Snarky Brides

9 days to go, and I am feeling the jitters.

I'm getting married on April 5, and so far have been pretty good at reining in the anxiety. Between GAD, OCD, and being completely Type A, I expected this stomach-churning nausea and constant increased heart rate a month ago; now, after checking the weather report for next week and seeing conflicting reports about rain, and having my wedding planner drop a last minute $800 onto my father's lap (as he has been kind enough to pay for the wedding), the nerves have started in full force. It has nothing to do with FI and being married, and completely to do with my control issues. 

Add the fact that I am flying to get to my wedding and the thoughts just swirl forever. We arrive on April 2, rehearsal is April 4, and the wedding April 5... 

Am I forgetting something? Should I bring a jacket? What have I forgotten to pack? Will our suitcases be over the weight limit? How will I get my dress to my hotel room? What if there is no space in the closet on the plane? Should I contact everyone when they get in? 

FI and I are planning on having some people over on Saturday to veg out, and then perhaps the beach on Sunday, but I have absolutely no idea how to calm myself down other than that. The usual coping mechanisms are not working. How have y'all dealt with this pre-wedding anxiety? 

(Also, side note: I have been a longtime lurker, but never posted anything. I wanted to thank you all for your advice to others that I have taken to heart; it's because of y'all that my bridesmaids don't want to strangle me (as far as I know), there's no PPD, and my guests' comfort is coming first.)
“Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.”

Re: 9 days to go, and I am feeling the jitters.

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    Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2014
    I hear you on the stress! While I was planning my wedding my building (an arena) was undergoing a $23 million renovation. It's my job to sell all the advertising and luxury seating in the building and with the renovation it had increased my inventory. So the wedding planning wasn't too stressful but combined with the craziness of the renovation I was having panic attacks (the grand reopening of the building was the day after I got home from the honeymoon so I needed everything done on my side for the reopening done before I left for the wedding!)

    I looked up online how to over come these feelings when I became overwhelmed. I found a 4 step process that I wrote out and taped to my computer.
    Step 1 - Relax. Take Deep Breaths
    Step 2 - Stop Negative Thinking. Yell "STOP!!" inside your head.
    Step 3 - Use coping statements. "I am fine, everything is fine"
    Step 4 - Accept/Validate your feelings. "I am going through a stressful time/a lot on my plate"

    I know it sounds silly but it actually helped and helped me to calm down.

    The other thing is that not everything will go 100% right. There were so many little (some bigger things) that DID NOT go how I wanted. In the moment I just had to let it go, and enjoy my night. Because at the end of the night you are marrying the love of your life and that is 100% right!

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    @bubblegum1309 I will absolutely try that. And the big picture is so much more important, you're absolutely right. Sometimes it's so easy to get mired in all the details that the focus goes out of whack: I'm marrying the love of my life surrounded by the people we love and who love us in return. 
    “Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.”
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    Even if everything goes haywire, your marriage will be just as valid at the end of the day.  And isn't that really the whole point?
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    Good luck! Try to remember that it won't go as perfect as you want it to, no matter what. When you embrace the idea of letting go of the little things, you'll be much happier! Remember why you are having this event and make a lot of to-do lists/schedules.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    @netskyblue2 Exactly. Thank you! 

    @larrygaga I think the lists and schedules might be the trick; I have a wedding gmail and I have used (read, abused) Google Drive for everything. Spreadsheets, itinerary for me, whole nine yards. The little thigns are conceptualized and tacked down, and that puts the focus on the point of the day, the marriage. 

    My wedding day will be beautiful no matter what. And truly, I am so, so excited for the rest of my life with FI. 
    “Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.”
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    larrygagalarrygaga member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2014
    Yay! Yeah both the weddings I've been in emailed out a schedule of the day of with things that need to be done and when to all of the wedding party and parents. Both times we all paid to get our hair done and we all wanted to help decorate for the reception in the morning, so there was a little more to it. We didn't have a coordinator for either wedding. 

    It went something like

    10:30am hairdresser will be around
    11am Decorating for reception
    12pm Be at ceremony site
    2pm Ceremony
    3pm Pictures
    4pm reception 

    It also included everyone's phone number, hotel info, venue info and directions/maps. I can't tell you how helpful these were to me as a BM, and I'm sure it was really helpful to the B+G. In my group, we all like to pump music and do hair and makeup and get dressed all together, so it would also say like pizza and getting ready in this persons hotel room, hairdresser will be there. I realize some groups don't do that, lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    I freaked out until 2 days before hand. At that point, I said eff this, what will be, will be.

