Assigning someone to usher or sit at the guest book table

wiggsaj

I don't see what's wrong with this!

I have two sisters. One of them is the MOH. My other sister is really not into the whole girly bridesmaid thing, but she still wanted to be part of my special day, so I asked if she would sit at the guest book table. She was extatic to do so. My little brother is FI's groomsman (so cute ohmygoodness) and my older brother is ushering. My MOH sister's boyfriend is also ushering. (he's been around for a while, so he's more of a brother to me now). My cousin is playing piano for us. He's the one who taught me to play piano and guitar and how to sing when I was younger, so it was very fitting and he felt honored to be doing so. He wont even accept any form of payment.

Honestly, these people are really happy to be doing these things for us. It's a way for them to play an important part of the day while also not needing to be in the WP. They all are so excited to be part of the experience and they don't feel that it's rude at all. We will be giving them thank you gifts (obviously) but I just don't see why everyone thinks it's so rude?

thesummersky

Many people view it as rude because they are your guests, and guests shouldn't be working. It would be like me inviting my sister to my house for a grand party, and then asking her to clean while everyone else has fun. 

JellyBean52513

It can be seen as rude because you're giving these people tasks to do instead of honored positions. Think about it: babysitting an inanimate object like a guest book while telling adults "please sign the guest book!" -- an obvious thing to do-- isn't exactly a position of honor. Same goes with passing out programs. Programs can be left on a table at the entrance of the ceremony site, and people know to pick one up. These aren't positions of honor, they're jobs.

If the people in your life are genuinely happy and excited to do these things for you, then I guess you're fine. But, usually people say 'yes' to doing these things because they don't want to make the bride feel bad, and then they end up bitter and resentful that they were given a stupid job later on.

APDSS22

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

wiggsaj

APDSS22 said:

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

thesummersky

@wiggsaj The tough thing is, it's hard to tell if she really wanted that job or if she took it to be polite because you asked and she loves you. One of the reasons etiquette is something so widely valued and used is because it ensures people are treated well, and that the feelings of our loved ones don't get hurt.

That said, I do think that acts of service can show love for someone. I wouldn't mind doing something to help out a close family member or friend's wedding, as long as I was able to see the ceremony and participate in most of the reception.

tammym1001

wiggsaj said:

APDSS22 said:

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

I personally wouldn't mind manning the guest book or handing out programs for someone who was close to me. I didn't want any of my guests to have to do anything on my wedding day except enjoy themselves though so I hired someone to make sure these things are being taken care of. 

I understand not everyone can afford to pay people to do everything for them and they have to ask for help from friends and family and I don't really side eye that. It was just an option we chose not to use for our wedding.

Some other things that take up way more time and require a lot more effort I would side eye though like asking me to cut and serve the cake, make food, or serve anything to any of your other guests. 

crunchymamaof2

tammym1001 said:

wiggsaj said:

APDSS22 said:

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

I personally wouldn't mind manning the guest book or handing out programs for someone who was close to me. I didn't want any of my guests to have to do anything on my wedding day except enjoy themselves though so I hired someone to make sure these things are being taken care of. 

I understand not everyone can afford to pay people to do everything for them and they have to ask for help from friends and family and I don't really side eye that. It was just an option we chose not to use for our wedding.

Some other things that take up way more time and require a lot more effort I would side eye though like asking me to cut and serve the cake, make food, or serve anything to any of your other guests. 

But a guest book doesn't NEED someone to man it. A job for this shouldn't even exist

JaxInBlue

I grew up in an area where it was common to ask people to do these things - and often expected that they'd be roles you'd ask people (usually tween or teen relatives) to fill - so I understand.  We even considered asking some of our older nieces and nephews to "help out" this way until I starting doing more here and learned that just because it was traditional to my area, doesn't mean it wasn't the best idea.  Some people thought it was weird that we put programs in a basket and called it a day.

I think it's one thing if people offer.  One of my dear friends is getting married this summer; another dear friend asked to be a set up/decorating person because she loves that stuff, and genuinely wants to do that.  I don't think this is bad at all.  I think where the line is crossed is when these become made-up honors to include more people.  Being a guest is a honor.  Not having a job in a wedding isn't a bad thing - especially because we all know everyone planning a wedding only has to put limits in place.

In short, if people volunteer to do something like this, and really mean it, I guess it's okay - but it should never be an obligation.

SP29

Some of the "jobs" you mentioned are honours- being an usher is an honour, as that person is put on "display" as an important person in your life- they get to walk down the aisle just as your WP would. 

Having a friend play the piano- well I would consider that a job, but not disrespectful to ask, as long as it is asked as an option, and better yet I would offer to pay my friend for their work. 

