So... when are you having kids?

phira

Ugh, people should not ask! This topic is fine because people can choose to participate or not, and I could see it coming up in context (or offering the information without being asked). But I just try so very hard never to ask people.

Anyway, like I said, people can choose to participate in this thread, so I'm choosing to. Mostly because my partner and I have had some conversations lately about kids.

I have Mirena, and while it's due to come out in fall 2017. I'm hoping to be done with grad school in about 2-2.5 years, and when I'm done (and hopefully when I've found a job), we'll put it out. We won't exactly be "trying," just not "not trying."

buddysmom80

I'll be 34 when we get married, so we're starting in November. FI has baby fever BAD. If it was up to him, he'd pull the goalie now.

Simky906

Well, FI will finish school in spring of 16 and my student loans should (hopefully) be paid off by late 16/early 17 so if all goes to plan we'll probably start trying late in 16. I'll be 29, FI will be 28 and we'll have been married just over 2 years at that point. We would like to have one kid, possibly two. Really it's more of a 'let's see how this kid thing goes and then we'll talk about a second one'. It's funny for me though, because until I was with FI, I never thought that I would want kids. And, frankly, if he broke up with me tomorrow, I would not want kids. I do not like kids in general. However, I want to co-parent with FI. I want to work together to raise our child to be a healthy, happy, good person.

doeydo

Never; fur babies only.

Couggal12

I think we will start trying the beginning of Spring 2015. We are delaying our HM until February of 2015 so I'd rather not be KTFU then.

wandajune6

I started getting asked the day we got engaged- but, ironically, before he actually proposed. We're going to need medical intervention so, for sophisticated financial reasons, we're waiting to start until we're on shared insurance. We have 2 separate high deductible plans so we're waiting until we have a shared deductible- not a terribly romantic way of looking at things but necessary. We're older (getting married when I'm 35 and he'll be 38) so we don't want to wait much longer than that.

climbingsingle

Never! We're not having kids.

jdluvr06

@hlvonb I'll be happy to share what info I can with you. We've already started doing some research and there is some stuff that is confusing as hell but my cousin and his wife are adopting as well (they got through the paper work and are in the waiting for a baby process) so they said they'd help us navigate through it all.

CLoGreenEyes

@HaileyDancingBear, yes! I am hoping to go into pediatric nursing after I graduate in August, but I am still very undecided about having kids. Working with kids and parenting them are two entirely different things. For me it's not the terror of the day to day stuff, like potty training and discipline and whatnot. I just love the freedom I have to spend my money and time the way I like, and I know kids require a lot of those things, so I'm trying to decide whether having kids would be more important to me than traveling, etc. (Also, that issue of finding an SO should probably get resolved first, KWIM?

I am pretty convinced that if I do have kids, I will be adopting them. I feel no compulsion to ever get pregnant, and I already know I would feel plenty of love and pride in any child I bright home and cared for, regardless of whether it was "mine." My mom is convinced I will change my mind about that. Maybe she's hoping I will? If so, she's going to be pretty disappointed. Sorry, not sorry.

JCbride2015

We both have baby fever pretty bad.  I'll be 27 and he'll have just turned 30 when we get married.  We initially had talked about being married for two years before TTC, but lately we feel like we don't want to wait that long.  I think we'll wait about a year and then start trying.

We wouldn't even wait that long, really, but I'll only be at my job 7 months when we get married, and I'd like to work a year or so before taking maternity leave.

I love babies, children, even teenagers.  They're expensive, messy, noisy little fuckers but we really want a couple.

theartistformerlyknownas

Ugh I hate getting asked that question! Yes, we're planning on it, pretty soon after the wedding (by September I'll be 31 and he's 33, and we're both ready) but I'm not about to start filling everyone in on those plans and giving them license to dig even further into personal details. And God forbid there were any troubles with it, I don't want those awkward conversations. So my default answer to any of those questions has been "Lawd-willin' and the crick don't rise." Then I change the subject when they look sufficiently confused.

Real answer though... we agreed to try to get through the holidays before we really start "trying" (I hate that word) but I have a gyno appt in November anyway so I could get any last check-ups/all-clear/whatever has to happen there, and it would be kinda perfect to time it so the little nugget was born in September so I could come back to work in December just in time to get paid holiday leave (almost 2 weeks) which I wouldn't get if I was still on maternity. So we shall see. 

