Wedding Etiquette Forum

I just can't today...WW "B-List"

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/list-invites-or-second-round-invites/756fba5e70a9825e.html

I don't normally post WW threads. I just lurk there and post every once in awhile where I think I can say something helpful but this one is just ugh....

The worst part isn't even her B-List. Everyone is blatantly ignoring the fact that she is ALREADY MARRIED and was married last year in a civil ceremony.

Is it 5:00 yet?

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Emmy1493AngusaurInkdancerKeptInStitchesgrumbledoresarawifenowcowgirl8238erinlin25
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Re: I just can't today...WW "B-List"

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    That is all. Good for the people who are telling her the right advice, though. That it is absolutely RUDE to B-list people!
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/list-invites-or-second-round-invites/756fba5e70a9825e.html

    I don't normally post WW threads. I just lurk there and post every once in awhile where I think I can say something helpful but this one is just ugh....

    The worst part isn't even her B-List. Everyone is blatantly ignoring the fact that she is ALREADY MARRIED and was married last year in a civil ceremony.

    Is it 5:00 yet?

    image

    Well, she wasn't really B-listing, just "had to prioritize family and old friends."

    Mega eye roll.

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  • There is not enough wine...

    People who don't mind B-lists have never been b-listed...or they didn't know about it. It sucks.
  • There is not enough wine...

    People who don't mind B-lists have never been b-listed...or they didn't know about it. It sucks.
    I think there are people who legitimately don't care, but the whole point of not doing it is that plenty of people do care and why would you want to upset anyone you care enough about the invite them to your wedding?

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    [Deleted User]
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There is not enough wine...

    People who don't mind B-lists have never been b-listed...or they didn't know about it. It sucks.
    I think there are people who legitimately don't care, but the whole point of not doing it is that plenty of people do care and why would you want to upset anyone you care enough about the invite them to your wedding?

    @grumbledore Because you have to prioritize your friends and family members...duh. You have levels of caring depending on who it is.



    [Deleted User]
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    But it's her daaaaaaaay!!!!!!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    grumbledoreEmmy1493
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
    [email protected] traveling to a different country to watch a fake marriage ceremony

    someone who has an account tell her to skype it
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    hahahah now they linked to this post. Fantastic.

                                                                     

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    [Deleted User]
  • jenna8984 said:

    hahahah now they linked to this post. Fantastic.

    And commented on how bored WE were, as though she didn't just do the same thing.


    I'm concerned by how many people didn't care they were B-listed. Would they still not care if they were C listed? I mean they realize they were the hosts' afterthoughts, right? They were the leftovers, invited only because the host wanted to fulfill a minimum or because the people they really wanted to be there declined.
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    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostgrumbledorecowgirl8238
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyndausvi said:
    I think B-lists are really code for "I need to fill seats".    Because if you really wanted me you could have planned a wedding to include me.   You could have picked a different venue, a different menu, had a less expense CP or dress, gotten rid of whatever if you really wanted me there.

    Instead you really wanted that venue with that menu, those decorations, that dress, etc more than you wanted me.   Which is fine.   It's your wedding.  But do not pretend later on you really wanted me there.  No you didn't or you would have planned to include me.



    That all said, if I were to be b-listed I may or may not attend based on the party.  Full open bar, full meal, dancing all night with a lot of my friends?  Sure, I'll come.  Who doesn't like parting with friends?    Cash bar, lite snacks with only another friend or 2.  No, I'm going to decline.
    Ditto. All of this.

    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledorelarrygagacowgirl8238
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Yeah B-list invites become more about what I can get out of going to the party. I pay rudeness with rudeness, because I am not a bigger person and I don't like taking the high road. 

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    grumbledoreBubblegum5586mollyringwald15
  • Since they're reading over here anyways, this is directed to them (I think I would claw my eyes out if I spent enough time over there to respond): 

    "Why do you put "special" between asterisks? In Anna's case.. she really did HAVE to get married, or else she'd be kicked out of the country. Should she either A) Plan the massive wedding that she has always dreamed of in a very short period of time?"

    NO because she's not entitled to the "massive wedding that she has already wanted". Also I highly doubt the expiration of her visa snuck up on her without warning.

    or B) Do a quick civil ceremony, inform all her family members/friends of doing this, then throw the wedding of her dreams a little later?"

