My fiance and myself are not religious and neither are our parents, however we were both baptized Catholic when we were born because it was what his grandparents and my grandparents (now deceased) wanted. Although my parents and his parents are not religious, they obliged because it was so important to our grandparents. We had strangely similar childhoods if you can't tell. My only living grandparents are not religious at all either, but his only living grandmother is a very devout Catholic. My fiance and I already booked a ceremony venue in a beautiful room at the hotel we are having our reception, and while we could tell his grandmother was disappointed it wasn't in a church, she didn't say anything. The other day she mentioned to my fiance that she would like us to have a priest at our ceremony if it was okay with us. She said he wouldn't be able to officiate the wedding, but he would just be there participating in some way. We both agreed that this would be a good way to honor her wishes and we would be happy to do this for her, although I am now somewhat confused as to what the priest would actually be doing. Has anybody ever done anything like this before? What do we have to do to prepare for this, and does this limit who we can have officiate our wedding? We were just going to have a local judge, but do we now have to have a religious officiant? Most of our family members are non-religious as well, so it would mainly be to honor her, as well as the memory of my deceased grandparents. Does anyone have any other ideas or ways we could do this?
Re: How can we honor the groom's grandmother's Catholic beliefs, without having a Catholic ceremony?
This, especially that first part.
You're marrying your fiance, not his grandmother. The ceremony should reflect you two, not his grandmother.
I can understand wanting to make an old woman happy, especially one you both highly respect. But if she can't respect your religious choices, then why alter your ceremony to appease her religious beliefs?
You don't have to go out of your religious comfort zone to honor someone. There are other ways to honor people on your wedding day, even those who have died. Having a priest randomly at the ceremony just to be there, isn't really a way to honour someone else. It's just confusing.
I mean, what is the point, if he isn't officiating? Would be be, like, an honoured guest?
I would ask his grandmother specifically what he would be doing there.
If it's really important to you to appease your FI's grandmother, maybe give your string quartet (or whoever you're using for ceremony music) the sheet music for a couple of her favorite hymns, for them to play before the ceremony. She'll get to hear catholic hymns but the rest of the guests won't be subjected to religious lyrics, since it could be instrumental only.
That means that if you are not believing Catholics, it really doesn't make sense to have a priest at the ceremony to appease your grandmother. And for just that reason, I think a priest is not likely to be willing to be present if he can't officiate (and he would probably refuse).
I think that means that your FI in particular needs to make clear to his grandmother that there isn't going to be a priest at the wedding, because the two of you are not believing Catholics, and she'll have to accept that. Hopefully she can do that in a mature way.
P.S. -- The word you meant was 'devout.' Your grandmother is devout.
I think you are likely overthinking this.