Pre-wedding Parties

Budget issues with bridal shower

edited April 2014 in Pre-wedding Parties
   My sister who is hosting my bridal shower has run across some definitely unforeseen and devastating money issues. SHe planned such a beautiful party for me, and the whole time I told her certain things weren't necessary.  I hate themes, and I don't like things to be too themey... it raises the cost of decorations and makes items harder to find. I don't really care about decorations at all, really and I would be just as happy without decorations.  
   We decided to go with a spring theme by just keeping the colors pink and green and putting tulips on the table.  It is now, no longer in her budget to have decorations. Which I don't even care about.  SHe has had to take back my gift, at my total understanding and request. (I told her to not even get me a gift in the first place, because the shower was gift enough). SHe is devastated that she can't throw me the shower she wants. Should I help out with the decorations? It seems like not having decorations is so upsetting to her, even though she knows I don't care. To her, it seems like I never wanted the original party she had planned, in the first place. 
   She is under a lot of stress and I just want to make it easier on her. To be accepting of no decorations, is upsetting to her, but to buy the decorations also seems like the party she is able to throw is not good enough for me. I understand she is devastated, but I want to do my best to help her . I know it is improper etiquette to host the shower, myself, the food she would be providing. Except for the bloody mary's which I will be providing (she is seven months pregnant, and does not want to be the taste tester, obviously.) I just want to do right be her, she needs so much support, right now, and I feel like I am failing her, at every turn. 
    I would offer to not have the shower at all, but the invites have all ready gone out, and it would seem to make her feel more guilt about the shower. Would you chip in for the decorations (tissue pompom package set, 1 sheet of cardstock, bakers twine, and two tulip bouquets, and paper plates?) It all comes to $28 at Oriental trading company. Or would you keep saying decorations aren't necessary?

Re: Budget issues with bridal shower

  •    My sister who is hosting my bridal shower has run across some definitely unforeseen and devastating money issues. SHe planned such a beautiful party for me, and the whole time I told her certain things weren't necessary.  I hate themes, and I don't like things to be too themey... it raises the cost of decorations and makes items harder to find. I don't really care about decorations at all, really and I would be just as happy without decorations.  
       We decided to go with a spring theme by just keeping the colors pink and green and putting tulips on the table.  It is now, no longer in her budget to have decorations. Which I don't even care about.  SHe has had to take back my gift, at my total understanding and request. (I told her to not even get me a gift in the first place, because the shower was gift enough). SHe is devastated that she can't throw me the shower she wants. Should I help out with the decorations? It seems like not having decorations is so upsetting to her, even though she knows I don't care. To her, it seems like I never wanted the original party she had planned, in the first place. 
       She is under a lot of stress and I just want to make it easier on her. To be accepting of no decorations, is upsetting to her, but to buy the decorations also seems like the party she is able to throw is not good enough for me. I understand she is devastated, but I want to do my best to help her . I know it is improper etiquette to host the shower, myself, the food she would be providing. Except for the bloody mary's which I will be providing (she is seven months pregnant, and does not want to be the taste tester, obviously.) I just want to do right be her, she needs so much support, right now, and I feel like I am failing her, at every turn. 
        I would offer to not have the shower at all, but the invites have all ready gone out, and it would seem to make her feel more guilt about the shower. Would you chip in for the decorations (tissue pompom package set, 1 sheet of cardstock, bakers twine, and two tulip bouquets, and paper plates?) It all comes to $28 at Oriental trading company. Or would you keep saying decorations aren't necessary?
    It's so nice of her to throw you a shower.  I would just let her do what she can afford.  There should be no need for you to chip in as you shouldn't be throwing or contributing to your own shower.  If there is someone else that can help her maybe suggest to her to ask for help.  If she wants to do it on her own skip the decorations.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She has asked for help and the people who have offered to help have fallen off the face of the earth.  I will just continue to tell her decorations aren't necessary. Thank you for your help.
  • She has asked for help and the people who have offered to help have fallen off the face of the earth.  I will just continue to tell her decorations aren't necessary. Thank you for your help.

    haha People typically do fall off the face of the earth once actual help is needed.  Good luck with your wedding!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    themuffinman16ElleNguyen
  • I don't get upset when help isn't offered to me for my wedding, but I get seriously offended that people are not helping her, she is just getting back on her feet, financially... especially when they offered.  Don't offer when you have no desire to help. If I thought people weren't going to help her, I would have just told her I wasn't the shower type of bride.
    bananasplit472001ElleNguyen
  • I would give her some money, even though it's "rude". I'd tell her that it's not necessary to have all the things she'd like, but she will still have to spend money that she doesn't really have, so yes, I would still give her some money to help cover expenses.
  • edited April 2014
    I know it's definitely, hormones, but I threw her kind of an over the top shower (she likes showers, i personally hate them). I , also, had a lot of help from her best friend who was in charge of the decorations (I would never have put that much thought into the decorations). I think she thinks she can't show me how much she means to me with all of her personal touches. My mom is very flaky, at best, and offers to help and then never follows through.  I did give her a call and told her sis needed to talk to her about the shower.
       But my sister was finally getting back on her feet, and had a devastating blow to her finances.  I think she is just overwhelmed and thought her troubles are over.  SHe has really been looking forward to this shower to do something nice for me. I really don't expect it, though.  I have helped her out through her hard times, but I don't do it because I expect something in return.  She doesn't think I expect anything in return, but is just devastated that she can't do all she can for me, right now.
       I have told her my shower will be absolutely lovely, and all of our guests are more excited about the food she cooks, because she is an amazing cook. People still talk about our dinner parties or showers and the food years after we have them. (most times we cook together, unless it is a party honoring one or the other).
    perdonami
  • Your sister sounds like a sweetheart.

    To me it seems like she wants to make you feel super special by throwing you an awesome bridal shower and fell into some hiccups along the way. I don't think you can make it better by helping out as it sounds like something she really wants to do just for you. If you help out it won't make her feel as though she did give you an awesome shower. 

    Keep insisting that decorations are not important to you but that her cooking is. I'd rave about some of the wonderful things she cooks and ask her to make those recipes. Place focus on the wonderful things she can do for you and how you excited you are as a result.
    themuffinman16
  • Is your sister at all close with your FI?  Maybe you could have him give her the decoration supplies and tell her that it's his gift to the shower.  She might be less offended / embarrassed if it was him trying to be sweet and do something for you, rather than you helping with your own party.
    Kat46220themuffinman16perdonamithesummersky
  • I don't see a problem with you chipping in toward decorations if you know it'll mean that much to her to have them there. Nobody else will know that you're doing it. If I were in your shoes, I would probably just order them from OT, have them shipped right to her house and deny doing it to my last breath. 

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    themuffinman16thesummersky
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