Wedding Etiquette Forum

I think I would have killed someone - UPDATE in Comments

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Re: I think I would have killed someone - UPDATE in Comments

  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
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    akosakow said:
    My BIL's wedding started over an hour late because the bride had a "hair emergency." I was in the wedding and was there when the bride had a full on melt down, threw the hair dressers out of the house, and had a family friend start over on her hair. If only that was her only bridezilla moment...
    My HS best friend's wedding started 45 mins late because she left the decorative belt for her wedding dress at home. She made her DOC go get it and wouldn't walk down the aisle without it.
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  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
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    I agree 45 minutes was too long to wait for the musicians. I would have started at about 10 minutes after.  But I am giving my friend the benefit of the doubt, because she is not a rude person, and assuming that they were trying to figure out 1. what happened to their friends and 2. what to do instead when it appeared they weren't coming. At the 10 minute mark when the announcement was made, it was clear they still expected them to show any minute.

    I am also making sure that we have our ceremony songs downloaded and ready to play on the speaker system so that if our violinist is late, our wedding will not be.  :)

    Really, I was more outraged for her than at her.  But it would have been nice if dinner started earlier than 8 so we had more time for dancing.  At least they had plenty of apps and a great open bar so no one was hungry or bored before hand.


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  • akosakow said:
    My BIL's wedding started over an hour late because the bride had a "hair emergency." I was in the wedding and was there when the bride had a full on melt down, threw the hair dressers out of the house, and had a family friend start over on her hair. If only that was her only bridezilla moment...

    By "hair emergency" do you mean her hair caught on fire? Seems like hair should be done well ahead of time in case something doesn't go right.
    grumbledorePrettyGirlLost
  • I definitely wouldn't have waited that long, but I don't think it's "just music" - maybe because I am a musician myself and music is very important to me, but I would be crushed (but not let it ruin my day) if this happened to me.  And we won't have a dj on hand at our church to jump in if something like this happens - he will be at our reception venue setting up.  

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  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    FI really wanted a certain musician for the wedding. He hasn't asked for a lot so I booked the guy. He is flaky and horrible at communicating so I'm nervous that he won't show up on time. I hired a different musician for cocktail hour (ceremony and cocktail are in the same place) and I paid him extra to show up before the ceremony starts so I will have a back up plan JIC. 

    I feel bad for the bride. I will probably be an emotional mess on my wedding day and I feel like I won't be able to think straight if something does go wrong. Hopefully someone with me will be able to come up with logical solutions to any problems because it won't be me that day. LOL
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  • I'm not implying you said this at all, but there is no reason to be mad at the bride or groom.  Did they have a wedding planner?  If not, it is hectic enough as it is to organize your own wedding.  That being said, there are more important things in life to be upset about .... as a guest, I'd be annoyed, but I wouldn't be livid.  If anything, I'd be concerned.

    The bride and groom, however, should've been proactive earlier.  "Vendors", friends or hired, should always arrive earlier.  If, by 3:45, there was a no-show, I would've started coming up with alternatives.  It's an inconvenience, but things happen.
  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
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    So I saw my friend with the no show musicians at another wedding this past weekend and asked her what happened....

    Musicians were friends from college who were coming in from out of state and staying with a friend of theirs in town.  She talked to them the day before the wedding to confirm the timeline and they told her they would be at the wedding site by 2 p.m. (4 o'clock ceremony).  When they were not there by 2:45, she texted to see where they were.  They told her they had decided to stop on the way and stay at a hotel rather than their friends' house, but were in town now and should be there soon.  Obviously, they were not.  They exchanged a bunch of texts over the next 45 minutes, all saying they would be there soon. When they weren't there by 3:45, she called them.  They said they were 5 minutes away.  So she waited.  At 4:15, they called her and told her she should start without them - no explanation given.  As I suspected, it took a bit for the DJ to download the music to start, hence the 4:45 start time for the ceremony.

    Musicians never showed.  Never called her and told her why.  She is so mad at them, that she hasn't called them either.

    Moral of the story - even if its your friends playing music at your wedding, make sure you have a back up plan.
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  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
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    Jeez, that is awful. They could have at least given her way more warning instead of stringing her along like that. That is messed up. 

