Dad Problem

Teddy917

Background info: I got married civilly. I'm planning on getting sealed in the temple (sort of like a convalidation in a Catholic church, for those who don't know).

My dad keeps bringing it up. It's annoying me. I'm going to anyway, but when he brings it up, it makes me feel like it's not my own personal decision anymore. Like it's a "Do it or you're not my daughter anymore." It's more the way he brings it up. He'll ask if we're still planning on it. I say yes. He asks why we haven't yet. Wee have to wait a full year after the civil ceremony and he knows that. He also asks if H is an Elder yet. H will have to become one for us to be sealed in the temple. I say no. He says that I should MAKE him become one. I explain that that is between him and the Bishop.

I'm planning on texting him tonight and tell him that I don't want to discuss that with him anymore and if he continues to, I won't be spending much time with him anymore. And he likely won't be invited when we are sealed. Does that sound too brutal and mean?

HisGirlFriday13

No, it doesn't, but your parents also have boundary issues (at least based on what you've posted previously.)

Part of being married is being old enough to stop letting your parents treat you like a child. If you're planning on getting sealed in the Temple (which you shouldn't do until you and your DH work out some of your other problems), then that's between you and your DH -- no one else.

Religion is one of the most deeply personal decisions a couple can make. It sounds like your parents don't think either you or your DH is sufficiently committed to the LDS faith. 

I don't know much about how the church works, but I do know that regardless of the hierarchical structure, one person can't 'make' their spouse do something in the church.

I would love for DH to become a KoC in our parish, but I can't force him into it. You can't force your DH to be an elder, and your father should know that.

pumpkinsandturkeys

I hate to derail this thread, but I'm still stuck on the fact that you're actively planning to be sealed when there are SO many unresolved issues in your relationship (as previously discussed).

I agree that you need to stand your ground with your father.

I also STRONGLY believe that you need to stop discussing and planning for a sealing before things are sorted out with one or more licensed psychologists/medical practitioners. I know that you haven't carved out the details in stone yet, but sealing is a big deal and you have a lot of other things that need to be addressed before you should even be considering this.

Teddy917

shrekspeare said:

That is so unfortunate, Teddy. I think I remember you talking about not wanting to invite your parents anyway, right? With your previous concerns and this, I would be hesitant to.

I do know it's a tricky subject, especially with this, " Like it's a "Do it or you're not my daughter anymore." 

You'll have to be very careful with how you word it. If you word wrong, he could easily take it the wrong way and use that to remove himself from your life.

Does your H truly want to be an elder? Is being sealed something you two have fully discussed? It's a big step, and it's difficult to go back from it.

To be honest, if he wants to remove himself from my life, I would be sad but I'm okay with that.

And, yes, he does want to be an elder and we have discussed that we both want to be sealed.