Help..Private ceremony party later invitations

Maggie0829

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I really doubt a wedding dress and a tiered cake (these can be at many events not just weddings) would lead people to believe that they are at a wedding when a ceremony is not even taking place.

You may doubt that, but some people may get the idea that they're at a wedding reception when they're not.

Then those people are fucking dumb.

Jen4948

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I really doubt a wedding dress and a tiered cake (these can be at many events not just weddings) would lead people to believe that they are at a wedding when a ceremony is not even taking place.

You may doubt that, but some people may get the idea that they're at a wedding reception when they're not.

Then those people are fucking dumb.

Or they might be elderly and senile, or just confused. 

Unlike you, I'm not going to judge people for getting confused about thinking an occasion they're at really is a wedding reception because the female honoree is wearing a wedding gown or cuts a cake that looks like a wedding cake. 

Any blame for misleading the guests as to what the occasion is belongs firmly to the couple-not the guests.

Maggie0829

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I really doubt a wedding dress and a tiered cake (these can be at many events not just weddings) would lead people to believe that they are at a wedding when a ceremony is not even taking place.

You may doubt that, but some people may get the idea that they're at a wedding reception when they're not.

Then those people are fucking dumb.

Or they might be elderly and senile, or just confused. 

Unlike you, I'm not going to judge people for getting confused about thinking an occasion they're at really is a wedding reception because the female honoree is wearing a wedding gown or cuts a cake that looks like a wedding cake. 

Any blame for misleading the guests as to what the occasion is belongs firmly to the couple-not the guests.

So the invite didn't say "Marriage celebration" on it and the whole no ceremony thing wouldn't clue even the elderly guests in?  And if they are senile, they could be confused regardless of what the honoree wears.

huskypuppy14

What I don't understand is once the OP says it's a "regular" dress, you all were like, oh that's fine.  And there are at least 2 people on this thread who agree with me.  Who the fuck cares what type of dress the new wife is going to be wearing. Now, I probably wouldn't wear my wedding dress again, but if someone wants to, that is their prerogative. If someone is going to have a stick up their ass about it, that's their problem.  It in no way affects the guests. 

As long as you're not reenacting the ceremony and having a bridal party and throwing a bouquet, the dress is irrelevant. 

And a cake is appropriate at any event.

theartistformerlyknownas

I went to the grocery store the other day, and got totally confused by all the food and thought I was in my own kitchen. So I took my pants off, stuck a spoon in a jar of peanut butter and looked around for the TV remote. Boy was that embarrassing. Good thing there was nobody there wearing a wedding dress or I might have thrown some rice at her.

CMGragain

Personal attacks will not make your argument any more valid.  A formal wedding gown is appropriate for a bride on her wedding day.  After her wedding day she is no longer a bride, and she should not wear a formal wedding gown. 
The OP is not planning on wearing a formal wedding gown at all.

Jen4948

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I really doubt a wedding dress and a tiered cake (these can be at many events not just weddings) would lead people to believe that they are at a wedding when a ceremony is not even taking place.

You may doubt that, but some people may get the idea that they're at a wedding reception when they're not.

Then those people are fucking dumb.

Or they might be elderly and senile, or just confused. 

Unlike you, I'm not going to judge people for getting confused about thinking an occasion they're at really is a wedding reception because the female honoree is wearing a wedding gown or cuts a cake that looks like a wedding cake. 

Any blame for misleading the guests as to what the occasion is belongs firmly to the couple-not the guests.

So the invite didn't say "Marriage celebration" on it and the whole no ceremony thing wouldn't clue even the elderly guests in?  And if they are senile, they could be confused regardless of what the honoree wears. 

