Asking a Bridesmaid to Step Down?

grumbledore

I wear nylons or tights all the time.  Definitely not weird, especially in the legal field.

KeptInStitches

I love nylons. They even out my skin tones.

phira

I'll wear tights sometimes, but only as a fashion thing and not because I like having my legs covered. I'm sure people would prefer it if I did wear nylons when I wear shorts/skirts/dresses because I have huge scars on my calves. But I kind of like them.

manateehugger

I wear nylons or tights pretty much every day in winter or fall. Summer, only if I'm walking into an interview or formal business meeting. 

And ditto everyone else on paying for the hair if you demand an updo. I HATE when a bride demands an updo but doesn't want to shell out for it. I am hair incompetent. 

MrsMack10612

I also will wear nylons/tights at certain times.  if it's summer and the skirt is below the knee, probably not, but if it's winter - always have tights or hose on.

Aside from the fact that all my friends are married now, I've always dodged the up-do bullet since I keep my hair short.

Personally I would never kick a friend out of the BP because she can't afford it.  One of BMs had to drop out a month before the wedding (well, it was before then, but she was nervous about telling me).  I was disappointed, but I still listed her in my program.

abbyj700

MrsMack10612 said:

I also will wear nylons/tights at certain times.  if it's summer and the skirt is below the knee, probably not, but if it's winter - always have tights or hose on.

Aside from the fact that all my friends are married now, I've always dodged the up-do bullet since I keep my hair short.

Personally I would never kick a friend out of the BP because she can't afford it.  One of BMs had to drop out a month before the wedding (well, it was before then, but she was nervous about telling me).  I was disappointed, but I still listed her in my program.

My sister-in-law kept asking my sister if she wanted to get her hair done when we were in she and my brothers wedding. We weren't really sure what she thought they were going to do with my sisters fohawk...but ya know...

climbingsingle

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 

I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.

I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 

HisGirlFriday13

ClimbingBrideNY said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 

I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.

I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 

I think that's a regional thing, because almost everyone I know calls them that. But my Southern friends call them 'hose.'

And I remember getting roundly criticised and told I was old-fashioned when I proffered the opinion on TK that hose/nylons were appropriate/expected at a funeral. At the time, I was told no one under the age of 50 wears them at all anymore, ever, anywhere, and I was just crazy.

My only objection to hose is the funky dance I have to do to get them on, and also the fact that I have long legs but a short torso, so til I get them long enough to fit my legs and not have the crotch hanging to my knees, there's TONS of extra material at the top that I have to fold over.

manateehugger

HisGirlFriday13 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 

I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.

I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 

I think that's a regional thing, because almost everyone I know calls them that. But my Southern friends call them 'hose.'

And I remember getting roundly criticised and told I was old-fashioned when I proffered the opinion on TK that hose/nylons were appropriate/expected at a funeral. At the time, I was told no one under the age of 50 wears them at all anymore, ever, anywhere, and I was just crazy.

My only objection to hose is the funky dance I have to do to get them on, and also the fact that I have long legs but a short torso, so til I get them long enough to fit my legs and not have the crotch hanging to my knees, there's TONS of extra material at the top that I have to fold over.

Amen to the hose struggle. On a good day, I can get them maybe an inch below my actual crotch; it's a miracle when I get them in the right spot. I also despise the control top - it squishes unnecessarily and gives me random lumps where I don't have them.  

APDSS22

PDKH said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 

I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.

I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 

I think that's a regional thing, because almost everyone I know calls them that. But my Southern friends call them 'hose.'

And I remember getting roundly criticised and told I was old-fashioned when I proffered the opinion on TK that hose/nylons were appropriate/expected at a funeral. At the time, I was told no one under the age of 50 wears them at all anymore, ever, anywhere, and I was just crazy.

My only objection to hose is the funky dance I have to do to get them on, and also the fact that I have long legs but a short torso, so til I get them long enough to fit my legs and not have the crotch hanging to my knees, there's TONS of extra material at the top that I have to fold over.

Amen to the hose struggle. On a good day, I can get them maybe an inch below my actual crotch; it's a miracle when I get them in the right spot. I also despise the control top - it squishes unnecessarily and gives me random lumps where I don't have them.  

That's the reason I switched to stockings and garter belt.  I have major hose rage when I have to struggle with pantyhose and as soon as I get it in a good spot I have to use the restroom and fight it back into position all over again.

abbyj700

HisGirlFriday13 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 

I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.

