dinner seating

Istoleahalo

I am having a very casual, outside wedding with PLENTY of seating (seriously, even if every family brought an extra uninvited guest there would be a seat for them...no food for them but a seat lol). I'm not doing a seating chart. However, I'm not sure where FI and I will sit (with my 4 year old). We don't really want a sweetheart table, but is it rude to have one table reserved (FI, myself and my daughter, MOH with her hubby and 4 year old daughter, and best man with his wife)? My issue with this is that Best man (who is FI's brother) has 3 sons...but they are all older - 15 and up, so that would leave them sitting with other family, which there would be plenty of. I'm pretty sure best man and his wife would be fine with not sitting with their sons and I'm positive the boys don't want to be "bothered" by their parents...but I feel awkward about it and unsure what to do. There are other bridesmaids and groomsmen - most with families/small children so sitting us all together is too much too. I don't want to make anyone feel slighted because we chose to sit with this table and not that table. A seating chart is off the table (for reasons that I don't want to get into here). Does anyone see a solution that I am missing?

mysticl

Personally, I prefer seating charts.  Now I've been to a couple of wedding where they didn't do a full seating chart but had reserved/assigned tables for the wedding party and immediate family.

Jen4948

Istoleahalo said:

I am having a very casual, outside wedding with PLENTY of seating (seriously, even if every family brought an extra uninvited guest there would be a seat for them...no food for them but a seat lol). I'm not doing a seating chart. However, I'm not sure where FI and I will sit (with my 4 year old). We don't really want a sweetheart table, but is it rude to have one table reserved (FI, myself and my daughter, MOH with her hubby and 4 year old daughter, and best man with his wife)? My issue with this is that Best man (who is FI's brother) has 3 sons...but they are all older - 15 and up, so that would leave them sitting with other family, which there would be plenty of. I'm pretty sure best man and his wife would be fine with not sitting with their sons and I'm positive the boys don't want to be "bothered" by their parents...but I feel awkward about it and unsure what to do. There are other bridesmaids and groomsmen - most with families/small children so sitting us all together is too much too. I don't want to make anyone feel slighted because we chose to sit with this table and not that table. A seating chart is off the table (for reasons that I don't want to get into here). Does anyone see a solution that I am missing?

Put a seating chart on the table.  If you want to make sure everyone has a place to sit with others they feel comfortable with, and that small children are seated with and supervised by their parents, then that's what you need to do.  Otherwise, you run the risk that people who want and need to sit together won't be able to, and that people end up walking around looking for places to sit like in a school cafeteria.  If you really care about their comfort, then don't do that.

Istoleahalo

Jen4948 said:

Istoleahalo said:

I am having a very casual, outside wedding with PLENTY of seating (seriously, even if every family brought an extra uninvited guest there would be a seat for them...no food for them but a seat lol). I'm not doing a seating chart. However, I'm not sure where FI and I will sit (with my 4 year old). We don't really want a sweetheart table, but is it rude to have one table reserved (FI, myself and my daughter, MOH with her hubby and 4 year old daughter, and best man with his wife)? My issue with this is that Best man (who is FI's brother) has 3 sons...but they are all older - 15 and up, so that would leave them sitting with other family, which there would be plenty of. I'm pretty sure best man and his wife would be fine with not sitting with their sons and I'm positive the boys don't want to be "bothered" by their parents...but I feel awkward about it and unsure what to do. There are other bridesmaids and groomsmen - most with families/small children so sitting us all together is too much too. I don't want to make anyone feel slighted because we chose to sit with this table and not that table. A seating chart is off the table (for reasons that I don't want to get into here). Does anyone see a solution that I am missing?

Put a seating chart on the table.  If you want to make sure everyone has a place to sit with others they feel comfortable with, and that small children are seated with and supervised by their parents, then that's what you need to do.  Otherwise, you run the risk that people who want and need to sit together won't be able to, and that people end up walking around looking for places to sit like in a school cafeteria.  If you really care about their comfort, then don't do that.

Everyone who wants to sit together will be able to...not even joking about the excess of seating.  That's not a problem at all. No one will be walking around looking for somewhere to sit.  Thanks for your opinion/suggestion, but a seating chart is not possible (like I said for reasons I don't want to get into on here).  Just wondering if it is considered rude to have just one reserved table.

