NWR - Circumcision: One Kid and Not the Other?

singinchick13

It's one of those things people look down on at times....like giving a soother, feeding purees. Formula was not a choice for us, it was a medical necessity. I have no insecurities, though. My kid has survived and thrived through it all. He's gonna be a rock. I guess not everyone sees it that way, though, and that's fine. Thanks for allowing me to vent, ladies. I'm over it.

AddieCake

You are just assuming what she is thinking about your decision. I doubt she is even thinking about whether or not you circumcised your son.

HisGirlFriday13

You are all kinds of way too freaking worried about what your friend is doing to her son's penis. Seriously. Whatever reasons she gave are hers and not a reflection of your parenting skills. Let.It.Go.

monkeysip

singinchick13 said:

It's one of those things people look down on at times....like giving a soother, feeding purees. Formula was not a choice for us, it was a medical necessity. I have no insecurities, though. My kid has survived and thrived through it all. He's gonna be a rock. I guess not everyone sees it that way, though, and that's fine. Thanks for allowing me to vent, ladies. I'm over it.

I totally get it.  I know there's lots of judgy mommies who criticize things like that (which is awful--like parents don't have it difficult enough).  But until your friend actually says something clearly criticizing your parenting, then don't assume what she's thinking.

Viczaesar

singinchick13 said:

She has said that, yes. Our children have immensely different medical histories, neither of which would have any effect on circumcision. I am pro-circ for my own children because this is how I feel as does FI, if others are not I have no beef, I just simply don't see why she is treating her children unequally over something completely unrelated to what she claims is the cause. I'm not going to treat my son differently just because he was born with a condition that has been corrected. I will go on and raise him the way I/FI would have had he been born in perfect health, because now it is as if he was. Getting him circumcised has no effect on that whatsoever. I do kind of find it offensive because if that's how she justifies it then she must think we have no regard for our child's well-being. My son has also been formula fed from 3 weeks *gasp* because he couldn't feed orally before that. Mother of the year, right here!

The medical decisions she makes for her children have absolutely nothing to do with you.  She might think you should not have had your son circumcised in your situation, or she might not think that, or she might not think about your son's circumcision at all.  I'm going to repeat - this is not about you.  You making it about you is AWish.

singinchick13

I was not trying to make it about me, I was just wondering why these two things were somehow connected for her but not for us. Was she seeing something I missed? Did her doctors recommend this? Should they have suggested it to us? Probably not because it is not a medical decision. I'm allowed to feel the way I feel about it, and share my opinion because she was soliciting them. Her son had a bad cold, and for that reason she chose not to do it. Our son handled it just fine after being through much worse so it's just an example of how it really has no bearing. Just goes to show how we all think differently and parent differently and no, there is no relation between these two kids until they are classmates one day. If I had been in her shoes and this was important to me/my partner, a cold would not have prevented it. Some people would agree and some wouldn't. There is no right or wrong, better or worse in this case. Just different, and that's fine, but if my opinion is asked I am going to give it, based on my own experience. Maybe my experience has coloured my opinion, but I wouldn't change it at all.

shaylagirl

This is such a personal decision to each family.  And the reasons "Why" and "Why not" are across a very broad spectrum. 

Hell, even the American Academy of Pediatrics won't make a FIRM stance on it.

Every child is different.  Every birth is different.  EVERYTHING is different each and every single time. 

For my 16 year old; I did it.  Why?  Because I didn't think about it, his father didn't think about it, so we just did it.

My current pregnancy, if it's a boy?  I did research.  Talked to friends and family.  Consulted the AAP website.  Did more research.  Then DH and I talked about it.  In our relationship, I had a slightly stronger opinion (no circumcision), and since DH had to cope with a botched one done on his son, he said he didn't care one way or the other.  So, we're opting to not do one if we have a boy.  We'd rather let our (theoretical) son decide if he wants it done.  It's the same reason we're not going to pierce our (theoretical) daughter's ears; we'll let that be her choice too.

