"Bachelorette Weekend" Vent **Update**

NYCBruin

ashleyep said:

NYCBruin said:

Weekend bachelorettes don't bother me so much as they are pretty common in my circle.  Given that my group of friends is scattered throughout the country, getting together inevitably involves travel.  Celebrating a bride is really just an excuse to see each other.

That said, I don't understand why someone would plan a bach party that many of their friends wouldn't be able to attend.  Isn't the whole point to have a fun day/night/weekend with your closest friends?!  I can't think of any activity/party I would prefer to having all my friends there.  Sure, spa days are nice, but I'd much prefer a casual night with a homecooked meal, two buck chuck and chick flicks if it meant everyone could be there.

Most of the ones I've been to are the same way. It's not really a big deal to me. Though if the bride is local, and all of her friends are local, then planning an OOT party is dumb.

I will say that my bachelorette party is going to be a cabin rental in New Hampshire (a 2 hour drive) and we'll spend Saturday tubing down a river with a floating cooler. The rest of the time we'll be hanging out in the cabin. I mentioned to my sister a long time ago that I thought that would be a fun thing to do, but I've also repeatedly mentioned that I don't really care what we do as long as everyone can make it. I might be buying the plane ticket for my OOT bridesmaid to fly up and attend my own bachelorette party!

Agreed.  I would be completely annoyed if everyone lived in the same place but it was a destination bachelorette party.  I don't mind them because I've never been invited to one where I wouldn't have had to also travel if it were "local" for the bride.

tcnoble

I saw a PP mention something about being "invoiced" so that leads me to this question.

I am standing up in a friend's wedding this summer. I planned the bachelorette party - I got input and budget restrictions from the rest of the BMs (7 other women) and planned accordingly. It's basically just dinner and going downtown but with a party bus/limo rental. I made sure to stay in everyone's budget, and re-confirmed the cost per person before booking. Everyone agreed to the cost and asked where to send checks. Great.

Another BM decided she wanted to host a "couples shower" on a separate weekend - I won't be attending because I live across the country and am only flying up for one event prior to the wedding. She picked a venue and booked it - then sent out a message to all of us "When doing  bachelorette party costs can we split the cost of the facility rental for the couples shower in that too? Thanks." ..... no responses from anyone on that. I'm not going to be attending - and I'm already contributing a LOT to her wedding events. Am I wrong to NOT want to contribute to that party/fees owed, especially since I wasn't even asked about it, just told?? Or do I just suck it up and send the money?

Inkdancer

She didn't check with anyone beforehand. You are perfectly justified in saying "I'm sorry, I cannot give money that I did not budget for this."

Rebl90

Inkdancer said:

She didn't check with anyone beforehand. You are perfectly justified in saying "I'm sorry, I cannot give money that I did not budget for this."

THANK YOU. That is the root of the issue for me. And now that the bride is running things and deciding on "what's reasonable", I've officially bowed out of the weekend. 

MobKaz

Inkdancer said:

She didn't check with anyone beforehand. You are perfectly justified in saying "I'm sorry, I cannot give money that I did not budget for this."

THANK YOU. That is the root of the issue for me. And now that the bride is running things and deciding on "what's reasonable", I've officially bowed out of the weekend. 

You have been looking a little peaked lately ;-p

edandy

I just want to go wine tasting and maybe go to a show or watch movies. My bridesmaids are many and very scattered in age. (6 sisters and 1 friend, ranging from 12-38.)

I keep having to go to those stupid parties where everyone gets hammered and goes clubbing. I'm getting a little old for it, and I'm 23......I like to go out dancing but the clubs we have to go to are just raves. 

happymellow

ashleyep said:

NYCBruin said:

Weekend bachelorettes don't bother me so much as they are pretty common in my circle.  Given that my group of friends is scattered throughout the country, getting together inevitably involves travel.  Celebrating a bride is really just an excuse to see each other.

That said, I don't understand why someone would plan a bach party that many of their friends wouldn't be able to attend.  Isn't the whole point to have a fun day/night/weekend with your closest friends?!  I can't think of any activity/party I would prefer to having all my friends there.  Sure, spa days are nice, but I'd much prefer a casual night with a homecooked meal, two buck chuck and chick flicks if it meant everyone could be there.

Most of the ones I've been to are the same way. It's not really a big deal to me. Though if the bride is local, and all of her friends are local, then planning an OOT party is dumb.

I will say that my bachelorette party is going to be a cabin rental in New Hampshire (a 2 hour drive) and we'll spend Saturday tubing down a river with a floating cooler. The rest of the time we'll be hanging out in the cabin. I mentioned to my sister a long time ago that I thought that would be a fun thing to do, but I've also repeatedly mentioned that I don't really care what we do as long as everyone can make it. I might be buying the plane ticket for my OOT bridesmaid to fly up and attend my own bachelorette party!

Can I come?!  There's nothing I love more than floating down a river with a cooler.  I'm more of a coke drinker than a beer drinker though.

AllOnOneDay

MoH has already set one up - extremely early set up, but for awesome reasons. We are spending four hours at a children's museum after they close for the day. It's $100 per 4 hour block. It's insanely fun, any excuse to play with awesome toys. People LOVE it, you have to book 18 months in advance. I do know because they wanted to know when was a good time. Plus, we're having PBJs, applesauce, ants in a raft (celery with cream cheese and little veggie bits as ants) and juice/pop mix (knowing us - cranberry raspberry apple juice with ginger ale). Desert is smores station which may be the only thing we eat.

Since I set up a lot of events - cost will run around $25 per person by my info on the contracts for other events. To me, it seems a bit expensive, but there's 21 months to save up if needed. A $200 weekend for travel and rooms, probably around $500 for everything (based on my setups, possibly way off) just seems downright rude.

Then again, most normal wedding hoopla is rude to me. Since there's no way to get out of at least one shower, I may flip out from rudeness yet. Plus, I've got hideous etiquette. Told FMIL (who cannot be convinced to not have a shower) that I'd rather say no gifts or have any be for the Food Bank backpack program. I don't need stuff. I'd rather a family get to eat for a weekend, I saw how starving and exhausted kids were with no food for a weekend, never mind long breaks. I saw how much better the kids were with enough food. $5 to the program means more than a replacement to something I already have or something I don't really need.