I don't understand the need for a guest book attendant. Put it on a table in an easy to see location- people understand that one signs the guest book. You could also have your MC make a quick announcement about it at some point during the evening. I feel like having someone sit with the guest book takes them away from the party. Sure, they say hello to guests as they come in, but then they have to stay with the book, they can't go mingle as they please. 

At our wedding, we had the guest book out on a table beside the card box, which was near the entrance to the room. Our programs were set out in a basket on a table by the entrance for the ceremony. My brothers were ushers, so they could offer a program to the guests before they sat them, but I didn't have anyone stand there and hand them out. 

AddieCake

Yeah, I don't care if people have friends or family members who volunteer or want to do things (we had an ecstatic child handing out bubbles), generally, but I draw the line at guest book. If someone actually ASKS to man the guestbook, they need a life.

APDSS22

wiggsaj said:

APDSS22 said:

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

I find it hard to believe that as soon as she heard you were engaged she begged you to let her watch the guest book for your wedding. If she did, then sure, let her go for it. If you asked her to do this she was probably less ecstatic and more cheerful agreeing because she loves you and you're getting married and she didn't want to disappoint you.

Simply Fated

wiggsaj said:

APDSS22 said:

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

You're talking like you're doing her a favor by letting her sit by a guest book.
You asked her to do it and she said yes.
How old is she? I can imagine a kid getting all excited to help, but an adult? No way. Maybe if someone asked to sit by the bar and welcome guests I'd understand the excitement. But if she's an adult, then she's just pretending to be excited to not hurt your feelings. Or what she's really excited about is not being in your bridal party, because of the "girlie stuff." Are you confusing excitement with relief?

Not to get too far off track, but... Not one person has come on here and said they enjoyed attending the guest book or that they were excited to do it. They've said in their area it's an honor, but notice how they never say anything positive about their experience.

monkeysip

We didn't have ushers, but I understand why people use them, especially for larger weddings.  I don't see that as a big issue because usually it's a job that doesn't last that long.

But I REALLY don't get the idea of a guestbook attendant.  First of all, it's completely unnecessary.  Second of all, I see the guestbook signing as something people can do at any time of the night.  If you want everyone to do it at the beginning, there's going to be a wait.  If people have the freedom to do it through the night, it's no big deal.  But are you going to have someone sit there all night?  What a horrible job.

If your sister just wants to play greeter, then she can just do that I suppose.  But she doesn't need to sit and watch the guest book.

Rebl90

Skip the guest book attendant, it is really silly and not necessary.  ALL of the weddings I have ever attended have had someone at the front telling people to sign the guest book and hand out programs, so I thought I would ask someone for my wedding. Then I came here and realized how rude it can be to give your loved ones jobs.  If she really wants to be involved you can ask her to do a reading, that is seen as an honor.  Or you can always get her a corsage to wear. 

Cookie Pusher

We have FI's younger cousins as ushers. They won't be handing out the programs or doing anything like that. They both wanted to be involved somehow in the wedding, but we didn't want to put any costs on to their parents. FI has 2 elderly, widowed aunts who will be attending our wedding. The younger cousins only have to make sure that the aunts don't trip walking on the grass and get seated up front. After that, they're "off duty" and can enjoy the ceremony and reception as guests. The boy will get a bout, the girl will get a small wrist corsage and when their parents asked, we told them no specific attire request and they can wear whatever they feel comfortable in. Both kids are very excited, and we told their parents that if they decide later on they aren't comfortable being ushers, we would not pressure them - they can simply be guests if that makes them happier.

No way are we assigning someone to man the guest book. Ours is a bit non-traditional (we are creating a scrap book with blank pieces of paper in a basket that the guests sign so we can add them to pictures from the wedding). We'll have a container with lots of pens. Our guests are perfectly capable of writing us a message, simply signing their names, or ignoring the guest book all together without assistance from anyone else.

lc07

wiggsaj said:

I don't see what's wrong with this!

I have two sisters. One of them is the MOH. My other sister is really not into the whole girly bridesmaid thing, but she still wanted to be part of my special day, so I asked if she would sit at the guest book table. She was extatic to do so. My little brother is FI's groomsman (so cute ohmygoodness) and my older brother is ushering. My MOH sister's boyfriend is also ushering. (he's been around for a while, so he's more of a brother to me now). My cousin is playing piano for us. He's the one who taught me to play piano and guitar and how to sing when I was younger, so it was very fitting and he felt honored to be doing so. He wont even accept any form of payment.

Honestly, these people are really happy to be doing these things for us. It's a way for them to play an important part of the day while also not needing to be in the WP. They all are so excited to be part of the experience and they don't feel that it's rude at all. We will be giving them thank you gifts (obviously) but I just don't see why everyone thinks it's so rude?

wiggsaj said:

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

I agree with many of the PPs. It is not an honor to "man" the guestbook. I also think that there is a difference between asking someone to do something and allowing them to do something. You seem to be back-pedaling a little in your posts. First saying you asked her, then saying you are letting her, as if she had suggested the role. 

