Holy #@*%!!! Cant believe what I just read!

LAM524

OMG!!! I just opened an email from a church member!!! Basically says, " Hi _____. I have heard that you started to send your wedding invites out (I personally know some who have received theirs). I am including a list with names and addresses of women who think very highly of you & _____, including myself. Because these women do think so fondly, I know that you wouldnt mean to insult or hurt them by not inviting them to your special day." She closed with, : I am looking forward to celebrating with you! Blessings _____. Then she added a PS! " You can just go ahead and send my invite to the church office, being that I am now a full time volunteer and here more then not!"

7 women are on this list (+ the author)!!!!!  I dont even know how to respond to this!!!!!!!!! I am shocked and shaking with nerves at the same time!!!! OMG!!! We are in for hell!!!!

lovesclimbing

*ignore until after wedding*

"Why didn't we get an invitation?"

"Oh, I don't even remember seeing that. It must have gone into my spam folder."

alphabridesmaid

huskypuppy14

I have no words.

HisGirlFriday13

I say this as a Christian...Christians can be some of the most passive-aggressive people I have ever met.

Ho.ly.crap.

You can't ignore it. That's not an option given what your FI does. You should probably write back and say something along the lines of being unable to invite everyone you may have wanted to.

I'm curious -- did you invite some people from the same social circle at your church and not others? This woman clearly feels she deserves an invite for some reason; either her friends were invited and she wasn't or your FI being th pastor.

huskypuppy14

Is it Jashely?

HaileyDancingbear

Hmmm…. Are you the type of person that gets their snarky pants on after a few drinks?  If so pour a few glasses of wine and see what happens, lol.  Given the absolutely ridiculous nature of the email, I would be extremely tempted to send back an equally ridiculous email, but that's just me- this sounds like the kind of thing a total busybody or super nosy person would send, and I tend to kinda run away screaming from people like that so I'd be fine burning a bridge there.

Of course you have to deal with them and I don't, so take that with a grain of salt.  You could try responding by letting them know that everyone who has invited has been sent an invitation, and you were not able to include everyone you wanted to.  That seems like the least snarky way to respond, but given how absolutely obnoxious and ridiculous this email is, it looks like they are all going to be upset unless you send them all invites (And I doubt you want to be surrounded by that craziness) So prepare for them to be pissed off no matter what you do.  

LAM524

haha! I just had a good laugh at myself!!! After opening it, I wrote on here BEFORE I called my fiance!!!!

I really cant ignore. Im assuming they will approach at church!

@HisgirlFriday, As a Christian, I very much agree with your Passive aggressive statement. Sooo unbelievably true and I will also add "self entitled!" You know, given what he does, everyone is in our "social circle" or so they think. These women are all from the kitchen ministry (we dont even eat there..not that it matters)  We know them of course, but not on the level of an invite. Most on list are very sweet. It actually makes me feel bad!   There are 600-700 members...maybe a dozen we know on a very personal level (we keep our social circle very tight). In total, we have only invited his "co-workers" and 3 women who are my bridesmaids. So in total, 10....maybe. I am feeling so sick right now I just want to crawl under a rock! It has begun!

LAM524

OH MY!!! It just keeps getting better!!! Another email....from one of the woman on the list in original email! She just "simply" wanted to tell me that she put a "wedding-gift card" in _____ mailbox at church.

AND my fiance just told me that Sunday, after one service, a couple approached him saying that they wanted to have us over for dinner and that they have a wedding gift for us that they want to give us that night!

Seriously....what do we do?? I think my world as I knew it, is about to drastically change!

LAM524

When we open an email, can the sender tell that its been read? Not that I will ignore, I just need to buy sometime!!!

HisGirlFriday13

Your world is about to change. Drastically. I dated a minister for a while, and his lifestyle choice was one of the reasons we broke up (and the fact I was Catholic and the fact he was an asshole).

I couldn't ever get used to the idea of 'belonging' to the church and people feeling like they knew me/us because of what he did. It was life in a fish bowl and I hated it.

If I went to Mass on Sunday instead of Saturday, and thus missed 'his' church, I was questioned. I got asked all the time how it felt to not be a 'real' Christian. (I once said, 'Original Christian, right here, thanks. How's it feel to be a mediocre facsimile?' Not my best moment, but corner me in the bathroom as I'm changing a tampon and all bets are off.)

