living together before Marriage? and getting married in a church?

FutureMrsKamin

I am trying to find a church in the Lake Country area that would be open to Marrying my fiance and I even though we live together.  The first church we went to look at today told us flat out they would not unless we altered our living arrangements... and well that is not an option.

Were looking for a catholic or non-denominational church.

We would like to get married in a church so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... and personal experiences would be great too!

Thanks!

mob112710

They really said that? My daugher and son-in-law got married in a Catholic church last weekend and they lived together for 15 months prior to the ceremony. To the best of my knowledge living together does not preclude you from getting married in a Catholic church/ceremony, although you probably will have to go through some additional sessions (or at least different ones than those couples living apart) during the marriage preparation required by the church. If this was the response that you got from your "home" parish, try speaking with the priest directly or, if he was the one that told you that, try a neighboring parish.

Jelenny

my FI and I are getting married in a catholic church and we have been living together for two years....

I think it does depend on the individual priest - regardless you do have to do classes

Jules08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_living-together-before-marriage-getting-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:118Discussion:45112d2f-e6aa-44a2-ba18-8d0cd002e03dPost:a7af7ed2-f295-4639-a3da-dfef17fa456b">living together before Marriage? and getting married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am trying to find a church in the Lake Country area that would be open to Marrying my fiance and I even though we live together.  The first church we went to look at today told us flat out they would not unless we altered our living arrangements... and well that is not an option. Were looking for a catholic or non-denominational church. We would like to get married in a church so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... and personal experiences would be great too! Thanks!
Posted by FutureMrsKamin[/QUOTE]

I am not familiar with the area to give any suggestions, but I wanted to ask why you wouldn't get married in the church that either you or your FI belongs to?  It is highly encouraged in the Catholic Faith.  Now I can understand a few reasons for not wanting to, so with that I would also say if you do go in the direction of the Catholic Church, make sure it's one that you and your FI will continue to be members of after you get married.

It is highly discouraged in the Catholic Church for couples to live together before they get married and it is completely up to the archdiocese to make the decision if they will alllow it or not.  Recently, the church seems to be a bit more leanient on this as they are trying to do what they can to keep the church growing.  DH and I did live together before we got married.  We met with our priest and he asked us about it.  We did discuss our reasons why and he was okay with continuing to allow us to get married in the curch.  We did have to do a bit of extra work during our FOCCUS meetings as well.

varsity714

Wow! what church was that? I have been looking at St. Mary's Episcopalian Church in Dousman. It is a wonderful, small church, and Fr. Scott is really amazing and understanding (he was formerly a catholic priest). Also, I have known people getting married at St. John's Military Academy - the chapel is gorgeous

sstobbe

I am not a religious person, but my fiance is insistant upon getting married in a church. We went to talk to the Pastor of the church he has been attending since he was a child (Lutheran) and he said he didn't feel comfortable waiting until May to marry us because we were living together. He gave us the option of having a super small/private wedding ceremony ASAP and still having the big ceremony in May OR changing our living arrangements. Neither of those things were an option for us & so we found a different church.

I think the issue is that premarital sex is a sin according to the bible and the Pastor marrying us knowing we lived together would be like him approving of us sinning. It's really stupid (in my opinion) and very old school. I think some churches need to get with the program and the 21st century.

daffodil171

We are getting married at St. John's Military Academy, in their chapel. It is gorgeous! They do non-denominational ceremonies. The chaplain is great! FI and I live together and that was not an issue at all. You should really check it out!

jberg134

We are living together and getting married in the Catholic church in the Archdiocese of Milwaukee.  No one has said anything to us about living together.  A good number of the people in our Engaged Enrichment class were living together as well.  FI and I did some pre-martial counseling outside of the church as well.  Our counselor ran the pre-cana program for the Archdiocese back in 1984...he told us that a majority of couples lived together even back then.

So, that being said, look for another Catholic church.  All of Lake County is in the Archdiocese of Milwaukee, so it's not an Archdiocesian thing.

We are being married at Immaculate Conception in Milwaukee.

alessner

I am not sure about Lake Country but we are getting married at St. Sebastian's Catholic Church in Milwaukee. We live in Lake Country but picked St. Sebs because I liked their layed back approach, we live together and they did not mention it. Good Luck!

SweetCharade

FI and I are both Catholic but ended up deciding not to get married in a Catholic church for some personal reasons....we found Lake Country Congregational Church in Hartland.  They've been fantastic to work with, and their ceremony is very similar to a Catholic ceremony.  Many members of that church are in fact Catholics who just feel more comfortable at a Congregational church.

If you're looking for non-denominational, did you look at Westbrook Church in Delafield?  It's on Hwy 83 just off of 94.

CharlotteGettingMarried

Saint Johns Cathedral in Milwaukee is ok with it ... at least they never gave us a problem.  I had a friend who used my address and had her FI use their address ... probably not good to lie to the church but it worked for them.  haha

lyzajane17

I have friends that owned a house together and had the same problem.  They ended up going to the courthouse to get married and then the priest agreed to perform the ceremony for them 8 months later for the "big day". 

I have another friend that wed privately and kept it a secret until after their "big day" for insurance reasons.

Just another idea if you're set on that church.

Best of luck!

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_living-together-before-marriage-getting-married-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:118Discussion:45112d2f-e6aa-44a2-ba18-8d0cd002e03dPost:a7af7ed2-f295-4639-a3da-dfef17fa456b">living together before Marriage? and getting married in a church?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am trying to find a church in the Lake Country area that would be open to Marrying my fiance and I even though we live together.  The first church we went to look at today told us flat out they would not unless we altered our living arrangements... and well that is not an option. Were looking for a catholic or non-denominational church. We would like to get married in a church so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... and personal experiences would be great too! Thanks!
Posted by FutureMrsKamin[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>My FI and I are in the EXACT same situation!  We moved to Delafield 6 months ago, so we don't have a "home" church and looking for a catholic or non-denom. church.  We also live together, so that part is making me a little nervous about trying to find a Catholic church.  I've attended mass at St. Jeromes in Oconomowoc (Catholic) -- a very beautiful church, but I've heard that they can be real funny about marrying couples who live together first.  Can you let me know which church told you they wouldn't marry you?</div><div>
</div><div>As far as the chapel at St. John's Military Academy, we looked into it since I saw pictures and I was almost dead set on having our ceremony there, until I found out how much it cost: $1,500 just to rent it!  Not including pew decorations or anything else.  Not sure what your budget is, but that was just too much for us to spend to rent out a ceremony site.</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck with your search, and I would love to hear if you find a church (esp. Catholic) in the area that won't berate us for living together first...</div>