Honestly, even if someone suggested that they would like to attend to our guestbook, I would have politely declined the offer. There's no way I'd want my guests thinking I had placed a family member at such a job.

If you are interested in another way to honor a guest, I had one of my dear friends sign our marriage certificate as a witness. In our state, two witnesses are required. In my experience, my friends have had their MOH and BM be witnesses. My H and I chose two other people to be our official witnesses. It allowed us to include them in a critical part of our wedding. It was an honor IMO and it didn't take away from their ability to enjoy the wedding. We also have great candid photos with them as they signed.

ohannabelle

Simply Fated said:

APDSS22 said:

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

You're talking like you're doing her a favor by letting her sit by a guest book. You asked her to do it and she said yes. How old is she? I can imagine a kid getting all excited to help, but an adult? No way. Maybe if someone asked to sit by the bar and welcome guests I'd understand the excitement. But if she's an adult, then she's just pretending to be excited to not hurt your feelings. Or what she's really excited about is not being in your bridal party, because of the "girlie stuff." Are you confusing excitement with relief? Not to get too far off track, but... Not one person has come on here and said they enjoyed attending the guest book or that they were excited to do it. They've said in their area it's an honor, but notice how they never say anything positive about their experience.

The OP and FI are still in high school, so it's very likely that her sister is a child. 

Guest book attendant is not an honor. It's the sort of imaginary job you invent to entertain a child so that they "feel" involved. And she shouldn't sit at a table, because you greet guests standing. It's never too early for manners. It can actually be fun for well behaved children, because everyone gets to admire your pretty dress and nice manners and say "What a good little helper you are." Not at all appropriate for adults.

Also,  OP- extatic is not a word.

jneen101

wiggsaj said:

 It's a way for them to play an important part of the day

How is it an important part of the day?

AddieCake

Good question, jneen! The guest book is not an important part of the day. I can't understand why anyone would think it is.

happywiggle

ohannabelle said:

Simply Fated said:

APDSS22 said:

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

You're talking like you're doing her a favor by letting her sit by a guest book. You asked her to do it and she said yes. How old is she? I can imagine a kid getting all excited to help, but an adult? No way. Maybe if someone asked to sit by the bar and welcome guests I'd understand the excitement. But if she's an adult, then she's just pretending to be excited to not hurt your feelings. Or what she's really excited about is not being in your bridal party, because of the "girlie stuff." Are you confusing excitement with relief? Not to get too far off track, but... Not one person has come on here and said they enjoyed attending the guest book or that they were excited to do it. They've said in their area it's an honor, but notice how they never say anything positive about their experience.

The OP and FI are still in high school, so it's very likely that her sister is a child. 

Guest book attendant is not an honor. It's the sort of imaginary job you invent to entertain a child so that they "feel" involved. And she shouldn't sit at a table, because you greet guests standing. It's never too early for manners. It can actually be fun for well behaved children, because everyone gets to admire your pretty dress and nice manners and say "What a good little helper you are." Not at all appropriate for adults.

Also,  OP- extatic is not a word.

Oh man, I just spent my morning reading that thread... *shakes head*

AddieCake

Ahhh, that's right. I forgot this was the teen bride. If your sister IS a child, then yeah. She probably will feel important manning the guest book. If she is not, I stand by my previous comment.

rsbloom

My FI's aunt was a wedding coordinator forever, and she wants to help out as much as possible, she even wanted to be the day-of-coordinator for us.  Since our venue comes with a coordinator, she is going to help with the guestbook because we are doing a thumbprint tree.  She says she wouldn't be able to keep calm unless she was in charge of something...  If it wasn't for her insistence we wouldn't have had someone else help out with that.  

Also, we're having one usher, a close cousin and my mother's godson, because he is going to walk my mother down the aisle.

wiggsaj

amrhodes23 said:

ohannabelle said:

Simply Fated said:

APDSS22 said:

Ushering is considered an honor position, even if it is sometimes unneccessary.  (I used sometimes because my brother was needed to push my grandmother in her wheelchair down the aisle so she wouldn't keep going into the altar steps.  So we called him an usher.)

Having a friend play for your ceremony could be another honor (if they refuse payment-if they take money they are a vendor) because they're participating in the ceremony and you would have probably had music either way.

Sitting at a table with a guestbook is not an honor, it's a job.  A needless job.  Do you think your guest book is going to walk off if not attended?  Do you think your guests don't know what it's there for?

It's not like I'm asking her to guard it or anything.. 