The people who are giving you gifts or what to have you over for dinner (might) honestly just want to wish you well. The email lady is just straight-up rude.

Ask your FI how he wants to handle it. If you're getting married in your church, they could attend the ceremony only, since it's a public space.

chibiyui

pinkshorts27

LAM2228 said:

When we open an email, can the sender tell that its been read? Not that I will ignore, I just need to buy sometime!!!

I think only if they request a read-receipt and most people don't do that. So I think you are fine.

CMGragain

I would go straight to the minister and show it to him/her.  This lady needs straightening out.  The minister should know that he/she has a troublemaker in his office.  You could mention that this is making you very uncomfortable, and that you might have to consider transferring your membership to another church.  That ought to get some action!

HisGirlFriday13

@CMGragain: OP's FI is one of the pastors at this church, which complicates things a bit.

JCbride2015

CMGragain said:

I would go straight to the minister and show it to him/her.  This lady needs straightening out.  The minister should know that he/she has a troublemaker in his office.  You could mention that this is making you very uncomfortable, and that you might have to consider transferring your membership to another church.  That ought to get some action!

I'm pretty sure based on post history that her Fi IS the minister... this makes it extra awkward.

OP, I think your Fi needs to be the one to address this.  And correct me if I'm wrong on the minister thing.

LAM524

He is one of the Pastors. I did forward him the emails. He is much better at dealing with "pushy" people then I am. He is perfectly humble. All the time! Me...my Jersey girl can rise and I just cant afford that! Although I will admit, I am still speechless over that email. I do believe it is a passive aggressive attitude. These group of ladies tend to get up in peoples space/business. Last year, they actually cornered me and asked if we were having sex..."cause you know if you are having premarital sex, you will bring the church down!" That was a very lovely conversation! I had to figure out the boundary between "personal life" and "pastor/wife open book life" very quickly!

@HisGirlFriday13...yes, I know it will change. I just wonder how much. We have been together 4 years and yes, that MAGNIFYING glass is huge and constant. And yes....judgements can be terrible and hurtful. Boy, can they anger me! To be honest, 4 months ago, I stepped out. A woman, for the past year, had been harassing me. In a very creepy way. Like a fatal attraction way...less the romantic part. Even down to wearing my perfume and dying her hair my color...to passing my house all the time and recruiting others to also pass. Well, as the fiancee of a Pastor, I "had" to approach her eventually and try to make "nice." As I approached, she pushed me out. (all on camera) She denied it. The leadership never did anything about it. Never addressed her...nothing! Not the entire year or after the push. I was to show "grace." Well, grace is one thing, but a door mat is another! With fiance's support, I left ( 4 months). I am only recently back and Yes...she is still there but I havent seen her yet! So...this higher calling on to me as his fiance/wife is intimidating...sometimes...and hard. I thank God, he is so understanding. I am new to this...he isnt.

Viczaesar

CMGragain said:

I would go straight to the minister and show it to him/her.  This lady needs straightening out.  The minister should know that he/she has a troublemaker in his office.  You could mention that this is making you very uncomfortable, and that you might have to consider transferring your membership to another church.  That ought to get some action!

Her FI is one of the ministers.  That's why she's in this situation.

wrigleyville

Hooooolyyyyyy fuckballs.

I think the dinners are harmless, as it's common to invite the pastor over for dinner in many churches/circles, but the email is just whackadoodle and passive-aggressive. Ugh. I am so sorry you are in this position.

lookame3639

It wasn't polite and very passive aggressive however it sounds like you can't just ignore the email and it may be best if both you and your FI spoke and/or emailed her so they know you are a united front on this (so they don't try to go to the other one).

