Cash Bar?

wiggsaj

I know that most knotties don't like cash bars. I'm not having one personally, but I just wanted to know your opinion on them? I always see little side comments about how they should not exist but I've never seen a full-on explination. 

Also, how do you feel about dry weddings? I haven't seen anything about that!

Thanks for your input lovelies!

dolewhipper

Your guests should not have to host themselves. They should not open their wallets. Dry weddings are fine, I've been to them. They're not my personal favorite, but it's better than me having to pay my way at the bar. 

Click. This. Link.

HaileyDancingbear

In a nutshell, anything that requires your guests to pay out of pocket at your reception is tacky.  Your guests should be able to go in without a dime on them and not feel like they're missing out.  Telling people to pay for their own drinks is just out of place when hosting a reception- you wouldn't tell your guests to pay for each drink if you invited them over to your house, so why make them pay when you invite them to your reception? 

(All of that said, cash bars are ok in many non wedding related situations, but in the case of a reception you are hosting your guests as a way to say "Thank you for attending the wedding-"  It's not much of a thanks if they're hosting themselves.  Also it's nice to differentiate your wedding reception from a normal party or event.)

Dry weddings are totally ok.  Personal opinions vary, but it's the kind of thing where if someone is mad at you for having a dry wedding, that's their own problem as you did nothing wrong.  You don't HAVE to serve alcohol if you don't want to.  Dry weddings are one of those situations where "It's our wedding and we do what we want" is not bridezilla-ish.  Although for dry weddings it's a good idea to have them during the day when people wouldn't really want to drink anyways rather than at night.  

manateehugger

You haven't lurked a whole lot, have you?

grumbledore

wiggsaj said:

I know that most knotties don't like cash bars. I'm not having one personally, but I just wanted to know your opinion on them? I always see little side comments about how they should not exist but I've never seen a full-on explination. 

Also, how do you feel about dry weddings? I haven't seen anything about that!

Thanks for your input lovelies!

There's a sticky on the Etiquette board about this.

larrygaga

I don't care. It will have an effect on how much money I can budget for a gift, though. 

Dry weddings bother me more than cash bars. 

HisGirlFriday13

I have been to three dry weddings. Two were fine; we were hosted properly and it was lovely. The third allowed the WP to have booze but no one else -- not even a cash bar. That pissed me off to no end. Way to tell your guests you don't care about them.

Cash bars are rude because you are inviting someone to your event and then making them pay. You wouldn't invite them over for dinner and then charge them for a drink, would you? No. So don't do it at your wedding.

And please do lurk, especially on the Etiquette board, where this topic has been beaten to death a thousand times.

wiggsaj

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I have been to three dry weddings. Two were fine; we were hosted properly and it was lovely. The third allowed the WP to have booze but no one else -- not even a cash bar. That pissed me off to no end. Way to tell your guests you don't care about them. Cash bars are rude because you are inviting someone to your event and then making them pay. You wouldn't invite them over for dinner and then charge them for a drink, would you? No. So don't do it at your wedding. And please do lurk, especially on the Etiquette board, where this topic has been beaten to death a thousand times.

I tried but had no luck, so I created a post lol. 
Thanks!

JMalettas

 As most of the PPs stated, you don't invite guests to your reception, then have them opening their wallets to buy their drinks. It just seems tacky. I feel that if you can't afford to host a reception including alcohol, then just don't have alcohol. 

 This actually came up in conversation with a gentleman I deal with through work, that recently went to a wedding with a cash bar. (This being a well established, older, local businessman). His son recently got married, which got him talking "weddings" with me. Anyways, he was saying how he & his wife went to a wedding, and could not believe that they had a cash bar. Apparently, at this wedding, guests were going back to their envelopes & taking cash out of what they were going to give to the bride & groom, to pay for drinks! Now, this gentleman didn't do this, and I would *never* think to take back whatever amount I had in an envelope, but *could you imagine????* I can only imagine how embarrassing it was for the bride & groom, or whoever was hosting! Yikes! 

 Open bar or no bar!

 *J

CMGragain

If money is an issue, have a morning wedding with a brunch reception.  It costs half of what a dinner reception costs, there is plenty of food, and we just served mimosas and bloody marys.  Who wants to get drunk at noon?

doeydo

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/995381/cash-bars-everything-you-need-to-know-in-one-place/p1

Angusaur

CMGragain said:

If money is an issue, have a morning wedding with a brunch reception.  It costs half of what a dinner reception costs, there is plenty of food, and we just served mimosas and bloody marys.  Who wants to get drunk at noon?

pinkshorts27

Angusaur said:

CMGragain said:

If money is an issue, have a morning wedding with a brunch reception.  It costs half of what a dinner reception costs, there is plenty of food, and we just served mimosas and bloody marys.  Who wants to get drunk at noon?

