Seating Plan

DaisyMaeMommy

I was talking to my Mom today about possibly having a seating plan for my wedding. The venue FH and I want is an old theatre, so the seating looks different. I thought it would be easier to have a seating plan to help some of our guests, since we have quite a few older guests who might not be able to manage the steps as well, FMIL HATES FFIL and will REFUSE to sit anywhere near him, etc etc. I don't really like assigning seats, but thought assigning tables would work out nicely.

My Mom told me it was tacky and rude to have a seating plan... Please, oh lord, tell me she's wrong! Reading all of the different forums here, I'm pretty sure they're not rude, but my Mom is so super-serious about them being rude and tacky, she's making me doubt myself!

pinkshorts27

She is wrong! Seating plans are great and encouraged here. 

MollyandD

I always think it's nice when the bride and groom put together a seating plan. At least to say what table I'm supposed to go to. It keeps me from feeling rushed to claim a table. It is a way to make sure I'm not separated from my significant other. It's not like I'm forced to stay seated all night. I'm definitely going to do one for my wedding.

LDay2014

Is the seating plan for the ceremony or the reception?

Reception, I would say yes! make a roadmap to show the wayward people the way.

Ceremony?...I'm a little more hesitant on it.  Maybe just and idea to make sure your ushers know any specifics about whom to keep apart?

DaisyMaeMommy

LDay2014 said:

Is the seating plan for the ceremony or the reception?

Reception, I would say yes! make a roadmap to show the wayward people the way.

Ceremony?...I'm a little more hesitant on it.  Maybe just and idea to make sure your ushers know any specifics about whom to keep apart?

The seating plan is only for the reception. I figured since the ceremony will only be 15-20 minutes long, hopefully everyone can figure that out with no issues.

LDay2014

DaisyMaeMommy said:

LDay2014 said:

Is the seating plan for the ceremony or the reception?

Reception, I would say yes! make a roadmap to show the wayward people the way.

Ceremony?...I'm a little more hesitant on it.  Maybe just and idea to make sure your ushers know any specifics about whom to keep apart?

The seating plan is only for the reception. I figured since the ceremony will only be 15-20 minutes long, hopefully everyone can figure that out with no issues.

Then absolutely!  Seating plan away!!!!

Inkdancer

I love assigned tables. If the B&G put thought into it, assigned tables mean I get to sit with people I like. If they don't put thought into it, I know where I stand with them.

Simply Fated

I disagree with your mom. I think of it the opposite way.

HisGirlFriday13

Inkdancer said:

I love assigned tables. If the B&G put thought into it, assigned tables mean I get to sit with people I like. If they don't put thought into it, I know where I stand with them.

This. We very carefully planned our reception seating, putting together people who either already knew each other or whom we thought would get along well. Everyone invited to our wedding was important to us, so we wanted them to have a good time, and that included putting them at tables where they'd enjoy themselves.

We didn't assign seats at those tables, just tables, and we let the people at the table figure it out. Most of our guests were couples, so that made it easier, but no one had any issues having a seat.

Maggie0829

Assigning tables is in no way rude or tacky.  Assigning tables actually saves you a bit of hassle and money because you won't have to rent extra chairs/tables, have extra centerpieces, linens, etc.

melbenso

Another pro-seating plan vote here.  I don't think there's any specific rule of etiquette that says you should or should not have one.  But I like them.  It's often awkward to figure out where to sit, especially if most tables are already taken up by the time you get in to the reception.

If you choose not to have one, make sure you have more tables/seats than you have people (by about 10% - I think??).  Just because there are two seats open at the table your great aunt Sally is sitting at, doesn't mean that your two friends from college would feel comfortable sitting there, rather than cramming in at a table with your other mutual friends.

Which, by the way, is why I am pro-assigned tables (I think assigned seats is too much, unless there is a specific reason for assigning specific seats).  That way, if you have 12 people from X group and your tables seat 8, you can split them up at tables near each other so they can still be close and chat without having to cram in or sit with people they don't know.

afaber24

I'm all for assigned tables as well! I do a lot of events at my job and you always have to plan for people to leave 2-3 seats in between them and the next people over. It would get pretty costly to add 4-6 additional tables (between table clothes, chairs/covers, center pieces, etc).

It's also much easier for your wait staff, especially if you're doing a plated dinner.

Plus, you'll need to make sure enough spaces are saved for your wedding party & their guests. Don't forget your ushers too! My FI was an usher in a wedding and they didn't reserve a space for him. Pretty much all the seats were taken by the time they got into the reception. He had to sit near the back with some aunts and uncles. Not cool.

phira

Assigned tables are great.