I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 

I think that's a regional thing, because almost everyone I know calls them that. But my Southern friends call them 'hose.'

And I remember getting roundly criticised and told I was old-fashioned when I proffered the opinion on TK that hose/nylons were appropriate/expected at a funeral. At the time, I was told no one under the age of 50 wears them at all anymore, ever, anywhere, and I was just crazy.

My only objection to hose is the funky dance I have to do to get them on, and also the fact that I have long legs but a short torso, so til I get them long enough to fit my legs and not have the crotch hanging to my knees, there's TONS of extra material at the top that I have to fold over.

Oh - you were under the impression that hose actually fit some human beings correctly. Silly, silly girl...

climbingsingle

HisGirlFriday13 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 

I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.

I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 

I think that's a regional thing, because almost everyone I know calls them that. But my Southern friends call them 'hose.'

And I remember getting roundly criticised and told I was old-fashioned when I proffered the opinion on TK that hose/nylons were appropriate/expected at a funeral. At the time, I was told no one under the age of 50 wears them at all anymore, ever, anywhere, and I was just crazy.

My only objection to hose is the funky dance I have to do to get them on, and also the fact that I have long legs but a short torso, so til I get them long enough to fit my legs and not have the crotch hanging to my knees, there's TONS of extra material at the top that I have to fold over.

FI caught me doing that dance one day. He fell over laughing. 

grumbledore

I feel like stockings are sort of on an upswing right now.

NYCMercedes

grumbledore said:

I feel like stockings are sort of on an upswing right now.

Yes, thanks to Dutchess Catherine bringing them back.

phira

I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.

KeptInStitches

I guess I'm the only person here who loves control top pantyhose. What? They stay put.

grumbledore

phira said:

I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.

I have to disagree a little with this.  It's not professional, imo, to go around with bare legs.  So, pants or stockings, whichever.

jdluvr06

phira said:

I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.

I hate wearing them too. Actually as soon as I got old enough to not have to deal with my mom's nagging about wearing them I got rid of all mine. So I don't even own any.

Inkdancer

APDSS22 said:

PDKH said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 

I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.

I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 

I think that's a regional thing, because almost everyone I know calls them that. But my Southern friends call them 'hose.'

And I remember getting roundly criticised and told I was old-fashioned when I proffered the opinion on TK that hose/nylons were appropriate/expected at a funeral. At the time, I was told no one under the age of 50 wears them at all anymore, ever, anywhere, and I was just crazy.

My only objection to hose is the funky dance I have to do to get them on, and also the fact that I have long legs but a short torso, so til I get them long enough to fit my legs and not have the crotch hanging to my knees, there's TONS of extra material at the top that I have to fold over.

Amen to the hose struggle. On a good day, I can get them maybe an inch below my actual crotch; it's a miracle when I get them in the right spot. I also despise the control top - it squishes unnecessarily and gives me random lumps where I don't have them.  

That's the reason I switched to stockings and garter belt.  I have major hose rage when I have to struggle with pantyhose and as soon as I get it in a good spot I have to use the restroom and fight it back into position all over again.

Where can you get stockings for tall people? I have bought 4 different pairs of thigh-high stockings and they all stop just above my knees.

Cookie Pusher

I have extremely sensitive skin, so I try to avoid wearing pantyhose, tights, or pretty much anything that is tight against my skin (I break out in hives if I start to sweat or my skin is restricted - it's really weird). The only time I've been ok is with 100% cotton tights, which is nigh impossible to find anymore, or silk stockings. And even then, it's a very small window of time that I can wear them before I start itching like a madwoman.

Sars06

grumbledore said:

phira said:

I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.

I have to disagree a little with this.  It's not professional, imo, to go around with bare legs.  So, pants or stockings, whichever.

Really? I only wear skirts to work, and I never wear pantyhose. I sometimes bust them out for job interviews, but I haven't even done that recently.

In fact, I rarely see women wearing pantyhose where I live/work. And I notice when they do because it is unusual. Maybe it's a regional thing?

(Yes, I am cringing that I just said "it's a regional thing" on the etiquette board)

phira

Sars06 said:

grumbledore said:

phira said:

I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.

I have to disagree a little with this.  It's not professional, imo, to go around with bare legs.  So, pants or stockings, whichever.

Really? I only wear skirts to work, and I never wear pantyhose. I sometimes bust them out for job interviews, but I haven't even done that recently.