Done that before. And still been drunk come noon before too. There is alcohol for every time of day and I looooove mimosas. But what I love better is grapefruit juice or real cranberry juice (not the sweetened crap they give you at the bar but the true 100% cranberry juice) and vodka. And I can have those with any meal. But I promise, I don't drink often!  

hellohkb

I would not have my guests come to my home and pay me for a glass of wine.

Although, I live in a college town and I've gotten invites to house parties where there's a "cover charge". Sometimes "ladies get in free". *eyeroll into the back of my head* 

QueerFemme

I would never invite someone to my home and say "we have soda and lemonade... we also have wine, but it's 3 bucks a glass". Your wedding is no different than a dinner party. You invite people, you host them. Your guests shouldn't have to subsidize your event.

You host what you can afford. If that means a dry wedding, so be it.

Inkdancer

I am having a dry wedding. I'm sure that some of my guests will be disappointed, but due to a large number of alcoholics in my family and FI's family, it's just better that way.

We are providing a fun Italian soda bar and plenty of other drinks.

There is no way I would ever ask my guests to open their wallets at my wedding. We're saving and pinching pennies to make everything happen the way we want it to without asking anyone for money.

vh2014

We are having a full open bar.  It was one of our requirements.  If we couldn't have a full open bar we would have had wine and beer.  As a host, I would not have ever asked my guests to pay for anything even before reading the opinions of those on these forums.  Just not my style. 

To be completely hypocritical though (yes, I'm owning it).... as a guest, I'd rather have a cash bar then a dry wedding.  What can I say? I like a glass of wine with dinner...and I wouldn't be offended if I had to pay for it as long as somehow I knew that before I got there (word of mouth has been how I was informed at weddings I have been to with cash bars as well as banquets).  I've been to weddings where they only had the bar open for certain time periods.  I was ok with that too... as long as if I want a glass of wine I can have it... but if someone chose to have a dry wedding I wouldn't be offended either.  Their wedding, their choice and as a guest at their event I would respect their choices. @hisgirlfriday13the wedding party getting drinks but no one else would have absolutely irritated me... 

As far as inviting people to my house and asking them to pay for drinks, nope.. but I was brought up if you are invited for dinner you bring a bottle of wine (I swear we are not alcoholics LOL) or a dessert but I'd never bring either to a wedding.  And I've been hosted to plenty of parties that were BYOB.... but I wouldn't do that for a wedding either so I don't think its a fair comparison.  I understand the point, but just don't think the analogy is a good benchmark. 

LDay2014

Dry weddings are just fine...

And if your guests complain, then they are showing incredibly rude behavior - like children.  Seriously, what grown adult would complain about being invited to celebrate a couples marriage?  Is society (as a whole) that shallow that they're going to bitch and moan that they didn't get what they want at a free event?

I respect couples who do dry weddings, it tells me they value properly hosting their nearest and dearest over being rude over some alcohol.

It's NEVER okay to ask your guests to fork over money to attend your event.

Bubblegum5586

I never thought much about cash bars until I came here. They were pretty much all I knew and pretty standard where I live so I never really cared. Now I side eye it if I see it... but again I never realized how rude they were until I came here (which it was made very clear to me why they are considered rude). We have a wedding we are attending this weekend that is 100% cash bar (not even wine at dinner!!!) not thrilled about it, but it's a family wedding so we are bringing plenty of cash and planning on having a fun time!

I would totally prefer a cash bar over a dry wedding. I am not someone that needs booze to have a good time, but hubs needs it if I want him on the dance floor! And we rather have the option to drink.

GoldenPenguin

Since OP is 17 (yes, 17), and won't be able to drink at her own wedding, she needed some outside opinions on the alcohols. 

She hates to read, which is probably why she missed the 18940327 other posts about open bars.

We should all be astounded by her immense maturity. 

theartistformerlyknownas

I'm in the camp of not being super thrilled or accepting of a cash bar, but also not being super offended by it. I absolutely think that proper hosting includes providing for your guests, but to second @valharte 's comment, we don't think it's rude when guests BYOB to house parties/dinner parties/whatever, so it's not SO FAR off base to be completely up in arms about it (IMHO), and I'd personally rather attend a cash bar wedding than a dry wedding. I like having the option.

I do think though that if guests have to pay for drinks, it should be clearly posted somewhere at the bar - like a little sign saying beer $3, wine $4, cocktails $6. It's horribly embarrassing to mosey up to the bar, order a 7&7, turn to walk away with it and the bartender says "excuse me that's $6" and I have to go scrounge for cash. THAT is rude. I actually think having a tip jar at an open bar is more rude than having a cash bar because it's that "surprise! you do need money after all" aspect, or you feel like a jerk for not tipping (even though the couple should be covering all tips).