Jen4948

Istoleahalo said:

Jen4948 said:

Istoleahalo said:

I am having a very casual, outside wedding with PLENTY of seating (seriously, even if every family brought an extra uninvited guest there would be a seat for them...no food for them but a seat lol). I'm not doing a seating chart. However, I'm not sure where FI and I will sit (with my 4 year old). We don't really want a sweetheart table, but is it rude to have one table reserved (FI, myself and my daughter, MOH with her hubby and 4 year old daughter, and best man with his wife)? My issue with this is that Best man (who is FI's brother) has 3 sons...but they are all older - 15 and up, so that would leave them sitting with other family, which there would be plenty of. I'm pretty sure best man and his wife would be fine with not sitting with their sons and I'm positive the boys don't want to be "bothered" by their parents...but I feel awkward about it and unsure what to do. There are other bridesmaids and groomsmen - most with families/small children so sitting us all together is too much too. I don't want to make anyone feel slighted because we chose to sit with this table and not that table. A seating chart is off the table (for reasons that I don't want to get into here). Does anyone see a solution that I am missing?

Put a seating chart on the table.  If you want to make sure everyone has a place to sit with others they feel comfortable with, and that small children are seated with and supervised by their parents, then that's what you need to do.  Otherwise, you run the risk that people who want and need to sit together won't be able to, and that people end up walking around looking for places to sit like in a school cafeteria.  If you really care about their comfort, then don't do that.

Everyone who wants to sit together will be able to...not even joking about the excess of seating.  That's not a problem at all. No one will be walking around looking for somewhere to sit.  Thanks for your opinion/suggestion, but a seating chart is not possible (like I said for reasons I don't want to get into on here).  Just wondering if it is considered rude to have just one reserved table.

Sorry, but I'm not convinced a seating chart is not possible.  But I do think it would be rude to have just one reserved table while expecting everyone else to figure out where they're going to sit and possibly losing their seats because someone moves them after they get up.

Istoleahalo

Jen4948 said:

Istoleahalo said:

Jen4948 said:

Istoleahalo said:

I am having a very casual, outside wedding with PLENTY of seating (seriously, even if every family brought an extra uninvited guest there would be a seat for them...no food for them but a seat lol). I'm not doing a seating chart. However, I'm not sure where FI and I will sit (with my 4 year old). We don't really want a sweetheart table, but is it rude to have one table reserved (FI, myself and my daughter, MOH with her hubby and 4 year old daughter, and best man with his wife)? My issue with this is that Best man (who is FI's brother) has 3 sons...but they are all older - 15 and up, so that would leave them sitting with other family, which there would be plenty of. I'm pretty sure best man and his wife would be fine with not sitting with their sons and I'm positive the boys don't want to be "bothered" by their parents...but I feel awkward about it and unsure what to do. There are other bridesmaids and groomsmen - most with families/small children so sitting us all together is too much too. I don't want to make anyone feel slighted because we chose to sit with this table and not that table. A seating chart is off the table (for reasons that I don't want to get into here). Does anyone see a solution that I am missing?

Put a seating chart on the table.  If you want to make sure everyone has a place to sit with others they feel comfortable with, and that small children are seated with and supervised by their parents, then that's what you need to do.  Otherwise, you run the risk that people who want and need to sit together won't be able to, and that people end up walking around looking for places to sit like in a school cafeteria.  If you really care about their comfort, then don't do that.

Everyone who wants to sit together will be able to...not even joking about the excess of seating.  That's not a problem at all. No one will be walking around looking for somewhere to sit.  Thanks for your opinion/suggestion, but a seating chart is not possible (like I said for reasons I don't want to get into on here).  Just wondering if it is considered rude to have just one reserved table.

Sorry, but I'm not convinced a seating chart is not possible.  But I do think it would be rude to have just one reserved table while expecting everyone else to figure out where they're going to sit and possibly losing their seats because someone moves them after they get up.

thank you for your opinion

littlemushroom

I don't think it is rude to have one reserved table.  Anytime there is no seating chart, there is ALWAYS reserved tables for family by the head table.  

And frankly, it sounds more like the table you are talking about is the "head table" at your wedding, even though it doesn't look any different.  So again, not a problem for me.

I have been to a bunch of weddings with no seating chart. Everyone found a place to sit with people they knew, and a good time was had by all.  

Istoleahalo

NikkiJay3333 said:

I don't think it is rude to have one reserved table.  Anytime there is no seating chart, there is ALWAYS reserved tables for family by the head table.  