She's basically sitting at the table to welcome the guests (these people are her family and friends, too). Either way, whether or not the job is useless, it's something she wanted to do, so I don't see how it's rude to let her do it.

You're talking like you're doing her a favor by letting her sit by a guest book. You asked her to do it and she said yes. How old is she? I can imagine a kid getting all excited to help, but an adult? No way. Maybe if someone asked to sit by the bar and welcome guests I'd understand the excitement. But if she's an adult, then she's just pretending to be excited to not hurt your feelings. Or what she's really excited about is not being in your bridal party, because of the "girlie stuff." Are you confusing excitement with relief? Not to get too far off track, but... Not one person has come on here and said they enjoyed attending the guest book or that they were excited to do it. They've said in their area it's an honor, but notice how they never say anything positive about their experience.

The OP and FI are still in high school, so it's very likely that her sister is a child. 

Guest book attendant is not an honor. It's the sort of imaginary job you invent to entertain a child so that they "feel" involved. And she shouldn't sit at a table, because you greet guests standing. It's never too early for manners. It can actually be fun for well behaved children, because everyone gets to admire your pretty dress and nice manners and say "What a good little helper you are." Not at all appropriate for adults.

Also,  OP- extatic is not a word.

Oh man, I just spent my morning reading that thread... *shakes head*

My sister is 24 years old.

mbross3

OP it's ridiculous to ask a grown woman to watch over a guest book. You don't have to include your sister in your WP or anything else, but don't act like asking your sister to watch guests sign a book is an honor. It is not an honor, it's a job (and an unnecessary one since every adult knows how to sign their name in a guest book without a babysitter).

If she is just another guest, let her be a guest and enjoy herself at your wedding! It is not appropriate to give guests jobs to do at your wedding. Your sister can be involved in other ways, if she wants to throw you a shower, or help out in other ways before the wedding (and she volunteers) that's great. Don't give her a job and FFS stop acting like it's an honor that you're "assigning" her to do this. 

berrynuttyfarm

OP, I manned the guest book at my brother's wedding. I was the first person that all the guests encountered, and I got to see and talk to every one of them. I was sort of the welcoming committee and had a fun time with it! Since I knew just about every person who was coming, it worked out well. I would feel uncomfortable doing it for a friend though since I likely wouldn't know many of the guests.
For my wedding in August, I WILL be having a guest book attendant. We are not having a traditional guest book though. We are having something like this (see link below), so it will need to be manned to insure that it doesn't get knocked around/damaged/etc and to make sure that people actually sign it.
Being an usher is an honor. I'm having my 2 brothers and they will be dressed just like the groomsmen.
I am also having someone man the gift table (maybe one of my nieces). I think it's important that it be watched and secure.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/90717303/unique-wedding-guest-book-custom?ref=sr_gallery_4&ga_search_query=fingerprint+heart+guest+book&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

AddieCake

@berrynuttyfarm

 So your niece gets to sit by the gift table all night instead of attending and enjoying the reception? Man, I'm so jelly! What a fanfuckingtastic time THAT sounds like!

Jen4948

berrynuttyfarm said:

OP, I manned the guest book at my brother's wedding. I was the first person that all the guests encountered, and I got to see and talk to every one of them. I was sort of the welcoming committee and had a fun time with it! Since I knew just about every person who was coming, it worked out well. I would feel uncomfortable doing it for a friend though since I likely wouldn't know many of the guests.
For my wedding in August, I WILL be having a guest book attendant. We are not having a traditional guest book though. We are having something like this (see link below), so it will need to be manned to insure that it doesn't get knocked around/damaged/etc and to make sure that people actually sign it.
Being an usher is an honor. I'm having my 2 brothers and they will be dressed just like the groomsmen.
I am also having someone man the gift table (maybe one of my nieces). I think it's important that it be watched and secure.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/90717303/unique-wedding-guest-book-custom?ref=sr_gallery_4&ga_search_query=fingerprint+heart+guest+book&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery

Security should be hired to do that-not asking a guest to do it.

berrynuttyfarm

No, she will only sit there before the ceremony. After that, the hotel staff will transport the gifts and cards to a secure location.

Why must you be so rude??? I'm beginning to really dislike this website. I've seen so many rude responses on here and so much bad language. Big turnoff.

hgminor

My question is, if you are doing something, and you already know that people on this board call it rude (I tend to agree that a guestbook attendant is really unneeded) why do you come on here to try to justify it?  

Maggie0829

Unless one is having a very detailed, in depth and time consuming guestbook that requires a lot of explanation, you do not need someone there to explain to adults what to do.  Put out a sign and leave it at that.

As for the programs.  That is what they make baskets for.  Or place a program on each seat.

Gift table.  This is what a DOC or venue staff or security is for.