Children in support of PPDs

AlexisA01

@a13049

Agreed. Many Colleges will send out Diplomas and let students walk at their Commencement Ceremony. 

HisGirlFriday13

a13049 said:

PPDs are incredibly self centered.  ME!  ME!  ME!  I WANT MY DAY!  I WANT EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT ME IN MY PRINCESS DRESS AND ENVY ME!  I DESERVE TO HAVE IT!

What other reason can you have for spending thousands of dollars on a fake ceremony (Very offensive to religious people.) and being the center of attention?

I'm religious... It's not offensive to me. Someone can get legally married and still feel strongly about their vows and their religion at their "PPD".

If the religious aspect was that important to them, they would wait and have ONE legally and spiritually binding ceremony. They wouldn't do a quickie legal wedding for the benefits.

a13049

HisGirlFriday13 said:

a13049 said:

CMGragain said:

PPDs are incredibly self centered.  ME!  ME!  ME!  I WANT MY DAY!  I WANT EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT ME IN MY PRINCESS DRESS AND ENVY ME!  I DESERVE TO HAVE IT!

What other reason can you have for spending thousands of dollars on a fake ceremony (Very offensive to religious people.) and being the center of attention?

I'm religious... It's not offensive to me. Someone can get legally married and still feel strongly about their vows and their religion at their "PPD".

If the religious aspect was that important to them, they would wait and have ONE legally and spiritually binding ceremony. They wouldn't do a quickie legal wedding for the benefits.

--------------

Religion isn't one size fits all so this statement may be true for you, but not for everyone who chooses to seperate their legal and religious ceremony. I can see why you might think a pod is unnecessary and I can see you thinki the reasons for someone having a PPD as being stupid. But the PPD (as long as they aren't lieing) isn't offensive. AWish, probably, but you could say that about a majority of weddings. Whether we want to admit it or not.


I have been to a handful of PpD, for a variety of reasons. They never lied to me and I was hosted properly while sharing something important with someone I cared about. If you don't agree with a ppd (and you aren't being lied to) you have the choice to not attend, because as it's frequently mentioned here an invitation is not a subpena. Again, I think lying is wrong and that is a whole different story.

belladonna1224

There are all sorts of reasons why someone would NEED to get legally married (for instance, severe medical issues and the need for insurance, or significant other about to be deployed overseas, etc.)

This does not mean that the ceremony they have afterwards is somehow "fake"...religious or not, it still holds a deep spiritual and personal meaning. To many people, the ceremony they have later with the customs and traditions they hold dear, is the true wedding. To me, it seems incredibly rude to call it a "PPD" (which is a childish term altogether), just because someone felt the need to get legally married before holding their much more meaningful ceremony.

Yes, if someone does this just for gift-grabbing, that's an entirely different story. Please don't lump the two situations together and call it the same idiotic name. Life is not always black and white, there's such a thing as (gasp!) extenuating circumstances that are much more important than whatever outdated notions of etiquette other people may embrace. Whatever celebration is most near and dear to people's hearts, not the one that gets them a stamped piece of paper, is the one they get to call their wedding.

This is why I mostly keep to Wedding Wire forums. They are way less judgmental. Don't you see that you are much more rude than the people you are so quick to judge?

afox007

belladonna1224 said:

There are all sorts of reasons why someone would NEED to get legally married (for instance, severe medical issues and the need for insurance, or significant other about to be deployed overseas, etc.)

This does not mean that the ceremony they have afterwards is somehow "fake"...religious or not, it still holds a deep spiritual and personal meaning. To many people, the ceremony they have later with the customs and traditions they hold dear, is the true wedding. To me, it seems incredibly rude to call it a "PPD" (which is a childish term altogether), just because someone felt the need to get legally married before holding their much more meaningful ceremony.

Yes, if someone does this just for gift-grabbing, that's an entirely different story. Please don't lump the two situations together and call it the same idiotic name. Life is not always black and white, there's such a thing as (gasp!) extenuating circumstances that are much more important than whatever outdated notions of etiquette other people may embrace. Whatever celebration is most near and dear to people's hearts, not the one that gets them a stamped piece of paper, is the one they get to call their wedding.

This is why I mostly keep to Wedding Wire forums. They are way less judgmental. Don't you see that you are much more rude than the people you are so quick to judge?

I will give you te same answer I gave my FSS when he said I would feel differently if his dad I had to get married ASAP. I would buy an awesome, but inexpensive dress off the rack, find a JOP to meet us at a park/on the beach, call up our VIP list to invite them, pick up some safeway flowers, and make reservations for us all at a nice resturaunt that I would pay for.