And frankly, it sounds more like the table you are talking about is the "head table" at your wedding, even though it doesn't look any different.  So again, not a problem for me.

I have been to a bunch of weddings with no seating chart. Everyone found a place to sit with people they knew, and a good time was had by all.  

Thank you.  Most of the weddings I have been to didn't have a seating chart but I never really paid attention to how the bride/groom was seated (Mostly, I was a kid).  My sister had a sweetheart table and no other seating chart, and my last reception was finger foods and cake only  with no seating chart. I don't think I had an actual seat (we just table hopped/danced/etc)  I don't think I want to be away from everyone else...lol...I'm too social for that!

Jen4948

NikkiJay3333 said:

I don't think it is rude to have one reserved table.  Anytime there is no seating chart, there is ALWAYS reserved tables for family by the head table.  

And frankly, it sounds more like the table you are talking about is the "head table" at your wedding, even though it doesn't look any different.  So again, not a problem for me.

I have been to a bunch of weddings with no seating chart. Everyone found a place to sit with people they knew, and a good time was had by all.  

And I've been to plenty of occasions where there were no assigned tables for the guests, and a good time was not had by all because of seating issues.  People "saved" seats and prevented others from finding seats, or stole seats that were previously "reserved" by someone putting their things down (or they actually helped themselves to the belongings of the person whose seat they were taking).

Sorry, but I stand by my advice to assign tables.

Istoleahalo

Jen4948 said:

NikkiJay3333 said:

I don't think it is rude to have one reserved table.  Anytime there is no seating chart, there is ALWAYS reserved tables for family by the head table.  

And frankly, it sounds more like the table you are talking about is the "head table" at your wedding, even though it doesn't look any different.  So again, not a problem for me.

I have been to a bunch of weddings with no seating chart. Everyone found a place to sit with people they knew, and a good time was had by all.  

And I've been to plenty of occasions where there were no assigned tables for the guests, and a good time was not had by all because of seating issues.  People "saved" seats and prevented others from finding seats, or stole seats that were previously "reserved" by someone putting their things down (or they actually helped themselves to the belongings of the person whose seat they were taking).

Sorry, but I stand by my advice to assign tables.

Again, thank you for your opinion and I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with such obviously rude people.

YourDogDontKnowSit

So, my friend got married last summer and didn't want to do a seating chart, either. She had a sweetheart table and two reserved "head" tables for bridal party. By the time we (the bridal party and bride and groom) got up to the reception area, people had taken chairs from the head tables and pulled them up to different tables in order to sit with people of their choice. People had crowded 10 to an 8 person table, there were people sharing seats, the bride and groom's parents didn't have a seat anywhere near the bride and groom. It was awful and chaotic and absolutely unavoidable.

Make a seating chart. I just can't think of a reason not to. 

Istoleahalo

YourDogDontKnowSit said:

So, my friend got married last summer and didn't want to do a seating chart, either. She had a sweetheart table and two reserved "head" tables for bridal party. By the time we (the bridal party and bride and groom) got up to the reception area, people had taken chairs from the head tables and pulled them up to different tables in order to sit with people of their choice. People had crowded 10 to an 8 person table, there were people sharing seats, the bride and groom's parents didn't have a seat anywhere near the bride and groom. It was awful and chaotic and absolutely unavoidable.

Make a seating chart. I just can't think of a reason not to. 

I know it's hard to imagine but there really is a reason.  I'm sorry you had that experience.  We are having a buffet and WP will go first so I don't think they will be able to take our chairs.  Knowing my mom (and my FMIL) they will be too busy talking to everyone else to worry about if they are next to us or not

MyNameIsNot

I agree that a seating chart is preferable, but I've seen open seating done well also.  So long as you set it up correctly and have the right crowd, it doesn't have to be horrible.

I do find partial reserved seating to be very rude.  You're making a special place for the VIP guests, but everyone else is supposed to fend for themselves.  I don't see how that would be any better than serving steak to the wedding party and burgers to the rest.  All of your guests should be treated the same.  

vulpiepop

The most recent weddings I've been to have had no seating charts and they worked out fine but both of them were small, intimate weddings where the majority of the guests knew each other. 

I think that the size of your guest list and how well your guests know each other have a lot to do with whether a seating chart is absolutely necessary or not. If you are having a medium to large wedding, absolutely have a seating chart. At least have suggested seating or something. 100+ people scrambling around can be chaotic.

theartistformerlyknownas

There's nothing rude about a king's table (which is what you're proposing) being reserved. I also prefer seating charts, but whatever.

