Shower etiquette

deej14

So FMIL has decided to throw me a shower. Which I am completely appreciate of. However, she sent out Facebook invites without checking our wedding guest list. As a result, a large amount of the people she invited either aren't invited to the wedding or I don't know them. Myself and FI are concerned that some people may now assume they are invited to the wedding and that this seems gift grabby. He spoke to her about it and she doesn't seem to agree. What's done is done. The question is How would you ladies handle this situation on shower day? Especially for those who will likely now assume that they're invited to the wedding. Invites will have already been sent out by shower time. Help,

MobKaz

deej14 said:

So FMIL has decided to throw me a shower. Which I am completely appreciate of. However, she sent out Facebook invites without checking our wedding guest list. As a result, a large amount of the people she invited either aren't invited to the wedding or I don't know them. Myself and FI are concerned that some people may now assume they are invited to the wedding and that this seems gift grabby. He spoke to her about it and she doesn't seem to agree. What's done is done. The question is How would you ladies handle this situation on shower day? Especially for those who will likely now assume that they're invited to the wedding. Invites will have already been sent out by shower time. Help,

The fact that she sent "invitations" out via Facebook makes me shudder to think what other etiquette blunders may yet happen.  

I would tell her that to invite women not invited to the wedding is wrong and makes you uncomfortable.  Ask her to call those women she erroneously invited and explain HER faux pas.  Tell her you may have to decline the shower if this isn't done as it makes you very uncomfortable.

If you cannot or won't do that, then you have two choices.  Add them to your wedding guest list.  It sounds like you still have time.  If you can't or won't do this, then bring nothing up about the wedding at the shower.  Do not make any implications about invitations.  If one of the non-wedding guests comments about your wedding, smile and change the subject.  Make it clear to your FMIL that she needs to come clean about her error to her friends.

deej14

We have time to add to the guest list. However, adding the amount that would be necessary would put us over capacity.

MobKaz

deej14 said:

We have time to add to the guest list. However, adding the amount that would be necessary would put us over capacity.

You could make this a point to explain to MIL how inappropriate her actions were.  Tell her if these women attend the shower, you feel obligated to include them on the guest list.  Ask her which of the guests she submitted to you she would like to cut to accommodate these new guests.  

kmmssg

Any chance she did this to get these friends on the guest list?

deej14

I think she genuinely didn't realize it was inappropriate. Her solution to me not knowing people is to have name tags. Also, how do you go about not discussing the wedding at a bridal shower? I assume people will be pressing for details. How many awkward "well we had a limit to how many people we could invite" conversations will be had I wonder.

lodele47

I'm in the same boat! My fiance's aunt is hosting the shower and invited lots of extended family that I don't know and who aren't invited to the wedding. It's stressing me out to say the least.