Bridesmaid shoes, is this out of line?

AshStella1

There's really no issue at this point, I'm just trying to get some opinions on whether this would be out of line to ask of my bridesmaids…So before we went bridesmaid dress shopping I asked each of my bridesmaids (separately) what would be a good budget for them.  My bridesmaids were very generous and gave answers from $500 to $250.  I told everyone that the budget was $225, that I would like them to pick the same dress, and I gave them four different colors.  We ended up picking a dress that was on sale for $89 (yay!) and everyone loves it so all is good there.  

However, a few months down the road, somebody brought up the topic of shoes.  I would strongly prefer that everyone would wear shoes that are the same color (either silver or cream).  However, almost nobody has shoes of either color!  Is it out of line to ask my bridesmaids to buy a pair of shoes of their preference that are silver?  

doeydo

I think it is fine to choose cream or silver as a shoe colour, especially since the dress came under the lowest budget.

QueerFemme

I think it's fine to specify a shoe color.  it would be a nice gesture if you paid for them, but given the price of the dress, I think you can say "please buyy any silver shoe you like".   that way, if they want to buy a $15.00 pair of payless shoe source shoes, or a $75.00 pair of decent shoes, they can do whatever they want.

kimi0119

Absolutely not! I think you are being completely reasonable, especially given that you came in way under budget. I have been in tons of weddings and in every one of them I had to buy a dress for $125-$150 and then usually those stupid dyeable shoes that I never ever wore again for $100. In one wedding she even wanted us to have the same shade of pantyhose (gimme a break!). Ahh, the things we do for friendship.

I am doing something very similar to you for my wedding. I found bridesmaid dresses for $89 and I am asking them to get silver shoes. I am going to send them some pics of some shoes I like and let them find something similar. If they have a pair that will work, fine. If not, it's up to them to find a pair within their budget.

Really when most women agree to be a bridemaid, they know they're going to be spending some money. Most reasonable brides try to keep the price down, but some are a little selfish. I think you are being completely fair.

QueerFemme

Rule of thumb, If you require a specific shoe, you pay for it. If you are requiring that your BMs get their hair and/or makeup done, you pay for it. If you are requiring certain jewelry, you pay for it.  If you are offering any of those things as an option, then they can pay for it.

Specifying a color, but saying "any shoe, any heel height, etc. in that color is fine", is perfectly fine, unless of course you are talking about some really random color or a dyeable.

 

sarahufl

So, question from someone who has always had to buy her own shoes, dress, etc (for 9 separate weddings)- why is the rule of thumb that the BMs shouldn't have to buy shoes? 

QueerFemme

sarahufl said:

So, question from someone who has always had to buy her own shoes, dress, etc (for 9 separate weddings)- why is the rule of thumb that the BMs shouldn't have to buy shoes? 

The only responsibility of a BM is to buy the dress.  If the bride is requiring a specific shoe, she should be picking up the cost of those.  it's fine if you, as a BM CHOOSE to pick up the tab, but, the bride should be covering that cost, or she should let you where whatever shoe (within reason) that you want to wear.

If a bride demanded that you buy one of those dyable shoes to match a dress in the past, she should have paid for them.

sarahufl

QueerFemme said:

sarahufl said:

So, question from someone who has always had to buy her own shoes, dress, etc (for 9 separate weddings)- why is the rule of thumb that the BMs shouldn't have to buy shoes? 

The only responsibility of a BM is to buy the dress.  If the bride is requiring a specific shoe, she should be picking up the cost of those.  it's fine if you, as a BM CHOOSE to pick up the tab, but, the bride should be covering that cost, or she should let you where whatever shoe (within reason) that you want to wear.

If a bride demanded that you buy one of those dyable shoes to match a dress in the past, she should have paid for them.

QueerFemme. Interesting. I honestly didn't know this. None of my BM shoes have been terribly expensive, but some of them have been peach.....which I would have preferred to not own. Nine weddings and I have ALWAYS paid for my own shoes. I never realized the bride was supposed to pay.

hyechica81

the bride is only suposed to pay if she wants each bridesmaid in the same shoe and color.

ex there are these nina shoes and she wants everyone in the same color and style she has to buy them.

but if she says any shoe in silver or black its your responsibility

i told my girls sliver shoes any style heals or flats because they all have the same dress in long

Dignity100

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to specify a neutral color (such as a metallic, black, or nude) where the girls will have opportunity to wear the shoes again.   Picking a color such as a peach, yellow, teal - these are shoes that might only be worn once and then lost in the back of a closet/sold/donated to charity - so those I would hope the bride would pick up or at least help cover some of the cost.

sarawifenow

 

Dignity100 said:

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to specify a neutral color (such as a metallic, black, or nude) where the girls will have opportunity to wear the shoes again.   Picking a color such as a peach, yellow, teal - these are shoes that might only be worn once and then lost in the back of a closet/sold/donated to charity - so those I would hope the bride would pick up or at least help cover some of the cost.

I completely agree with this! My BMs are all wearing the same dress. They are all picking out their own shoes (in nude) and all have free reign on their hair and makeup. I want their inividual styles showing through.

[Deleted User]

I don't think you are out of line asking them to wear a specific color. I would personally recommend silver because when I went shoe shopping for my wedding, there were a lot more heel & style options in a nice range of prices compared to cream. Plus silver is a color you are more likely to be able to wear more often compared to cream. Like another poster said, then if they want to spend $15-20 at payless or  over $100 on a brand name, that's their call.

Congrats to your BM for finding a dress they could all agree on for that price. Hopefully this is a good sign of how things will continue to go.

LarraO2530

I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask your ladies to wear the same color shoes. And going back to it's customary for the bride to pay for the specific shoes/hair/makeup, I have been in only 3 weddings, all relatives of mine, and each time I had to pay for dress, dyeable shoes, hair, and make up at the request of the bride to be "matchy matchy" with the rest of the maids. Dresses were between $150-$200 and required shoes/hair ran another $100-$150. I think you are being more than fair in asking budget first, and even coming in way under the lowest, so asking that they all wear the same color shoes (not even the same style!) is perfectly fine.

msdidonato

I am asking my bridesmaids to wear nude peep toe shoes. Heels, wedges, flats, what ever they want. I made a list of 5 or 6 places that I knew had them and the prices.  2 of my bridesmaids already have shoes they can wear.