Some people aren't familiar with the concept of "marriage celebration" (that's why there are so many posts about it)!  So they get the idea that they are being invited to a wedding when they are not, and the dress, cake and other "wedding" trappings only reinforce their confusion.  I still say the couple should avoid the appearance of a second wedding.  Isn't making your guests comfortable and not confused a big part of what etiquette is about?  Being confused is not the same as "fucking dumb."  What is "fucking dumb"  is deliberately misleading them to aggrandize oneself-and harshly judging those who have been deliberately misled.

spedteach1102

OK, clearly I'm not into all the formal stuff of weddings and the what not to do rules.  However, if I decide to get a long gown for my wedding dress and wear it to the party I can promise you not a single one of my friends or family will think they've stumbled into a wedding.  I don't have any rocket scientist as friends but I'm sure getting invited to a party to celebrate our wedding that took place in July woud not lead them to believe I was having a second wedding.  I've had several friends ask aka tell me 'I hope you wear your dress that's my favorite part".  Guess what people have even asked if I'm registering...etiqutte police don't freak out because I'm not anyway.  The point is the only people who get up inarms about silly things like wearing dresses and having cakes are the uptight people who I wouldn't want to be at my party anyway. 

I'm going wedding dress shopping Saturday.  Regardless what I chose i'm wearing it to both events. 

I did receive helpful information about the wording of the annocements and the timing of it so thank you all who helped me out with the orginal question. 

spedteach1102

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I really doubt a wedding dress and a tiered cake (these can be at many events not just weddings) would lead people to believe that they are at a wedding when a ceremony is not even taking place.

You may doubt that, but some people may get the idea that they're at a wedding reception when they're not.

Then those people are fucking dumb.

Or they might be elderly and senile, or just confused. 

Unlike you, I'm not going to judge people for getting confused about thinking an occasion they're at really is a wedding reception because the female honoree is wearing a wedding gown or cuts a cake that looks like a wedding cake. 

Any blame for misleading the guests as to what the occasion is belongs firmly to the couple-not the guests.

So the invite didn't say "Marriage celebration" on it and the whole no ceremony thing wouldn't clue even the elderly guests in?  And if they are senile, they could be confused regardless of what the honoree wears. 

Some people aren't familiar with the concept of "marriage celebration" (that's why there are so many posts about it)!  So they get the idea that they are being invited to a wedding when they are not, and the dress, cake and other "wedding" trappings only reinforce their confusion.  I still say the couple should avoid the appearance of a second wedding.  Isn't making your guests comfortable and not confused a big part of what etiquette is about?  Being confused is not the same as "fucking dumb."  What is "fucking dumb"  is deliberately misleading them to aggrandize oneself-and harshly judging those who have been deliberately misled

 

I'm not inviting strangers to this party.  I'm inviting people I have relationships with..friends, family, co-workers....  These people are people I interact with daily, weekly and/or monthly either in person or through other forms of communication.    So these people would not be confused to what their being invited to.  So saying someone is deliberately misleading someone by wearing a dress and having a cake is a bit silly. 

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

Personal attacks will not make your argument any more valid.  A formal wedding gown is appropriate for a bride on her wedding day.  After her wedding day she is no longer a bride, and she should not wear a formal wedding gown. 
The OP is not planning on wearing a formal wedding gown at all.

I'm sorry but what personal attacks?  I did not personally attack anyone on here, so please point out where I did.

lvgirl1000

lolo883 said:

I went to the grocery store the other day, and got totally confused by all the food and thought I was in my own kitchen. So I took my pants off, stuck a spoon in a jar of peanut butter and looked around for the TV remote. Boy was that embarrassing. Good thing there was nobody there wearing a wedding dress or I might have thrown some rice at her.

Bwaahaahaaa! Pantsless rice-chucker in aisle 4.

grumbledore

CMGragain said:

@laurynm84 I think you will find that your opinion is in the minority here on The Knot.  The formal wedding gown is for the ceremony and wedding reception.  For someone to wear the traditional, pouffy, white wedding gown to a party several weeks after the wedding is just to close to a PPD for comfort.
The OP has explained that she is not wearing a traditional wedding gown, so this is not a problem for her.  I would hate for other brides to see your advise and embarrass themselves by dressing inappropriately for a celebration party.  They would be side-eyed for doing this.
Etiquette =/=personal opinion.  Miss Manners would be horrified.

I actually think this is one of the stupider things people tend to agree about on here - over time, my own opinion on wearing the dress again has shifted from "eh it's sort of AWish and weird" to "who the fuck cares?"

I mean, if everyone thinks a bride should not care if a guest wears a white dress to her wedding, then why the hell does anyone care if a woman wears her wedding dress to a party after her wedding?