Istoleahalo

vulpiepop said:

The most recent weddings I've been to have had no seating charts and they worked out fine but both of them were small, intimate weddings where the majority of the guests knew each other. 

I think that the size of your guest list and how well your guests know each other have a lot to do with whether a seating chart is absolutely necessary or not. If you are having a medium to large wedding, absolutely have a seating chart. At least have suggested seating or something. 100+ people scrambling around can be chaotic.

It is fairly small and we all pretty much know each other.  It is a small town and FI and I both grew up here...In fact, my mom was a bridesmaid in his parent's wedding!  There will be very few people who don't know nearly everyone.  Thanks

vulpiepop

Istoleahalo said:

vulpiepop said:

The most recent weddings I've been to have had no seating charts and they worked out fine but both of them were small, intimate weddings where the majority of the guests knew each other. 

I think that the size of your guest list and how well your guests know each other have a lot to do with whether a seating chart is absolutely necessary or not. If you are having a medium to large wedding, absolutely have a seating chart. At least have suggested seating or something. 100+ people scrambling around can be chaotic.

It is fairly small and we all pretty much know each other.  It is a small town and FI and I both grew up here...In fact, my mom was a bridesmaid in his parent's wedding!  There will be very few people who don't know nearly everyone.  Thanks

Yeah, in that case I don't think a seating chart is necessary, though it'd be nice. As for the reserved table thing, maybe instead you can reserve seats for you, your husband, and your child instead of the whole table; that's how one of the weddings I mentioned did it. It opened up their table so that guests could come and sit down and maybe have a quick chat with the bride and groom and be on their way (it was generally understood in that case that the bride and groom can't spend more than a minute or 2 with each guest, but this is a more know your crowd thing) and they could come sit at other tables to talk with guests.

tammym1001

I think if you're going to do this then you should only have the one table reserved for you and FI and whoever else is supposed to sit there.

FI and I went to a wedding last year. There were about 200 guests. We asked someone if there was a seating chart and they said yes it's by the buffet. We went and looked and couldn't find our names and they only had like 8 tables listed. It turns out that they had only assigned tables for their families and everyone else was on their own. We ended up at tables outside where we could hear, but we couldn't see anything. We were at a table for 10 with only 2 other people that we didn't know and it was super awkward. 

Istoleahalo

tammym1001 said:

I think if you're going to do this then you should only have the one table reserved for you and FI and whoever else is supposed to sit there.

FI and I went to a wedding last year. There were about 200 guests. We asked someone if there was a seating chart and they said yes it's by the buffet. We went and looked and couldn't find our names and they only had like 8 tables listed. It turns out that they had only assigned tables for their families and everyone else was on their own. We ended up at tables outside where we could hear, but we couldn't see anything. We were at a table for 10 with only 2 other people that we didn't know and it was super awkward. 

Oh no...it would be just our table and that's all!

JennyColada

I would probably just be very confused. If I see that a table is reserved I'd probably assume that there was a seating chart, and worry that I was left out of the loop (for not knowing where to sit) or otherwise wasn't planned for. It would make me feel very awkward and probably put a damper on my evening, honestly.

But I am not everyone, and I guess you have to know your crowd. I mean, even when I get together with 25 of my friends, we don't have issues figuring out where to sit when we eat, so if everyone is really close and friendly and knows everyone then I could see this not being an issue.

But if I were to be invited to your wedding I'd probably just sit in a far off table alone with Fi and we'd gossip about how we're not feeling included.

Maggie0829

I am now really interested in the reason why a seating chart is just not going to happen.  I know you don't want to disclose it but I really cannot for the life of me think of a reason that is so important that a seating chart would be such a huge no-no.

Istoleahalo

Maggie0829 said:

I am now really interested in the reason why a seating chart is just not going to happen.  I know you don't want to disclose it but I really cannot for the life of me think of a reason that is so important that a seating chart would be such a huge no-no.

Lets just say it's out of my hands :-/

Maggie0829

Istoleahalo said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am now really interested in the reason why a seating chart is just not going to happen.  I know you don't want to disclose it but I really cannot for the life of me think of a reason that is so important that a seating chart would be such a huge no-no.