    @Molly&Domenic - I actually did catch my hair on fire at a wedding once. It took about 5 minutes to fix back up again, and a lot of perfume. lol. 
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    MollyandD
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Sorry, but going to stand but my original statement that the B&G were rude. She knew there was an issue at 2:45 and but 3:45 she should have been asking the DJ to download the music if she wasn't willing to walk down the aisle in silence. Moral of the story is have a back up plan or realize music is not important enough to be rude to your guests and make them sit in silence for 45 mins. :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
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    I do think they definitely should've just gone on in silence (and it would've been less noticeable as a Really Big Deal to guests that way as well) but I can see how someone wouldn't really be thinking straight in that situation. I definitely agree but it's kind of one of those hindsight's 20/20 kind of things.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
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    Sorry, but going to stand but my original statement that the B&G were rude. She knew there was an issue at 2:45 and but 3:45 she should have been asking the DJ to download the music if she wasn't willing to walk down the aisle in silence. Moral of the story is have a back up plan or realize music is not important enough to be rude to your guests and make them sit in silence for 45 mins. :)
    I have to disagree with you. If it was friends, you obviously wouldn't think they'd flake out on your wedding, even if they were later than discussed. Also, I'd doubt you'd have a clear head in this situation. Maybe ill prepared, but not rude.
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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    Sorry, but going to stand but my original statement that the B&G were rude. She knew there was an issue at 2:45 and but 3:45 she should have been asking the DJ to download the music if she wasn't willing to walk down the aisle in silence. Moral of the story is have a back up plan or realize music is not important enough to be rude to your guests and make them sit in silence for 45 mins. :)
    I have to disagree with you. If it was friends, you obviously wouldn't think they'd flake out on your wedding, even if they were later than discussed. Also, I'd doubt you'd have a clear head in this situation. Maybe ill prepared, but not rude.
    Totally disagree with you, when they weren't there by 3:30 I'd have texted them and said not to come. Or "come but don't worry bout playing the music." They were supposed to be there at 2pm. They would need time to set up. My sister's music wouldn't play, we walked down the aisle in silence. We didn't spend 10 mins trying to get the speaker to work, so having been in the situation, I do think I'd have a clear head.

    It's just music, go into the situation knowing you can get married with music, your bouquet, bubbles, decorations, etc and you'll be prepared to make the right decision.

    Had the missing friend been the minister, than that's the only way the B&G weren't rude by making the guests wait.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sorry, but going to stand but my original statement that the B&G were rude. She knew there was an issue at 2:45 and but 3:45 she should have been asking the DJ to download the music if she wasn't willing to walk down the aisle in silence. Moral of the story is have a back up plan or realize music is not important enough to be rude to your guests and make them sit in silence for 45 mins. :)
    I have to disagree with you. If it was friends, you obviously wouldn't think they'd flake out on your wedding, even if they were later than discussed. Also, I'd doubt you'd have a clear head in this situation. Maybe ill prepared, but not rude.
    Totally disagree with you, when they weren't there by 3:30 I'd have texted them and said not to come. Or "come but don't worry bout playing the music." They were supposed to be there at 2pm. They would need time to set up. My sister's music wouldn't play, we walked down the aisle in silence. We didn't spend 10 mins trying to get the speaker to work, so having been in the situation, I do think I'd have a clear head.

    Both ill prepared and rude. It's just music, go into the situation knowing you can get married with music, your bouquet, bubbles, decorations, etc and you'll be prepared to make the right decision.

    Had the missing friend been the minister, than that's the only way the B&G weren't rude by making the guests wait.
    I definatly see your point. I suppose hindsight is always 20/20!
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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Sorry, but going to stand but my original statement that the B&G were rude. She knew there was an issue at 2:45 and but 3:45 she should have been asking the DJ to download the music if she wasn't willing to walk down the aisle in silence. Moral of the story is have a back up plan or realize music is not important enough to be rude to your guests and make them sit in silence for 45 mins. :)
    I have to disagree with you. If it was friends, you obviously wouldn't think they'd flake out on your wedding, even if they were later than discussed. Also, I'd doubt you'd have a clear head in this situation. Maybe ill prepared, but not rude.
    Totally disagree with you, when they weren't there by 3:30 I'd have texted them and said not to come. Or "come but don't worry bout playing the music." They were supposed to be there at 2pm. They would need time to set up. My sister's music wouldn't play, we walked down the aisle in silence. We didn't spend 10 mins trying to get the speaker to work, so having been in the situation, I do think I'd have a clear head.

