Hello, all! I need some major help on an etiquette issue that I am arguing with my parents about. We went for our tasting and decided on the more expensive package, which includes filet mignon. My parents, who are paying for the reception part of the wedding, decided that this would be the best option because with all the upgrades my mom wants (she insists on the nicer table linens, a couple of upgraded appetizers, etc), it just made more sense to go with the package that included them anyways with a couple other perks. We printed the invitations with the menu choices, and I thought that this area was all taken care of. Now, my parents have decided that with the number of people it looks like we will have that they are thinking of going back to the cheaper package. The problem with this is that the cheaper package does not include filet mignon, but rather a bistro steak. Both are delicious, so I really do not care, and if they didn't tell us which cut of meat was which at the tasting, I probably wouldn't have noticed too much of a difference. The bistro steak was super tender and in some ways even a little more flavorful than the filet. The problem comes up because of the now printed invitations. I told my parents that if we are changing the menu from including filet to bistro steak, then we need to include a slip that says so in with the invitation. My parents disagree; they say no one will notice and not to worry about it. We may very well end up going with the package with the filet---at this point, it is entirely dependent on the number of "yes" responses for attending; however, I feel very uncomfortable with what I feel is "hoodwinking" people on the dinners. I feel like if we included the slip saying we changed it to bistro steak, but then ended up having filet, then no one would care. On the other hand, I think that if we said there was going to be filet and then passed it off with bistro steak, then someone might care. I just don't want to come across as tacky. Am I making too much out of this? Are my parents correct in thinking no one will care? Thanks for any insight you ladies have.
Re: Here's my beef...etiquette on a dinner issue...
Can you upgrade in other areas in order to meet the food and beverage minimum? Better apps maybe? Information pertaining to the food and beverage minimum and consequences of not meeting it should be specified in your contract. I'm sure it varies from venue to venue.
I would be unlikely to, notice the difference betwixt the two, but I also don't eat a lot of red meat
I agree with using generic terms, but is there a way for the guests to get more details? The type of beef, chicken or fish and the way they're prepared would absolutely and without a doubt change my mind. Because if the venue is looking for a general idea, then it would be no big deal if I changed my mind the day of. BUT if they were looking for a specific number, then I would need more detail.
OP-do you have a wedding website?
We just put:
chicken
vegetarian
child's meal
On the RSVPs, and word of mouth was to look at the website to see the final options (chicken marsala, eggplant parmisagna, mac 'n' cheese and chicken fingers). We also had a note on the website to let us know of any food allergies/dietary restrictions.
Maybe this is an option?
Thanks!
Don't cry!
Pull up this thread, show your parents that these posters represent the guests you all are hosting; many people would feel "hoodwinked" by a switch-and while YOUR guests may not voice their displeasure to your face, they will remember that hey felt deceived.
I'm sure the venue caterer encouraged the use of specific wording in an attempt to guarantee your higher package. Since you may not meet the minimum if you go with a less expensive cut of meat, AND you have already printed the RSVP cards, it may make more sense--budget-wise--to keep what you have and hope for declines.