Do I have a plus one to this wedding?--Update

mbross3

So I received a STD via email from an acquaintance. We're not super close now, but we were closer a few years ago (now we live across the country from each other). The STD was addressed to "Ms. Mbross3 and guest". She contacted me asking for my new address for the formal invitation. I sent her my new address along with BF's name (we live together now, but this acquaintance has never met him). I just received the invitation in the mail today and it was addressed simply "Ms. Mbross3" no mention of BF or "guest" or anything. 

Now this wedding is across the country from where we live now, and I wasn't sure about attending, but BF and I thought it might be a good opportunity for me to see some old friends and for us to maybe take a few days off of work (for him) and law school (for me) to take a mini vacation in a different part of the country. Of course, if he's not invited that kind of changes our plans and I would probably RSVP "no". 

I know that BF isn't really a +1 since I'm not single, we live together and are a social unit, I just wasn't sure how to phrase it. Is it rude to ask if he's invited? I know etiquette-wise only the people addressed on the invitation are invited. I'm just confused since the STD said "and guest" and I specifically sent his name and a little chatty email about how we live together...

Thanks ladies!

----Update----

Thanks for all the advice ladies! I called to chat with her, we spent some time catching up and then I casually asked about BF being invited. She said that she had chatted with one of my BFFs (who is also invited and from the same area as I am) and that BFF's BF wouldn't be able to make it so she thought that BFF and I could travel together and so she eliminated my BF and also another friend's BF from the list. She said she had plans to call all three of us in the next few days and suggest we three travel together, get a hotel room together and make it a "girls weekend". She said something about how this would be "more fun" for all of us. At that point I just bean-dipped and got off the phone. I called BFF and this other girl (who we are also good friends with) both were pretty surprised that this was planned (the other girl was actually planning to call and ask if her BF is invited--but now she knows!). Anyway, none of us will be attending. I guess we'll save on our vacation time! 

lyndausvi

I would call and ask.   Especially because of the STD.

wrigleyville

In this situation, I would probably ask. I would phrase it like:

"Hey, friend. I just got my invitation. When I got the STD, it mentioned a guest, but I don't see Boyfriend's name on the actual invitation. Did something change?"

That keeps it non-accusatory and gives her the opportunity to say something like, "Yeah, we had to reduce our numbers," which means now you know to decline or something like, "OMG! I'm so sorry! Of course he's invited."

I hope it's the latter.

CrazyCatLady3

I don't think it's rude to ask here b/c the STD said "and guest."  I would just email your friend and casually say, hey, I noticed the STD included a guest and the invitation didn't, I just wanted to clarify whether I could bring my BF or not?  If she says no, then she's rude for not including your SO, but at least you weren't rude in the way you inquired.

grumbledore

I'd call, the STD indicated a guest, they might have just made a mistake when addressing the invite.

mbross3

Thanks ladies! This is very helpful, I just wanted to make sure I'm not rude/out of line to ask. I double checked the STD and it definitely said "and guest" so I will just casually follow up with her! 

delujm0

that's weird...i intentionally didn't put "and guest" on any STDs because those aren't as formal as invites...and because then we could wait until we sent invitations to determine who would and wouldn't get to bring a guest (obviously all SOs were invited).

 

Sounds like she's decreasing numbers, since she clearly had your BFs name...but I'd call and ask in a non-accusatory way.  If she cut him out, decline the wedding.  It would make it pretty clear that she's willing to move past your friendship if she couldn't invite your SO to her wedding.

EllieAugust

I would call too.  It could have been a mistake.  She might have removed "guest" from her spreadsheet when you sent you BF's name and then forgot to actually type in his name.  Other people may have helped her address invites and they wouldn't have noticed.  Calling can clear up if it was an error.  

JellyBean52513

Honest question: What if she says "Uhh, yeah, that's what the 'and guest' is for." Would you correct her and tell her that you weren't sure because you provided her his name and she specifically left it off the STD?

I really struggle with things like this. My first inclination is to always be honest and straight-forward, but I think in situations like that, that can came off as being really tactless. I've gotten myself in trouble with being too direct before, so I'm curious to know WWED

phira

I would call. I'd be very polite about it. Obviously, they've made an etiquette faux pas by sending the save the date to you "and guest," instead of you "and boyfriend," but right now, the important thing is to know if your boyfriend is invited or not.

wrigleyville

JellyBean52513 said:

Honest question: What if she says "Uhh, yeah, that's what the 'and guest' is for." Would you correct her and tell her that you weren't sure because you provided her his name and she specifically left it off the STD?

It was left off the invitation, though, hence the confusion. The STD listed a guest, but the invitation was addressed to the OP, not the OP and her boyfriend.

If the bride says, "That's what the 'and guest' was for. I figured you'd realize he was invited," the OP can just say (in a friendly tone), "I just wanted to be sure since it was just my name on the envelope. I didn't want to assume he was still invited."