Would it be the big wedding I always wanted? No. Would I be married to the love of my life in the company of our closest friends as family? Yes. It is 100% possible to have your cake and eat it without a PPD.

jdluvr06

There are all sorts of reasons why someone would NEED to get legally married (for instance, severe medical issues and the need for insurance, or significant other about to be deployed overseas, etc.)

This does not mean that the ceremony they have afterwards is somehow "fake"...religious or not, it still holds a deep spiritual and personal meaning. To many people, the ceremony they have later with the customs and traditions they hold dear, is the true wedding. To me, it seems incredibly rude to call it a "PPD" (which is a childish term altogether), just because someone felt the need to get legally married before holding their much more meaningful ceremony.

Yes, if someone does this just for gift-grabbing, that's an entirely different story. Please don't lump the two situations together and call it the same idiotic name. Life is not always black and white, there's such a thing as (gasp!) extenuating circumstances that are much more important than whatever outdated notions of etiquette other people may embrace. Whatever celebration is most near and dear to people's hearts, not the one that gets them a stamped piece of paper, is the one they get to call their wedding.

This is why I mostly keep to Wedding Wire forums. They are way less judgmental. Don't you see that you are much more rude than the people you are so quick to judge?

If you are already married and you have a wedding then yes it is a fake wedding.

belladonna1224

And if for whatever reason you want your family and friends who are out of town to attend the celebration, or if you want the wedding to incorporate certain meaningful aspects that may not be thrown together at the last minute, etc, etc, then you're stuck. Because apparently if you want any of that, you have to say that you're having a "PRETTY PRINCESS DAY" because that's what the judgmental people who think it's all black and white call it. How about you get off the high horse and call it a wedding celebration (yeah, that's what it is - you are celebrating the couple getting married!), instead of the insulting name you keep using?

Seriously, if you care more about when the couple signed the paperwork, rather than celebrating their love with them, you have no business attending their wedding anyway.

afox007 said:

There are all sorts of reasons why someone would NEED to get legally married (for instance, severe medical issues and the need for insurance, or significant other about to be deployed overseas, etc.)

This does not mean that the ceremony they have afterwards is somehow "fake"...religious or not, it still holds a deep spiritual and personal meaning. To many people, the ceremony they have later with the customs and traditions they hold dear, is the true wedding. To me, it seems incredibly rude to call it a "PPD" (which is a childish term altogether), just because someone felt the need to get legally married before holding their much more meaningful ceremony.

Yes, if someone does this just for gift-grabbing, that's an entirely different story. Please don't lump the two situations together and call it the same idiotic name. Life is not always black and white, there's such a thing as (gasp!) extenuating circumstances that are much more important than whatever outdated notions of etiquette other people may embrace. Whatever celebration is most near and dear to people's hearts, not the one that gets them a stamped piece of paper, is the one they get to call their wedding.

This is why I mostly keep to Wedding Wire forums. They are way less judgmental. Don't you see that you are much more rude than the people you are so quick to judge?

I will give you te same answer I gave my FSS when he said I would feel differently if his dad I had to get married ASAP. I would buy an awesome, but inexpensive dress off the rack, find a JOP to meet us at a park/on the beach, call up our VIP list to invite them, pick up some safeway flowers, and make reservations for us all at a nice resturaunt that I would pay for. Would it be the big wedding I always wanted? No. Would I be married to the love of my life in the company of our closest friends as family? Yes. It is 100% possible to have your cake and eat it without a PPD.

belladonna1224

jdluvr06 said:

There are all sorts of reasons why someone would NEED to get legally married (for instance, severe medical issues and the need for insurance, or significant other about to be deployed overseas, etc.)

This does not mean that the ceremony they have afterwards is somehow "fake"...religious or not, it still holds a deep spiritual and personal meaning. To many people, the ceremony they have later with the customs and traditions they hold dear, is the true wedding. To me, it seems incredibly rude to call it a "PPD" (which is a childish term altogether), just because someone felt the need to get legally married before holding their much more meaningful ceremony.

Yes, if someone does this just for gift-grabbing, that's an entirely different story. Please don't lump the two situations together and call it the same idiotic name. Life is not always black and white, there's such a thing as (gasp!) extenuating circumstances that are much more important than whatever outdated notions of etiquette other people may embrace. Whatever celebration is most near and dear to people's hearts, not the one that gets them a stamped piece of paper, is the one they get to call their wedding.

This is why I mostly keep to Wedding Wire forums. They are way less judgmental. Don't you see that you are much more rude than the people you are so quick to judge?

If you are already married and you have a wedding then yes it is a fake wedding

Well, you obviously missed the entire point of my post. Are things in your black-and-white world always so clear cut? I envy you.

