Should I mention my wedding at my job interview?? **I have job offers!!

Sugargirl1019

I'm a nurse, and applying for a new position in a different city where FI has a full time job. My wedding is in 3 months. I'd like a week and a half off (as a nurse that's only 4-5 work days). But I'm not going to mention time off during the interview at all.

What if they ask about when my wedding is?
Should I bring it up at the end? Just wait until a job offer comes through and then mention it?

KGold80

Why even mention that you are engaged? I'd wait until a job offer came through and negotiate the time off just like you would starting pay.

KeptInStitches

I wouldn't mention it until you had an offer.

manateehugger

Don't bring it up until you're discussing an offer/availability.

pinkshorts27

They should not ask when your wedding is, if you are married, if you are planning on getting married, etc. So I wouldn't bring it up.  I did interviews last two months for different jobs. I only brought up my wedding after I was hired and was asking about vacation time during the package negotiation. My boss was thrilled for me (so lucky to be going to work for a great boss) and there were no issues. 

Sugargirl1019

What if they ask about it? Do I say I'd prefer not to talk about that right now? Sounds rude and like I'm hiding something

ETA: noticed blueeyes post. I'm just worried haha

manateehugger

If they ask (which they really shouldn't), just casually say your date. You don't have to get into a discussion about it. 

jenna8984

Sugargirl1019 said:

What if they ask about it? Do I say I'd prefer not to talk about that right now? Sounds rude and like I'm hiding something ETA: noticed blueeyes post. I'm just worried haha

They should not ask. Just because they see a ring on your finger they should not be asking when the wedding is. That is inappropriate and has nothing to do with the job. If they are trying to get a feel for your personality and they ask you what you do in your space time say things like reading, jogging, playing with my nephews, etc. don't say wedding planning. If they are rude and inappropriate and they do ask just say in a few months, we can discuss that later if I'm hired and  change the subject back to the position.

iloveotters2014

I've had the HR lady's occasionally see my ring and be like "Ohhhh! when are you getting married!" I've always just said said "oh in the spring!" and then we move on

KatWAG

If you  are concerned they will ask about your wedding/ engagement, dont wear your ring.

sarahufl

I think asking about relationship statuses, etc in an interview is illegal? Wait till you have an offer to really ask.

Aray82

sarahufl said:

I think asking about relationship statuses, etc in an interview is illegal? Wait till you have an offer to really ask.

Yes, it is very much illegal--but sometimes employers will try to "fish" for that information by asking other questions that would prompt you to that topic. But yes, definitely wait for an offer before bringing it up.

emmyg65

Oh my goodness, do not do this. You shouldn't be discussing your personal life in job interviews. You can bring up your vacation request if--and only if--you get a job offer.

FiancB

emmyg65 said:

Oh my goodness, do not do this. You shouldn't be discussing your personal life in job interviews. You can bring up your vacation request if--and only if--you get a job offer.

This. I understand your worry- I need to start looking for a CNA job in the area that we're moving to and that will be right before the wedding- but it's not something I would broach in the interview process.

kla728

sarahufl said:

I think asking about relationship statuses, etc in an interview is illegal? Wait till you have an offer to really ask.

This.  They shouldn't ask -- if it feels casual, you can offer a season but if they get pushy with asking details cut it off.  You should ask about vacation time if /when you get an offer, and if it comes up then its less inappropriate because you don't want to be dishonest and at that point you do need to know if you accrue leave or start with it all.

theartistformerlyknownas

Very much illegal, because their minds could go to "well if she gets married then she might have a baby and then she'd go on leave or maybe quit, so maybe we should hire someone else." Don't let it come up in conversation.

If you need to bring up your time off needs while you're discussing/negotiating PTO time, just say that you have a vacation scheduled for such and such dates and want to confirm that won't be a problem. It'll obviously come up at some point that you're off for your wedding, but make sure that's after you've started.

thelastdreamer

sarahufl said:

I think asking about relationship statuses, etc in an interview is illegal? Wait till you have an offer to really ask.

I knew it. My boss totally asked about my at-the-time boyfriend when I got hired. I could tell he was trying to figure out if we were close to getting engaged and if I'd quit the job if we did. 

wandajune6

Don't say anything! When I started my last (non-clinical) hospital job, I just negotiated a vacation into my deal. I told them that I already had something scheduled and they were willing to work with me.

Don't tell them more than you have to.

emmyg65

It's actually not illegal to ask these questions in the United States, but asking can be regarded as evidence of intent to discriminate, so most employers don't. 

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/practices/inquiries_marital_status.cfm

Sugargirl1019

I just had my first one and I got a job offer! I will speak with them later officially about the job offer, and mention a pre- scheduled vacation time for x days. I have another interview in an hour! I did not mention my wedding at all during the interview. I was asked why I'm moving and said that this is where my fiance and I have decided to live. Moved on from there!

lyndausvi

Sugargirl1019 said:

I just had my first one and I got a job offer! I will speak with them later officially about the job offer, and mention a pre- scheduled vacation time for x days. I have another interview in an hour! I did not mention my wedding at all during the interview. I was asked why I'm moving and said that this is where my fiance and I have decided to live. Moved on from there!

Funny how people think different ways.  I wasn't even thinking of them asking your martial status. The first thought I had was OP is from out-of-town and they were going to ask why you are moving or want to move to the area.   Pretty valid question an employer wants to know.  