Our children will, in theory, "look" different.  WHO CARES?!! 

I'm so over competitive parenting in today's day and age.  Who cares if you BF, FF or do some combo?  Is your child thriving and happy and loved?  GOOD!!  Who gives two craps what your child's penis looks like?  If your friend REALLY wants input, let her go out and get it on her own.  Let her talk to other parents herself instead of you doing it for her.  She's the one who needs the information; instead, whatever information you gather and give to her will be filtered through your own personal views and thoughts. 

And, for the record, circumcision CAN be done at a later time in life.  My nephew was 5 when his was done.  So, if her and her husband decide at a later time they want it done, it IS an option. 

VulgarGirl

I'm gonna admit right now, my knowledge of the penis is pretty much whatever they taught us in high school bio. Having said that, I do know one of my brother is circumcised and other is not. It basically boiled down to with first kid bio-dad was very hard core about his kid had to be circumcised so step-mom went along with it. With second kid bio-dad was out of the picture so step-mom just didn't bother. And that's about it.

As far as I know, neither of my brothers really seems to care. The little one (non-circumcised) has looked into doing it, but as of now, is still intact. Not sure of his reasons why, it's his penis as long as he puts a condom on before having sex, I have very little worries about it. 

We haven't decided what we'll do when/if we have a son. But whatever we do, it's really no one else's concern.

pinkshorts27

Yea, so I'm really confused as to why you seam fixated on her son's penis? Who cares? How does it affect you? She isn't judging you, just doing what she thinks is right for her family. They need to work it out, without your input. Just stay out of it.

singinchick13

Well, she asked, otherwise it would not have been something that just randomly entered my mind. I think she's worried about them being different, to be honest, not about her reasoning. It's not a huge deal, I just could not have come to the same conclusion based on that reason. Like I said, everyone sees things differently. I wouldn't bring it up again though, after the initial conversation. That's for her and her partner to discuss. It really just made me curious what others out there would have said/thought in the same situation.

ETA: Obviously I am in the minority. Thanks for sharing anyways, ladies.

phira

I think that, with circumcision, if the parents don't agree, then it's probably best to forgo it. It's not a life-saving procedure.

doeydo

I don't see how it really matters if one is circumcised and the other isn't.  Maybe they'll ask "Why does Jimmy's penis look different than mine?" and then hopefully the parents can be open and honest with their children about the human body.

ETA this is coming from someone who has been with men with circumcised and uncircumcised penises.  If FI and I break up, I will not likely date an uncircumcised man in the future.

doeydo

A PP mentioned about how guys notice things in the locker room.  I have never been in a boy's/men's locker room, but from what I have heard it is proper locker room etiquette to avoid looking at the other guys' junk, and definitely not OK to comment on them...

VulgarGirl

doeydo said:

A PP mentioned about how guys notice things in the locker room.  I have never been in a boy's/men's locker room, but from what I have heard it is proper locker room etiquette to avoid looking at the other guys' junk, and definitely not OK to comment on them...

I always figured the guy who pointed out another guy's junk was different, would be the guy who got flack. Not the guy with different junk.

I have watched two men walk into a bathroom having a conversation and walk back out at the same spot in conversation because apparently in men's bathrooms there is no talking. I'm assuming similar rules extend to locker rooms.

I have never once commented on another woman's breasts or vagina in a locker room. I'm just saying.

phira

I think that the whole, "But how will we EXPLAIN it?" stuff is also kind of like when people get all, "HOW WILL WE EXPLAIN" about same-sex marriage, or how parents don't always have the same last names as kids, etc. Like, if the main reason is that you're worried about how to explain it, maybe it's not a good reason.

HisGirlFriday13

phira said:

I think that the whole, "But how will we EXPLAIN it?" stuff is also kind of like when people get all, "HOW WILL WE EXPLAIN" about same-sex marriage, or how parents don't always have the same last names as kids, etc. Like, if the main reason is that you're worried about how to explain it, maybe it's not a good reason.