MobKaz

a13049 said:

a13049 said:

PPDs are incredibly self centered.  ME!  ME!  ME!  I WANT MY DAY!  I WANT EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT ME IN MY PRINCESS DRESS AND ENVY ME!  I DESERVE TO HAVE IT!

What other reason can you have for spending thousands of dollars on a fake ceremony (Very offensive to religious people.) and being the center of attention?

I'm religious... It's not offensive to me. Someone can get legally married and still feel strongly about their vows and their religion at their "PPD".

If the religious aspect was that important to them, they would wait and have ONE legally and spiritually binding ceremony. They wouldn't do a quickie legal wedding for the benefits.

-------------- Religion isn't one size fits all so this statement may be true for you, but not for everyone who chooses to seperate their legal and religious ceremony. I can see why you might think a pod is unnecessary and I can see you thinki the reasons for someone having a PPD as being stupid. But the PPD (as long as they aren't lieing) isn't offensive. AWish, probably, but you could say that about a majority of weddings. Whether we want to admit it or not. I have been to a handful of PpD, for a variety of reasons. They never lied to me and I was hosted properly while sharing something important with someone I cared about. If you don't agree with a ppd (and you aren't being lied to) you have the choice to not attend, because as it's frequently mentioned here an invitation is not a subpena. Again, I think lying is wrong and that is a whole different story.

You will find many brides on this forum who absolutely distinguish between knowing the truth and being lied to in relation to PPD's.  Those guests are able to make an informed decision as to whether they attend such an event.  (For the record, it IS an event and not a wedding.)

However, in the case of MRS. Everhart and others, they are going OUT OF THEIR WAY in their charade by continuing to refer to their SPOUSE as their "FI" all the while collecting government benefits only afforded to married people.  The lies and hypocrisy are beyond disgusting.  To have supposed dear friends and family spends HUNDREDS of dollars attending a destination event, all the time being misled they are attending a wedding, is unconscionable.

That is what lies behind the uproar on the boards regarding PPDs.

Kauris

I've been in a PPD that I didn't know about until YEARS later and I'm still upset. Want to know why? Well on top of lying to us for four years, my friend had us buy $300 BM dresses, $50 shoes and our gift was our jewelry, which, what do you know, I never wear.

As if a $300 dress that I could wear once isn't bad enough, I was just out of college, living on my own, netting  just under 14k. I had a car payment, apartment and all the bills. Do you know how much take home is when you make that in salary? $300 was my grocery money for like 5 months! She didn't care. Why? Because she "DESERVED" a big wedding with all the things that go along with it. It still makes me mad just typing this.

AND as far as the three weddings in different countries, that's so AWish. My FI is from Spain, so not all of his family will be able to make it, so we will travel there after our wedding. His family has offered to throw us a party, but in no way will it resemble a wedding. We will have already had ours.

MobKaz

belladonna1224 said:

And if for whatever reason you want your family and friends who are out of town to attend the celebration, or if you want the wedding to incorporate certain meaningful aspects that may not be thrown together at the last minute, etc, etc, then you're stuck. Because apparently if you want any of that, you have to say that you're having a "PRETTY PRINCESS DAY" because that's what the judgmental people who think it's all black and white call it. How about you get off the high horse and call it a wedding celebration (yeah, that's what it is - you are celebrating the couple getting married!), instead of the insulting name you keep using?

Seriously, if you care more about when the couple signed the paperwork, rather than celebrating their love with them, you have no business attending their wedding anyway.

afox007 said:

There are all sorts of reasons why someone would NEED to get legally married (for instance, severe medical issues and the need for insurance, or significant other about to be deployed overseas, etc.)

This does not mean that the ceremony they have afterwards is somehow "fake"...religious or not, it still holds a deep spiritual and personal meaning. To many people, the ceremony they have later with the customs and traditions they hold dear, is the true wedding. To me, it seems incredibly rude to call it a "PPD" (which is a childish term altogether), just because someone felt the need to get legally married before holding their much more meaningful ceremony.

Yes, if someone does this just for gift-grabbing, that's an entirely different story. Please don't lump the two situations together and call it the same idiotic name. Life is not always black and white, there's such a thing as (gasp!) extenuating circumstances that are much more important than whatever outdated notions of etiquette other people may embrace. Whatever celebration is most near and dear to people's hearts, not the one that gets them a stamped piece of paper, is the one they get to call their wedding.

This is why I mostly keep to Wedding Wire forums. They are way less judgmental. Don't you see that you are much more rude than the people you are so quick to judge?

I will give you te same answer I gave my FSS when he said I would feel differently if his dad I had to get married ASAP. I would buy an awesome, but inexpensive dress off the rack, find a JOP to meet us at a park/on the beach, call up our VIP list to invite them, pick up some safeway flowers, and make reservations for us all at a nice resturaunt that I would pay for. Would it be the big wedding I always wanted? No. Would I be married to the love of my life in the company of our closest friends as family? Yes. It is 100% possible to have your cake and eat it without a PPD.

