Wedding Etiquette Forum

Future Stepdaughter at Wedding

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Answers

  • My SD was the only child at our wedding. She had a great time, and nobody questioned it. During the ceremony she stood up on her dad's side with her uncle and cousin. In the program I didn't have her listed with the groomsmen though. Instead I listed her below the parents as the daughter of the Groom. That way if she changed her mind about participating closer to the event I didn't have to change anything. 

    You should definitely invite her, but I do understand what you mean by having the day be for you as a couple. Leading up to our wedding my SIL made comments like how she wasn't even excited for DH and myself, but she was only excited for SD, and how great a day it would be for SD and how pretty SD would look in her dress. Don't get me wrong; I wanted her to have a great time, and of course the day of I brought her with me to get her hair done and everything but I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that a small part of me wished that we could have a "normal wedding" where people would be focused on the two of us beginning our lives together.

    My advice to you is to acknowledge your feelings, talk it out with your FDH (I did and he was very understanding), and then move past it and make her feel included. In the end we all had a great time and I wouldn't have changed anything about the day!
    Provided there isn't more to the story you haven't told us, I feel bad for the fact that you let the comments of one person dictate your attitude towards your wedding day, even if just for a moment. I'm sure nobody else shared your SIL's sentiments (or lack thereof), and she was a douche for saying things like that to you.
  • My SD was the only child at our wedding. She had a great time, and nobody questioned it. During the ceremony she stood up on her dad's side with her uncle and cousin. In the program I didn't have her listed with the groomsmen though. Instead I listed her below the parents as the daughter of the Groom. That way if she changed her mind about participating closer to the event I didn't have to change anything. 

    You should definitely invite her, but I do understand what you mean by having the day be for you as a couple. Leading up to our wedding my SIL made comments like how she wasn't even excited for DH and myself, but she was only excited for SD, and how great a day it would be for SD and how pretty SD would look in her dress. Don't get me wrong; I wanted her to have a great time, and of course the day of I brought her with me to get her hair done and everything but I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that a small part of me wished that we could have a "normal wedding" where people would be focused on the two of us beginning our lives together.

    My advice to you is to acknowledge your feelings, talk it out with your FDH (I did and he was very understanding), and then move past it and make her feel included. In the end we all had a great time and I wouldn't have changed anything about the day!
    Provided there isn't more to the story you haven't told us, I feel bad for the fact that you let the comments of one person dictate your attitude towards your wedding day, even if just for a moment. I'm sure nobody else shared your SIL's sentiments (or lack thereof), and she was a douche for saying things like that to you.
     Yeah I wasn't very impressed with her either. It was really her saying it on behalf of herself and others from his side of the family that got to me. Add that to the fact that I was already feeling a bit insecure about finding my own role in a ready-made family, and that my previous attempts to bond with SD went unfortunately at best, I was very vulnerable to bad feelings.
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