Guest etiquette

HisGirlFriday13

The sad thing is, we'll have to wait at least 13 hours before a KG gets to this thread and reads it and possibly ban-hammers the troll.

Amyzen83

I must say this is the first full on verbal attack I've had on here by a Knottie, does that make me one of the "mean old hags yet?" Guess I'll have to wait until after my wedding to earn the title Lol!

kitsunegari89

jdluvr06 said:

I don't know if this person is a troll or not but I simply cannot take anyone who doesn't recognize The Princess Bride seriously.

I bought The Princess Bride on DVD for my friend's birthday, and she had never seen it and when we watched it, she didn't "get it". I momentarily questioned why we were friends.

pinkshorts27

mrshutzler said:

jdluvr06 said:

I don't know if this person is a troll or not but I simply cannot take anyone who doesn't recognize The Princess Bride seriously.

I bought The Princess Bride on DVD for my friend's birthday, and she had never seen it and when we watched it, she didn't "get it". I momentarily questioned why we were friends. made her watch it until she finally understood and loved it.

FTFY

jerkyanne

wamboy said:

@Amyzen83 Our request does not require a single person to buy a single new thing.  Read slowly ... "Our wedding has a rustic theme.  We encourage the following type of dress: jeans, button down shirts, day dresses. Bolo ties, cowboy boots, cowboy hats, and sport coats optional."  You think a single person doesn't own a pair of jean a button down shirt or a day dress?! Be reasonable

I only have jeans for work and I don't own(or know what it is) a day dress...so I guess Id have to buy something...

ETA grammar

phira

@wamboy 100% serious question: Why do you care what people wear to your wedding?

pinkshorts27

wamboy said:

@wamboy ... I don't care other than, I live somewhere where people seriously dress down for things.  Flip flops and board shorts to Broadway shows, in the evening.  Additionally, I have a family member who on several occasions has struggled with appropriate attire.  While it was my request not to invite this person, my parents really did, so the dress code was the compromise.  Lastly, since the dress code is super general (on purpose) and the wedding is very small (<30 people) there were some pictures we wanted to get of the entire wedding and guests.  Since my wedding is so small, I talk to every single one of my guests every week and no one has had a problem with it.  In fact, I specifically have told people who were going to buy things to wear that they don't need to, I wouldn't ask that. But most people have jeans in their closet and most women have a nice summer dress.  

I don't own a nice summer dress anymore. I have formal dresses, but no summer dresses. 

PrettyGirlLost

wamboy said:

@phira I do get to tell people what to wear.  I get to tell them if we are doing formal or not.  I get to tell them if we have a theme or not (which we do).  We have given people lots of leeway within that theme.  However, there are always a few who seem to have a hard time reading what the website or invite says.

artbyallie can you please post the Miss Manners article link that explains why it is rue to dictate attire.

@wamboy, I am always curious when brides come on here and post that they are trying to tell their guests how to dress. . . I am always curious as to why in the hell it matters so much?  Seriously, why do you care how your guests dress?  So what if they are underdressed, it will only reflect on them and they will feel uncomfortable.  Other than that, it doesn't affect you at all.  And what wedding theme do you have that your guests need to match?

phira

wamboy said:

@wamboy ... I don't care other than, I live somewhere where people seriously dress down for things.  Flip flops and board shorts to Broadway shows, in the evening.  Additionally, I have a family member who on several occasions has struggled with appropriate attire.  While it was my request not to invite this person, my parents really did, so the dress code was the compromise.  Lastly, since the dress code is super general (on purpose) and the wedding is very small (<30 people) there were some pictures we wanted to get of the entire wedding and guests.  Since my wedding is so small, I talk to every single one of my guests every week and no one has had a problem with it.  In fact, I specifically have told people who were going to buy things to wear that they don't need to, I wouldn't ask that. But most people have jeans in their closet and most women have a nice summer dress.  

Okay, but ... what will happen if people don't wear bolos?

jerkyanne

wamboy said:

@jerkyanne If you have jeans for work, you have jeans ... what's to buy?  If you don't know what a day dress is, try looking it up, there were some links I posted earlier about guest etiquette and their responsibility regarding wearing appropriate attire to a wedding, not whatever they want.

