Cash Fund Question

plotjunkie

I know you guys usually dump on honeymoon funds and while I was thinking about it, it makes sense that it doesn't really stand as a way to help the couple start their new life together. What I was wondering though, since my registry website does offer the option for a cash fund, and also since some of my friends may want to get us a gift but may not be able to afford any particular item, that if it would also be offensive to set up one to renovate a house?

We're about to move into my FI's late grandparents' house and work out a lease to own situation with his mother. It was also built in the 70s and is in a serious need of an update, structurally, functionally, and cosmetically. We also plan on making it our forever home where we will raise our future children.

If I just set it up on the registry site for anyone who wants to contribute, but not heavily advertise it, do you think it would still count as a huge ettiquette faux pas? (Please don't hurt me! I'm just curious.)

[Deleted User]

Don't do it.  Everyone knows that cash is a good gift.  If you don't have a registry people will get the hint.

bethsmiles

Why can't you just do a small registry (or no registry) and put the cash people will inevitably give you toward renovations?

People aren't stupid. If you don't do a registry, they will give cash. You don't need to set something up for them to do it because then it just comes off as tacky.

antibride2013

plotjunkie said:

I know you guys usually dump on honeymoon funds and while I was thinking about it, it makes sense that it doesn't really stand as a way to help the couple start their new life together. What I was wondering though, since my registry website does offer the option for a cash fund, and also since some of my friends may want to get us a gift but may not be able to afford any particular item, that if it would also be offensive to set up one to renovate a house?

We're about to move into my FI's late grandparents' house and work out a lease to own situation with his mother. It was also built in the 70s and is in a serious need of an update, structurally, functionally, and cosmetically. We also plan on making it our forever home where we will raise our future children.

If I just set it up on the registry site for anyone who wants to contribute, but not heavily advertise it, do you think it would still count as a huge ettiquette faux pas? (Please don't hurt me! I'm just curious.)

JIC

sofakingmad

If you don't register, your guests will understand that you want money.  Please do not register for cash.

theartistformerlyknownas

Yes, it still does count as a faux pas. And it's just really, truly not necessary. Everyone on earth knows that cash is a wonderful gift. If you keep your physical gift registries small, people will give you cash. 

Registries merely tell guests a) whether something is a duplicate (not possible with cash) or what color/size you prefer (again, not applicable).

If you casually mention that you're so excited to sock money away to fix your dream home up, people will get the hint. Make sure you tell your chattiest family member.

photokitty

 Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) 

Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use cash registries. The people who use cash registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. But you don't, part of it goes to fees. 

But I have good news  

We did not register - anywhere.

For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 

If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 

 Asking for cash unpromted is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for home repairs (or the HM or a big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!

daria24

Here is my reasoning for why ANY cash registry is both pointless and stupid.

1. People know how to write a check. They don't need a "registry" to do so. 

2. These "registries" often charge a fee. Why would you want $94 from a "Registry" when you could have $100 from a check stuck in a card?

3. Sometimes these registries are deceitful. Grandma "purchases" a candlelit dinner for you/cans of paint, but you don't actually book a candlelit dinner or cans of paint. You get the money Grandma plugged into the computer. Which you could do anything with. 

If you need home stuff-Sears has a registry. Home Depot does as well BUT (and this is from a friend who works the customer service desk at HD) their system is archaic. There is a way to have a registry across stores, but very, very few employees know the workaround to do that. And the system often fails. And adding things to the registry is a very, very frustrating process (for the registrant). So it IS an option, just one that might cause you to rip your hair out. 

Skip the registry, people are going to ask you, your FI, your parents, etc where you are registered. And you, your FI, your parents, etc can say that you haven't registered anywhere, but you are saving up to renovate your home. 

chibiyui

You can also set up a small registry at Home Depot. Home improvement items also sends the " hey, we're fixing up a house" message.

lyndausvi

I will never understand the concept of registering for cash.   Seriously,  I just don't get it.  People have been getting cash gifts forever.   Everyone knows it's an option.  

Then again I come from a give a physical gift for a shower and cash for a wedding.  Cash registry only shower would make me decline.     I would still give a cash/check in an envelope for the wedding like always sans fees.

