Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

1…910121415

Re: Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

  • Options
    MollyandDMollyandD member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    krystalanne20 said:
    I love the idea of keeping just the ceremony unplugged while vows are being spoken, it also gives my photographer a chance to capture my guest being so focused, and keeps the simple romantic theme going! As for the reception, snap away the more photos the better! and as soon as they pronounce man  and wife, go right ahead and take your phone out. 

    Just because people aren't on their phones doesn't mean they will be focused. I was in a friend's wedding and the photographer got a shot of one of the groomsmen staring off into space during the vows. In that wedding, a friend was using her phone to take pictures and she was more focused than that groomsman was.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jessg0923jessg0923 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    mobkaz said:
    jessg0923 said:
    I myself recently had an unplugged ceremony in December, and not one of my 250 guests had an issue with it - they all respected our wishes and many of them commented that they felt more connected! They were certainly allowed to take as many photos as they wanted after the ceremony, during cocktail hour and the reception; however, most of them were having so much fun not tied to their devices that they enjoyed themselves in the moment and allowed the photographer to take all of their pictures (instead of fumbling around, focusing instagram/twitter/facebook updates). Don't get me wrong - we are a young couple and half of our wedding guests consisted of our young friends - we are all about social media! This celebration is about one thing: the fact that you are married! So if you have this one simple request for people, then go for it. 

    This is how I worded it on my wedding website, and the officiant also made several kind announcements reading this paragraph before we started our ceremony, as well as the ushers gently reminding friends and family as they were seated:

    We want you to be able to really enjoy our Wedding Ceremony, feeling truly present and in the moment with us. We've hired an amazing wedding photographer named Ray Santana and videographer Dorian Iribarren who will be capturing the way the wedding looks - and we're inviting each of you to sit back, relax, and just enjoy how the wedding feels.

    We're respectfully asking that everyone leave all cameras and cell phones off during the Ceremony. We will be happy to share our Wedding Ceremony photos with you afterward!


    (and we did share them - they are all over Facebook, and everyone is perfectly thrilled)

    To those who say it's rude: it all depends on your wording, and if the people you have invited to your wedding truly care about you and love you, they will respect your special day without complaint. I recently was looking at both my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law's wedding albums (so classy)...no one at their weddings had a personal camera, so don't worry, I think your wedding guests will survive. Who will be looking at your wedding photos in years to come? Your children, grandchildren, and your family's future generations - not your ex-college roommate's descendants or Cousin Al's descendants.

    And, YES, it does ruin the composition and lovely look of your photos (unless you like that sort of thing) to have flashes going off and people with their phones out when they should be watching you, intently, say your vows, cry your tears, and kiss. My photographer and videographer (who are both highly reputable craftsmen in Miami) were thrilled when I told them we would be doing this for our ceremony. When you get your photos back after the most important day of your life, you want the pictures to capture and depict the way YOU FELT on that day, not have your romance displayed beautifully center frame with Uncle Jo's iphone in the lower hand corner.

    Lastly, PLEASE don't reply to me if you disagree with me - I am not trying to start a war. I am simply sharing my personal experience and offering support to the bride and her inquiry. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, I am simply offering a different one. I have seen way too many people on this website get nasty (and the language!) over something so trivial, so let's try to refrain from getting defensive and just help I9i come to a decision that works for HER.
    Telling someone not to reply to a post on a public forum is as condescending, patronizing, and insulting as telling guests to be "unplugged and present" at a wedding. You get an A+ for consistency.
    Mobkaz: Thanks, I've always been an overachiever ;) And yes, I know that was an insult not a compliment, but I really don't care! I am sure the knot is a better place because of your input - the internet and open forums need various opinions and viewpoints to be the resources that they are. I'm sorry you and others have taken so much offense to my simple request(s) to be polite to one another and avoid attacks simply based on opinion, which we already know are contrasting, so why go on? But I won't be hurt just because others don't agree with me or insult me on the internet.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @jessg0923 Don't fucking tell me what to do. If I disagree with you--AND I DO--I will reply if I feel like it. Also, while we're on the subject of not fucking telling me what to do, if you invited me to your wedding and I saw your unplugged request, not only would I roll my eyes at your selfishness but I'd take an epic selfie. I figure if you're going to act so immature as to think you can control me or any of your other guests, I get to be immature, too. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    vulpiepopvulpiepop member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    jdluvr06 said:
    Idk if you TK regulars remember me talking about my mom's friend who is a photographer but I showed her this thread and asked what she thought of unplugged weddings and she said "the couples who do this must have hired some piss poor photographers if this is a worry for them, if that is the case I bet their photos suck anyway because anyone who says another person's camera flash ruins their photos have no clue what they are doing," Also I have to laugh every time someone says they want their guest to be "in the moment" and enjoy the "feel of the wedding". Wanna know what your guest are thinking "in the moment"? "Oh she looks pretty, hey look at that window, I can't believe aunt Betsy wore those shoes, I wonder if I can count all my teeth with my tongue". Wanna know what the "feel of wedding" is for your guest? "Longest ceremony ever. When is the reception?". I'm not trying to be mean. I'm being realistic. Hardly anyone really pays a lot of attention at the ceremony. They are there because they love you and are willing to deal with being bored for the time of your ceremony to support you. ETA: dammit! I don't why TK hates when I have paragraphs. I'll fix this when I get home.
    I agree. A good photographer should be able to get around other people's flash and whatnot. They studied photography for a good number of years (I'm assuming) and should know where to get the best shots, best lighting, and how to get around other, maybe unexpected lighting. I mean, they should have done events before and should know what to anticipate and how to deal with it so that it doesn't affect their work without interrupting the event that they are working.
    My main concern with flash photography isn't actually that the flash would ruin the photographer's shots; it's that some people's cameras have an incredibly powerful flash. My dad's camera, for instance, has a flash that will blind his target and the surrounding fauna and he always uses it when he takes pictures. I always end up looking dazed and thinking that I was perhaps hit by an oncoming train when he takes my picture, lol.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    skyhigh27skyhigh27 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I've got an idea. Find a venue where there is zero cell reception. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    We had two photographers and someone videotaping. I know some people were using their phones or cameras since I've seen the pictures. But as I look through my pictures I never really noticed it. The one I did had a huge smile on her face as she watched me walk down the aisle while snapping a picture at the same time. Gives me the fuzzies! Isn't that a crazy thing....picture taking didn't ruin our pictures!