I have clothes I would wear to a wedding, they just don't fit your descriptiom.
And I wouldn't wear my work jeans to walmart, so I definitely wouldn't wear them to a wedding. But that's because of what gets on them at my job.

And I have friends who wouldn't judge what I wear to any event. That's why they're my friends. I don't keep friends who judge my outer appearance and I extend them that same courtesy.

FiancB

phira said:

wamboy said:

@wamboy ... I don't care other than, I live somewhere where people seriously dress down for things.  Flip flops and board shorts to Broadway shows, in the evening.  Additionally, I have a family member who on several occasions has struggled with appropriate attire.  While it was my request not to invite this person, my parents really did, so the dress code was the compromise.  Lastly, since the dress code is super general (on purpose) and the wedding is very small (<30 people) there were some pictures we wanted to get of the entire wedding and guests.  Since my wedding is so small, I talk to every single one of my guests every week and no one has had a problem with it.  In fact, I specifically have told people who were going to buy things to wear that they don't need to, I wouldn't ask that. But most people have jeans in their closet and most women have a nice summer dress.  

Okay, but ... what will happen if people don't wear bolos?

See? The kid's not wearing a bolo. 

PrettyGirlLost

wamboy said:

@HisGirlFriday13 You have as of yet to establish any basis for your opinion that it is rude to set a theme for your wedding.  People all over the world do it and people oblige.  Only American's think that their rights are more than anyone elses.  Speak to anyone you would like and they would tell you I am the least rude, Bride-zilla, or temperamental person about my wedding.  My vendors know the theme and have free reign otherwise.  I don't micromanage.  But you can't keep telling me I am rude when you haven't established a basis other than your opinion.  Manners and etiquette are all based on opinion of accepted practices.  If I go to a wedding with a rustic theme, I dress appropriately and most people do, however there are always a few who don't.

@DragonBlood13 Yes we have a dress code.  Unfortunately, where I live people think it is acceptable to wear flip flops and board shorts to an evening opera or Broadway show.  BTW, for those of you so concerned about manners, it isn't.  There is nothing wrong with setting a guideline, there is a lot of leeway in there, for us to say this is a rustic style wedding, we are encouraging cowboy boots and jeans with cowboy hats and button down shirts is not a big deal.  Especially when our wedding is very small with only friends and family (<50)

If the people I am telling this too don't think it is rude, who the hell are you to tell ALL of us it is.  Opinions are like certain body parts, and some people expose theirs unwelcomed and inappropriately.

There's nothing wrong with having a theme.  Many people here will tell you it is kind of silly because the theme of all weddings is marriage.  But having some sort of aesthetic theme is fine.

Also, letting your guests know that your wedding is casual is not in and of itself rude.  You should be able to communicate the formality of your wedding by the venue and time you choose, and the style and quality of your invitations, but stating on your website something about it being a casual affair is fine.

What is not fine and considered rude is to tell your guests they MUST wear cowboy hats, boots, jeans, etc. or to mislead guests into dressing up by writing Black Tie on your invitations when your wedding isn't actually a black tie affair.

If I got an invitation to your wedding and saw the term "rustic" and that cowboy boots are ok, I would probably show up in a casual, floral print dress and flats or wedge sandals.  I don't own cowboy boots or a cowboy hat- I'm a hunt seat rider, so I wouldn't go out and buy them just to attend your wedding.

Since your wedding is so casual, why in the heck do you care if this relative shows up in a utili-kilt and motorcycle boots?  Sure, he won't look like he just came from the ranch, but he probably doesn't care to dress like that to begin with.

phira

wamboy said:

@phira WOW you guys have a hard time following a thought ... see there this a word at the end of that sentence that says OPTIONAL.  Do I need to look up the definition and post it?