This is actually what is recommended to the "already married women" most often.  Rather than lie and/or reenact a faux wedding, it is suggested that these married women indeed host a celebration in honor of their recent (or not so recent) marriage.  That is absolutely encouraged and appropriate.  

CMGragain

A real wedding is when the couple becomes legally married.  Most of the women in my family were married in a courthouse.
A fake wedding is when the couple goes through the motions, but nothing legal is happening.
I have been "married" on stage several times.  A PPD is no more significant than my stage performance was.

lvgirl1000

CheleLyn said:

To those who don't see the big deal about a PPD...Have you ever been to a PPD and been LIED to about it?

I've told this story before...

When my ex-husband's middle daughter was engaged, her fiance joined the army. He went to basic training then headed off to AIT. She and her mother went to his graduation from AIT. Several months later, daddy gave her away at a lovely wedding at her family church. She had the pretty dress, he was in uniform, there was a good sized bridal party with flower girls and ring bearer. Daddy was emotional at giving away one of daughters for the first wedding of one of his kids.

Imagine our surprise when it slips out of someone's mouth almost a YEAR LATER that the bride and groom were already married after he graduated from AIT with her mother's blessing! WHY? Just to get the military paperwork started. They claim that they weren't "really married" until they had there church ceremony and the blessing of their pastor. 

Her dad was VERY hurt that #1 he wasn't made aware of the situation, and #2 he wasn't really giving away his daughter because SHE WAS ALREADY MARRIED!!! I was very disappointed in the B&G for lying to damn near everyone and I KNOW there are people who still don;t know the truth.

PPDs are almost always based on lies and cause hurt feelings. If you are old enough to legally sign that paper with the JOP then you are old enough to accept THAT as your wedding...after all, you are legally married. Everything else is just for show.

edited for clarity

That's terribo!

Sometimes it's the people who justify their PPD because of military service that REALLY bites me in the britches.  Every time I see a PPD post I think of my parents.  They actually have two legitimate anniversaries.

My dad was in the service stationed overseas when he met my mom.  They got married by the Navy Chaplin on Nov. 2 & married at city hall in my mom's home town on Nov. 4.  No dress, no cake, no guests.  They simply wanted their union to be recognized by their respective governments.  Because that's marriage.

a13049

afox007 said:

belladonna1224 said:

There are all sorts of reasons why someone would NEED to get legally married (for instance, severe medical issues and the need for insurance, or significant other about to be deployed overseas, etc.)

This does not mean that the ceremony they have afterwards is somehow "fake"...religious or not, it still holds a deep spiritual and personal meaning. To many people, the ceremony they have later with the customs and traditions they hold dear, is the true wedding. To me, it seems incredibly rude to call it a "PPD" (which is a childish term altogether), just because someone felt the need to get legally married before holding their much more meaningful ceremony.

Yes, if someone does this just for gift-grabbing, that's an entirely different story. Please don't lump the two situations together and call it the same idiotic name. Life is not always black and white, there's such a thing as (gasp!) extenuating circumstances that are much more important than whatever outdated notions of etiquette other people may embrace. Whatever celebration is most near and dear to people's hearts, not the one that gets them a stamped piece of paper, is the one they get to call their wedding.

This is why I mostly keep to Wedding Wire forums. They are way less judgmental. Don't you see that you are much more rude than the people you are so quick to judge?

I will give you te same answer I gave my FSS when he said I would feel differently if his dad I had to get married ASAP. I would buy an awesome, but inexpensive dress off the rack, find a JOP to meet us at a park/on the beach, call up our VIP list to invite them, pick up some safeway flowers, and make reservations for us all at a nice resturaunt that I would pay for.

Would it be the big wedding I always wanted? No. Would I be married to the love of my life in the company of our closest friends as family? Yes. It is 100% possible to have your cake and eat it without a PPD.

Congratulations, that's what you would choose to do in a difficult situation. That doesn't mean it is the only option or the right option.

catlady14

belladonna1224 said:

And if for whatever reason you want your family and friends who are out of town to attend the celebration, or if you want the wedding to incorporate certain meaningful aspects that may not be thrown together at the last minute, etc, etc, then you're stuck. Because apparently if you want any of that, you have to say that you're having a "PRETTY PRINCESS DAY" because that's what the judgmental people who think it's all black and white call it. How about you get off the high horse and call it a wedding celebration (yeah, that's what it is - you are celebrating the couple getting married!), instead of the insulting name you keep using?