    Wanna know what happened?

    The only sticky situation was at the RD- people wouldn't sit down/too busy being social to let others find the open seats.

    Everything else was absolutely perfect, in no small part to my coordinator's help, my awesome DJ and officiant, and my mom (my moron sister never thought to press the flower girl dresses for my nieces, despite them being shipped to her and then carted across the country- she has a BS from MIT and an MD, yet it took my mom seeing the dresses and suggesting they needed an ironing for the light bulb to flicker on. Mom ended up pressing them- in the photos, they look great, but Mom told me originally they looked like they'd been stuffed into a remote corner of the closests in the girls' rooms for 3 months).

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    @larrygaga - I have put together something very simialr for everyone! The BMs and my mom got their own schedules for that morning for hair and makeup (and I'm providing breakfast - definitely don't want to worry about someone not feeling well!). All of the guests received a packet I put together with a general schedule, important phone numbers (cabs, hotels, etc), restaurants, sightseeing, maps - I figured it was necessary, given that everyone, save for a few guests, will be travelling in and very few of them have been to New Orleans before. At least I know my guests and my BMs (and the GM, FI was also very thorough with that) know where they are going and will be as comfortable as possible. 

    @Chipmunk415 Oh my goodness, I'm so glad your mom caught that and pressed the dresses! The pictures must look wonderful. And thank you - that is very reassuring. I know that once I land in NOLA I'll be too busy trying to soak everything in and having fun (and making sure everyone else is , too) that the little things will fade out. The RD sounds like it was sticky, but it sounds like people had a good time - especially if they were socializing so much people couldn't find seats! 
    “Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.”
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    @always, they did, though DH was grumbling in front of everyone that "we should have planned the RD better (ie, have place cards for everyone)"- for the record, we had a last minute 4 person cancellation for the RD due to work issues, and last minute invites in their place (i know i know, but it's not my fault- parents sprung these sets on us at the last minute, AFTER they'd invited these people. I wanted to punch a puppy). So even if we'd done place cards, we wouldn't have had the right ones. DH and I discussed his grumbles later, and I told him the next time we have a party that takes a year to plan (I did at least 96% of all the work for the wedding planning), he can plan it, and I will whine and grumble about planning better for things beyond our control.


    As long as you are nice to everyone, feed them, give them at least water, and not make everyone stand around in the heat and direct sunshine, they will enjoy themselves/you will fulfill your obligations as a good host.

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    Am I forgetting something? Should I bring a jacket? What have I forgotten to pack? Will our suitcases be over the weight limit? How will I get my dress to my hotel room? What if there is no space in the closet on the plane? Should I contact everyone when they get in? 
    I was the same way a few weeks beforehand, so here is how I coped. I will answer your questions:

    1) Make a list. Put it somewhere you can see it. You won't forget anything. I kept adding to the list in the weeks before we packed. If H thought of something, he'd text me immediately, and I'd add it when I got home.

    2) Always bring a jacket. It's better to have it and not use it than to need it and not have it.

    3) See #1

    4) I weighed our suitcases to make sure they were okay. :) If you don't have a scale at home, go to a UPS store or FedEx/Kinko's and ask if they'll weigh it for you. If they give you a weird look, just use the crazy bride excuse and offer to tip them $5.

    5) The concierge was kind enough to help with my dress. If they don't have bell staff, you can always ask the desk if they'll be kind enough to hold it while you put your other stuff away. Then you can go back down for it. Honestly, though, I'd just call the hotel to ask. Then you'll know long before you arrive, and they can plan for it.

    6) The plane closet was itty bitty, so the FAs found an overhead bin that wasn't very crowded and gently folded/placed my dress in the front portion of the bin. This meant it wouldn't get crushed during takeoff, as everything slides backwards. Before we landed, they moved it to the back portion of the bin. When landing, everything slides forward, so again, it didn't get crushed. I used a dress steaming service that offered pickup and dropoff - maybe your hotel can recommend someone?

    7) You don't have to contact everyone. They're adults; they can figure things out. If they have questions, they'll call you or one of the parents - whoever they feel comfortable with.

    Good luck. :)
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