    And I'm sorry but how many pictures that include your guests during the ceremony are the ones you hang up or display everywhere? Not many. So really, what's the big fucking deal? If your memories of your wedding are crushed due to some people taking pictures then you have much bigger problems. Much much bigger.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    Report Reply
  • Options
    pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    antoto
    Off topic, but what are your flowers in your sig picture? I love them, just can't tell what they are (I am flower impaired)

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jesswill86jesswill86 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2014
    l9i said:

    So I've been thinking very strongly about having an unplugged ceremony.  I want guests to be there and not worry about taking pictures and Facebooking the event.  I've read articles about putting a little note at the bottom of the program along the lines of:

     "We want you to be able to relax and have fun with us today!  This in mind, we invite you to put down your favorite devices and just be present in the moment with us.  Please leave your camera in your bag (we've got photography covered!), and put your cell phone on mute (we promise they'll call back!). 

    We're happy to share our professional wedding photos later, but the greatest gift you can give us today is just being fully here with us in this sacred and special moment."

    I see the benefits and generally like the idea of just taking some time to be "unplugged".  My parents see it as telling guests they have no common sense and that they will get extremely offended.  I feel as though if I was a guest at a wedding I wouldn't care and would respect their wishes.

    Any thoughts?  Anyone been to a wedding like this or had one?  How did it go over?


    Report Reply
  • Options
    krystalanne20krystalanne20 member
    First Comment
    I think this whole thread is filled with negativity and bridezillas! Clearly brides are way too stressed out if they are swearing and turning peoples ideas down. This is a website to get your own ideas, leave your negativity at the door! 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    12 entire pages about "Unplugged" weddings? Holy cow!

    At my cousin's wedding, the only thing they asked was that people stay out of the aisle ways, simply because everyone was packed in like sardines and the photographers were only allowed into specific areas to take pictures. No one was upset about that.
    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    sydneyvioletsydneyviolet member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Modern manners dictate that if you are invited as a guest to a wedding, you attend as a guest.... not a photographer. See here and here and here.


    @PrettyGirlLost I guess, If you're worried that a guest will get a better shot than the professional photog you have hired, you really have hired the wrong photog.

    @CaseyW212 Absolutely, right! Know your crowd and go with your heart! Unplugged weddings are such common place now and it's a reasonable request for guests to adhere to and respect (without eyerolls @Maggie0829 ) for the day – just like the dress code – even if it doesn't align with their own values.

    image


    Report Reply
  • Options
    arrippaarrippa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I have changed my mind. I was meh on the issue. But after reading page after page of special snowflakes whining about how special their day is, I am going to side on the "you can't tell your guests how to act without being rude". Notes and signs don't make it okay. Also, if I had to drop my phone into a basket so "electronics can hang out together", I would purposely take pictures during the ceremony. Unless you are my boss, I don't like being told what to do.

    AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE STOP POSTING THE UNPLUGGED ARTICLE.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    sofakingmadsofakingmad member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    But first, let me take a #selfie

    image
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Modern manners dictate that if you are invited as a guest to a wedding, you attend as a guest.... not a photographer. See here and here and here.

    @kimberlydiane22 Thanks!