Seriously, if you care more about when the couple signed the paperwork, rather than celebrating their love with them, you have no business attending their wedding anyway.

afox007 said:

There are all sorts of reasons why someone would NEED to get legally married (for instance, severe medical issues and the need for insurance, or significant other about to be deployed overseas, etc.)

This does not mean that the ceremony they have afterwards is somehow "fake"...religious or not, it still holds a deep spiritual and personal meaning. To many people, the ceremony they have later with the customs and traditions they hold dear, is the true wedding. To me, it seems incredibly rude to call it a "PPD" (which is a childish term altogether), just because someone felt the need to get legally married before holding their much more meaningful ceremony.

Yes, if someone does this just for gift-grabbing, that's an entirely different story. Please don't lump the two situations together and call it the same idiotic name. Life is not always black and white, there's such a thing as (gasp!) extenuating circumstances that are much more important than whatever outdated notions of etiquette other people may embrace. Whatever celebration is most near and dear to people's hearts, not the one that gets them a stamped piece of paper, is the one they get to call their wedding.

This is why I mostly keep to Wedding Wire forums. They are way less judgmental. Don't you see that you are much more rude than the people you are so quick to judge?

I will give you te same answer I gave my FSS when he said I would feel differently if his dad I had to get married ASAP. I would buy an awesome, but inexpensive dress off the rack, find a JOP to meet us at a park/on the beach, call up our VIP list to invite them, pick up some safeway flowers, and make reservations for us all at a nice resturaunt that I would pay for. Would it be the big wedding I always wanted? No. Would I be married to the love of my life in the company of our closest friends as family? Yes. It is 100% possible to have your cake and eat it without a PPD.

But by signing the paperwork you are MARRIED. I would be okay with being invited to a celebration of their marriage (which began when the papers were signed) but do not tell me that your signing the paperwork doesn't count. My parents would have loved to have their families with them for their wedding day but due to outside issues that was not possible, yet their courthouse marriage is still valid over 25 years later.

belladonna1224

mobkaz said:

a13049 said:

a13049 said:

PPDs are incredibly self centered.  ME!  ME!  ME!  I WANT MY DAY!  I WANT EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT ME IN MY PRINCESS DRESS AND ENVY ME!  I DESERVE TO HAVE IT!

What other reason can you have for spending thousands of dollars on a fake ceremony (Very offensive to religious people.) and being the center of attention?

I'm religious... It's not offensive to me. Someone can get legally married and still feel strongly about their vows and their religion at their "PPD".

If the religious aspect was that important to them, they would wait and have ONE legally and spiritually binding ceremony. They wouldn't do a quickie legal wedding for the benefits.

-------------- Religion isn't one size fits all so this statement may be true for you, but not for everyone who chooses to seperate their legal and religious ceremony. I can see why you might think a pod is unnecessary and I can see you thinki the reasons for someone having a PPD as being stupid. But the PPD (as long as they aren't lieing) isn't offensive. AWish, probably, but you could say that about a majority of weddings. Whether we want to admit it or not. I have been to a handful of PpD, for a variety of reasons. They never lied to me and I was hosted properly while sharing something important with someone I cared about. If you don't agree with a ppd (and you aren't being lied to) you have the choice to not attend, because as it's frequently mentioned here an invitation is not a subpena. Again, I think lying is wrong and that is a whole different story.

You will find many brides on this forum who absolutely distinguish between knowing the truth and being lied to in relation to PPD's.  Those guests are able to make an informed decision as to whether they attend such an event.  (For the record, it IS an event and not a wedding.)

However, in the case of MRS. Everhart and others, they are going OUT OF THEIR WAY in their charade by continuing to refer to their SPOUSE as their "FI" all the while collecting government benefits only afforded to married people.  The lies and hypocrisy are beyond disgusting.  To have supposed dear friends and family spends HUNDREDS of dollars attending a destination event, all the time being misled they are attending a wedding, is unconscionable.

That is what lies behind the uproar on the boards regarding PPDs.

Ok, I think the point of this was that the "real wedding" (read: paperwork) is more important than the "event" (actual celebration). If you are coming to an "event", as you term it, for someone you truly care about, you wouldn't care if they signed the paperwork a month before. If you do, you either don't care about them, or you need to get your values reassessed.

Would you be this snobbish if you attended a birthday celebration for someone who is hosting it the week after their actual birthday? You wouldn't say they're having a PPD, right? Even though it's not really the anniversary of their expulsion from the womb.

People, check your inner snob at the door, and just enjoy it!

mysticl

belladonna1224 said:

mobkaz said:

a13049 said:

a13049 said:

PPDs are incredibly self centered.  ME!  ME!  ME!  I WANT MY DAY!  I WANT EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT ME IN MY PRINCESS DRESS AND ENVY ME!  I DESERVE TO HAVE IT!