It's ridiculous.

cupcait927

My wedding dress is the most expensive piece of clothing I will ever own and I'm SO sad I won't get a chance to wear it again. If I could wear the thing every damn day for a year, I would. I LOVE seeing wedding dresses and if the OP wants to wear a beautiful dress twice, why the hell shouldn't she?

Jen4948

Karenweil said:

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I really doubt a wedding dress and a tiered cake (these can be at many events not just weddings) would lead people to believe that they are at a wedding when a ceremony is not even taking place.

You may doubt that, but some people may get the idea that they're at a wedding reception when they're not.

Then those people are fucking dumb.

Or they might be elderly and senile, or just confused. 

Unlike you, I'm not going to judge people for getting confused about thinking an occasion they're at really is a wedding reception because the female honoree is wearing a wedding gown or cuts a cake that looks like a wedding cake. 

Any blame for misleading the guests as to what the occasion is belongs firmly to the couple-not the guests.

So the invite didn't say "Marriage celebration" on it and the whole no ceremony thing wouldn't clue even the elderly guests in?  And if they are senile, they could be confused regardless of what the honoree wears. 

Some people aren't familiar with the concept of "marriage celebration" (that's why there are so many posts about it)!  So they get the idea that they are being invited to a wedding when they are not, and the dress, cake and other "wedding" trappings only reinforce their confusion.  I still say the couple should avoid the appearance of a second wedding.  Isn't making your guests comfortable and not confused a big part of what etiquette is about?  Being confused is not the same as "fucking dumb."  What is "fucking dumb"  is deliberately misleading them to aggrandize oneself-and harshly judging those who have been deliberately misled

 

I'm not inviting strangers to this party.  I'm inviting people I have relationships with..friends, family, co-workers....  These people are people I interact with daily, weekly and/or monthly either in person or through other forms of communication.    So these people would not be confused to what their being invited to.  So saying someone is deliberately misleading someone by wearing a dress and having a cake is a bit silly. 

Sorry, but unless you can read minds, I would not make that assumption.  Just because they don't say it to your face doesn't mean they may not be thinking it and saying so outside your presence.

spedteach1102

People can think what ever they want. Bought my dress and went a whole different route with it. It's not a big puffy ball gown but it's definetly a wedding dress. I spent 900 dollars on it so I will be wearing this thing as many times as I want. Lol. Popular opinion...wear the dress.

VulgarGirl

lolo883 said:

I went to the grocery store the other day, and got totally confused by all the food and thought I was in my own kitchen. So I took my pants off, stuck a spoon in a jar of peanut butter and looked around for the TV remote. Boy was that embarrassing. Good thing there was nobody there wearing a wedding dress or I might have thrown some rice at her.

I'm laughing so hard my co-worker is looking at my weird. I can't make sounds yet to explain what is going on.

VulgarGirl

Wear whatever you'd like, please do wear clothes unless you/your family are nudists in which case be nude I guess. Have cake. Cake is good. And enjoy yourselves.

You're being honest (letting people know you're already hitched) and just having a big party to celebrate that fact. People like parties and celebrations. 

I have worn a big white poofy wedding dress outside of a wedding before, and it didn't make me bride. I'm wearing a knee length red dress to my wedding, and that won't mean I am not a bride. A dress is a dress.

kitty8403

MagicInk said:

Wear whatever you'd like, please do wear clothes unless you/your family are nudists in which case be nude I guess. Have cake. Cake is good. And enjoy yourselves.

You're being honest (letting people know you're already hitched) and just having a big party to celebrate that fact. People like parties and celebrations. 

I have worn a big white poofy wedding dress outside of a wedding before, and it didn't make me bride. I'm wearing a knee length red dress to my wedding, and that won't mean I am not a bride. A dress is a dress.

It drives me batshit, the way society has decided that women should be collectively pressured into spending hundreds, if not thousands, on a dress each time they marry, and then told they will only be allowed to wear it once. I find the whole concept insanely wasteful and a little AWish.
Maybe some people do feel a little goofy wearing their dress more than once. Maybe we should move away from the big poofiness toward something more socially acceptable for multiple occasions. In the interim, I really don't care if you wear your dress again or why. Wear it on your anniversary. Wear it to Christmas dinner with the folks. You spent a lot of money and energy finding and fitting into it!

biggrouch

So many ontological issues in this thread! It's like a philosophy seminar on crack.

