Advice on asking bridal party

BlueRC

jenna8984 Pinterest is the big blame! lol. Like I said, I have nooo idea what it takes to be in a bridal party. 

Jen4948 I do feel that they should attend the bach party, showers, and rehearsals - they are my sisters after all and I am the first to get married. 

jenna8984

It really easy as long as the bride is not nutso. Most people enjoy going shopping for dresses together. But if someone is self conscious about their weight or something and they'd rather go alone that is fine too, you can give them a color and let them do their thing. Try not to be all "I chose this one dress and you all MUST get it" because some may not be able to afford it or some might not feel comfortable in it so just take that into consideration. Most people don't do matching shoes and jewelry because honestly who is looking at their earrings?

If they offer the shower and bach parties, let them do their thing, don't try to be controlling and tell them "I want the shower at this restaurant and I want Tiffany blue decorations (pinterest!)". They can handle it and do it however they please. DO send thank you notes in a timely manner.

Consult with them before you book things like wedding hair & makeup. Make it optional- if they want the services they can pay for it themselves but you should pay if you are forcing them to get it done.

I understand wanting them to be there for the optional parties, everyone wants their closest friends there, just don't cross the line and get angry if they all of sudden have a work commitment or something pop up that makes them unable. They will feel bad enough about missing out.

And just remember that life goes on outside of wedding planning, so still have dates with them where you go to the movies or go to dinner or go shopping and just talk about life and their things going on. You don't want every interaction with them for the next year to be wedding related and self centered. And lastly, come to us on here anytime for advice!

vsgal

You may expect them to attend, but they don't have to.  If you expect them to attend every little event you have planned, you will set yourself up for stress,disappoint and lost relationships.  They do not have to come to a shower, bach party or any thing else except for the wedding.  Even then, they only have to be there to walk down the aisle,  not while you are getting ready or even the reception afterwards.

Remember, the world does not stop because you are getting married.  To everyone else, this is a one day event.  To you is a span of time that you will cherish and hopefully enjoy.  Not everyone views your wedding like they show you in movies, magazines, books, or websites.  All of those things are designed to suck you into a world of bad etiquette and spending money. 

It doesn't matter if they are your sisters or not.  Their lives do not revolve around you.  They may have medical issues that come up or work obligations or other family obligations or financial commitments that will keep them from attending every last event that you see fit. Such is life.  Your relationship with your family and friends should not strain because they can't come to a party.  It is only an invite, not a summons.  And if it does strain, it is because you did not let go of the situation and understand that at the end of this whole process, you will be married.  Pre-wedding parties do not change that.  Wearing a certain dress does not change that.  Having to do all you favors by yourself does not change that.

BlueRC

jenna8984 The dress is all up to them. My only requirements is a specific color, length and fabric. The 3 of them vary is size and shape so I know I can't make them all wear the same type of dress. Same with the shoes - I will most likely say a color and they can choose their heel height, style, whatever. 

As far as the bach party - my oldest sister, MOH #1, has already stated about going somewhere and only inviting the bridal party. I stated that I did want my friends to be invited as well as some family members. 

I have just started searching for makeup and hair pricing so I will let them know - hey this is the ideal pricing if you want your hair and makeup done if you rather do it yourself then that's fine. 

As for the parties - it's not like I am having a ton of parties. I do expect them to attend but at the same time I do understand if something comes up. I have 2 children so I know that life happens. 

jenna8984

Great! Just ditch the stuff like binders (and anything else pinteresty) and you're good to go!

AddieCake

You need to stop saying you expect them to come to any parties. You HOPE they come and would feel disappointed if they didn't. 

mschristie123

BlueRC said:

In regards to the binder - everything would have been blank for them to fill out. I was seeing it as a nice gesture but no big deal.

Please don't do that. That sounds like something you would give a wedding planner or DOC. Just be happy they are there for you and leave it at that. Things will get planned without a binder.