In fact, I rarely see women wearing pantyhose where I live/work. And I notice when they do because it is unusual. Maybe it's a regional thing?

(Yes, I am cringing that I just said "it's a regional thing" on the etiquette board)

I think you can look polished and professional without nylons, and I think nylons look really silly. The idea that bare legs are somehow inappropriate, and that a thin layer of see-through material is professional, doesn't make any sense to me. Again, I don't actually care if anyone else says, "I want to wear nylons" because whatever works for you is fine. But I haven't worn them in years and I'm doing just fine.

crunchymamaof2

netskyblue2 said:

I will say updos don't HAVE to be really expensive.  I got my hair done up for my sister's wedding (because I certainly don't have the skills to do it myself) at Cost Cutters for like $25.  It's all relative, of course, but it's not like it needs to cost $60-$100.

It doesn't matter if the undos cost $1.00, it's not the bridesmaids' responsibility unless they choose to get it done. If the bride requires it then she pays, period.

@grumbledore I think this is the first time I've disagreed with you. I don't think nylons/hose/stockings/burglar masks are necessary in a professional environment. Pants or knee length skirts at minimum should be worn and IMO bare legs are fine.

Besides, how can slutty secretaries stay in business if they have to wear hose

APDSS22

Inkdancer said:

APDSS22 said:

PDKH said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 

I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.

I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 

I think that's a regional thing, because almost everyone I know calls them that. But my Southern friends call them 'hose.'

And I remember getting roundly criticised and told I was old-fashioned when I proffered the opinion on TK that hose/nylons were appropriate/expected at a funeral. At the time, I was told no one under the age of 50 wears them at all anymore, ever, anywhere, and I was just crazy.

My only objection to hose is the funky dance I have to do to get them on, and also the fact that I have long legs but a short torso, so til I get them long enough to fit my legs and not have the crotch hanging to my knees, there's TONS of extra material at the top that I have to fold over.

Amen to the hose struggle. On a good day, I can get them maybe an inch below my actual crotch; it's a miracle when I get them in the right spot. I also despise the control top - it squishes unnecessarily and gives me random lumps where I don't have them.  

That's the reason I switched to stockings and garter belt.  I have major hose rage when I have to struggle with pantyhose and as soon as I get it in a good spot I have to use the restroom and fight it back into position all over again.

Where can you get stockings for tall people? I have bought 4 different pairs of thigh-high stockings and they all stop just above my knees.

I get mine from Frederick's because they have the only ones I've found that don't make me want to peel them straight off.  I'm not super tall, but I can pull them up as far as I could possibly want to.  They also have some that supposedly stay up by themselves, but I do not trust my modesty to a small piece of rubber elastic.

photokitty

Nylons, pantyhose, tights and SLIPS, love them all. I never wear a dress without a slip. It saved my butt, quite literally, at lunch today on a very windy day!! =-O

PrettyGirlLost

KeptInStitches said:

I guess I'm the only person here who loves control top pantyhose. What? They stay put.

I'm with you! I have a pretty good technique now for getting into panty hose, so I don't usually have to fight with them too much.

misshart00

I have such an aversion to pantyhose. I found out in the past couple years it's because of when I was little. When I was 4, my mom got hit by a car and shredded most of her leg. For years, my child mind thought it was the pantyhose that tore up her leg.

PrettyGirlLost

phira said:

I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.

I don't think they are required, except for me lol. Damn spider veins!

MrsMack10612

grumbledore said:

phira said:

I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.

I have to disagree a little with this.  It's not professional, imo, to go around with bare legs.  So, pants or stockings, whichever.

I'm inclined to agree with this generally.  My office is business casual and I admit I do go bare-legged in skirts during the summer, but then none of my skirts are above my knees, or hell even shorter than mid-calf.  I would never go on a job interview in a skirt with bare legs.   

I would love to wear stockings rather than pantyhose, but I have trouble finding thigh highs or garters/stockings that will fit me (everything is too small).

lennonkdc

grumbledore said:

phira said:

I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.

I have to disagree a little with this.  It's not professional, imo, to go around with bare legs.  So, pants or stockings, whichever.

Before law school I would have agreed with @phira, since I've started practicing I would never dream of walking into a courthouse without them. 

I'm with @grumbledore, in the legal field barelegs =/= unprofessional. Hell some judges have dress codes stating that female attorneys have to wear skirt suits with hose. No slacks. Slacks get you a contempt of court citation.