"Dear [email sender]-
I am truly touched and honored that you and [ladies listed] would love to be apart of our special day however due to budget and [other reasons such as venue capacity restrictions] we unfortunately are unable to invite everyone we truly wanted to share our day with. I hope you understand
Thanks"

climbingsingle

What the fuck? I was going to suggest stop going to church, but I see that's not an option. 

raeah219

This is tough. I honestly would try to handle it with as much honesty and kindness as possible. Let them know that it isnt personal. That you are so grateful that they are excited about your wedding and support your union but that you unfortunately cant invite everyone. Thank her for her support. Also, I hope you dont feel obligated in any way to invite them. This is your wedding, you invite who you want 

crunchymamaof2

I remember the sex questions. These ladies are downright creepy and obviously have no boundaries. There's a big difference between playing nice and letting these crazies into your life. But we're not the ones that have to deal with the fallout and obviously the higher ups don't give a damn, I would reply, as sweet as you can possibly be, and then ignore.

raeah219

If you email them back saying that you cant invite them due to budget or capacity restrictions they might send you an email back with a list of larger venues, or start a collection to add money to your wedding budget. She just seems like such a busy body, who knows what lengths she may go to. I think being honest is the best way to go

Maggie0829

I would just let your FI handle this since these women work at his church.

MrsAitch

lookame3639 said:

It wasn't polite and very passive aggressive however it sounds like you can't just ignore the email and it may be best if both you and your FI spoke and/or emailed her so they know you are a united front on this (so they don't try to go to the other one). "Dear [email sender]- I am truly touched and honored that you and [ladies listed] would love to be apart of our special day however due to budget and [other reasons such as venue capacity restrictions] we unfortunately are unable to invite everyone we truly wanted to share our day with. I hope you understand Thanks"

I would send something like this, but perhaps instead of budget or capacity I would say because of my large family, we're unable to invite everyone we truly wanted to share our day with.

Also, I would be willing to bet many of the ladies whose names are mentioned in the e-mail would be mortified to know that this e-mail was sent. Perhaps I'm wrong, but it's probably just the sender of the e-mail that is crazy--the others probably don't even know about it. I also think the dinners and the gifts are just people being nice and friendly--I wouldn't read much into that...unless the sender of the e-mail invites you to dinner or tries to give you a gift.

mbross3

blueeyes90 said:

LAM2228 said:

When we open an email, can the sender tell that its been read? Not that I will ignore, I just need to buy sometime!!!

I think only if they request a read-receipt and most people don't do that. So I think you are fine.

You'll always get a notice when someone requests a read-receipt. You'll either have the option to send one or not, or it will notify you that the person has required one, but then usually you can mark the email as "unread" and they won't receive the read-receipt. 

ETA: this is all I'm contributing because I know a lot about it and holy crap I have nothing constructive to contribute to the email conversation. I would ignore the crap out of that email, but that's just me and sounds like it's not really an option for you.

Let us know how it plays out!

thisismynickname2

Hmmmm.

A "Wedding at Cana" reference is in order.

"Regrettably, as we are unable to turn water into wine and multiply our few loaves of bread, we are only able to host a set number of people. FI and I think highly of everyone as well, but we have reached our limit on our guest list.  Thank you for your kind words and we'd appreciate your prayers for a happy marriage."

PPDkilla

HaileyDancingbear said:

Hmmm…. Are you the type of person that gets their snarky pants on after a few drinks?  If so pour a few glasses of wine and see what happens, lol.  Given the absolutely ridiculous nature of the email, I would be extremely tempted to send back an equally ridiculous email, but that's just me- this sounds like the kind of thing a total busybody or super nosy person would send, and I tend to kinda run away screaming from people like that so I'd be fine burning a bridge there.

Of course you have to deal with them and I don't, so take that with a grain of salt.  You could try responding by letting them know that everyone who has invited has been sent an invitation, and you were not able to include everyone you wanted to.  That seems like the least snarky way to respond, but given how absolutely obnoxious and ridiculous this email is, it looks like they are all going to be upset unless you send them all invites (And I doubt you want to be surrounded by that craziness) So prepare for them to be pissed off no matter what you do.  

This. Turn thy water into wine and let the words flow.

PrettyGirlLost

I would just ignore the emails, and only deal with the situation if they bring it up in person.  The fact that your FI is the Pastor is irrelevant to the strategy of ignoring rude and BSC behavior; I ignore bullshit emails I don't care to deal with at work all of the time.

ETA: Since they are his parishioners, let your FI deal with these crazy women if they bring the subject up to him.

sofakingmad

I would say something along the lines of:

As you know, a church is a public place and you are more than welcome to come watch the ceremony.

Have a blessed day.