One of the major reasons I hear people give when they're against seating plans is that it's too controlling--you're bossing your guests around. However, a large event like a wedding is much different from, say, inviting some friends over to dinner, or going with a group of people to a restaurant.

When you have a large group of people, where people tend to know each other in circles (as opposed to knowing everyone), it becomes stressful and impractical to have guests try to find a place to sit. You end up with problems like couples unable to find seats together, tables with fewer filled seats than empty seats, and chairs pulled up to other tables.

If you're having a plated meal, a seating chart is usually required; how will the waitstaff know where to bring each plate?

If you're having a buffet, a seating chart is hugely helpful. Otherwise, you'll have guests get up to wait in the buffet line, only to find themselves with a full plate of food and nowhere to sit.

VulgarGirl

I was never much into seating plans until I went to a wedding that had one! 

Oh the couple did a wonderful job on seating people in good groups! They sat me and FI with a couple that were both artists, a young attorney and his quiet girlfriend, and two older ladies who were hoot! FI had a ton to talk about the attorney and the other artists and I talked about our projects, and those older ladies got the quiet girlfriend to really open up. It was so much fun and made the small talk easier and less awkward.

Not tacky. Not tacky at all.

[Deleted User]

Another vote for seating plan. Yes it's work for you, but you'll know that people who will get along will get to sit by each other & those who don't get along you can put as far away as possible. Those things help add to the good exeperience people will have at your wedding & when people have a good time, they will remember your wedding and how good it was. .

Jen4948

Your mom is wrong.  It's actually having unassigned tables that can be rude or tacky.  No one likes to have to look for a vacant seat in a room full of people.  When that happens, unfortunately guests often end up "reserving" seats for their friends and relatives, which prevents other guests who need seats from sitting down and forces them to walk around looking for seats like kids in a school cafeteria.  It's even harder if you have to put down your belongings and go to a buffet, only to come back and find that someone has taken your seat.

sassyfrass2014

While adults should know where to sit (like what your mom seems to think), often groups of people at a reception will over-crowd a table and steal seats and silverware from other tables, making them look sparse and causing other people to feel like an "out-crowd."

I'm pro assigned tables, for sure!

grumbledore

Assigned seating all the way.

MairePoppy

Assigned seating is the norm, here. I appreciate it when my host puts some thought into my comfort - making sure I have a seat either with people I know or people with whom I share an interest. 

JCbride2015

Put me down as another assigned seating vote.  Spend some mite thinking through who would like to sit with whom, and your guests will really appreciate it!

NYCMercedes

OP, when your mom goes to a friends's house, does she just sit anywhere or wait for the host to tell where to sit. Same concept, just on a larger scale.

SomethingBeautiful08

If you were talking about 20 maybe 30 people I'd agree that adults should be able to figure it out.  Any larger then that and I also vote for assigned tables! Another suggestion, if you plan on doing escort cards / trinkets, please do something that can be arranged alphabetically or in some other logical order.  My dear friend had a cute idea to print the cards off as leaves then hang them on the tree, while it was cute, it was also very difficult to find everyone's card and they ended up resorting to the back up seating chart.

twitterbird

Worst wedding I ever went to had no seating plan. It was chaos. Tables were set for 8 and 10 but there were a lot that only had 2, 3, or 4 sitting at them as there were a lot of tables. My mother and I ended up at a table for 8 by ourselves and felt so out of place. There were chocolates at every place sitting (that I took) and 2 bottles of open wine that pretty much went to waste. We didn't even stick around for the first dance.

Maggie0829

Laurie Roche said:

Worst wedding I ever went to had no seating plan. It was chaos. Tables were set for 8 and 10 but there were a lot that only had 2, 3, or 4 sitting at them as there were a lot of tables. My mother and I ended up at a table for 8 by ourselves and felt so out of place. There were chocolates at every place sitting (that I took) and 2 bottles of open wine that pretty much went to waste. We didn't even stick around for the first dance.

Talk about a high school flashback.  This type of wedding can really make feel people like the odd man out and split everyone into the "cool kids" and the "outsiders."  And yeah I know someone will say that adults should be mature enough to mingle and other bullshit, but unless you are an outgoing person then that usually doesn't happen.  It is also a waste of money to have extra seating, extra favors, extra centerpieces, extra linens, etc when you can take 15-30 minutes to make a seating plan.

twitterbird

I didn't mind sitting at a strangers table (do it all the time at conference dinners) but my mom is a senior and can be pretty shy. The mother of the groom was an old friend and her family were the only people we knew there. They all sat together so we were left on our own. Mom was pretty pissed at her friend and hasn't really spoken to her since. That was several years ago now.

