Throwing a Bridal Shower?

gaiku2

acove2006  I'm sorry you find me to be an attention hogging/gift grabbing selfish bitch.  especially since I mentioned several times that  I'm not getting gifts.. I just want to hang with my girls before getting married. I can see now, you're right.. if I call it a shower, I don't care about their feelings, and if I say  I don't need people in my life that talk crap about me after my wedding -- well that's completely selfish...  Whatev I agree to disagree.

Later board.. there's a lot of negativity in these etiquette boards. I don't need to fight or call names to make a point.  You can continue to rip me apart after I'm gone.. I won't be back.

 Peace, Love, & Happiness

rmueller89

dannymaymorris said:

All of you people are incredibly judgmental! You should be ashamed of yourselves. My MOH can't throw my shower because she lives very far away along with one of my bridesmaids - my remaining bridesmaids I would never expect to do it because one is my 15 yr old sister and the other is a friend with three kids (she has more important things to do with her money). I would NEVER want someone to throw a party for me, I don't understand why it's okay for someone to spend money to throw me a party but it's not okay for me to throw a party in which people may or may not bring gifts. Additionally I come from a family that doesn't traditionally give gifts for any occasion - even if I had a wedding shower it would be very unlikely that I would be "showered with gifts" - we are the type of people who "shower" each other with our presence and support. I plan my own birthday parties because I enjoy being around family and friends on my birthday - and I can't possibly understand how providing food and drink for others on MY birthday could ever be considered as feeling I am entitled. And assuming that I only throw my own birthday parties is ridiculous. I throw my mother's birthday party every year, along with my nephew's. I have thrown parties for my friends as well. Saying that I wouldn't have a party if I didn't plan it myself speaks to the fact that most of the people who would throw me a party simply could not afford it, and I would never expect them to pay for something like that. I would like to add, that I never said no-one offered to throw me a shower. My grandmother and my older sister offered, neither of which have the financial means and I know it would put them in a tight place and I simply refuse to put them in that situation - I declined their offers only to be sharply criticized later when I said I would put it on myself. (Obviously, I had no idea of the "etiquette" surrounding bridal showers.) I would also like to add that I recently attended a bridal shower - I was under every impression that the bride was throwing and funding it herself. At no point in time did I consider her "gift-grabby" or "entitled" - I was simply happy to be there for her and spend time with her. Some guests brought gifts and some did not - I don't feel that anyone felt obligated and I never got the impression that she expected gifts either.

Sorry you're not hearing what you want to hear- but why ask for an opinion on a public forum if you really don't want to hear it? Clearly, everyone here is saying don't throw your own shower. 

emmaaa

Got to love an exit speech, right?

MobKaz

gaiku2 said:

acove2006  I'm sorry you find me to be an attention hogging/gift grabbing selfish bitch.  especially since I mentioned several times that  I'm not getting gifts.. I just want to hang with my girls before getting married. I can see now, you're right.. if I call it a shower, I don't care about their feelings, and if I say  I don't need people in my life that talk crap about me after my wedding -- well that's completely selfish...  Whatev I agree to disagree.

Later board.. there's a lot of negativity in these etiquette boards. I don't need to fight or call names to make a point.  You can continue to rip me apart after I'm gone.. I won't be back.

 Peace, Love, & Happiness

MobKaz

gaiku2 said:

misshart & thisismynickname I have no intention of guilting anyone into bringing me gifts. Frankly I don't want  anyone to bring me any gifts at all.. for anything. I have what I need and  I'll buy what I want..everyone that  knows and loves me understands that.

as far as not being important enough.. I lost my dad 2 years ago and  again the people that know and love  me understand that the idea of having a traditional wedding would be too sad. His dream was to walk me down the isle and because I waited so long to get married, I let him down. So the idea of standing in front of my friends and family without my dad there.. is more painful than I can bare.

Frankly I could care less what you call the gathering.. if she wants to call it a shower it is within her right to do so. So what... there are more important things in life to be stressed out about what you call a party

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.  What you say here, however, is very concerning.  I am going to hope and assume you waited to marry until you found someone you loved.  It's unfortunate that timeframe did not fit in while your dad was alive, but I cannot for a minute imagine he felt let down.  No parent would want a child to marry prior to being completely prepared and ready for it.

