Lack of RSVP response.........

Tho127

Ok, I sent out my invites late March (?-roughly) for my May 10 wedding with an RSVP cutoff date of April 19. I have 233 people on my list and have roughly 85 responses- and most of those I have entered myself! WTH?? Most of the guests -from MY list- I can assume who is and isn't coming but would like to know for sure. My fi's guests, which is a small fraction of the total, I don't know about.

Is anyone else having these problems?? I am chalking it up to the fact that it is online RSVP only- no cards. There are very few people on our list that I would consider not to be tech savvy so there really is no excuse. What is the considered to be proper etiquette to prompt responses?? Facebook? e-mail? phone call? I need to know for catering numbers but I don't want to seem pushy.........

I guess I should consider myself lucky at this point that I'm not having the problem of people RSVPing for more than were invited!!

 

MrsAitch

It doesn't seem to matter what methods you ask for RSVPs...people are slow to respond no matter what. I would say following up by calling is best, texting is ok, and facebook message only if you really have to. Enlist the help of your fiance, his parents, and your parents to make these calls and it will be a lot easier.

I'm pretty aggravated too because we have to tell the florist how many centerpieces we need today--and it's pretty hard to do a seating chart when you're still out several (like 40 people) RSVPs...and our wedding is two weeks away. So we need to give the count to the caterer too.

klburke88

@Tho127 I think it depends on your relationship with the person... I sent a few text messages/facebook messages to close friends and some younger family members who I know are on Facebook all day long. But for distant aunt's & uncles and friends of my parents, I either called myself or asked my fiance and parents to call them for me. 

kefryar

I texted my friends, and asked my parents/FIs parents to help out with the rest. I don't have a facebook so that makes things a little harder!

Also, as far as sounding pushy-you need the numbers! People usually understand that, especially this close to the wedding (I know MY final counts are needed by saturday).

I'm sure you've heard this a billion times, but make sure to add at least 10 additional guests to your final numbers, someone will show up with someone uninvited.

SoontobeMrsNytes

kefryar said: I texted my friends, and asked my parents/FIs parents to help out with the rest. I don't have a facebook so that makes things a little harder! Also, as far as sounding pushy-you need the numbers! People usually understand that, especially this close to the wedding (I know MY final counts are needed by saturday). I'm sure you've heard this a billion times, but make sure to add at least 10 additional guests to your final numbers, someone will show up with someone uninvited. Umm, what?? I have never heard this, not from my venue, not from my caterer, not from my planner, and this is my second wedding. If someone is rude enough to show up with an uninvited guest they can explain why there is no meal for them. I have no responsibility to plan to feed people who were not invited.

tammym1001

I only have a few people who haven't responded, but we are only having 35 guests anyways so there weren't a lot to send back. My RSVP date isn't until May 3 so if I don't have them by then I will probably call everyone. I would rather talk to someone in person about it so that I know my tone doesn't come across as snotty or annoyed that they didn't RSVP

As far as adding 10 people, I believe that most caterers will automatically add a few extra meals to what you tell them just in case, but 10 seems like a lot. I also think that they add on those extra meals for free just as a buffer to make sure you don't run out of food. If you add 10 extra people to your count then you have to pay for those 10 extra people. At what we're paying per person there's no way that I would do that!

sarahsmiles326

My due date was Monday & I was missing 50% of RSVP's. I'm impatient so I decided start fb messanging/texting people after the mail had come. Almost every single one of the missing RSVP's was a no. What aggravated me more than anything was that the no's were all for reasons they had known for weeks (airfair cost, son''s graduation, can't take holidays off work, etc). I don't know if people think you RSVP only if you're coming?

On the flip side, we ended up shaving about $2000 off the totaly cost of the wedding so I'm not complaining! I was actually doing a happy dance lol.


ETA: my catering contract states they bring 5% more food than necessary for those situations. I would never pay the per person price for 10 extra.

dluberts

My deadline is tomorrow and im missing a little over a quarter of my invites. I started messaging guests yesterday. Ive gotten"well we will try to make it". Um no, you can answer yes or no because im not paying extra for accomodations for a maybe that wont end up showing anyway. 

tammym1001

dluberts said:

My deadline is tomorrow and im missing a little over a quarter of my invites. I started messaging guests yesterday. Ive gotten"well we will try to make it". Um no, you can answer yes or no because im not paying extra for accomodations for a maybe that wont end up showing anyway. 

OMG! Why do people treat weddings like this. It's not some big party at your house that people can come and go if they please. That would drive me crazy!

dluberts

Yeah, not happy. I told them flat out my deadline is tomorrow.  I will give you until the end of next week at the latest to respond with a yes or no. And after that I will be marking them as no'. Dont care if they get mad st me, they can stuff it. Im not making special arrangements for them. They should be accomodating me. Maybe that sounds selfish but its the truth. Its my fi and my wedfing day and I shouldnt have to worry about making you happy.