FWIW, we are having a full open bar with upgraded liquor at our wedding because we know it'll make our guests happy (and me, TBH), despite my FI and many of his family and friends not drinking at all. 

VulgarGirl

hellokellybean said:

I would not have my guests come to my home and pay me for a glass of wine.

Although, I live in a college town and I've gotten invites to house parties where there's a "cover charge". Sometimes "ladies get in free". *eyeroll into the back of my head* 

I remember back in my college days, there was a cup fee. The party itself was free, but to take part in the keg of terrible beer you had to buy a plastic cup and then keep it with you all night. I just brought my own damn flask. And then I got to have good booze!

Or we'd "pre-game", showing up already drunk. And then you'd sober up as you partied, realize the party actually sucked and leave.

vh2014

MagicInk said:

Or we'd "pre-game", showing up already drunk. And then you'd sober up as you partied, realize the party actually sucked and leave.

Haha...I remember those days.  Wonder how many people have "pre-gamed" for dry weddings? Sorry... couldn't resist.  Before I get blasted.... I am not actually suggesting anyone do that, and I would be extremely upset if someone showed up drunk to my wedding.  It was just a funny thought that came across as I read this. Again.. that would be extremely disrespectful and the thought just made me giggle so I thought I'd share. 

shaylagirl

wiggsaj said:

I tried but had no luck, so I created a post lol. 
Thanks!

"Search" feature.    It's useful as all eff.

Inkdancer

valharte said:

MagicInk said:

Or we'd "pre-game", showing up already drunk. And then you'd sober up as you partied, realize the party actually sucked and leave.

Haha...I remember those days.  Wonder how many people have "pre-gamed" for dry weddings? Sorry... couldn't resist.  Before I get blasted.... I am not actually suggesting anyone do that, and I would be extremely upset if someone showed up drunk to my wedding.  It was just a funny thought that came across as I read this. Again.. that would be extremely disrespectful and the thought just made me giggle so I thought I'd share. 

Some of my friends have already told me they're planning on pre-gaming for my wedding. I was a little disappointed in them for it (really? the only way you can enjoy my wedding is to be drunk for it?) but I'm not changing my plans.

vh2014

Inkdancer said:

valharte said:

MagicInk said:

Or we'd "pre-game", showing up already drunk. And then you'd sober up as you partied, realize the party actually sucked and leave.

Haha...I remember those days.  Wonder how many people have "pre-gamed" for dry weddings? Sorry... couldn't resist.  Before I get blasted.... I am not actually suggesting anyone do that, and I would be extremely upset if someone showed up drunk to my wedding.  It was just a funny thought that came across as I read this. Again.. that would be extremely disrespectful and the thought just made me giggle so I thought I'd share. 

Some of my friends have already told me they're planning on pre-gaming for my wedding. I was a little disappointed in them for it (really? the only way you can enjoy my wedding is to be drunk for it?) but I'm not changing my plans.

That is rude.  Like I said, I just shared because the thought was so ridiculous it made me giggle. I would definitely be upset if someone showed up drunk.  During my time as a photographer though I have seen some Brides and BM have a little too much in the bridal suite beforehand.  All I could think was, "don't you want to remember this with every detail"?  But a guest?  And to be practical...even if it wasn't rude and disrespectful... any buzz you are going to get is going to be gone by the time the ceremony and dinner (or whatever food) is over... 

mbross3

wiggsaj said:

I know that most knotties don't like cash bars. I'm not having one personally, but I just wanted to know your opinion on them? I always see little side comments about how they should not exist but I've never seen a full-on explination. 

Also, how do you feel about dry weddings? I haven't seen anything about that!

Thanks for your input lovelies!

EXPLANATION (...OP aren't you a writer?!)

That's all I have to contribute.

LDay2014

mbross3 said:

wiggsaj said:

I know that most knotties don't like cash bars. I'm not having one personally, but I just wanted to know your opinion on them? I always see little side comments about how they should not exist but I've never seen a full-on explination. 

Also, how do you feel about dry weddings? I haven't seen anything about that!

Thanks for your input lovelies!

EXPLANATION (...OP aren't you a writer?!)

That's all I have to contribute.

Also, the fact that she doesn't read may explain why she couldn't find it to start with...

Swazzle

OP has a very, very busy schedule so just sit tight and she'll be back to respond to all of your questions and explain her speshul snowflake status in roughly 3 weeks.

buddysmom80

Swazzle said:

OP has a very, very busy schedule so just sit tight and she'll be back to respond to all of your questions and explain her speshul snowflake status in roughly 3 weeks.

After her HS finals are over with...

LDay2014

buddysmom80 said:

Swazzle said:

OP has a very, very busy schedule so just sit tight and she'll be back to respond to all of your questions and explain her speshul snowflake status in roughly 3 weeks.

After her HS finals are over with...