APDSS22

Feel free to register for anything you need to fix up your house.  Tools, sink faucets, whatever.  Do not just set up a registry to ask for cash to fix up your house.  People know cash is a good gift for weddings and it's one size fits all so there's no need to set up a registry for it.  Honestly, I would rather buy someone an economy box of screws as a wedding present than have them beg me for cash.  I like buying something the couple will use and though I prefer kitchen gadgets, if they can't use anything for their kitchen, what they need would make a better gift for them.

plotjunkie

Fair enough. I know that the FI has already been eyeing items to renovate the kitchen with. The nice thing about myregistry.com is that I can link up any items off the internet with it and it can help find the place that sells it for the lowest price since the prices often change.

Now if only we can do that for the foundation repairs....

Thanks!

MNVegas

Agree with others, people already know that cash is a great gift and will write a check or put cash in a card for a gift. It really isn't that difficult. Cash registries just make people look so greedy. Give me your cash!

plotjunkie

If anything these suggestions are probably going to make my FI pretty happy. He's been doing a lot of fantasizing about how he wants to redo the kitchen...This is also the same man who added a flying hovercraft to the registry XD !

theartistformerlyknownas

plotjunkie said:

Fair enough. I know that the FI has already been eyeing items to renovate the kitchen with. The nice thing about myregistry.com is that I can link up any items off the internet with it and it can help find the place that sells it for the lowest price since the prices often change.

Now if only we can do that for the foundation repairs....

Thanks!

I would LOVE to buy people things like cabinet drawer pulls or a bathroom faucet for their wedding. At least you know it'll be used, often and for a long time! Far better than a crystal vase.

Jen4948

You don't need a registry for people to give you cash.  They are not required to give you anything on a registry.

plotjunkie

 

Jen4948 said:

You don't need a registry for people to give you cash.  They are not required to give you anything on a registry.

Um, I didn't think anyone was required to give anything off a registry. Honestly I really don't care if anyone buys the FI and I anything, but I would certainly be thankful to them if they did. But then again, I've always felt a little weird about anyone buying me anything or giving me anything because they felt obligated to. Really I think we were planning on using the registry as suggestions, but the earlier suggestions on registering materials for the renovations are rather brilliant. It's kind of like having a community build a house together.

grumbledore

plotjunkie said:

I know you guys usually dump on honeymoon funds and while I was thinking about it, it makes sense that it doesn't really stand as a way to help the couple start their new life together. What I was wondering though, since my registry website does offer the option for a cash fund, and also since some of my friends may want to get us a gift but may not be able to afford any particular item, that if it would also be offensive to set up one to renovate a house?

We're about to move into my FI's late grandparents' house and work out a lease to own situation with his mother. It was also built in the 70s and is in a serious need of an update, structurally, functionally, and cosmetically. We also plan on making it our forever home where we will raise our future children.

If I just set it up on the registry site for anyone who wants to contribute, but not heavily advertise it, do you think it would still count as a huge ettiquette faux pas? (Please don't hurt me! I'm just curious.)

Yes.  Do not do this.

sarahonlife

I don't understand the point of a cash fund registry. Why not just take the checks you get and deposit them in a bank account? How is it better or easier to pay someone to collect the money for you? Just to save a trip to the bank or something?

plotjunkie

...Does anyone read the rest of the thread?

Jen4948

plotjunkie said:

...Does anyone read the rest of the thread?

Yes.  But if we don't choose to respond to the specific points you would like us to respond to but do respond to other points, I'm afraid you'll need to accept that with maturity rather than asking us what we read, because that is immature and not your business.  You don't get to control how people respond to your posts.

arrippa

plotjunkie said:

If anything these suggestions are probably going to make my FI pretty happy. He's been doing a lot of fantasizing about how he wants to redo the kitchen...This is also the same man who added a flying hovercraft to the registry XD !

An important question, tell me about this Hovercraft that your FI added to the registry? Will this help me avoid the idiots on my commute? Does it save time? I would love to find a way to sleep in but make it to work on time.

cathysaurus

When you write the thank you cards, you can always tell the cash gift people "your gift is greatly appreciated, as it will help us to fulfill our dream of renovating the house," or something along those lines. People like to hear how their gift will be used, and it'll give you a conversation starter in the future when people want to hear how it's going.

plotjunkie

 

arrippa said:

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plotjunkie said:

If anything these suggestions are probably going to make my FI pretty happy. He's been doing a lot of fantasizing about how he wants to redo the kitchen...This is also the same man who added a flying hovercraft to the registry XD !

An important question, tell me about this Hovercraft that your FI added to the registry? Will this help me avoid the idiots on my commute? Does it save time? I would love to find a way to sleep in but make it to work on time.

