I posted about a week ago on the budget boards that I'm not engaged anymore. Long story short, although FI and I really love each other we have realized that we both have some things that we are unhappy with in our relationship and we dont feel comfortable making a life time commitment unless or until these issues are worked out. We are in therapy and he has moved into the guest room. We are cordial with one another and have small pleasant conversations about things like work, or our son. Yesterday he called and invited me to go the park with him and our son. I went. It was nice, but awkward. Its weird chit chatting about work when you know your relationship is falling apart. We aren't discussing our issues, we are just existing and trying not to rock the boat to avoid an argument or disagreement. We have only been to one therapy session, our next one is Monday. We are trying to hold off on uncomfortable conversation until we have learned the communication skills that our therapist is going to teach us. In the mean time I am a complete emotional wreck. I'm not eating or sleeping. I cry everyday. I feel so hurt. The thing that hurts the most is the fact that we are even considering splitting up. Even in the past when things were rough between us we always wanted to work through it, but the fact that we have both said that we are trying to decide if we want to marry each other is sad and scary for me. I understand the value in not discussing our issues until we have the communication tools, because we can both be hot headed and our arguments get very intense, but I feel like I'm living in limbo. He doesnt want me to stop wearing my engagement ring, but we are not longer actively planning a wedding. He doesnt want to leave the house, but we are sleeping in separate rooms. Its all just weird, and I just dont know how much longer I can live like this.
Re: NWR-Need some adviced. We've "postponed" or engagement
Remember this: not actively planning a wedding doesn't mean you're not together. Just like every other time you've struggled, you're trying to work things out. You've just cleared out some unnecessary stress so that you can focus on improving your relationship. You weren't actively planning a wedding when you were dating, you were just dating. You're back to that now, only you also have an engagement ring to show that he is committed to making this work. As long as he wants you to keep wearing that ring, and wants to stay in your home, he probably wants to keep trying.
In the end, both of you and your son will be grateful that you put the effort into this. It's going to turn out just fine.
::Hugs::
I am sorry you are in such a hard position. But I think its great that you are getting help to improve your communication skills.
This might help you in the short term.... When I am really upset, sad, angry whatever, I write a letter to that person. I dont hold anything back. When I am done I read it over and then stick it in a draw. For me, it feels great to express my emotions even if no one sees them. You might give it a try.