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Not Engaged Yet

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mmt14mmt14 member
First Comment
edited February 2014 in Not Engaged Yet
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Answers

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You don't need a ring to be engaged but your post makes me thing there might be a bigger issue here than just the ring.

    What were your reasons for wanting a long engagement? How old are you? Do you feel ready for marriage now? Does you BF? If grandma weren't a part of this decision (which not to sound cold-hearted but I don't think she should be) would you be getting married in 10 months?


  • You don't need a ring to be engaged. DH and I had booked our venue by the time he gave me a ring. But he asked me to marry him and I said yes -- that made us engaged.

    Your post makes me think you have bigger issues here. You and your BF need to figure out what 'engaged' means and looks like and feels like to you before you go any further down this path.

    Why do you not feel engaged? Because he didn't get down on one knee with a ring box? What do you need to feel engaged and how can he make that happen?

    You and your BF need to sit down and hash this out before you go any further.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • mmt14mmt14 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2014
  • mmt14mmt14 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2014
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Agreeing wholeheartedly with both @bethsmiles and @hisgirlfriday13.

    You don't need a ring to be engaged. I'm not going to tell you, "You know you're going to marry each other so POOF you're engaged!" because clearly, neither of you considers yourselves engaged.

    But what is very clear is that 1) you do not want to plan a wedding until you are engaged, and 2) it doesn't sound like the decision to move the wedding up was 100% a decision made by the two of you.

    You should get engaged when you're ready to be engaged, and you should get married when you're ready to get married. If you are not ready to be married in 10 months, then that's entirely your call. And it's also entirely your call to say, "I don't care about a ring, but I will not plan a wedding without being engaged."

    I'm also not sure if he's asking you to plan the wedding on your own, or if he's trying to plan with you. Even if he's trying to plan with you, I'm not so much on board because, again, you don't want to plan before you're engaged. If he's just telling you to plan the wedding, well ... that's just peachy, isn't it?

    This is your life, your relationship, and (hopefully) your marriage. It isn't just okay to say, "Hey, we need to talk about this because it's not working for me;" it's pretty much an expected thing that happens in healthy relationships. Here, "not working for me" is "planning a wedding without being engaged," but it might also be, "pushing up the wedding for Grandma," or, "the way we clean the apartment," or, "the way we're currently setting our alarms in the morning."

    And finally, while I don't know this from personal experience, I can tell you from anecdotal evidence and simple logic: you might push your wedding up to 10 months from now and Grandma could still easily pass before you get married. It would be really crappy if you wanted to get married in December 2015, moved your wedding up to December 2014, and then Grandma passed away three days before your wedding.

    Obviously, you can't predict when she's going to die, and doctors are better at guessing prognosis than I am. But unless you were to push the date up significantly, like next month, I don't think that pushing the date up for Grandma is going to be a great idea. I get that she wants to see you two married, and it seems cruel to deny a dying woman something that you expect will happen anyway, but unless you really are okay with getting married in 10 months, please don't let the pressure get to you.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    mmt14blabla89KeptInStitchesIllusionsDepths
  • Why the DD?!

    (And why did none of us think to quote?!)
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I dropped the ball. Sorry, folks. I should have known from the font.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • We all should have. We all should always know better. :(
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    bethsmilesCLoGreenEyes
  • WTF did I miss????

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  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I missed it too!!!  They really need to get rid of the 'delete' option!!


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    Anniversary
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    @Dignity100 She didn't truly delete. She just used the edit feature to erase her text and edit her post title.

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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm sad I missed a post so ridiculous that OP had to "delete" it.

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    Anniversary
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    laceybird
  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its



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  • Boo I needed some distraction today....

    Anniversary

  • I just want to know what her two responses were. I get the gist of her OP by reading the responses. 
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    The OP and her boyfriend of 3 years have been talking about marriage and had planned to get married in about 2 years. His grandmother is old and dying and she and his mother have been insisting that OP/BF move up their wedding so that the grandmother can be there. The OP and her BF talked about it extensively and decided to get married at the end of this year. BF expects OP to plan the wedding even though he hasn't proposed yet and neither of them considers themselves engaged.

    I missed her replies because I replied and then closed my tab :(
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    MadHops21
  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    @hisgirlfriday the business manager for my department uses Comic Sans. I've voiced my displeasure with the font in general - she says "it's not unprofessional! I LIKE it." I just roll my eyes every time I get an email from her.



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    HisGirlFriday13buddysmom80labro
  • BriSox81 said:
    @hisgirlfriday the business manager for my department uses Comic Sans. I've voiced my displeasure with the font in general - she says "it's not unprofessional! I LIKE it." I just roll my eyes every time I get an email from her.
    I'd roll my eyes out of my damn head at that.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    BriSox81 said:
    @hisgirlfriday the business manager for my department uses Comic Sans. I've voiced my displeasure with the font in general - she says "it's not unprofessional! I LIKE it." I just roll my eyes every time I get an email from her.
    I'd roll my eyes out of my damn head at that.
    image
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  • I'm sad I missed a post so ridiculous that OP had to "delete" it.

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    Anniversary
    Blackbird230
  • Awwww I wish I hadn't missed it...and I wish she would've stuck around. I mean at least I took the "negative" stuff  from my crazy person post as helpful and constructive criticism, and am still here unashamed to show my face. Not to mention bringing me back to much needed reality lol. It would've been nice to help her out....
  • mmt14mmt14 member
    First Comment
    Hey ladies. Thanks for the responses and to those with the negative responses it's pathetic you had something rude to say not knowing a situation.  My entire post as well as my comments to other posts were deleted (which is why i changed the subject to a . b/c there was nothing in it and did not feel like typing my story over)  But thanks to the person who took the time to re-post it!  I guess comic sans is a little too young for some users and that means i'm not out of middle school? HA.  I guess changing it up a little bit is too much for some people.  @ Phira, don't flatter yourself.  I didn't "delete" anything and your response was actually appreciated up until the last one you wrote.  
  • Hey ladies. Thanks for the responses and to those with the negative responses it's pathetic you had something rude to say not knowing a situation.  My entire post as well as my comments to other posts were deleted (which is why i changed the subject to a . b/c there was nothing in it and did not feel like typing my story over)  But thanks to the person who took the time to re-post it!  I guess comic sans is a little too young for some users and that means i'm not out of middle school? HA.  I guess changing it up a little bit is too much for some people.  @ Phira, don't flatter yourself.  I didn't "delete" anything and your response was actually appreciated up until the last one you wrote.  

    File:Now thats what I call a cool story bro.gif

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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Thanks so much for coming back and clearing that up! 

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    [Deleted User]IllusionsDepthsOllie08CLoGreenEyes
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