Emmy1493

Don't worry. We invited 250 people, and have so many people who have yet to respond. My cut off was Monday. I have made it as easy as possible. A stamp on them and all addressed as they need to be. How can you not write whose coming, accept or decline, put it in the envelope and send it out? Seriously? haha. All will be fine though. 

klburke88

In regards to OVER estimating the headcount, I was actually told by my florist to UNDER estimate when giving the headcount to the caterer. She said that it's inevitable that someone who RSVP-ed won't be able to make it. How about, I told my caterer the exact number of people who RSVP-ed and I'm not trying to play games with my headcount!! hahaha!

ddvirts

For some reason people just don't care as much about RSVPing as we do lol If it was their wedding though, they would want everyone to RSVP. Truth is, some people just don't care about our wedding as much as we'd like them to. Our deadline is May 1st and we are still waiting for a few RSVPs. May 2nd I will tell my parents and FI's parents to start calling family members and get a yes or no from them. We are actually concerned because we have a minimum with the caterer, which is 125 people, and so far we have only 80...I think we'll definitely hit 100, but I will hate to have to pay for empty seats.

[Deleted User]

I'd say that most people are slow to RSVP. Our due date was yesterday and we are still missing 45 responses (most with 2 people or more). We even did RSVP by date a little early to give a 2 week buffer, so we'll start to make calls soon.

Out of the 10 people in our wedding party, only 3 have RSVPd. Come on people!

akopitzke

Ugh I have a week left on my RSVP and more than half have yet to come back! The worst part is the people I see everyday. Co-workers that I invited and people from my community group that I talk to almost daily! And none of my local family has sent theirs in! I was debating sending out emails or a facebook message but I don't want people to reply electronically - I paid for postage already on those cards, I want them back! 

killiankurtz2013

@Tho127 we had that problem too! I ended up calling over half of our 235 guest list to get reponses. Most said they thought they responded and the others had misplaced where to RSVP. My mother-in-law was great by making sure that her side of family kept us notified. I don't think anyone ever has an easy time with this...

My best friend gave up contacting her guests on the invite list and ended up not hearing back at all from over 30 people. I fully recommend trying to contact them or have family help!

Good Luck!  

browndaysha

I think that everyone finds this part of wedding planning aggravating. I have felt truly crazy over these RSVP's. Just thinking about that stupid acronym makes my hair stand on end!

Tho127

I have texted and FB'd a few and am making progress......

As far as my wedding party, I am not asking them to RSVP. If they agreed to be in my wedding, then they agreed to be there so I entered them and spouse myself. I can't be waiting on them! LOL

 

kefryar

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

kefryar said:

I texted my friends, and asked my parents/FIs parents to help out with the rest. I don't have a facebook so that makes things a little harder!

Also, as far as sounding pushy-you need the numbers! People usually understand that, especially this close to the wedding (I know MY final counts are needed by saturday).

I'm sure you've heard this a billion times, but make sure to add at least 10 additional guests to your final numbers, someone will show up with someone uninvited.

Umm, what?? I have never heard this, not from my venue, not from my caterer, not from my planner, and this is my second wedding. If someone is rude enough to show up with an uninvited guest they can explain why there is no meal for them. I have no responsibility to plan to feed people who were not invited.I'm adding those as a buffer. We're doing a buffet, not set plates so it just means extra food since we have to feed the vendors. We've also already had at least 4 people ask if they can bring dates so I'm a little nervous about the ones who HAVEN'T asked.

iloveotters2014

same problem My cut off for my May 3rd wedding is friday. it sucks having to track people down. Also, I'm now getting text message declines from people who already responded yes!!

We sent out an Evite for the rehearsal dinner and got 90% of responses the same day. I'm starting to think that's the way to go! haha

SoontobeMrsNytes

kefryar said:

show previous quotes

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

kefryar said:

I texted my friends, and asked my parents/FIs parents to help out with the rest. I don't have a facebook so that makes things a little harder!

Also, as far as sounding pushy-you need the numbers! People usually understand that, especially this close to the wedding (I know MY final counts are needed by saturday).

I'm sure you've heard this a billion times, but make sure to add at least 10 additional guests to your final numbers, someone will show up with someone uninvited.

Umm, what?? I have never heard this, not from my venue, not from my caterer, not from my planner, and this is my second wedding. If someone is rude enough to show up with an uninvited guest they can explain why there is no meal for them. I have no responsibility to plan to feed people who were not invited.

I'm adding those as a buffer. We're doing a buffet, not set plates so it just means extra food since we have to feed the vendors. We've also already had at least 4 people ask if they can bring dates so I'm a little nervous about the ones who HAVEN'T asked.

I understand what you're saying about a buffer, but I think caterers automatically add a little to buffets if for no other reason but because sometimes people will take more than a "portion", if that makes sense? But you should think too about people bringing uninvited guests, where are they going to sit?? I have a seating chart, so if anyone shows up with someone who was invited, not only will they not have a meal (my dinner is plated), but they will not have anywhere to sit!

browndaysha

I started tracking people down 2 weeks before my cut off date and the RSVP's started rolling in. Most people grumbled but they'll get over it.

tessajdhSMC

My RSVP date is May 1st and I'm still missing about 40 guests. I have my FMIL and my grandmother already asking people. It's been so weird, I get one RSVP card every day. Sometimes 2 or none, but 1 most every day. Seems like they would come in bunches, lol.