Cookie Pusher

gaiku2 said:

acove2006  I'm sorry you find me to be an attention hogging/gift grabbing selfish bitch.  especially since I mentioned several times that  I'm not getting gifts.. I just want to hang with my girls before getting married. I can see now, you're right.. if I call it a shower, I don't care about their feelings, and if I say  I don't need people in my life that talk crap about me after my wedding -- well that's completely selfish...  Whatev I agree to disagree.

Later board.. there's a lot of negativity in these etiquette boards. I don't need to fight or call names to make a point.  You can continue to rip me apart after I'm gone.. I won't be back.

 Peace, Love, & Happiness

LondonLisa

@KnotPorscha - Kimberlydorcas is a vendor and is spamming all of the boards. 

aleighc3

oh she's going to go tell the teacher on you....lol

ScoutF

aleighc3 said:

oh she's going to go tell the teacher on you....lol

It's against the terms and conditions we all agreed to when we joined the site. 

aleighc3

thisismynickname said:

I've always planned my own birthday party, if I didn't I would never have one. I think it's entirely rude to ask someone to spend their money to throw a party for you. And, actually, a "shower" is VERY similar to a wedding: it's a party to celebrate a marriage (as is a reception) in which the guests are provided with food, drinks and a fun time (as in a reception). Why does it matter who pays for it? And additionally, who is even going to know who paid for it? It's not like guests go walking around a party asking who funded it.

Why do you need more than one party to celebrate your marriage? This is why I am Team Anti-Shower, period. Get married, have a reception, move on with life.

sounds like you were not offered a shower and that is why you are so "anti-shower". You sound like a little girl who's friend has the new barbie, and you don't so you say you think the barbie is stupid....lol

aleighc3

ScoutF said:

aleighc3 said:

oh she's going to go tell the teacher on you....lol

It's against the terms and conditions we all agreed to when we joined the site. 

actually this was supposed to be for something else, just hit reply instead of quote...

Cookie Pusher

aleighc3 said:

thisismynickname said:

I've always planned my own birthday party, if I didn't I would never have one. I think it's entirely rude to ask someone to spend their money to throw a party for you. And, actually, a "shower" is VERY similar to a wedding: it's a party to celebrate a marriage (as is a reception) in which the guests are provided with food, drinks and a fun time (as in a reception). Why does it matter who pays for it? And additionally, who is even going to know who paid for it? It's not like guests go walking around a party asking who funded it.

Why do you need more than one party to celebrate your marriage? This is why I am Team Anti-Shower, period. Get married, have a reception, move on with life.

sounds like you were not offered a shower and that is why you are so "anti-shower". You sound like a little girl who's friend has the new barbie, and you don't so you say you think the barbie is stupid....lol

I'm also Team Anti-Shower and declined two different offers for showers. And, even though I had a pretty extensive Barbie collection, I actually thought they were kind of stupid. So... what's your in-depth psychological analysis of me?

aleighc3

Just what I said. It sounds like people who are so "anti- shower" are upset that no one has offered to throw them a shower. I don't know why someone would be so against a bridal showers. It sounds like there is some other issue going on, maybe jealousy.....

Jen4948

There's no reason you can't throw a party where you play games and drink mimosas with your guests.

What you can't do is call it a "shower" or "engagement party."  You can't throw any party for yourself for the purpose of receiving gifts or in your own honor.  Basic etiquette.  

If you don't agree with that, well, this is an etiquette board and that is what those of us who believe in etiquette and the need to uphold it are going to support.  We are not here to validate ideas and suggestions that are not consistent with etiquette.  And calling us "judgmental" - well, you asked for our opinions, so we're going to be judgmental.  To not accept that is hypocritical.

crunchymamaof2

Maybe some people don't like being in the spotlight that much and don't want people to spend money on them and stuff they don't need. No need to go all arm chair psychologist on those who don't like showers.

KittyKaty20

 

 You guys...I had a Barbie-themed shower!