    @PrettyGirlLost I guess, If you're worried that a guest will get a better shot than the professional photog you have hired, you really have hired the wrong photog.

    @CaseyW212 Absolutely, right! Know your crowd and go with your heart! Unplugged weddings are such common place now and it's a reasonable request for guests to adhere to and respect (without eyerolls @Maggie0829 ) for the day – just like the dress code – even if it doesn't align with their own values.
    They are not common now. I've never heard of it until I started to post here. And FYI trying to have a dress code is the worse thing ever. I will put up with a lot of dumb shit but if a wedding I was going to had a dress code I wouldn't be going.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    traditionallyuntraditionaltraditionallyuntraditional member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Ok i did not read all 350+ comments on this however I have a question. Our Church does not allow flash photography during the ceremony, not even from our two professional photographers.We are having an evening wedding and we are going (well at least I want to) to follow Rite of Marriage entrance procession (we walk in together behind the Priest and alter servers) so once the Priest is present the ceremony has already started so it's a bit late to ask them to turn off cell phones and flashes. How do I politely ask our guests to refrain from flash photography prior to the start? Is this appropriate etiquette-wise to put at the bottom of the program or on a sign at the entrance? It would only be for the ceremony not the reception. We will own the rights to the photos after we get them back so should I let guests know they wont miss out and we will share the photos with them?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @BuckeyeinChicago, is there any way your priest could announce before the procession that flash photography is not allowed, even from the back of the sanctuary? It would also be appropriate to put a note on your program that the church does not allow flash photography.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    sabilellosabilello member
    First Comment
    Not only am I a wedding coordinator, but also a soon to be bride. I can tell you that it is very reasonable and acceptable to ask folks to attend an "unplugged" ceremony. I am planning to do it as well. Let me tell you some of the experiences I have seen as a wedding coordinator that happens when guests take photos during the ceremony. First of all, you are paying a large amount of money for a photographer or videographer, so guests who feel the need to snap photos instead of watching the ceremony are the rude ones. Wedding ceremonies that take place in churches are especially sacred which is a definite to "unplug" for guests. I know one photographer who had some photos overexposed because there were so many guests using flash photography. These photos cannot be redone,so guests should repeat the role of the professional. Additionally, I had another photographer trying to capture a beautiful moment as the bride walked down the aisle with her father, but the photo was ruined because a guest jumped out in front of her to snap her own photo at the exact moment. It is perfectly ok, for guests to snap photos during the reception, but I would also request that guests do not post them to social media. The bride and groom should provide guest with their emails to send photos. It should be up to the bride and groom to post their own photos, not the guests. In addition to putting it in a program, I also keep a framed request near the guest book and make an announcement before the ceremony begins. I have also tapped guests on the shoulder during the ceremony to tell them to put down their electronics. I assure you, the professional photographer you are spending a hefty sum to pay, will appreciate the thoughtfulness of not having to compete with rude guests who feel they need to snap photos.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    sabilello said:
    Not only am I a wedding coordinator, but also a soon to be bride. I can tell you that it is very reasonable and acceptable to ask folks to attend an "unplugged" ceremony. I am planning to do it as well. Let me tell you some of the experiences I have seen as a wedding coordinator that happens when guests take photos during the ceremony. First of all, you are paying a large amount of money for a photographer or videographer, so guests who feel the need to snap photos instead of watching the ceremony are the rude ones. Your guests don't give a flying rat's ass how much you paid for your photography package.  They are not going to be buying pictures from your photographer. . . hence why they might want to take photos of their own.  Wedding ceremonies that take place in churches are especially sacred which is a definite to "unplug" for guests. I know one photographer who had some photos overexposed because there were so many guests using flash photography. Some photos. . . shouldn't this photographer have been taking 8+ frames per second?  What happened to the rest of those?  These photos cannot be redone,so guests should repeat the role of the professional. Additionally, I had another photographer trying to capture a beautiful moment as the bride walked down the aisle with her father, but the photo was ruined because a guest jumped out in front of her to snap her own photo at the exact moment. It is perfectly ok, for guests to snap photos during the reception, but I would also request that guests do not post them to social media. The bride and groom should provide guest with their emails to send photos. It should be up to the bride and groom to post their own photos, not the guests. In addition to putting it in a program, I also keep a framed request near the guest book and make an announcement before the ceremony begins. I have also tapped guests on the shoulder during the ceremony to tell them to put down their electronics. I assure you, the professional photographer you are spending a hefty sum to pay, will appreciate the thoughtfulness of not having to compete with rude guests who feel they need to snap photos.  Again, if they really are professionals and know what the hell they are doing, they will be able to shoot around guests, deal with guests' flash, etc.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @sabilello, trying reading the thread, please. You don't even have to read all 13 pages, the first couple will suffice. Here, I'll sum up: You're wrong.
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards