Wedding Party

Bridesmaids purple hair!

Hello knotties!

I wanted to ask your opinion on whether or not it would be considered rude or overbearing of me to ask my bridesmaid to change her hair color for the wedding.  BEFORE you freak out, please hear me out -

She changes her hair color, OFTEN. 

Our wedding is still way down the road from now so while I haven't bothered bringing it up to her (she may change it over and over again by the time we actually get married) I'm curious if you guys think it would be in poor taste to ask her to have a "normal" hair color for the day of.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE her purple hair and think it's super cute, but I'm not sure it would be something I'd wanna look at in our wedding photos years down the road.

I'm totally open to opinions here and am really on the fence about considering asking her to dye it a normal color even if it's changed to fuchsia as my wedding day approaches, and if it came down it it I would rather have this girl - purple hair and all - in my wedding with me than not have her there at all.

Release the opinions, I am ready!
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Re: Bridesmaids purple hair!

  • Honestly, I think it would be rude to ask her to change her hair colour just for your wedding. If she changes it often, she may even be planning on changing it for your wedding already. Who knows? Maybe when talking to her about bridesmaid dress colours, you can ask her opinion on it and make a joke about not wanting to pick a dress colour/shade that would clash with her hair colour. Maybe that's a dumb idea, but it would a way to give her an opportunity to discuss her future plans for her hair. It should definitely be her bringing up any topic of her changing her hair colour though and if she plans on keeping it then so be it. Better to have a friend with purple hair in your pictures than a friend who may be offended.

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  • btw, I have a bit of purple in the underside of my hair and I love it.... not changing for my wedding either, my shoes will be matching! lol :P

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I wouldn't ask her to change it. It's who she is. You knew that when you asked her to be a bridesmaid.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    trulymarvelousdoeydoRebeccaB88
  • I'm glad you realize you shouldn't say anything. One day, you also won't look at the photos. They just won't be as important a few years down the road and the emphasis on perfection will be a distant memory.
  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Even if she doesn't change it- believe me, I have fuchsia and purple hair, it is absolutely possible to "dress it up" and have it look acceptable in a formal setting.  Hell, I'll be rocking this exact same color for my own wedding.  Just like brown or blonde or auburn, colored hair is just as easy to make look nice (Or crappy) by how it's cared for and styled.  Your friend will look fine.  
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    [Deleted User]
  • My MOH is my cousin. She is intentionally making her hair lavender for the wedding. She is going to look amazing.
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  • I was in a similar situation. One of my BM changes her hair regularly to something bold. She's even gotten the colors to fade so it looks like flames which is actually pretty cool. But she had been known to change it to normal when needed like for work. The job she had at the time she was having fun with the colors, it wouldn't be an issue. But without asking she colored it more normal, a beautiful deep auburn red, right before the wedding. So maybe your BM will do the same, or do the color in a way that is a little more toned down.
  • If push comes to shove and you're REALLY worried about the pictures, that's what black and white or sepia tone prints are for!

    My little sis/MOH asked me what color I wanted her hair to be and I told her I truly didn't care. It may very well be turquoise to match the dress and she'll rock it.

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    lc07
  • I personally say no you should not dictate (or even nicely request) that the bridesmaid have a "toned down" hair color. You state that you know she does this, which I assume you knew before you asked her to be a bridesmaid. 

    I kind of understand the looking back at pictures thing, but it's not a good enough reason to bring it up to her IMO...really when you look back at your pics, wouldn't you rather have your friend looking like the friend you know and love? Will you TRULY care about her hair color? I would think probably not...
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Funky hair is part of what makes her who she is. You shouldn't ask her to change that.

    If she comes with hair you hate, just remind yourself how much fun it will be to look at the pictures in 30 years!
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  • Glad you realize it's a good idea to let her be who she is
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    lc07
  • To be honest, I disagree with most of the people here. I think it's fair to talk to her about hair. My sister dyes her hair all the time. I talked to her and asked what SHE thought she was going to do with her hair for the wedding (thinking in my head she was going to reply with some sort of bright red color which I would then have to just put up or shut up). She replied saying she was thinking DARK BROWN! I was shocked. 

