your phone off for the night. That should cut it down. 

    It sounds like maybe you were being nice in the beginning and responded to every mundane thing she texted, so now there's a set precedent where she thinks you care and is unloading every wedding related thought onto you. That's what TK is for, durr! Does she have a wedding planner? Or someone else that's really invested in it, like her mom or something? 

    Sometimes I worry that I talk about my wedding too much but this is really excessive. 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • That sounds like a freaking nightmare to deal with. Frankly I'm surprised you haven't blocked her or something on your phone!

    I'm getting married in April and I'm sick of talking about weddings! I can't imagine dumping all that on someone else constantly for months on end in every waking moment.
    You are a very patient person.


  • Good morning ladies,

    Well, we spoke and I asked that we take a break from any wedding talk...So now, we just don't talk. I've asked how things are going with school and what her and her FI have been up to, and all  I I get are short little answers. I asked if she was upset about anything and she said that since we're not talking about wedding stuff, she doesn't really have anything else to talk about and nothing is going on. I have a feeling we won't be talking much after the wedding is over. It's kind of sad.

     

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    PrettyGirlLost
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Man it sounds like she is really going to go off the deep end post wedding. Like there's nothing else to live for. 
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