Here are some questions that have occurred to me: What if a woman wears a super fancy but non-traditional gown on her wedding day -- say, a giant black ballgown from Bergdorf? Can she then wear it to the marriage celebration later without incurring the wrath of the Knot? What if it IS a giant white gown, but it has a bold pattern or print on it (say, flowers or stripes)? Or, is it actually inappropriate for her not to wear a traditional white dress at her wedding, so no matter WHAT she does at the later celebration she already fucked it up by not wearing an "appropriate" gown in the first place? Can the groom wear his wedding outfit to the later celebration, or is that a Pretty Prince move? How does one know if it's the same tux or a new tux? And then there's the cake issue. If the cake is chocolate-frosted, is that OK? What if it's white-frosted, but has a Godzilla figurine on top instead of a bride and groom? What if the senile guests can't tell it's a Godzilla because they're seated too far away, and they think it really IS a statuette of the groom...

So many questions.

MollyandD

Wearing a dress again, formal white wedding dress or not, doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'd think it would be weird to wear a ball gown out to McDonalds, but it's not hurting or affecting me in anyway. I also wouldn't suddenly get confused about where I am or what is happening just because I saw a wedding dress or cake.

marie20167823

spedteach1102 said:

My fiancée & I will be married on July 19th in a private ceremony (just the two of us) in Gatlingburg. (10 hrs from home) We're having the party/reception/celebration on October 6th. I need help figuring out how to let people know we will be married in July (I think people would be upset if they found out after the fact) and when should I send invites for the party in October.  I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.  We will have pictures of the wedding for everyone to see.  How do I word invitations?  Do I send out all the information on one thing?  Can I send it before we get married? When should I send these invites out? 

I am glad i bumped into this post. Im getting married next may and plan to throw a CELEBRATION party saturday of that same week. I will wear a regular PARTY(not wedding ) dress and i will have a cake. also I'm renting a party hall and having them decorate it SIMILAR TO A RECEPTION(but it is not a reception) so it can look pretty and presentable. your question and some of the comment helped me a lot. I say do what makes you happy  wear what you want call it what you want who cares. all i can say is send your invitations after. I learned from some of the replies to specify that you are already married and is just a celebration . every girl deserves a celebration the way she dreams of having it there is no right or wrong your not braking the law lol your family and friends are going to love celebrating this day with you and thats all that matters. (sorry about the  capital letters it is not for you, it is because i noticed in this website if you say anything about "being married today but party another day" people get offended and forget to answer the question you originally made which was about your invitations).

Jen4948

marie20167823 said:

spedteach1102 said:

My fiancée & I will be married on July 19th in a private ceremony (just the two of us) in Gatlingburg. (10 hrs from home) We're having the party/reception/celebration on October 6th. I need help figuring out how to let people know we will be married in July (I think people would be upset if they found out after the fact) and when should I send invites for the party in October.  I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.  We will have pictures of the wedding for everyone to see.  How do I word invitations?  Do I send out all the information on one thing?  Can I send it before we get married? When should I send these invites out? 

I am glad i bumped into this post. Im getting married next may and plan to throw a CELEBRATION party saturday of that same week. I will wear a regular PARTY(not wedding ) dress and i will have a cake. also I'm renting a party hall and having them decorate it SIMILAR TO A RECEPTION(but it is not a reception) so it can look pretty and presentable. your question and some of the comment helped me a lot. I say do what makes you happy  wear what you want call it what you want who cares. all i can say is send your invitations after. I learned from some of the replies to specify that you are already married and is just a celebration . every girl deserves a celebration the way she dreams of having it there is no right or wrong your not braking the law lol your family and friends are going to love celebrating this day with you and thats all that matters. (sorry about the  capital letters it is not for you, it is because i noticed in this website if you say anything about "being married today but party another day" people get offended and forget to answer the question you originally made which was about your invitations).