What other reason can you have for spending thousands of dollars on a fake ceremony (Very offensive to religious people.) and being the center of attention?

I'm religious... It's not offensive to me. Someone can get legally married and still feel strongly about their vows and their religion at their "PPD".

If the religious aspect was that important to them, they would wait and have ONE legally and spiritually binding ceremony. They wouldn't do a quickie legal wedding for the benefits.

-------------- Religion isn't one size fits all so this statement may be true for you, but not for everyone who chooses to seperate their legal and religious ceremony. I can see why you might think a pod is unnecessary and I can see you thinki the reasons for someone having a PPD as being stupid. But the PPD (as long as they aren't lieing) isn't offensive. AWish, probably, but you could say that about a majority of weddings. Whether we want to admit it or not. I have been to a handful of PpD, for a variety of reasons. They never lied to me and I was hosted properly while sharing something important with someone I cared about. If you don't agree with a ppd (and you aren't being lied to) you have the choice to not attend, because as it's frequently mentioned here an invitation is not a subpena. Again, I think lying is wrong and that is a whole different story.

You will find many brides on this forum who absolutely distinguish between knowing the truth and being lied to in relation to PPD's.  Those guests are able to make an informed decision as to whether they attend such an event.  (For the record, it IS an event and not a wedding.)

However, in the case of MRS. Everhart and others, they are going OUT OF THEIR WAY in their charade by continuing to refer to their SPOUSE as their "FI" all the while collecting government benefits only afforded to married people.  The lies and hypocrisy are beyond disgusting.  To have supposed dear friends and family spends HUNDREDS of dollars attending a destination event, all the time being misled they are attending a wedding, is unconscionable.

That is what lies behind the uproar on the boards regarding PPDs.

Ok, I think the point of this was that the "real wedding" (read: paperwork) is more important than the "event" (actual celebration). If you are coming to an "event", as you term it, for someone you truly care about, you wouldn't care if they signed the paperwork a month before. If you do, you either don't care about them, or you need to get your values reassessed.

Would you be this snobbish if you attended a birthday celebration for someone who is hosting it the week after their actual birthday? You wouldn't say they're having a PPD, right? Even though it's not really the anniversary of their expulsion from the womb.

People, check your inner snob at the door, and just enjoy it!

If they were just holding a party to celebrate the fact that they got married I don't think anyone here would have a problem with it.  It's when they put on a dress and stand up and say vows and pretend they are getting married that people have a problem with.  

The birthday example doesn't work.  People hold birthday parties on different days for convenience (i.e. weekends vs week days).  The thing about weddings is you get to pick your date, so you can pick a date that is convenient.  

manateehugger

Birthdays aren't a state of being that has huge social, legal, and often religious significance...

CMGragain

@belladonna1224,  you need to learn what this word actually means.  It does not mean someone who disapproves of a couples' behavior.

A snob is a person who believes in the existence of an equation between status and human worth.^[1] The term also refers to a person who believes that some people are inherently inferior to him or her for any one of a variety of reasons, including real or supposed intellect, wealth, education, ancestry, power, physical strength, class, taste, beauty, nationality, fame, extreme success of a family member or friend, etc. Often this form of snobbery reflects the snob's personal attributes. For example, a common snobbery of the affluent is the belief that wealth is either the cause or result of superiority, or both.^{[citation needed]} Both definitions are used as a pejorative.

MobKaz

belladonna1224 said:

mobkaz said:

a13049 said:

a13049 said:

PPDs are incredibly self centered.  ME!  ME!  ME!  I WANT MY DAY!  I WANT EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT ME IN MY PRINCESS DRESS AND ENVY ME!  I DESERVE TO HAVE IT!

What other reason can you have for spending thousands of dollars on a fake ceremony (Very offensive to religious people.) and being the center of attention?

I'm religious... It's not offensive to me. Someone can get legally married and still feel strongly about their vows and their religion at their "PPD".

If the religious aspect was that important to them, they would wait and have ONE legally and spiritually binding ceremony. They wouldn't do a quickie legal wedding for the benefits.

-------------- Religion isn't one size fits all so this statement may be true for you, but not for everyone who chooses to seperate their legal and religious ceremony. I can see why you might think a pod is unnecessary and I can see you thinki the reasons for someone having a PPD as being stupid. But the PPD (as long as they aren't lieing) isn't offensive. AWish, probably, but you could say that about a majority of weddings. Whether we want to admit it or not. I have been to a handful of PpD, for a variety of reasons. They never lied to me and I was hosted properly while sharing something important with someone I cared about. If you don't agree with a ppd (and you aren't being lied to) you have the choice to not attend, because as it's frequently mentioned here an invitation is not a subpena. Again, I think lying is wrong and that is a whole different story.