It was the hosts' idea, and I actually really liked it. Mostly because I got to pull all my Barbies out of the closet and sort through the clothes with my BFF of almost 30 years. That may be one of my fave moments thus far in the planning process...asking BFF's mom if BFF could come over to play Barbies with me, having my dad say "Make sure you pick ALL of those up-unlike when you were 5!" It was also special because I picked out the little Barbie outfits my (departed) paternal grandmother had made for Christmas when I was young, so she was present in an unconventional way. 

Cookie Pusher said:

aleighc3 said:

thisismynickname said:

I've always planned my own birthday party, if I didn't I would never have one. I think it's entirely rude to ask someone to spend their money to throw a party for you. And, actually, a "shower" is VERY similar to a wedding: it's a party to celebrate a marriage (as is a reception) in which the guests are provided with food, drinks and a fun time (as in a reception). Why does it matter who pays for it? And additionally, who is even going to know who paid for it? It's not like guests go walking around a party asking who funded it.

Why do you need more than one party to celebrate your marriage? This is why I am Team Anti-Shower, period. Get married, have a reception, move on with life.

sounds like you were not offered a shower and that is why you are so "anti-shower". You sound like a little girl who's friend has the new barbie, and you don't so you say you think the barbie is stupid....lol

I'm also Team Anti-Shower and declined two different offers for showers. And, even though I had a pretty extensive Barbie collection, I actually thought they were kind of stupid. So... what's your in-depth psychological analysis of me?

Also...Thread Highjacked!

aleighc3

acove2006 said:

Maybe some people don't like being in the spotlight that much and don't want people to spend money on them and stuff they don't need. No need to go all arm chair psychologist on those who don't like showers.

Ok, but I'm talking about  people who said they don't like showers and refuse to go to them. Also, as far as I am concerned, I can say basically whatever I want, just like the ladies on here who don't know how to get their point across without sounding like they have a bundle of sticks up their asses...

Cookie Pusher

aleighc3 said:

Just what I said. It sounds like people who are so "anti- shower" are upset that no one has offered to throw them a shower. I don't know why someone would be so against a bridal showers. It sounds like there is some other issue going on, maybe jealousy.....

That's a pretty strong generalization. I think that showers, in principle, are a great way to start a couple off on their new life together. In actuality, so many of them are now completely out of control and gift-grabby that I started hating to attend them. And the whole idea of money showers is a complete turn-off. Not because I begrudge the couple money, but because they're flat out telling me that even if I were to find something that made me feel compelled to gift it to them or if I made something for them (which I often do), they would not appreciate it. And while some people enjoy sitting around and watching someone open presents for an hour, it's not my idea of a thrilling time and I would not subject others to it. I stopped asking for birthday parties when I was 8 because I hated everyone staring at me when I opened presents!

aleighc3

Cookie Pusher said:

aleighc3 said:

Just what I said. It sounds like people who are so "anti- shower" are upset that no one has offered to throw them a shower. I don't know why someone would be so against a bridal showers. It sounds like there is some other issue going on, maybe jealousy.....

That's a pretty strong generalization. I think that showers, in principle, are a great way to start a couple off on their new life together. In actuality, so many of them are now completely out of control and gift-grabby that I started hating to attend them. And the whole idea of money showers is a complete turn-off. Not because I begrudge the couple money, but because they're flat out telling me that even if I were to find something that made me feel compelled to gift it to them or if I made something for them (which I often do), they would not appreciate it. And while some people enjoy sitting around and watching someone open presents for an hour, it's not my idea of a thrilling time and I would not subject others to it. I stopped asking for birthday parties when I was 8 because I hated everyone staring at me when I opened presents!

*stuck in the box*

"Why do you need more than one party to celebrate your marriage? This is why I am Team Anti-Shower, period. Get married, have a reception, move on with life."

This is what I was referring to. Some people just understand the reasoning behind showers. they are not parties to celebrate the marriage, but rather to "shower" the bride with gifts to help her prepare and set up the house for their marriage. A lot of people live together before they get married but that doesn't mean someone can't have a shower.

Cookie Pusher

aleighc3 said:

*stuck in the box*

"Why do you need more than one party to celebrate your marriage? This is why I am Team Anti-Shower, period. Get married, have a reception, move on with life."