KPBM89

The last job I interviewed for did ask me if I was engaged (they saw my ring I'm assuming) and when my wedding was.  They also asked if I'm taking a honeymoon and how long it was going to be.  My response was "Pretty sure you can't legally ask me that since I don't actually work for you yet.  My wedding is planned for my wedding date and my honeymoon is after that date."  I was offered that job, and I turned it down because they made me uncomfortable.  It was just part time retail to get some extra cash before the wedding.

The way they asked the questions were like they were prying for information.  You know the generic response from strangers "Oh I love your ring!  Congratulations!"?  These people were like "I see you're engaged.  So that means you're going to need time off for a wedding, right?  You know if it's in the summer, that's a busy time for us."  Yes, jackass, I understand that.  Our wedding isn't going to change because you need extra help.

I used to manage a store and would NEVER ask those kinds of questions.  The only time anything like that came up would be when I would discuss with people how to put in requests for time off and I would ask if they had anything coming up within 3 weeks because the schedule was already populated for 3 weeks out and I didn't want to have them added in on days they couldn't work.

KatWAG

KPBM89 said:

The last job I interviewed for did ask me if I was engaged (they saw my ring I'm assuming) and when my wedding was.  They also asked if I'm taking a honeymoon and how long it was going to be.  My response was "Pretty sure you can't legally ask me that since I don't actually work for you yet.  My wedding is planned for my wedding date and my honeymoon is after that date."  I was offered that job, and I turned it down because they made me uncomfortable.  It was just part time retail to get some extra cash before the wedding.

The way they asked the questions were like they were prying for information.  You know the generic response from strangers "Oh I love your ring!  Congratulations!"?  These people were like "I see you're engaged.  So that means you're going to need time off for a wedding, right?  You know if it's in the summer, that's a busy time for us."  Yes, jackass, I understand that.  Our wedding isn't going to change because you need extra help.

I used to manage a store and would NEVER ask those kinds of questions.  The only time anything like that came up would be when I would discuss with people how to put in requests for time off and I would ask if they had anything coming up within 3 weeks because the schedule was already populated for 3 weeks out and I didn't want to have them added in on days they couldn't work.

I think this is a pretty snarky response, especially considering they can legally ask you. Frankly, I am surprised you got an offer.

grumbledore

I wouldn't mention it in an interview, but I also wouldn't expect a new job to accommodate a 10 day vacation and I don't think you should expect that either.

emmyg65

What KatWAG said. Like I said before, employers can and do ask these questions. They just can't use your answers to discriminate against you.

Oftentimes, employers ask other questions (like "Why are you relocating?") to get these answers, and you can be as private as you want, but don't be rude!

KPBM89

Oh I didn't say it rudely when I responded to them.  I know it may seem that way in text, but trust me, I was quite polite compared to the way the guy asked me the questions.  He even asked me where it was and when I told him it was in my home state (12 hours away), he rolled his eyes and said "Oh so you'll need a lot of time off, huh?"  FI and I are literally travelling home 2 days before the wedding and our honeymoon is 5 days.

ETA: I probably should've put () around "my wedding date."  I said the actual date, I just didn't put it in my comment, attempting to lessen my footprint on here after all the crazy the other day.  Now I realize why it sounds so snarky haha oops!

jenna8984

@sugargirl1019 Congrats on the first offer!! Hope it's something you really want or that you get an offer from the second one as well!!

Sugargirl1019

@jenna8984 thanks! I'm really excited about it. Now I'm just like, oh gosh, its a longer drive than I have now.. Oh boy need to wake up earlier!

My second was still good, I just didn't get good vibes from her that she loved me.

I really liked these interviews better though, because it was just one on one with a manager. I absolutely hate peer interviews with the manager and 7 staff nurses all exchanging questions to you! Nerve-wracking! Gotta impress 8 instead of 1!

What kinds of interviews do yall normally get? These today made it so easy to get through!

winelover123

I don't wear my rings when I go in for an interview - I'm not going to tell them about my private life, so I don't give them any sort of hint that I am married. 

Glad to hear that your interviews went well!

jenna8984

Whoa glad I'm not a nurse- that sounds really awkward to interview with peers. I'm in accounting so my interviews are always round 1- the HR person just to make sure I shower and I'm not a psycho, then round 2. with the actual accounting manager/ my future boss, then round 3. with the GM or CFO to make sure I can be trusted with financials 

huskypuppy14

jenna8984 said:

Whoa glad I'm not a nurse- that sounds really awkward to interview with peers. I'm in accounting so my interviews are always round 1- the HR person just to make sure I shower and I'm not a psycho, then round 2. with the actual accounting manager/ my future boss, then round 3. with the GM or CFO to make sure I can be trusted with financials 

I'm not a nurse, but our company does peer interviews as well. 

You come in and meet with the hiring manager and a few people you may also be working with. If those people like you, then in the second round interviews you meet with HR and a few more higher ups, and maybe a couple more peers. Depending on the level, you could come in and interview 3 or 4 times. 

We all get trained in how to interview, and it's not appropriate to ask personal questions. Our old HR manager told us a story that a woman came in looking 9 months pregnant, and never mentioned it, and neither did HR. It's a real slippery slope if you ask any potentially discriminatory questions.  Someone could sue, and say you didn't higher them because they were pregnant, a woman, getting married, etc, so it's in the best interest of the company not to ask these types of questions.  

I think another problem is a lot of people conducting the interviews (like the hiring managers or peers) are not in HR and don't know all the rules, so it's more ignorance than malicious. That's why our company tries to make sure everyone goes through training about how to interview.