Sorry to have to tell you this, but "Do whatever you want-it's your wedding" and "who cares" not only doesn't go down here well-it also isn't true.  If you invite someone else to your wedding, it is also their occasion and their needs have to be taken into consideration.  In fact, in some instances their needs take priority over yours.

marie20167823

Jen4948 said:

marie20167823 said:

spedteach1102 said:

My fiancée & I will be married on July 19th in a private ceremony (just the two of us) in Gatlingburg. (10 hrs from home) We're having the party/reception/celebration on October 6th. I need help figuring out how to let people know we will be married in July (I think people would be upset if they found out after the fact) and when should I send invites for the party in October.  I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.  We will have pictures of the wedding for everyone to see.  How do I word invitations?  Do I send out all the information on one thing?  Can I send it before we get married? When should I send these invites out? 

I am glad i bumped into this post. Im getting married next may and plan to throw a CELEBRATION party saturday of that same week. I will wear a regular PARTY(not wedding ) dress and i will have a cake. also I'm renting a party hall and having them decorate it SIMILAR TO A RECEPTION(but it is not a reception) so it can look pretty and presentable. your question and some of the comment helped me a lot. I say do what makes you happy  wear what you want call it what you want who cares. all i can say is send your invitations after. I learned from some of the replies to specify that you are already married and is just a celebration . every girl deserves a celebration the way she dreams of having it there is no right or wrong your not braking the law lol your family and friends are going to love celebrating this day with you and thats all that matters. (sorry about the  capital letters it is not for you, it is because i noticed in this website if you say anything about "being married today but party another day" people get offended and forget to answer the question you originally made which was about your invitations).

Sorry to have to tell you this, but "Do whatever you want-it's your wedding" and "who cares" not only doesn't go down here well-it also isn't true.  If you invite someone else to your wedding, it is also their occasion and their needs have to be taken into consideration.  In fact, in some instances their needs take priority over yours.

sounds like i offended you??? i was not talking about her guest when i said "who cares" i was talking about all the people commenting on her wedding instead of giving her advice on what she should put in her invites. and if i was talking about her inner circle, how exactly is her guest not going to be taken into consideration by her wearing what she wants and calling it what she wants??? she already made it clear that she talks to them on the regular basis so I'm pretty sure they will not be confused. and off coarse i will be assuming that she is going to take them into consideration and make it a priority that they enjoy the evening just like i would do with my guest. so exactly what was your point?

Jen4948

marie20167823 said:

Jen4948 said:

marie20167823 said:

spedteach1102 said:

My fiancée & I will be married on July 19th in a private ceremony (just the two of us) in Gatlingburg. (10 hrs from home) We're having the party/reception/celebration on October 6th. I need help figuring out how to let people know we will be married in July (I think people would be upset if they found out after the fact) and when should I send invites for the party in October.  I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.  We will have pictures of the wedding for everyone to see.  How do I word invitations?  Do I send out all the information on one thing?  Can I send it before we get married? When should I send these invites out? 

I am glad i bumped into this post. Im getting married next may and plan to throw a CELEBRATION party saturday of that same week. I will wear a regular PARTY(not wedding ) dress and i will have a cake. also I'm renting a party hall and having them decorate it SIMILAR TO A RECEPTION(but it is not a reception) so it can look pretty and presentable. your question and some of the comment helped me a lot. I say do what makes you happy  wear what you want call it what you want who cares. all i can say is send your invitations after. I learned from some of the replies to specify that you are already married and is just a celebration . every girl deserves a celebration the way she dreams of having it there is no right or wrong your not braking the law lol your family and friends are going to love celebrating this day with you and thats all that matters. (sorry about the  capital letters it is not for you, it is because i noticed in this website if you say anything about "being married today but party another day" people get offended and forget to answer the question you originally made which was about your invitations).

Sorry to have to tell you this, but "Do whatever you want-it's your wedding" and "who cares" not only doesn't go down here well-it also isn't true.  If you invite someone else to your wedding, it is also their occasion and their needs have to be taken into consideration.  In fact, in some instances their needs take priority over yours.

sounds like i offended you??? i was not talking about her guest when i said "who cares" i was talking about all the people commenting on her wedding instead of giving her advice on what she should put in her invites. and if i was talking about her inner circle, how exactly is her guest not going to be taken into consideration by her wearing what she wants and calling it what she wants??? she already made it clear that she talks to them on the regular basis so I'm pretty sure they will not be confused. and off coarse i will be assuming that she is going to take them into consideration and make it a priority that they enjoy the evening just like i would do with my guest. so exactly what was your point?