You will find many brides on this forum who absolutely distinguish between knowing the truth and being lied to in relation to PPD's.  Those guests are able to make an informed decision as to whether they attend such an event.  (For the record, it IS an event and not a wedding.)

However, in the case of MRS. Everhart and others, they are going OUT OF THEIR WAY in their charade by continuing to refer to their SPOUSE as their "FI" all the while collecting government benefits only afforded to married people.  The lies and hypocrisy are beyond disgusting.  To have supposed dear friends and family spends HUNDREDS of dollars attending a destination event, all the time being misled they are attending a wedding, is unconscionable.

That is what lies behind the uproar on the boards regarding PPDs.

Ok, I think the point of this was that the "real wedding" (read: paperwork) is more important than the "event" (actual celebration). If you are coming to an "event", as you term it, for someone you truly care about, you wouldn't care if they signed the paperwork a month before. If you do, you either don't care about them, or you need to get your values reassessed.

Would you be this snobbish if you attended a birthday celebration for someone who is hosting it the week after their actual birthday? You wouldn't say they're having a PPD, right? Even though it's not really the anniversary of their expulsion from the womb.

People, check your inner snob at the door, and just enjoy it!

Check your reading comprehension.  Yes, the real wedding, which is the ONLY wedding, is the important component.  And perhaps, I would not care about whether someone was legally wed (I find it personally reprehensible to refer to the marriage ceremony as "paperwork") and hosted a celebration of THAT wedding at a later date.  The point, and difference, is KNOWING that the couple is already married.  

The ones needing to reassess their values are those married women who deliberately and thoughtfully LIE to their supposed nearest and dearest simply to have an egofest.  And yes, I absolutely and truly care if someone goes out of their way to lie to me.  And in that case, I absolutely would no longer care about them, as they clearly showed me no respect.

Couggal12

belladonna1224 said:

mobkaz said:

a13049 said:

a13049 said:

PPDs are incredibly self centered.  ME!  ME!  ME!  I WANT MY DAY!  I WANT EVERYBODY TO LOOK AT ME IN MY PRINCESS DRESS AND ENVY ME!  I DESERVE TO HAVE IT!

What other reason can you have for spending thousands of dollars on a fake ceremony (Very offensive to religious people.) and being the center of attention?

I'm religious... It's not offensive to me. Someone can get legally married and still feel strongly about their vows and their religion at their "PPD".

If the religious aspect was that important to them, they would wait and have ONE legally and spiritually binding ceremony. They wouldn't do a quickie legal wedding for the benefits.

-------------- Religion isn't one size fits all so this statement may be true for you, but not for everyone who chooses to seperate their legal and religious ceremony. I can see why you might think a pod is unnecessary and I can see you thinki the reasons for someone having a PPD as being stupid. But the PPD (as long as they aren't lieing) isn't offensive. AWish, probably, but you could say that about a majority of weddings. Whether we want to admit it or not. I have been to a handful of PpD, for a variety of reasons. They never lied to me and I was hosted properly while sharing something important with someone I cared about. If you don't agree with a ppd (and you aren't being lied to) you have the choice to not attend, because as it's frequently mentioned here an invitation is not a subpena. Again, I think lying is wrong and that is a whole different story.

You will find many brides on this forum who absolutely distinguish between knowing the truth and being lied to in relation to PPD's.  Those guests are able to make an informed decision as to whether they attend such an event.  (For the record, it IS an event and not a wedding.)

However, in the case of MRS. Everhart and others, they are going OUT OF THEIR WAY in their charade by continuing to refer to their SPOUSE as their "FI" all the while collecting government benefits only afforded to married people.  The lies and hypocrisy are beyond disgusting.  To have supposed dear friends and family spends HUNDREDS of dollars attending a destination event, all the time being misled they are attending a wedding, is unconscionable.

That is what lies behind the uproar on the boards regarding PPDs.

Ok, I think the point of this was that the "real wedding" (read: paperwork) is more important than the "event" (actual celebration). If you are coming to an "event", as you term it, for someone you truly care about, you wouldn't care if they signed the paperwork a month before. If you do, you either don't care about them, or you need to get your values reassessed.

Would you be this snobbish if you attended a birthday celebration for someone who is hosting it the week after their actual birthday? You wouldn't say they're having a PPD, right? Even though it's not really the anniversary of their expulsion from the womb.

People, check your inner snob at the door, and just enjoy it!

What aren't you getting? Signing the paper, aka AN ACTUAL WEDDING is when you become someone's wife or husband. Do you know how many people in this country want to have that legality with their SO? By making it out to not be a big deal  and lying to your friends/family to have a big party in your speshul snowflake dress makes you see like a brat. 