    Both ill prepared and rude. It's just music, go into the situation knowing you can get married with music, your bouquet, bubbles, decorations, etc and you'll be prepared to make the right decision.

    Had the missing friend been the minister, than that's the only way the B&G weren't rude by making the guests wait.
    I definatly see your point. I suppose hindsight is always 20/20!
    Indeed! :) Just hoping we can give some foresight for lurkers in case they find themselves in the situation.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sorry, but going to stand but my original statement that the B&G were rude. She knew there was an issue at 2:45 and but 3:45 she should have been asking the DJ to download the music if she wasn't willing to walk down the aisle in silence. Moral of the story is have a back up plan or realize music is not important enough to be rude to your guests and make them sit in silence for 45 mins. :)
    I have to disagree with you. If it was friends, you obviously wouldn't think they'd flake out on your wedding, even if they were later than discussed. Also, I'd doubt you'd have a clear head in this situation. Maybe ill prepared, but not rude.
    Totally disagree with you, when they weren't there by 3:30 I'd have texted them and said not to come. Or "come but don't worry bout playing the music." They were supposed to be there at 2pm. They would need time to set up. My sister's music wouldn't play, we walked down the aisle in silence. We didn't spend 10 mins trying to get the speaker to work, so having been in the situation, I do think I'd have a clear head.

    Both ill prepared and rude. It's just music, go into the situation knowing you can get married with music, your bouquet, bubbles, decorations, etc and you'll be prepared to make the right decision.

    Had the missing friend been the minister, than that's the only way the B&G weren't rude by making the guests wait.
    I definatly see your point. I suppose hindsight is always 20/20!
    Indeed! :) Just hoping we can give some foresight for lurkers in case they find themselves in the situation.
    Oh yes! 
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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
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    Am I the only person who would've been like, "Hey, can everyone start just singing DUNNNNN DUN DUN-DUNNNNNNNNNN, DUNNNN DUN DUN-DUNNNNNN and get this show on the road?"

    In reality, I'd probably just say that to FI and be humming it for the duration of the wait.

    Also, those friends aren't friend material. I'm surprised didn't announce the reception dinner by saying there was a menu change, and they'd now be serving grilled douchebags with a side of crushed musical instruments.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
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    akosakow said:
    My BIL's wedding started over an hour late because the bride had a "hair emergency." I was in the wedding and was there when the bride had a full on melt down, threw the hair dressers out of the house, and had a family friend start over on her hair. If only that was her only bridezilla moment...

    By "hair emergency" do you mean her hair caught on fire? Seems like hair should be done well ahead of time in case something doesn't go right.
    If I ever have a hair emergency like that, I will send a DOC to:

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    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    melbensophiraclimbingsinglePrettyGirlLost
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
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    I'd love to say, "I would have told the DJ to start getting music ready at 3:30," but honestly, sometimes when you're in panic mode, things don't occur to you. Like, even the most basic, obvious things.
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    beethery said:
    Am I the only person who would've been like, "Hey, can everyone start just singing DUNNNNN DUN DUN-DUNNNNNNNNNN, DUNNNN DUN DUN-DUNNNNNN and get this show on the road?"

    In reality, I'd probably just say that to FI and be humming it for the duration of the wait.