"Who cares?" attitudes waste everyone's time and use up whatever goodwill the rest of us had up until the "who cares?"  It's snotty and it alienates everyone who did take the time to answer her.  The fact that she may have gotten advice she didn't want to hear was the risk she took of asking anyone, anywhere, for advice, whether here or elsewhere.

marie20167823

Jen4948 said:

marie20167823 said:

Jen4948 said:

marie20167823 said:

spedteach1102 said:

My fiancée & I will be married on July 19th in a private ceremony (just the two of us) in Gatlingburg. (10 hrs from home) We're having the party/reception/celebration on October 6th. I need help figuring out how to let people know we will be married in July (I think people would be upset if they found out after the fact) and when should I send invites for the party in October.  I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.  We will have pictures of the wedding for everyone to see.  How do I word invitations?  Do I send out all the information on one thing?  Can I send it before we get married? When should I send these invites out? 

I am glad i bumped into this post. Im getting married next may and plan to throw a CELEBRATION party saturday of that same week. I will wear a regular PARTY(not wedding ) dress and i will have a cake. also I'm renting a party hall and having them decorate it SIMILAR TO A RECEPTION(but it is not a reception) so it can look pretty and presentable. your question and some of the comment helped me a lot. I say do what makes you happy  wear what you want call it what you want who cares. all i can say is send your invitations after. I learned from some of the replies to specify that you are already married and is just a celebration . every girl deserves a celebration the way she dreams of having it there is no right or wrong your not braking the law lol your family and friends are going to love celebrating this day with you and thats all that matters. (sorry about the  capital letters it is not for you, it is because i noticed in this website if you say anything about "being married today but party another day" people get offended and forget to answer the question you originally made which was about your invitations).

Sorry to have to tell you this, but "Do whatever you want-it's your wedding" and "who cares" not only doesn't go down here well-it also isn't true.  If you invite someone else to your wedding, it is also their occasion and their needs have to be taken into consideration.  In fact, in some instances their needs take priority over yours.

sounds like i offended you??? i was not talking about her guest when i said "who cares" i was talking about all the people commenting on her wedding instead of giving her advice on what she should put in her invites. and if i was talking about her inner circle, how exactly is her guest not going to be taken into consideration by her wearing what she wants and calling it what she wants??? she already made it clear that she talks to them on the regular basis so I'm pretty sure they will not be confused. and off coarse i will be assuming that she is going to take them into consideration and make it a priority that they enjoy the evening just like i would do with my guest. so exactly what was your point?

"Who cares?" attitudes waste everyone's time and use up whatever goodwill the rest of us had up until the "who cares?"  It's snotty and it alienates everyone who did take the time to answer her.  The fact that she may have gotten advice she didn't want to hear was the risk she took of asking anyone, anywhere, for advice, whether here or elsewhere.

Jen4948 said:

marie20167823 said:

Jen4948 said:

marie20167823 said:

spedteach1102 said:

My fiancée & I will be married on July 19th in a private ceremony (just the two of us) in Gatlingburg. (10 hrs from home) We're having the party/reception/celebration on October 6th. I need help figuring out how to let people know we will be married in July (I think people would be upset if they found out after the fact) and when should I send invites for the party in October.  I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.  We will have pictures of the wedding for everyone to see.  How do I word invitations?  Do I send out all the information on one thing?  Can I send it before we get married? When should I send these invites out? 

I am glad i bumped into this post. Im getting married next may and plan to throw a CELEBRATION party saturday of that same week. I will wear a regular PARTY(not wedding ) dress and i will have a cake. also I'm renting a party hall and having them decorate it SIMILAR TO A RECEPTION(but it is not a reception) so it can look pretty and presentable. your question and some of the comment helped me a lot. I say do what makes you happy  wear what you want call it what you want who cares. all i can say is send your invitations after. I learned from some of the replies to specify that you are already married and is just a celebration . every girl deserves a celebration the way she dreams of having it there is no right or wrong your not braking the law lol your family and friends are going to love celebrating this day with you and thats all that matters. (sorry about the  capital letters it is not for you, it is because i noticed in this website if you say anything about "being married today but party another day" people get offended and forget to answer the question you originally made which was about your invitations).