    It won't be the wedding of her dreams because it's not a wedding. She is married. She is already enjoying the benefits of being married by being LEGALLY MARRIED to him in the UK. What part of the definition of wedding are people not getting?. A wedding is, by definition, a MARRIAGE CEREMONY. That already happened and unless you get a divorce you cannot have another one. STOP IT.
    PrettyGirlLostpinkshorts27grumbledore
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hahaha, well Bless their hearts.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    RebeccaB88crunchymamaof2 grumbledore
  • They're quoting Dr. Seuss as their authority??
    Heck yeah, girl, those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter!
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Facts and reality has never been a strong suit over there.  And apparently not logic either:

    "And to the making everything black and white: so...some people are saying that if you booked a venue that holds 150 people, you should reasonably expect either:
    a) all 150 to show, and then you have no b-list, therefore, no problem
    b) 130 to show, and if you have other friends you want to invite, too bad, you'll just have empty seats because inviting more people would be rude (!!!)
    c) change your venue at the expense of thousands of dollars in nonrefundable money because of 5-10 people that didn't quite fit on the original guest list because you had to invite second cousin so-and-so and great aunt Edna
    or
    d) invite the extra 5-10 people and risk 160 saying yes to your 150 person venue and you're over fire code, etc.

    I guess in a perfect world we would know all these numbers, but my world isn't that perfect."

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    grumbledore
  • I honestly don't mind the PPD aspect of it as long as I knew beforehand. If it was local or not that far for me to travel, I would go but if I had to travel out of town, pay for a hotel, and you aren't family, I am staying home. But if I found out I was B listed just because you needed to fill a quota, I would be hurt and rethink our relationship.

     *Formerly ctexasgurl26 and mrsridings061513*

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      Anniversary
    Baby William born June 11, 2014 Weighing 6 lbs 5 oz and 17.5 inches long

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    PrettyGirlLostlyndausvi
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Facts and reality has never been a strong suit over there.  And apparently not logic either:

    "And to the making everything black and white: so...some people are saying that if you booked a venue that holds 150 people, you should reasonably expect either:
    a) all 150 to show, and then you have no b-list, therefore, no problem
    b) 130 to show, and if you have other friends you want to invite, too bad, you'll just have empty seats because inviting more people would be rude (!!!)
    c) change your venue at the expense of thousands of dollars in nonrefundable money because of 5-10 people that didn't quite fit on the original guest list because you had to invite second cousin so-and-so and great aunt Edna
    or
    d) invite the extra 5-10 people and risk 160 saying yes to your 150 person venue and you're over fire code, etc.

    I guess in a perfect world we would know all these numbers, but my world isn't that perfect."
    I was laughing at this.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    grumbledoremollyringwald15
  • They're also calling Martha Stewart the "Queen of Etiquette" over there on another board trying to justify B-listing. Backing themselves up with Anna Post too.
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    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledore
  • Facts and reality has never been a strong suit over there.  And apparently not logic either:

    "And to the making everything black and white: so...some people are saying that if you booked a venue that holds 150 people, you should reasonably expect either:
    a) all 150 to show, and then you have no b-list, therefore, no problem
    b) 130 to show, and if you have other friends you want to invite, too bad, you'll just have empty seats because inviting more people would be rude (!!!)
    c) change your venue at the expense of thousands of dollars in nonrefundable money because of 5-10 people that didn't quite fit on the original guest list because you had to invite second cousin so-and-so and great aunt Edna
    or
    d) invite the extra 5-10 people and risk 160 saying yes to your 150 person venue and you're over fire code, etc.

    I guess in a perfect world we would know all these numbers, but my world isn't that perfect."

    Or they could, you know, suck the glitter out if their asses and realize that their wedding doesn't have to be a sold out show. But if course then they won't get as many present :(

    I'd also bet you guys a million bucks if I post over there Amy will come out and bash me telling me to take my etiquette and shove it, as she does with every.single.thread I reply to. Love being the center of her universe (eye roll)

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledorecowgirl8238
  • Facts and reality has never been a strong suit over there.  And apparently not logic either:

    "And to the making everything black and white: so...some people are saying that if you booked a venue that holds 150 people, you should reasonably expect either:
    a) all 150 to show, and then you have no b-list, therefore, no problem
    b) 130 to show, and if you have other friends you want to invite, too bad, you'll just have empty seats because inviting more people would be rude (!!!)
    c) change your venue at the expense of thousands of dollars in nonrefundable money because of 5-10 people that didn't quite fit on the original guest list because you had to invite second cousin so-and-so and great aunt Edna
    or
    d) invite the extra 5-10 people and risk 160 saying yes to your 150 person venue and you're over fire code, etc.

    I guess in a perfect world we would know all these numbers, but my world isn't that perfect."
    A venue at capacity is going to be tight. My fiance doesn't understand this. "Well what if 20 people decline? The room will look empty." No, it won't. If the room has a capacity of 200 and we only have 170, it's going to be great. The tables won't be squeezed together, there will be room for guests to breathe. It is not going to look empty because there are 3 less tables.
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    grumbledore
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @ashleyep I so agree with you. My sister's venue accommodated 200 supposedly. She ended up having around 160something people attend (out of about 180something invited) and the venue was perfectly packed. It definitely didn't feel even close to empty and I don't see how they venue could have fit tables for 200 in that space anyway without seriously infringing on the already smallish dance floor.



    ashleyep
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