    I wouldn't approach it as 'this is what I want your hair to look like for the wedding' but I think it's totally fair to have an open conversation with her. She may surprise you. Worst case, she wants purple and you're already ok with that. Good luck!
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    To be honest, I disagree with most of the people here. I think it's fair to talk to her about hair. My sister dyes her hair all the time. I talked to her and asked what SHE thought she was going to do with her hair for the wedding (thinking in my head she was going to reply with some sort of bright red color which I would then have to just put up or shut up). She replied saying she was thinking DARK BROWN! I was shocked. 

    I wouldn't approach it as 'this is what I want your hair to look like for the wedding' but I think it's totally fair to have an open conversation with her. She may surprise you. Worst case, she wants purple and you're already ok with that. Good luck!
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    doeydo
  • Update: her hair is now bright BRIGHT blue! Just so happens to be part of our colors... Maybe.... If the rest of my BM's are open minded.... Hehehe I kid, I kid!
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    kkitkat79[Deleted User]
  • I think it's great to have someone with some style and originality in your wedding! I would defintiely not ask her to change it, it makes her who she is. I can't stand overbearing brides who want to tell people what color to paint their nails, what shoes/jewelery to wear, how to fix their hair. I told my girls do whatever makes you happy!!

    Like one of the other ladies said above, that's the beauty of black and white photos!!

  • I'm glad you decided to let it be. We had a GM with a (short) mohawk for our wedding. No one really noticed, though he did offer to shave it off if we wanted him to. We asked him to be part of the wedding because we love having him in our life - mohawk, bald... it doesn't matter. And that's what we told him. 

    Pretty sure one of the weddings I'm in this fall will have a BM with blonde and pink hair (can't stand her, but have to admit her hair always looks incredible). And I'm toying with the idea of going dark with purple highlights again, too. Bride told us to rock it and I really appreciate that she loves us for us!
  •  Purples and blues fade quickly with hair dye. My mini (she'll be 17 at the wedding) asked me if she had to have normal hair. I looked at her funny and said when have I ever done your color normal? It's a color, maybe your other BM could get color extensions like a streak to match if she ends up with color in your wedding colors. Fancy.  
  • Seriously, what's the harm in having a friendly one-on-one chat if it's between such good friends and concerning the biggest day of your life? I can totally understand both sides here (before anyone jumps down my throat) I happen to be pretty colorful myself, but when it comes straight down to it, this is your day and your wedding. Now, you don't get the Bridezilla card here, just maybe a simple chat about expectations is all that's in order. I think some of the comments here are great - maybe she will surprise you and show up with "normal" hair - but do you want to be surprised? I personally wouldn't. If she's planning on matching your bright colors, I'd want to know - that's all. 

    I guess I've been lucky, all of my 'maids have consulted me (without me asking them to!) before any big changes so far (haircuts, colors, tattoos...) and I've been totally fine with all of the changes...

    Best of luck and congrats!
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    mailitx said:
    Seriously, what's the harm in having a friendly one-on-one chat if it's between such good friends and concerning the biggest day of your life? I can totally understand both sides here (before anyone jumps down my throat) I happen to be pretty colorful myself, but when it comes straight down to it, this is your day and your wedding. Now, you don't get the Bridezilla card here, just maybe a simple chat about expectations is all that's in order. I think some of the comments here are great - maybe she will surprise you and show up with "normal" hair - but do you want to be surprised? I personally wouldn't. If she's planning on matching your bright colors, I'd want to know - that's all. 

    I guess I've been lucky, all of my 'maids have consulted me (without me asking them to!) before any big changes so far (haircuts, colors, tattoos...) and I've been totally fine with all of the changes...

    Best of luck and congrats!
    mailitx The thing is, what if she isn't fine? Even if they consult her she shouldn't tell them no. So what is the point? It is better to learn to not care and move on. 

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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    mailitx said:
    Seriously, what's the harm in having a friendly one-on-one chat if it's between such good friends and concerning the biggest day of your life? I can totally understand both sides here (before anyone jumps down my throat) I happen to be pretty colorful myself, but when it comes straight down to it, this is your day and your wedding. Now, you don't get the Bridezilla card here, just maybe a simple chat about expectations is all that's in order. I think some of the comments here are great - maybe she will surprise you and show up with "normal" hair - but do you want to be surprised? I personally wouldn't. If she's planning on matching your bright colors, I'd want to know - that's all. 