Sorry to have to tell you this, but "Do whatever you want-it's your wedding" and "who cares" not only doesn't go down here well-it also isn't true.  If you invite someone else to your wedding, it is also their occasion and their needs have to be taken into consideration.  In fact, in some instances their needs take priority over yours.

sounds like i offended you??? i was not talking about her guest when i said "who cares" i was talking about all the people commenting on her wedding instead of giving her advice on what she should put in her invites. and if i was talking about her inner circle, how exactly is her guest not going to be taken into consideration by her wearing what she wants and calling it what she wants??? she already made it clear that she talks to them on the regular basis so I'm pretty sure they will not be confused. and off coarse i will be assuming that she is going to take them into consideration and make it a priority that they enjoy the evening just like i would do with my guest. so exactly what was your point?

"Who cares?" attitudes waste everyone's time and use up whatever goodwill the rest of us had up until the "who cares?"  It's snotty and it alienates everyone who did take the time to answer her.  The fact that she may have gotten advice she didn't want to hear was the risk she took of asking anyone, anywhere, for advice, whether here or elsewhere.

lmfao WHO CARES wink wink. I'm done replying to you.byee

Favouritecake

spedteach1102 my husband and I are also doing what you are.  (we had a DW back in December) I had a really tough time with the wording of the invites: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1029918/already-married-invites#latest

But what we have decided to do in the end is call the 'reception' (or what have you) our Wedding Celebration so on the invites it will say: 

You are invited to the wedding celebration of Kim and Tom 

xx date 2014 

etc

And on the back, there is a photo of us at our wedding with the caption: "We missed you in Thailand, let's celebrate now!"   This is to just to drive the point home that yes, we were already married (everyone clearly knows though) and to say this is the celebration of that wedding. 

We are keeping it really simple but you can go into as much detail as you like, saying the date you got married, how it was private, and now you want to celebrate with everyone - it's YOUR party so do what ever you want!  

People are not going to get confused and think they have been magically transported to a wedding reception if they see a tiered cake.  They will know exactly why they are there and will honestly enjoy seeing wedding-like elements. Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful party!  

KwajKenDean

All this etiquette stuff can be overwhelming and I'm sure there are some who don't follow it at all because they just don't care or don't know any better.  And then you have those who live by the philosophy if "Do as thou wilt, that shall be the whole of the law." ...I'm just saying...

NYCMercedes

KwajKenDean said:

All this etiquette stuff can be overwhelming and I'm sure there are some who don't follow it at all because they just don't care or don't know any better.  And then you have those who live by the philosophy if "Do as thou wilt, that shall be the whole of the law." ...I'm just saying...

Passive aggressive.

KwajKenDean

NYCMercedes said:

KwajKenDean said:

All this etiquette stuff can be overwhelming and I'm sure there are some who don't follow it at all because they just don't care or don't know any better.  And then you have those who live by the philosophy if "Do as thou wilt, that shall be the whole of the law." ...I'm just saying...

Passive aggressive.

You mean the phrase, right? You don't know me. I merrily wrote a phrase/philosophy by Aliester Crowely that has become popular over the years. And while he wrote it for different reasons (Law of Thelema) may people have adopted it into their everyday life and don't care about mainstream etiquette, or what people think about them.

NYCMercedes

KwajKenDean said:

NYCMercedes said:

KwajKenDean said:

All this etiquette stuff can be overwhelming and I'm sure there are some who don't follow it at all because they just don't care or don't know any better.  And then you have those who live by the philosophy if "Do as thou wilt, that shall be the whole of the law." ...I'm just saying...

Passive aggressive.

You mean the phrase, right? You don't know me. I merrily wrote a phrase/philosophy by Aliester Crowely that has become popular over the years. And while he wrote it for different reasons (Law of Thelema) may people have adopted it into their everyday life and don't care about mainstream etiquette, or what people think about them.

Not the phrase in quotes. Your merry post against etiquette that contradicted previous posters was the aggressive and the "just saying" was the passive.