This is what I was referring to. Some people just understand the reasoning behind showers. they are not parties to celebrate the marriage, but rather to "shower" the bride with gifts to help her prepare and set up the house for their marriage. A lot of people live together before they get married but that doesn't mean someone can't have a shower.

It the entitlement of "I deserve to get a shower because I'm getting married" is what has turned a lot of us against them. Look, if someone wants to throw you a shower and you register for a bunch of stuff at various price points so we're not all stuck with choices that are all over $100, great. I probably won't attend, but I'll send you something small (and give you a larger wedding gift). If you don't have a shower at all, I would also give a larger wedding gift (unless your registry is outrageous, in which case, you get a metal chicken). Showers and parties are luxuries. Not everyone can afford them, not everyone wants them, and it's a relatively "new" invention (1890s) that no one is entitled to have simply because they are getting married.

Going back to the original post in this thread, by throwing your own shower, you're telling your loved ones that you deserve to be feted and gifted by them, and since none of them obviously love/care about you enough to find a way to throw a shower you feel is up to snuff, you're going to do it yourself because ME ME ME ME!. The point of a shower, as you mentioned, is to shower the bride-to-be with gifts. If you want a non-gift-giving occasion that you can host yourself, don't call it a shower. However, since a lot of showers nowadays seem to lean more towards gift-grabby entitlement-fests, a lot of people are starting to resent them (not, as you so kindly pointed out, because we're jealous).

aleighc3

Cookie Pusher said:

aleighc3 said:

*stuck in the box*

"Why do you need more than one party to celebrate your marriage? This is why I am Team Anti-Shower, period. Get married, have a reception, move on with life."

This is what I was referring to. Some people just understand the reasoning behind showers. they are not parties to celebrate the marriage, but rather to "shower" the bride with gifts to help her prepare and set up the house for their marriage. A lot of people live together before they get married but that doesn't mean someone can't have a shower.

It the entitlement of "I deserve to get a shower because I'm getting married" is what has turned a lot of us against them. Look, if someone wants to throw you a shower and you register for a bunch of stuff at various price points so we're not all stuck with choices that are all over $100, great. I probably won't attend, but I'll send you something small (and give you a larger wedding gift). If you don't have a shower at all, I would also give a larger wedding gift (unless your registry is outrageous, in which case, you get a metal chicken). Showers and parties are luxuries. Not everyone can afford them, not everyone wants them, and it's a relatively "new" invention (1890s) that no one is entitled to have simply because they are getting married.

Going back to the original post in this thread, by throwing your own shower, you're telling your loved ones that you deserve to be feted and gifted by them, and since none of them obviously love/care about you enough to find a way to throw a shower you feel is up to snuff, you're going to do it yourself because ME ME ME ME!. The point of a shower, as you mentioned, is to shower the bride-to-be with gifts. If you want a non-gift-giving occasion that you can host yourself, don't call it a shower. However, since a lot of showers nowadays seem to lean more towards gift-grabby entitlement-fests, a lot of people are starting to resent them (not, as you so kindly pointed out, because we're jealous).

I agree with that,but I never said the word deserve. That's fine if you don't want one or can't afford one.All I am saying is, I don't have a problem with other people having showers. Honestly I would rather be able to see you and spend time with you than receive a gift. If someone did not come to my shower, that's fine.

Cookie Pusher

aleighc3 said:

I agree with that,but I never said the word deserve. That's fine if you don't want one or can't afford one.All I am saying is, I don't have a problem with other people having showers. Honestly I would rather be able to see you and spend time with you than receive a gift. If someone did not come to my shower, that's fine.

You didn't say deserve, but I was trying to tie in the original theme of this thread (throwing your own bridal shower) while pointing out that there are other reasons besides jealousy that cause people to dislike showers. It's kind of like... when you hear the same song over and over again (especially when it's a crappy song), you just stop wanting to hear that song or anything else from that particular singer/band because you're just so tired of them. For some people, one too many shitty bridal showers makes you just go "nope, I'm over it, no more". That may not be why PPs are against showers, but it's another reason beyond your simple "you're just jealous" mindset.