    I guess I've been lucky, all of my 'maids have consulted me (without me asking them to!) before any big changes so far (haircuts, colors, tattoos...) and I've been totally fine with all of the changes...

    Best of luck and congrats!
    The harm is that you have absolutely no say in what your friend does to her hair at any time, including at your wedding.  This isn't a play.  She's not an actor and you're not the director or costume designer. 

    'Your day and your wedding' doesn't mean shit.  You getting married gives you no right to try to control what your friends do with their hair or skin.  You are not the queen of the universe.



    doeydoKeptInStitcheslc07
  • So much for no one jumping down my throat... No need for vulgar language either, my friend, keep your sailor-talk for some other type of forum. I think you missed my point (not that you'll get it here either but here goes) I'm not saying she's the queen of the universe and gets to control everything her friend does - I simply said, like others did, and others have suggested in other sticky-subject forums, that it's worth a conversation to see what her friend is thinking so she's not surprised. That's it - after that - it's hands-off. 

    Stay classy.
  • mailitx said:
    So much for no one jumping down my throat... No need for vulgar language either, my friend, keep your sailor-talk for some other type of forum. I think you missed my point (not that you'll get it here either but here goes) I'm not saying she's the queen of the universe and gets to control everything her friend does - I simply said, like others did, and others have suggested in other sticky-subject forums, that it's worth a conversation to see what her friend is thinking so she's not surprised. That's it - after that - it's hands-off. 

    Stay classy.
    Did I miss the part where you came to be in charge around here?

    Why is it worth the conversation - the potential awkwardness, the potential pressure placed on that friend? Look, I wouldn't love the purple/blue hair either, but I'd also recognize that I asked my bridesmaids to be in my wedding because of who they are.

    You can't be hands-off once you've brought it up. You've made it known that you don't like the friend's hair. You cannot take back words or hurt feelings. Hair color is not worth making a friend feel hurt.
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    KeptInStitches

  • To be a bit repetitive in the hopes of pointing out just how ridiculous this request is-  If your friend always dyed her hair natural colors, but varied those natural colors (sometimes brunette, sometimes auburn, ginger, dark brown, blonde) would you feel like you had the right to ask her to dye it purple because that was your wedding color?  After all, she is always changing the color of her hair.

    You make a great point - thanks for speaking up and speaking your mind so thoughtfully. 
    I appreciate you doing so! 
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    mailitx said:
    So much for no one jumping down my throat... No need for vulgar language either, my friend, keep your sailor-talk for some other type of forum. I think you missed my point (not that you'll get it here either but here goes) I'm not saying she's the queen of the universe and gets to control everything her friend does - I simply said, like others did, and others have suggested in other sticky-subject forums, that it's worth a conversation to see what her friend is thinking so she's not surprised. That's it - after that - it's hands-off. 

    Stay classy.
    First of all, if you don't like my cussing, tough titties.  And if you consider 'doesn't mean shit' to be sailor talk you've clearly led a sheltered life.  Second of all, it's actually NOT worth a conversation, considering the high probability of offending her friend over something that is none of her business in the first place.



    lc07abbyj700PrettyGirlLost
  • Hello knotties!

    I wanted to ask your opinion on whether or not it would be considered rude or overbearing of me to ask my bridesmaid to change her hair color for the wedding.  BEFORE you freak out, please hear me out -

    She changes her hair color, OFTEN. 

    Our wedding is still way down the road from now so while I haven't bothered bringing it up to her (she may change it over and over again by the time we actually get married) I'm curious if you guys think it would be in poor taste to ask her to have a "normal" hair color for the day of.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE her purple hair and think it's super cute, but I'm not sure it would be something I'd wanna look at in our wedding photos years down the road.

    I'm totally open to opinions here and am really on the fence about considering asking her to dye it a normal color even if it's changed to fuchsia as my wedding day approaches, and if it came down it it I would rather have this girl - purple hair and all - in my wedding with me than not have her there at all.

    Release the opinions, I am ready!
    Her hair, her choice, stay out of it.

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