Christina2323

I wasn't sure I wanted kids but then I met FI and all of that changed...so now, at my "advanced maternal age" (I will be 36 when we start, him 31), we are going to get started on the HM.  We'll see how it goes, I have some friends who have taken forever and some who think, "baby" and are preggo. I am so very excited for it and never thought I would be, so it's kind of a surprise for everyone to think about me having kids...even for me!

P.S. almost all of my close circle of friends here have decided to be childless, so it's going to be a big adjustment for all of us.  I have plenty of friends with kids, but not many my age who live near me, so that will be interesting, too. 

GoldenPenguin

Maggie0829 said:

Currently, never (I will never say never, because you just never know what will happen, but I am 99% certain that H and I will be baby free forever).  I will be 30 in August but have never had any real inkling of wanting kids.  I never want to hold new babies and after an hour with my niece I just want to shut myself in a room and take a breather.  I also find most kids to be annoying and irritating.  I also absolutely hate when people tell me "oh well you will change your mind."  Like if I don't I am some sort of devil woman.  H and I like being selfish and our "just got home from work and now we are going to sit and watch tv for 2 hours" quiet time.  We like sleeping in.  We like just getting up and going out without much hassle.  We also like having extra money.  Kids are expensive and so is childcare.  If H and I had a kid one of us would need to get a part time job just to help pay for childcare because we just don't have that extra $1000/month laying around.

Exactly all of this, except for the "never say never" part. I will NEVER have kids. haha

I don't hate kids, but I only like them in small doses, and when I can give them back to their rightful owner. I don't do poop and puke and crying... No thank you. Also, teenagers terrify me. 

blabla89

FI and I have been talking about this a lot lately. We want several years for "just us" before we start growing our family. FSIL is having twins this fall (completely unprepared and less than a year after getting married...but that's a whole other story) so his parents won't be nagging us about wanting grandchildren.

I absolutely want to adopt and absolutely do not want to bear children. Within a day of our last serious talk about it, FI went from insisting that he just couldn't live without children who are biologically "his" to questioning whether he ever wants to have kids.

emmaaa

When we get married I will have just turned 24 and FI will turn 24 a month later. We've been together 6 years (been friends since we were 5) so by the time we get married I will be really ready. We have decided to wait until he has had a full time job for one year to start "trying". Which if the Lord's willing, will be spring/summer of 2016. We get asked about babies a lot because people assume I want kids (which I do) because I'm "nuturing?" We have also decided that we want at least 2 kids, I want 3.  FI doesn't want to talk about it yet, he said he needs another 2 years to grow up before he can be a dad.

singinchick13

Let me tell you ladies, it DOES NOT STOP after you've had one. DS is 6 months old and we are getting married next year, yet the most common question I'm getting right now is "when will you start trying for another?!" 

Hmmm....maybe after I lose the weight from this one so I can fit well enough into a dress to get married...But we're actually not all about having one right after the other. We'd rather wait until DS is at least in kindergarten and avoid paying for 2 kids in full-time childcare at the same time. It would be great to stay at home with them of course but it's not going to happen any time soon, and definitely would not be a long-term thing.

winelover123

Never. H and I prefer our go-with-the-flow, whatever-we-feel-like-doing life. We have a lot of future travel plans that kids just don't fit into. 

amakayeb

I'm not sure...we go back and forth on this. I'm a couple years older than my fiance (I'm 28, he's 26), and I've also been living on my own and working in my career for 7 years already. I've had baby fever for a few years, and I'm really ready. He, on the other hand, is just finishing graduate school (3 years, plus an internship year, and another spent studying abroad), and would like some time to "settle in" to adult life, not to mention married life. But he does really want kids too, and we want several of them. I have a feeling it will be sooner, rather than later.

SmileDamnit

1998. For FI, that is. Soon-to-be SS is 15 so baby days/round 1 for FI are long gone and he's definitely got the fever.

For us, together ~ the sooner the better! I went off of BC about 6 months ago so it could, feasibly, happen at any time…BUT, we are practicing natural methods as I'd prefer to wait until after the wedding to get pregnant. If it turns out we're unable to conceive, we're definitely open to adoption.

bethsmiles

SO and I would like to have one before we're 30 but that's still 5 years away. We want to be married for a few years before having kids. I'm sure my parents will want us to have them ASAP though.