If your dress code is optional, then perhaps you don't have a dress code?

jerkyanne

wamboy said:

@wamboy ... I don't care other than, I live somewhere where people seriously dress down for things.  Flip flops and board shorts to Broadway shows, in the evening.  Additionally, I have a family member who on several occasions has struggled with appropriate attire.  While it was my request not to invite this person, my parents really did, so the dress code was the compromise.  Lastly, since the dress code is super general (on purpose) and the wedding is very small (<30 people) there were some pictures we wanted to get of the entire wedding and guests.  Since my wedding is so small, I talk to every single one of my guests every week and no one has had a problem with it.  In fact, I specifically have told people who were going to buy things to wear that they don't need to, I wouldn't ask that. But most people have jeans in their closet and most women have a nice summer dress.  

So you made a dress code to make some person so uncomfortable he won't show up? Is that really what I'm reading?

FiancB

Gotta say, I ride a lot, know a lot of ranchers and been to a lot of rodeos, cuttings etc and I've seen maybe 2 bolos in my life. 

If people follow that dress code at all they are most likely going to show up in fake cowboy boots from Deb and $10 cowboy hats from the costume store and look tacky and fake as hell. 

But that's just me. The rustic trend pisses me off. My guess is wamboy's experience with "rustic" is riding a pony on a hot walker at a dude ranch. 

PrettyGirlLost

wamboy said:

@bethangel2332 OMG, no one in my family is Scottish or Irish! We are German and Native American for God's sake!  If my uncle would do the formal kilt I would be fine with it, but he won't ... so no!  While you may trust others opinions as fact and on face value I don't.  Show me proof, if you can't, it's an opinion.  That is all!  Additionally, there are a wide variety of acceptable dress codes other than black or white tie, who told you people those were the only two dress codes?! And why the hell would you take someone's word for it without checking it out yourself?!  Geez!

This has probably already been addressed, but as I am posting as I am catching up-

Black tie and white tie are not merely dress codes- they are types of social events with very specific criteria and dress.

People get into trouble because they think they are just dress codes and a way to tell your guests to dress up.

phira

@wamboy What if guests arrive and they're wearing something that's against the dress code, or they're missing something non-optional?

I know you're getting frustrated, but I mean this seriously.

jdluvr06

I know what black tie is but what is white tie?

PrettyGirlLost

wamboy said:

@chibiyui I AM OK WITH THE KILT!!!!!! (I am hoping if I shout someone will understand it) I am not ok with wearing it with a t-shirt or Hawaiian shirt.  As my uncle doesn't want to dress it up in some way, then he can stick with the theme or not come.  Apparently most of you would break guests etiquette to suit yourselves because it is recommended that guest do some digging about what is appropriate attire to the wedding not whatever the hell you want.

Why would he need to dress anything up since you want everyone to wear jeans and cowboy boots, though?

You are having a casual wedding and a t-shirt or Hawaiian shirt is casual!

jerkyanne

wamboy said:

@jerkyanne No you should probably start at the beginning.  We did the dress code so that when he came we wouldn't have to worry about someone having to be in the position of saying something to him.  It is my uncle that this whole thing started with and he is fine with it, we've talked about it.  If he's not offended why are you?  It wasn't directed at you

Actually I have been. I was one of the first people to tell you that directing someone's attire was rude. Maybe you got lost in your own trolling.

And just because he didn't tell you he's offended doesn't mean he isn't. Most people would be offended if you told them that their normal attire isn't acceptable. He probably just want you to be happy and will just bite his tongue. The sad part is you don't want your own family to be happy in what make them comfortable and uniquely them.

phira

wamboy said:

@phira The dress code is just a guideline.  Unless someone shows up looking completely haggard, probably nothing will be said.

What if someone shows up wearing shorts and flip-flops?

PrettyGirlLost

wamboy said:

@PrettyGirlLost Read all the posts, then think, then posts, why would I rehash everything I have already said for you?

I caught up and you didn't answer most of my questions: I am always curious as to why in the hell it matters so much?  Seriously, why do you care how your guests dress?  So what if they are underdressed, it will only reflect on them and they will feel uncomfortable.  Other than that, it doesn't affect you at all.

You are having a casual wedding. . . I know you said the theme is "rustic" but if you are encouraging people to wear jeans to your wedding that means your wedding is casual.  So obviously you aren't concerned with people being underdressed, so why the big freaking deal?