    Also, those friends aren't friend material. I'm surprised didn't announce the reception dinner by saying there was a menu change, and they'd now be serving grilled douchebags with a side of crushed musical instruments.
    It was too much work to figure out what piece you were trying to imitate once the DUNNNNs popped the Star Wars theme into my head.
    My dad would do that. Though I know my friends and someone would start "Just a small town girl" and we would walk down the aisle to Don't Stop Believing because almost everyone we know knows it from start to finish.
    manillabarMaggie0829
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If someone brought a guitar, we could probably get my future brother-in-law to play our processional, but eh, whatever, I'd just walk down and say hi to everyone or something.
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    Sorry, but going to stand but my original statement that the B&G were rude. She knew there was an issue at 2:45 and but 3:45 she should have been asking the DJ to download the music if she wasn't willing to walk down the aisle in silence. Moral of the story is have a back up plan or realize music is not important enough to be rude to your guests and make them sit in silence for 45 mins. :)
    I say cut her some slack. It's a stressful day and NONE of us would know what we would do in that situation. Your emotions are already going a million miles a minute, so who knows what she was thinking. Letting go of the "dream day" is alot easier said than done. We can all sit here and say "I'd just move on" but I call BS on that one. I think half of us (or more) would have done what she did. She was told by people she trusted that they were on their way. she trusted them and they screwed her over. ALOT of emotions are intertwined into that.




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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My cousin's wedding started an hour and forty-five minutes late.  One of the issues was the music, but she was also being sewn into the dress and they were still making the wedding party bouquets an hour after the wedding was supposed to start. 



  • Viczaesar said:
    My cousin's wedding started an hour and forty-five minutes late.  One of the issues was the music, but she was also being sewn into the dress and they were still making the wedding party bouquets an hour after the wedding was supposed to start. 
    I would have left.  No way am I sitting for an hour and 45 minutes of nothing.  Nope. No way. Nu-uh.
    My reaction to most everything on the internet today:
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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
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    Y'know, as pissed as I'd have been that the musicians didn't show up, I'd ask someone to play this for the processional music, and I'm pretty sure everyone would get into it, because they'd be pissed off from waiting too.


    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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  • and this is why I had our whole ceremony playlist & reception must haves on my ipod in a playlist ready to go if needed.  Luckily my DJ showed up and I did not have to use it, but never a bad idea to be prepared for the what if.

    That poor bride-- horrible friends. I was going to feel bad for her if they were in an accident or something; but to just be late and then not even show up-- HORRIBLE!  I agree she should not have waited that long, but I understand giving them the benefit of the doubt to start.  However, that music should have been on back up regardless.  Forgive and forget for her guests, but definitely would never forget with the musicians.  Are they professionals of any kind?  I would leave bad reviews everywhere possible if I were her. 
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    pinkshorts27
  • My wedding started 30 minutes late and it threw off the timeline. We had 9 people for our Las Vegas wedding and my best friend was delayed due to housekeeping showing up in her room before she got to her room to shower. Personally I would've asked them to leave and come back in a hour. It wasn't that big of a deal and it did give me a few minutes to decompress before the ceremony but we did have to skip the first dance and do a shorter strip tour. At the end of the day I happily skipped those things so my best friend could be a part of the ceremony. Had it been a bigger wedding she would have been SOL.
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  • beethery said:
    Am I the only person who would've been like, "Hey, can everyone start just singing DUNNNNN DUN DUN-DUNNNNNNNNNN, DUNNNN DUN DUN-DUNNNNNN and get this show on the road?"

    In reality, I'd probably just say that to FI and be humming it for the duration of the wait.

    Also, those friends aren't friend material. I'm surprised didn't announce the reception dinner by saying there was a menu change, and they'd now be serving grilled douchebags with a side of crushed musical instruments.
    It was too much work to figure out what piece you were trying to imitate once the DUNNNNs popped the Star Wars theme into my head.
    .... Actually,the imperial death march  is what I have joked about what to walk out to, me and the Fiance love it being huge star wars fans....
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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    beethery said:
    Y'know, as pissed as I'd have been that the musicians didn't show up, I'd ask someone to play this for the processional music, and I'm pretty sure everyone would get into it, because they'd be pissed off from waiting too.


    I just heard this at the symphony a few weeks ago. It does make you want to do something epic... like get married? While ANGRY? Actually seems appropriate.
    Well, if you have some major fuckups go off pre-ceremony and you're mad as hell at people while you walk down the aisle, that song is completely appropriate.

    FI and I are truly torn between using this or Whiskey In The Jar for the reception entrance song. Carmina Burana O Fortuna is hilarious when used right, so coming in to your reception to that would crack my shit up FOREVER.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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