Also, if you truly care about someone you don't lie. You tell them the truth. You don't hide the fact that your so called "wedding" is a sham.  

sarahonlife

afox007 said:

In less than a week I have had to explain the flaws in a PPD to children twice. On Easter my younger sister was going on about how as soon as she turns 18 her and her bf are gonna run off and get married, but wait a few years to have a wedding when they're older and our family will support it. After first explaining why getting married at 18 was a bad plan I had to explain how rude PPDs are. Then last night I was watching 4 weddings and was bitching at the tv since one of the "brides" was having a PPD. FSS tried defending her since everyone deserves a wedding. I rolled my eyes, but ignored it since he was young. He went on a rant about how I wouldn't be saying that if his dad and I had to get married ASAP and I didn't get a real wedding. I think if we want to eliminate the special snowflake mentality we need to start when they are little.

My mom taught me from a very young age how awful fake weddings were.  She would often tell me the story of a "wedding" my pastor grandfather officiated.  The couple INSISTED they HAD to be married on a particular day.  He wasn't available, as that was his yearly family vacation. But they were adamant.  It HAD to be that day.  Wanting to please his church members, he cancelled the family vacation and booked the wedding.  The day came and the ceremony passed without incident.  After the ceremony, he and the couple went into his office to sign the license.  That's when he learned they'd actually been married the year before on that date and THAT's why the date was so important, so that they wouldn't have to remember two dates the rest of their lives.  I don't know if the couple's families ever found out it was a fake wedding, but the officiant's family sure remembered it forever! So hearing that story from an early age, I knew it would be the one thing I could do that my mom would never forgive me for.

misshart00

Are we really doing this again?

CMGragain

I got bashed for telling a bride not to wear her wedding dress for her celebration party, over on invitations last week.  Lots of newbies told the married lady to go ahead and wear her wedding dress for her celebration party.  Where were you guys when I needed you?

mysticl

afox007 said:

In less than a week I have had to explain the flaws in a PPD to children twice. On Easter my younger sister was going on about how as soon as she turns 18 her and her bf are gonna run off and get married, but wait a few years to have a wedding when they're older and our family will support it. After first explaining why getting married at 18 was a bad plan I had to explain how rude PPDs are. Then last night I was watching 4 weddings and was bitching at the tv since one of the "brides" was having a PPD. FSS tried defending her since everyone deserves a wedding. I rolled my eyes, but ignored it since he was young. He went on a rant about how I wouldn't be saying that if his dad and I had to get married ASAP and I didn't get a real wedding. I think if we want to eliminate the special snowflake mentality we need to start when they are little.

My mom taught me from a very young age how awful fake weddings were.  She would often tell me the story of a "wedding" my pastor grandfather officiated.  The couple INSISTED they HAD to be married on a particular day.  He wasn't available, as that was his yearly family vacation. But they were adamant.  It HAD to be that day.  Wanting to please his church members, he cancelled the family vacation and booked the wedding.  The day came and the ceremony passed without incident.  After the ceremony, he and the couple went into his office to sign the license.  That's when he learned they'd actually been married the year before on that date and THAT's why the date was so important, so that they wouldn't have to remember two dates the rest of their lives.  I don't know if the couple's families ever found out it was a fake wedding, but the officiant's family sure remembered it forever! So hearing that story from an early age, I knew it would be the one thing I could do that my mom would never forgive me for.

Wait, they lied to their pastor to manipulate him into changing his vacation plans?  Seriously.  That is wrong on so many levels.  

afox007

FTR I would like to apologize for opening the can of worms! I was more amused by the conversations I got in with my sister and FSS and was happy I at least talked my little sis out of a bad idea.

CMGragain

Not your fault.  We go through this on the Knot every few month when newbies come in and don't understand.  We have to review it every so often.  It doesn't help that the wedding industry and TV shows think it's just precious!  Of course, it is a way for them to make more money $$$$.

chibiyui

misshart00

FTR I would like to apologize for opening the can of worms! I was more amused by the conversations I got in with my sister and FSS and was happy I at least talked my little sis out of a bad idea.

I don't blame you. There's just the same circle debate every time someone brings up PPDs.

nebullama

I will never understand how couples can go through with this, and I would be really curious to know how they feel about it when it is all over.

I mean they get married, a solemn, joyous, life changing event, and convince themselves it means nothing.

Then they put on a grand play, doing things that have already been done, promising things that have already been promised, coming out the other side exactly as they were before, all the while telling themselves and everyone else that this is what means something.

How do you do all that without feeling like you have cheapened and degraded your own union? I don't think I'd be able to get over feeling like I had cheated myself out of something beautiful.