Wedding 911

Ugg. Vent.

So to begin, I work full time and go to law school at nights. Our wedding is June 6, 2014. When I am not doing that I am trying to plan this wedding. We have the venue, ceremony site, photographer all down. My gown is not set to come in until 4 weeks before the wedding and my maid of honors dress isn't set to come in 2 weeks before the wedding. We still need a florist, limo and cake. Mean while my FI's father was diagnosed with aggressive form of cancer and is in the hospital. This has my FI all stressed out we cant even talk about the wedding anymore, he just gets so angry now. I am beginning to REALLY regret this whole thing. I told my FI that and he said getting married is the best decision he made and that we should not cancel. But I cant make a decision on any of the stuff left over because he wont feed included. I feel absolutely flustered.

Re: Ugg. Vent.

  • gemi17 said:
    So to begin, I work full time and go to law school at nights. Our wedding is June 6, 2014. When I am not doing that I am trying to plan this wedding. We have the venue, ceremony site, photographer all down. My gown is not set to come in until 4 weeks before the wedding and my maid of honors dress isn't set to come in 2 weeks before the wedding. We still need a florist, limo and cake. Mean while my FI's father was diagnosed with aggressive form of cancer and is in the hospital. This has my FI all stressed out we cant even talk about the wedding anymore, he just gets so angry now. I am beginning to REALLY regret this whole thing. I told my FI that and he said getting married is the best decision he made and that we should not cancel. But I cant make a decision on any of the stuff left over because he wont feed included. I feel absolutely flustered.
    He sounds like he has a lot on his plate. You have 3 months to get things in order. You still have time.Does he want to be included? Because it sounds like he might not, so you can just decide.

  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Deep breath. Hug!

    How much of this do you really care about anyway? Marrying FI and taking care of his family sound like they mean a lot more.

    I see 4 options:

    1. Ask someone close to you for help. They'll know what you have on your plate and will do what they can.

    2. If you have a wedding planner, have him/her do it. If you have a DOC coordinator, tell her the budget and offer her a little more money to make it happen.

    3. Screw it. Flowers are nice but not necessary. A limo's nice but cabs work. Cake is awesome but people just want something sweet- anything will do.

    4. Do it yourself the quick and easy way:
    Need a limo? Check Yelp for a good review and book it. 20 minutes. Or, if you're doing it on a budget, see who has a Groupon or Living Social deal. Easy.

    Cake? Order it through Costco or your local grocery store. You can cancel them a week before the wedding without fees at most places. Then, if you have time before the wedding to order a fancy cake, you've got it. Done.

    Florist? Costco or your local grocery store. Tell them your colors and your budget and tell them to create magic.

    You've got a lot on your plate but you've already done the heavy lifting. Focus on your family (old and new) and don't worry about the rest. Marrying the person you love counts for a hell of a lot more!
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  • I would talk to him and let him know you realize how much he's juggling and that you're willing to handle the remaining tasks, if he's ok with letting you. 

    I'd then have comprehensive list to share with him of all the remaining tasks.  You can then review it together and accomplish two things-  letting him see and understand just how much needs to be done (my FI, and prob most, don't really understand this until they see it all written out) and secondly, give him a chance to say if there's a particular task that he wants to be involved with.

    It can be disappointing if you envisioned planning together, but I think it's a really good lesson on marriage... sometimes things happen and one person can't give 100%, and so the other picks up the slack, as a team.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    My condolences on the family situation. If your fiance gets angry talking about the wedding now, my advice is to just go ahead and make these last few decisions on your own. I doubt he will be upset with you and not feel included.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
    mod

    First off, I'm very sorry to hear about the family situation.

    Second, under normal circumstances everyone here (myself included) would suggest that your FI needs to be involved in planning. However, your circumstances aren't normal. Good news is: you have the big stuff (things he will most likley remember and care about) out of the way. I would make these last few decisions on your own and just keep him informed. A simple, "Hey FI, I ordered flowers today. We're going to have white roses" will work. I bet at this point, he wouldn't mind if you tok the lead with these last few things.


  • My heart breaks for you.   Cancer is awful.

    Some ideas.   For limos, I found that most places were well within the same price range so unless something sounds crazy off in terms of price, you should be fine with any company.   Just pick one, sign a contract and done.

    Flowers:   The florist is not growing them for you so you have time.   Honestly, I booked  a florist on Sunday for my 4/5/2014 wedding.    Try to delegate this task to someone you trust.   My FI doesn't care what the flowers look like, he just wanted there to be some.    Also you can order flowers online from Costco, and put them in dollar store vases and they look awesome.   My mom did that for my shower.   She spent $128 on the centerpieces and everyone loved them.

    The Cake.  Yes, you can go to Costco, they have delicious cakes(again, my shower cake was from Costco.   Call your venue and see who they recommend.   And again, bakeries can handle more than one wedding in a day so you still have plenty of time.   My FI and I booked our cake two weeks ago. (I just procrastinate, I don't have any excuses)  My FI wanted to be involved in that because its food and its more fun.   Once you find a bakery you can ask them to give you a to-go sampling kit with cupcakes of different types of cake with different fillings.   That way you do it on your time, maybe after dinner one night.

     

    Honestly, I really hope your FFIL gets better soon. Cancer sucks(my dad is a survivor)

  • I lost my mother to cancer a few years ago, so I know it's definitely not an easy situation. 
    Hearing news like that puts you in a horrible situation. You have no control over the situation and get angry about it. Just sit him down and see what he's feeling. Tell him you two NEED to talk about everything-wedding included, and just work through his anger. Find out why he's getting so mad.
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  • We found a florist, and a cake baker at the end of February and our wedding is this month. It is stressful, but you can definitely find one. and worst case, Costco has beautiful flowers and really yummy cakes. Is it deal? No, but it's cake, and flowers!
    Hang in there.
    That sounds super stressful.
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