One of DH's friends (admittedly not the brightest bulb in the box) realised for the first time he was circumcised


Last summer


When he and his wife had their son circumcised.

phira

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I think that the whole, "But how will we EXPLAIN it?" stuff is also kind of like when people get all, "HOW WILL WE EXPLAIN" about same-sex marriage, or how parents don't always have the same last names as kids, etc. Like, if the main reason is that you're worried about how to explain it, maybe it's not a good reason.

One of DH's friends (admittedly not the brightest bulb in the box) realised for the first time he was circumcised Last summer When he and his wife had their son circumcised.

DYING.

HisGirlFriday13

phira said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

phira said:

I think that the whole, "But how will we EXPLAIN it?" stuff is also kind of like when people get all, "HOW WILL WE EXPLAIN" about same-sex marriage, or how parents don't always have the same last names as kids, etc. Like, if the main reason is that you're worried about how to explain it, maybe it's not a good reason.

One of DH's friends (admittedly not the brightest bulb in the box) realised for the first time he was circumcised


Last summer


When he and his wife had their son circumcised.

DYING.

Let me tell you, the conversation in which DH told me this was probably the funniest conversation I've had in a while. I about died laughing.

KGold80

MagicInk said:

doeydo said:

A PP mentioned about how guys notice things in the locker room.  I have never been in a boy's/men's locker room, but from what I have heard it is proper locker room etiquette to avoid looking at the other guys' junk, and definitely not OK to comment on them...

I always figured the guy who pointed out another guy's junk was different, would be the guy who got flack. Not the guy with different junk.

I have watched two men walk into a bathroom having a conversation and walk back out at the same spot in conversation because apparently in men's bathrooms there is no talking. I'm assuming similar rules extend to locker rooms.

I have never once commented on another woman's breasts or vagina in a locker room. I'm just saying.

"Did you know you have very strange labia?" Yeah....not gonna happen.

carliealissa

lolo883 said:

It's a different story when parents choose for kids to be different. I do think that deserves a better explanation. This isn't a matter of being naturally different, especially as it goes from innocent questions in the bathtub to understanding what that's all about and wondering why your parents made different choices for you than for your sibling. It could be hurtful if not explained adequately.

Eh.  I'm sure it COULD easily be hurtful if they did a really poor job explaining it.  I would think the explanation the OP gave us would be sufficient. 

My parents had me baptized, and my younger sister was not.  I don't think we even know the reason, or if there was a reason.  Maybe they didn't get around to it.  Neither of us care or have ever gotten worked up about it.  I'd think the circumcision case would be even easier because there's no obvious "better" one.

carliealissa

singinchick13 said:

I was not trying to make it about me, I was just wondering why these two things were somehow connected for her but not for us. Was she seeing something I missed? Did her doctors recommend this? Should they have suggested it to us? Probably not because it is not a medical decision. I'm allowed to feel the way I feel about it, and share my opinion because she was soliciting them. Her son had a bad cold, and for that reason she chose not to do it. Our son handled it just fine after being through much worse so it's just an example of how it really has no bearing. Just goes to show how we all think differently and parent differently and no, there is no relation between these two kids until they are classmates one day. If I had been in her shoes and this was important to me/my partner, a cold would not have prevented it. Some people would agree and some wouldn't. There is no right or wrong, better or worse in this case. Just different, and that's fine, but if my opinion is asked I am going to give it, based on my own experience. Maybe my experience has coloured my opinion, but I wouldn't change it at all.

Your son ended up fine.  He could have ended up having his penis chopped off.  I mean, goodness- your one personal anecdote and your friend's personal anecdote have absolutely. nothing. to do with each other.  Maybe your friend DOES think you're a horrible mother for putting your son through a circumcision after all he'd been through.  You clearly are more pro-circumcision than she is.  So what if that were the case?  Just get over it.

singinchick13

You're right, perhaps his previous successful procedure gave me that much of a boost in confidence in the medical community. Never thought of it that way.