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September 2014 Weddings

Question about + 1 ?

Yes it's me again with another stupid question.... I'm trying to figure out how many invitations to send, I plan to invite some cousins that I don't see very often and I know they aren't married BUT idk if they are in a serious relationship, if they are I do not know their significant other and I'm not really keen on having strangers @ my wedding...

I'm wondering if I send one invitation to their parents, my aunts & uncles and address it to the entire family, or do I send my cousins individual invites made out only to them... Do I have to give them a plus one? I'm just not sure if I'm comfortable with strangers @ my wedding...

Re: Question about + 1 ?

  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Any person over the age of 18 should be sent their own invitation. If they are in a relationship, no matter how serious or for how long, they should get a plus one.  I would try to find out if they are dating anyone before you send out invitations.  Your safest bet would be to go ahead and send them and invitation with a plus one just in case they are dating someone. Its not up to you to determine whether or not they are in a serious relationship. They could be dating someone for 2 months and to them that relationship may be serious.
    Anniversary
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    jenna8984theartistformerlyknownas
  • Are they 18?  You need to call/text/Facebook/whatever is necessary to find out if they are in a relationship. If they are then you need to invite their SO. Like @severmilli12 it doesn't matter how long they have been dating and it's not up to you to determine how serious their relationship is.
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    theartistformerlyknownas
  • Okay... thanks. I have another question...

    Is it weird to invite my niece's grandparents who are not related by blood but I have a closer relationship with and like more than some people that I am related to by blood?

    This just occured to me b/c im thinking of cutting down my guest list and not inviting second cousins and my grandparents siblings (who probably won't come anyway cuz its a DW and they are old)

    Im just thinking about the people I would enjoy celebrating with and who will actually be happy for me not just coming because its free food and entertainment or coming b/c they feel obligated.
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't know your family dynamics, but you absolutely don't have to invite your grandparents' siblings and your second cousins. To be perfectly honest, I did not invite my own aunts, uncles or first cousins!! We don't have a close relationship and I'd much rather spend the time with my friends, in my eyes those friends are my real family, not people who share my genes. But a lot of people say "my parents would have a heart attack if we don't invite all these people" so you have to do what works in your family. 

    You shouldn't feel obligated to invite anyone, but if you do invite them, yes you need to give them a plus one. It doesn't matter if they are strangers to you- it's incredibly rude to the person to not allow their significant other and they will be pissed. Please don't go all bridezilla like "If they get pissed, screw them, I don't need them at MY special day!!" Anyone who's not accommodating to the ones they love is pretty selfish. Not saying that you are at all, just something to remember that it's not all about you, you want them to have a great time too :) 

                                                                     

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  • We are in the same boat in terms of trying to cut and determine who should be given plus one's. My friend only gave plus one's to married couples and the wedding party (they had 250+ guests with that). For all of those we know are in a serious relationship, we put both names on the save the dates.  For those people who we weren't sure or knew weren't we put just the one name, with room to add with the invitation. When my (now fiance's) friend had a destination wedding and I wasn't on the invite I was insulted.  At the time we had been dating 5+ years and lived together. Plus it was a destination wedding, isn't the etiquette to give all destination guests a date? In my opinion I'd rather have my closer friends and family and give them a date (even someone I don't know) than to invite extended family/friends without one. 
  • HH2BeHH2Be member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    You need to invite those people who mean the most to you, whether or not they are blood related or not.  We are not inviting some aunts & uncles because they are not involved in our lives.  I am however inviting a childhood neighbor, who was like a grandfather to me (as it turns out, he actually is the grandfather to my other neighbors).  In fact, I am inviting most of my childhood neighbors, they were like my brothers growing up.

    For +1's, if it is a DW, I do believe etiquette favors inviting guests with a +1.  I agree with pp, you have to do whatever you need to in order to find out if these people are in relationships and the names of their SO.  I just got an invitation from a cousin (we aren't super close) and the envelope came addressed just to me, the inner envelope said my name & guest.  I was offended because I am engaged, living with my FI & they should know this because they had gotten our STD with his name on it.  I took the care to put his name & his FI's name on the envelope when I sent the STD, not just his name & guest.
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  • Our wedding is not a DW for us, but we do have a pretty decent number of out-of-town guests. Our plan is:
    • Any adult, local or not, who is in any type of a relationship, per their own definition: both names listed on the invitation. Doesn't matter if I've met the SO or not. Hell, I haven't met most of FI's family but they're obviously still invited.
    • Truly single people who live nearby: sorry, no guest for you.
    • Truly single people who are traveling to come: "and guest." They may RSVP for only one, but I'd like them to have the option of a travel companion.
    • All adults (18+) get their own invitation, even if they still live at home. For one family, this will be aunt+uncle+17yo cousin on one invite; 21yo cousin living at home gets his own invite for him and his girlfriend (invited by name, not as "and guest").
    • Local cousins: invite addressed to adults only.
    • Out-of-state cousins: invite addressed to entire family because I don't expect them to leave their kids behind for a weekend trip.

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  • To the other question... invite the people who are close to you and your FI, and their "other half." What's the good in inviting some great-aunt's cousin twice removed who isn't a part of your life, and then having to cut out the boyfriend of someone who is close to you? You may never have met either of them, but your friend will be offended if you exclude her boyfriend. Your random extended family will understand that lines have to be drawn somewhere. I have a cousin I haven't seen in 15 years. I'm not inviting her. I am inviting my step-cousins I've only known for 5 years but vacation with every summer and usually see at Christmas, and their kids.

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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think you need to extend a plus one for truly single guests and you need to invite SO's BY NAME especially because it is a DW. Plus, why do you want to invite people to honor your relationship when you can't honor theirs? (And BTW, your FI is probably a stranger to them too.)

  • all good points. To some of them my fiance is pretty much a stranger i hadn't thought of it that way. :/

    I think i'm cutting extended family from the guest list to only people we actually see, talk to on a somewhat regular basis, those who are actually a part of our lives. I'm still a little worried about how to deal with backlash from people who aren't invited. But the truth is that even the people who used to be a big part of my life haven't been since my mom died.

    Thx for the info.
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