I really need advice on issues I've been having between my FIL's and my family regarding the wedding menu. I was raised Reform Jewish but identify more as culturally Italian, as my mom is Italian. My fiance's family is also Jewish though they are not very religious people and do not really go to temple . We will be having a Jewish wedding ceremony with my rabbi who I grew up with and knows my family very well. Neither my parents nor FIL's keep kosher whatsoever.
Our ceremony will be held at the reception venue, which is a very Italian place. My parents will be paying the cost of the dinners at the reception. They would like to have shellfish at the cocktail hour and a surf and turf option for the entrees. And honestly, when I went for the tasting, my favorite food that they gave us to try was the surf and turf entree, so that is what I personally would even like to eat at my wedding. My FIL's, however, believe that having shellfish at a "Jewish wedding" is inappropriate and it is creating a lot of tension between the families. My fiance even told me that his parents have threatened to not come to the wedding if there is shellfish there. I am not exactly sure where this is coming from because as I said before, his parents are not religious people and definitely do not keep kosher. The only thing I can think of is that my fiance's grandparents are orthodox Jewish but we would be getting them separate kosher meals anyway.
The way I see it is that, bottom line, since my parents are paying for the dinner, they should decide the menu. Am I wrong here? Can anyone give me some advice??
As a side note, my FMIL has a very dramatic personality and gets very upset when things don't go "her way". She also gives her opinions when they are unwarranted, and has made various aspects of this wedding planning very stressful. To this day, one month away from our wedding, she is still relentlessly complaining that the ceremony starts too early and wants us to move it later in the day. My fiance has been trying his best to keep the communication mostly between him and her, but she goes out of her way to get other people involved (i.e. having my FFIL call my father to discuss these wedding menu issues). I strongly believe she views this wedding as me "taking away" her son, as he is an only child. Anyone have any advice on how to deal with this situation??