Lets just say it's out of my hands :-/

Hrmm, I'm sorry if you are having to deal with silly drama over something as small as a seating chart.

But to answer your question I think reserving one table as the "head table" is fine to do.  I mean every wedding has a table that is dedicated to the bride and groom so I really don't see the issue.

Istoleahalo

Maggie0829 said:

I am now really interested in the reason why a seating chart is just not going to happen.  I know you don't want to disclose it but I really cannot for the life of me think of a reason that is so important that a seating chart would be such a huge no-no.

Lets just say it's out of my hands :-/

Maggie0829 said:

Istoleahalo said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am now really interested in the reason why a seating chart is just not going to happen.  I know you don't want to disclose it but I really cannot for the life of me think of a reason that is so important that a seating chart would be such a huge no-no.

Lets just say it's out of my hands :-/

Hrmm, I'm sorry if you are having to deal with silly drama over something as small as a seating chart.

But to answer your question I think reserving one table as the "head table" is fine to do.  I mean every wedding has a table that is dedicated to the bride and groom so I really don't see the issue.

Thank you

tammym1001

I agree with Maggie; if it's just the one table then I think that is fine. 

FWIW, we are only having 35 guests at our wedding and they all know each other, but we still assigned tables. No seating chart really doesn't go over very well with our crowd. There will be areas people can hang out in after dinner that aren't just at their tables though.

Istoleahalo

tammym1001 said:

I agree with Maggie; if it's just the one table then I think that is fine. 

FWIW, we are only having 35 guests at our wedding and they all know each other, but we still assigned tables. No seating chart really doesn't go over very well with our crowd. There will be areas people can hang out in after dinner that aren't just at their tables though.

Thanks.  What does FWIW mean?

VulgarGirl

Maggie0829 said:

I am now really interested in the reason why a seating chart is just not going to happen.  I know you don't want to disclose it but I really cannot for the life of me think of a reason that is so important that a seating chart would be such a huge no-no.

This is pretty much where I am. Are there people offended by having seating charts? Did someone get in a vicisious fight at another wedding about where they were sitting and now they are banned in the family? Seriously, I'm coming up with some pretty creative idea of what went down. Including someone possibly being offended by poster board...

That said a king's table/head table is fine and dandy and I agree teenagers would probably rather not sit with their parents.

VulgarGirl

tammym1001 said:

I agree with Maggie; if it's just the one table then I think that is fine. 

FWIW, we are only having 35 guests at our wedding and they all know each other, but we still assigned tables. No seating chart really doesn't go over very well with our crowd. There will be areas people can hang out in after dinner that aren't just at their tables though.

Thanks.  What does FWIW mean?

For what it's worth.

Istoleahalo

MagicInk said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am now really interested in the reason why a seating chart is just not going to happen.  I know you don't want to disclose it but I really cannot for the life of me think of a reason that is so important that a seating chart would be such a huge no-no.

This is pretty much where I am. Are there people offended by having seating charts? Did someone get in a vicisious fight at another wedding about where they were sitting and now they are banned in the family? Seriously, I'm coming up with some pretty creative idea of what went down. Including someone possibly being offended by poster board...

That said a king's table/head table is fine and dandy and I agree teenagers would probably rather not sit with their parents.

HAHAHAHA  

Istoleahalo

MagicInk said:

tammym1001 said:

I agree with Maggie; if it's just the one table then I think that is fine. 

FWIW, we are only having 35 guests at our wedding and they all know each other, but we still assigned tables. No seating chart really doesn't go over very well with our crowd. There will be areas people can hang out in after dinner that aren't just at their tables though.

Thanks.  What does FWIW mean?

For what it's worth.

Thanks

Maggie0829

MagicInk said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am now really interested in the reason why a seating chart is just not going to happen.  I know you don't want to disclose it but I really cannot for the life of me think of a reason that is so important that a seating chart would be such a huge no-no.

This is pretty much where I am. Are there people offended by having seating charts? Did someone get in a vicisious fight at another wedding about where they were sitting and now they are banned in the family? Seriously, I'm coming up with some pretty creative idea of what went down. Including someone possibly being offended by poster board...

That said a king's table/head table is fine and dandy and I agree teenagers would probably rather not sit with their parents.

When I was a teenager I liked being with my parents and my Mom, even though we argued a lot because that is what teenage daughters and their Mothers do, was and still is my best friend.  So yeah, not all teenagers don't want to sit with their parents.