And just because you take the time to tell people what your theme is and what you are encouraging them to wear, doesn't mean people are actually going to do it.  People who don't seem to know how to dress for functions actually don't really give a shit and will just wear whatever the hell they care to.

ETA: I found a post I had missed. . . you want everyone to dress like ranchers because of the photos.  Isn't getting a photo with your uncle more important to you than having your uncle pretend to look like a rancher for a day, though?

PrettyGirlLost

wamboy said:

@FiancB that is where you would be wrong.  I grew up on a farm and a ranch after that.  I currently own two horses and ride every week.  Some of my family is from the south, I know more about rustic than you think.  What pisses me off is people who think their wedding is better than someone elses, talk about RUDE!!!!

I agree, but where did anyone claim this?

chibiyui

wamboy said:

phira said:

wamboy said:

@phira The dress code is just a guideline.  Unless someone shows up looking completely haggard, probably nothing will be said.

What if someone shows up wearing shorts and flip-flops?

They will be asked to leave, it is not appropriate wedding attire whether we set a dress code or not.

You will ask somebody to leave your casual wedding if they show up in casual attire?

MadHops21

wamboy said:

phira said:

wamboy said:

@phira The dress code is just a guideline.  Unless someone shows up looking completely haggard, probably nothing will be said.

What if someone shows up wearing shorts and flip-flops?

They will be asked to leave, it is not appropriate wedding attire whether we set a dress code or not.

Doesn't matter if they show up like this. I have seen people in this attire, and no one talked about it. The couple still got married. Everyone has a great time at the reception. Flip-floppers were not the center of attention or get any attention. You are just being an awful host, and I feel awful for your guests that have to play dress up for your speshul day. 

jdluvr06

wamboy said:

phira said:

wamboy said:

@phira The dress code is just a guideline.  Unless someone shows up looking completely haggard, probably nothing will be said.

What if someone shows up wearing shorts and flip-flops?

They will be asked to leave, it is not appropriate wedding attire whether we set a dress code or not.

That really bothers me. You would turn someone who is theoretically important to you (since they received an invite I would assume all your guest are important to you) just because of how they are dressed? That is incredibly petty. ETA a word, my brain was working faster than my fingers.

PrettyGirlLost

wamboy said:

phira said:

wamboy said:

@phira The dress code is just a guideline.  Unless someone shows up looking completely haggard, probably nothing will be said.

What if someone shows up wearing shorts and flip-flops?

They will be asked to leave, it is not appropriate wedding attire whether we set a dress code or not.

Ok what if someone shows up in a more formal outfit then?

chibiyui

wamboy said:

chibiyui said:

wamboy said:

phira said:

wamboy said:

@phira The dress code is just a guideline.  Unless someone shows up looking completely haggard, probably nothing will be said.

What if someone shows up wearing shorts and flip-flops?

They will be asked to leave, it is not appropriate wedding attire whether we set a dress code or not.

You will ask somebody to leave your casual wedding if they show up in casual attire?

It isn't casual, do some research and causal does not equal slovenly.

But what if they show up in a short suit? are shorts slovenly no matter the cut and material? What if the jeans are holey and stained? Are they appropriate for your wedding as long as they are jeans? WHAT ABOUT PAJAMA JEANS? ARE PAJAMA JEANS "WEDDING CASUAL" OR "NON WEDDING CASUAL"?

FiancB

wamboy said:

@FiancB that is where you would be wrong.  I grew up on a farm and a ranch after that.  I currently own two horses and ride every week.  Some of my family is from the south, I know more about rustic than you think.  What pisses me off is people who think their wedding is better than someone elses, talk about RUDE!!!!

If that were true you would most likely hate the idea of people playing costume and attempting to pretend they're like that when they aren't. Just like I want to throw sticks at pinterest brides that try to make country look all cutesy. 

South =/= "rustic". 

MadHops21

wamboy said:

@MadHops21 They don't so who cares what you think, no one asked you or anyone for that matter.

Funny thing about public forums, you can post whatever you want. It's crazy. I hope someone wears a kilt or flip flops to your wedding. Just so you can show your true colors to your guests about how much you care about appearances and your precious photos.