It may. Traffic on bridge? Problem no longer! It goes on land, water, or air! Just take care not to hit any birds or you'll get charged with rookless driving.

plotjunkie

 

Jen4948 said:

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plotjunkie said:

...Does anyone read the rest of the thread?

Yes.  But if we don't choose to respond to the specific points you would like us to respond to but do respond to other points, I'm afraid you'll need to accept that with maturity rather than asking us what we read, because that is immature and not your business.  You don't get to control how people respond to your posts.

Considering that it is my question, I think that knowing how the answers are currently relevant to the discussion is kind of my business. If you had read the original post, I did not say in any way that people were obligated to give me gifts, if you had read further posts you would see that I opted not to go with a cash fund and liked the suggestion to register separate items for the renovations.

While I don't want to control what other people post. I don't think that posts that seem to assume the worst of me and as a Cash-Grabby McGrabberson (TM) for asking a simple question are really that helpful in this situation.

Inkdancer

plotjunkie said:

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Jen4948 said:

plotjunkie said:

...Does anyone read the rest of the thread?

Yes.  But if we don't choose to respond to the specific points you would like us to respond to but do respond to other points, I'm afraid you'll need to accept that with maturity rather than asking us what we read, because that is immature and not your business.  You don't get to control how people respond to your posts.

Considering that it is my question, I think that knowing how the answers are currently relevant to the discussion is kind of my business. If you had read the original post, I did not say in any way that people were obligated to give me gifts, if you had read further posts you would see that I opted not to go with a cash fund and liked the suggestion to register separate items for the renovations.

While I don't want to control what other people post. I don't think that posts that seem to assume the worst of me and as a Cash-Grabby McGrabberson (TM) for asking a simple question are really that helpful in this situation.

Often, people who are replying to the question aren't just addressing the OP--they are also addressing people who may be lurking and reading the boards without posting. Nobody accused you of being grabby--they just said that a) cash registries can come across that way and b) even if you have a registry, nobody is obligated to buy things from it. Neither of those things was specifically directed at you, but both were generic statements for the betterment of all etiquette-conscious people.

plotjunkie

@Inkdancer Just hard to tell who's addressing whom without the usage of quotes. Though admittedly this is starting to get a little redundant. Bit of a board lurker, first time etiquette board poster here.

Inkdancer

plotjunkie said:

@Inkdancer Just hard to tell who's addressing whom without the usage of quotes. Though admittedly this is starting to get a little redundant. Bit of a board lurker, first time etiquette board poster here.

Posts will of course get redundant, so that different points of view can come out. One person may say "yes that's rude" while another person gives a real life example and yet another goes into traditional reasons and alternatives. Also, if you only got one answer, the first person could very well be telling you something crazy and wrong. We keep discussing to clarify and to assist. So please be patient with all the very similar answers--we really are trying to help!

theartistformerlyknownas

Jen4948 said: plotjunkie said: ...Does anyone read the rest of the thread? Yes.  But if we don't choose to respond to the specific points you would like us to respond to but do respond to other points, I'm afraid you'll need to accept that with maturity rather than asking us what we read, because that is immature and not your business.  You don't get to control how people respond to your posts.
@Jen4948 I think she was referring to the fact that in a follow up comment she thanked us all for the answers and had decided against a cash fund... but people were still commenting as if she was still gunning for it. She made the right decision already.

melbenso

Just went to check out some friends' registry, since their wedding is a couple weeks away. On one of their registries, they registered for gift cards to other stores. (Though they have been living together for several years, they also have 3 registries that are, in combination, giant, probably 350-400 items not counting duplicates - though I don't know how many guests they are inviting.)

My first thought was "who registers for money?!" IMO, that's even worse than a honeymoon registry.

I usually give cash or gift cards to complete the registry with discounts, so the couple can be sure to get the things they want most from it. They will be getting a nice boxed gift from their registry. At least with so many items, I can certainly find something in the range I want to spend.

Don't register for cash. Please.

Jen4948

lolo883 said:

Jen4948 said:

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plotjunkie said:

...Does anyone read the rest of the thread?

Yes.  But if we don't choose to respond to the specific points you would like us to respond to but do respond to other points, I'm afraid you'll need to accept that with maturity rather than asking us what we read, because that is immature and not your business.  You don't get to control how people respond to your posts.

@Jen4948 I think she was referring to the fact that in a follow up comment she thanked us all for the answers and had decided against a cash fund... but people were still commenting as if she was still gunning for it. She made the right decision already. At least she made the right decision.  But it isn't appropriate to tell other people how to post.