Maggie0829

Laurie Roche said:

I didn't mind sitting at a strangers table (do it all the time at conference dinners) but my mom is a senior and can be pretty shy. The mother of the groom was an old friend and her family were the only people we knew there. They all sat together so we were left on our own. Mom was pretty pissed at her friend and hasn't really spoken to her since. That was several years ago now.

I don't really blame your Mom.  Especially if her friend knows how shy your Mom is, you would think she would have been a bit more helpful in including your Mom rather then not.

But this is why I hate open seating.  You can have a wide variety of people and for those that are shy, they will most likely end up sitting alone or feeling very uncomfortable sitting with strangers.

ceruse

In my experience, I think it's rude NOT to assign tables. When I attend weddings as a guest and have no seat, it stresses me and my friends out because we don't know if we'll be able to sit together or not. It basically causes a rush into the ballroom as soon as it opens so we can snag a table and put down our purses and coats to claim a seat.
What a mess! Do not do this to your guests!

ladyamanuet

phira said:

Assigned tables are great.

One of the major reasons I hear people give when they're against seating plans is that it's too controlling--you're bossing your guests around. However, a large event like a wedding is much different from, say, inviting some friends over to dinner, or going with a group of people to a restaurant.

When you have a large group of people, where people tend to know each other in circles (as opposed to knowing everyone), it becomes stressful and impractical to have guests try to find a place to sit. You end up with problems like couples unable to find seats together, tables with fewer filled seats than empty seats, and chairs pulled up to other tables.

If you're having a plated meal, a seating chart is usually required; how will the waitstaff know where to bring each plate?

If you're having a buffet, a seating chart is hugely helpful. Otherwise, you'll have guests get up to wait in the buffet line, only to find themselves with a full plate of food and nowhere to sit.

This. The whole thing, but especially the bolded.  I've been to weddings where I only knew 3-4 people out of over 100 guests.  It would have been AWFUL had there not been assigned tables.  I am not a fan of assigned seats - you may think I'll just ADORE Friend X, and I probably will, but I could be allergic to her perfume and need to sit across the table from her to enjoy her company.  But assigned tables, YES YES YES.  I am outgoing but I still hate open seating. A considered table assignment from the B&G allows me to be sure there is (hopefully) at least one other person I know (other than FH) and people I will likely along with, since you paired me with them.

ladyamanuet

Sometimes it is unavoidable that guests don't know anyone but each other. That is why assigned tables are so nice. You can think about your other guests and who would pair nicely with them. I have a married couple coming from CA that will only know me and my dad.  But I know the couple well and will put them at a table with friends the same age that I know have similar interests and backgrounds.  If they had to find a seat by themselves, who knows where they would end up, since they are a little on the shy side.

Cookie Pusher

FSIL's wedding had open seating. Because FI was stuck taking pictures with the family, we weren't able to get a table with the cousins we are closer to because other people sat with them. We ended up sitting with other cousins we aren't as close to, which has caused us a lot of problems because FI can't keep his mouth shut about our wedding. He told them all about our plans, basically telling them they were going to be invited (even though we had no plans to invite them), so now we're obligated to invite them because there will be a stupid amount of BS gossip if we don't invite all the cousins.

ETA: Face. Fact. Fact. Conjecture within the realm of possibility.

SP29

Assign away! I agree that I think assigned tables (I prefer assigned tables over seats specifically) are actually more polite, for all the reasons listed above...

A) You may have several tables were 9-12 people try to cram into an 8-person table leaving a bunch of other tables less than full

People feel uncomfortable with strangers- at least with assigning tables, yes you can still end up with strangers, but the hosts should seat "like" people together

C) People feel like outsiders if you have a large bunch of people who do know each other an all sit together

D) People are unsure/uncomfortable to leave their personal items behind, say if they go up to a buffet line

Assigning tables can also sort out your family tension issues.

DH's parents are divorced and though they don't fight, they also don't speak to each other. At all. So at our reception, we essentially had 3 rows of 3 tables. The first row we had DH's dad and his family at the table on the far left, in the centre table was my parents, their dates and my siblings, and the table on the far right was DH's mom and her family. No one had to cross paths if they didn't want to, and they were each seated with their family, and each respectively got along with my family.