NavyBlue143

Finished my last pack of bc last week. We're not trying not preventing right now. I have PCOS, so I have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist to see where I stand hormone wise and if I need to take ovulation stimulants. I'm also trying to get in better shape since it helps. Also because I meed to anyway, this is just a great motivaor.

erinlin25

Question of the Year! We plan to at least wait another year. I just renewed BC rx, so when that time comes again next year we will think about whether we are ready. I know "you are never 100% ready," but for us we want to know we can afford kids and are ready to give up our kid-free life. If you asked me when I was single & 25 I would have said I wanted to get married and have babies by the time I was 30. Well I got married at 30, and right now am fully enjoying being selfish. I was a teacher and coach for many years and had too many teenagers to deal with on a daily basis. Everything I did in life at that point was scheduled around "my girls." Now, I do not coach but my husband and I own a business so the last 3 years that has been our baby. For the first time in forever I finally can be selfish and do thing/go places when I/we want without clearing it with people. We have a business that can still run when we are gone (thankful for awesome employees we can trust). Last month we took a sporadic week long vacation-- it was wonderful and we know once we have kids we cannot just wake up one day and decide we want to road trip up the coast. I love my nieces and nephews and am still close with all my friends who have kids. I enjoy hanging out with them and their families and spoiling them all. But I know H & I are just not ready yet. I know I still want to be a mom but I also know I need some us time before we think about kids. We hate when people tell us "you know you are going to be 32/35 so you really should start having kids soon..." yes, thank you for reminding me I am not in my 20s anymore, but it is a decision for H and I to make. I am surprised how many people do ask these sorts of questions-- do they ever stop to think "maybe they have been trying and cannot get pregnant?" That is not our case right now, but I am sure many have had to deal with that pressure/disappointment.

phira

NavyBlue143 said:

Finished my last pack of bc last week. We're not trying not preventing right now. I have PCOS, so I have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist to see where I stand hormone wise and if I need to take ovulation stimulants. I'm also trying to get in better shape since it helps. Also because I meed to anyway, this is just a great motivaor.

I have (had?) PCOS and went on birth control at age 16. My periods were so irregular that after 3.5 years, I maybe had my period 15 times. Maybe. I then went off the pill when I was 24 and my periods were so regular that it was honestly a little terrifying. Point is, PCOS is unpredictable, and you might actually be okay.

hlvonb

jdluvr06 said:

@hlvonb I'll be happy to share what info I can with you. We've already started doing some research and there is some stuff that is confusing as hell but my cousin and his wife are adopting as well (they got through the paper work and are in the waiting for a baby process) so they said they'd help us navigate through it all.

*STUCK IN BOX*

@jdluvr06

Thanks!

pinkshorts27

Jells2dot0

FI's parents had kids late (both accidents I think). Dad is currently 67 and FI's younger brother is just barely 18. FFIL is still working and probably could have retired by now had he not decided to help pay for their college and had kids so late. I honestly think he regrets waiting so long. I overheard him say "Should have had kids before I was old enough to be a grandparent. Then I'd be retired now" (or something similar). He is worn down and doesn't want to argue about homework and curfews and such. Doesn't help that FI's mom passed away so FFIL basically raise FBIL by himself. 

Jells2dot0

blueeyes90 said:

Jells2dot0

FI's parents had kids late (both accidents I think). Dad is currently 67 and FI's younger brother is just barely 18. FFIL is still working and probably could have retired by now had he not decided to help pay for their college and had kids so late. I honestly think he regrets waiting so long. I overheard him say "Should have had kids before I was old enough to be a grandparent. Then I'd be retired now" (or something similar). He is worn down and doesn't want to argue about homework and curfews and such. Doesn't help that FI's mom passed away so FFIL basically raise FBIL by himself. 

I def know there are people out there who do it. I just can't imagine it. My DH would have gotten both of his kids through school and out of the house and then started all over!! Thankfully, in our case, we would have to do a reversal if we really wanted to have kids. So, no accidents

NavyBlue143

phira said:

NavyBlue143 said:

Finished my last pack of bc last week. We're not trying not preventing right now. I have PCOS, so I have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist to see where I stand hormone wise and if I need to take ovulation stimulants. I'm also trying to get in better shape since it helps. Also because I meed to anyway, this is just a great motivaor.

I have (had?) PCOS and went on birth control at age 16. My periods were so irregular that after 3.5 years, I maybe had my period 15 times. Maybe. I then went off the pill when I was 24 and my periods were so regular that it was honestly a little terrifying. Point is, PCOS is unpredictable, and you might actually be okay.

I went off it a few years ago and went right back to having a period a year. I never was regular unless I was on the pill. We'll see.